All-Star Batman and Robin #5
February 4, 2013
I think at this point it's fair to say that Frank Miller has issues with women. And children. And superheroes. And intelligence.
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. (suddenly looks up as a thought comes to him) Say... (takes a pocket watch out of his coat and looks at it) It's Miller Time!
("Miller Time" title is shown)
Linkara: (laughs) Yeah, it's, uh, been a while since the last "Miller Time", hasn't it?
(A montage of Frank Miller's comics are shown, starting with "Robocop vs. the Terminator #1")
Linkara (v/o): It's not intentional, it's just, the last time I talked about Frank Miller, I was actually rather nice to the guy, since "Robocop vs. the Terminator #1" was an okay comic.
(Cut to a shot of "Holy Terror")
Linkara (v/o): Buuut then people kept requesting this and "Holy Terror" and, well, I was reminded why I hate this racist, misogynistic sack of crap to begin with.
(Cut to shots of "The Dark Knight Returns")
Linkara (v/o): People have been wondering if I've seen the Dark Knight Returns straight-to-DVD movies. I have not seen them, and while I will at some point, I don't really care all that much. I thought we'd established by now that I care more about the comics than I do any adaptations of them. I'm sure they're quite good, mostly because the original story comes from before that brain parasite got inside of Frank Miller's head and began sucking away anything that made him rational and reasonable.
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, our story so far: An escaped mental patient named Steve found Batman's outfit and came across a lottery ticket that allowed him to get rich and thus pretend that he's Batman. As a result, he has kidnapped a young boy whose parents were killed at a circus performance and murdered several police officers. Then we had a random tangent to Black Canary that will kinda sorta be paid off in stupid ways in another issue. Black Canary in this comic is a random, Kung Fu-wielding, Irish ninja who worked in the worst bar ever, and I'm pretty sure she killed some innocent people, too. Vicki Vale was injured and is at the hospital, and Superman said "Damn!" a whole lot. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but thanks to all the alcohol I ingested during my reviews of the "Marville" comics, I tend to black out a bit on some memories.
Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "All-Star Batman and Robin #5" and see what Frankie's got for us this time.
(The title sequence plays; title card has "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): While I'm reading from a trade, sometimes the original comic covers do make me slap my head enough that I want to briefly talk about them. In this case, "ASBAR #5" had two crappy covers to it. The first was a Jim Lee drawing of Batman with random blood spatters. Whoopity-doo!
(Cut to a closeup of the second cover)
Linkara (v/o): The second was the Frank Miller drawing of Wonder Woman's ass. Well, Wonder Woman's ass as well as her spine twisting in two painful directions and some kind of corset thing that I'm sure is supposed to be her outfit, but, you know, isn't. Not even close. Also, where the hell is her arms? Even if she was holding them straight, we should be able to see something. Well, I know why we can't see her arms: if we saw her arms, we probably wouldn't be able to see that one breast right there, and it was so important to this cover that we saw it. Anyway, back to Wonder Woman's ass. It really goes to show how much respect Frankie Boy has for an enduring feminist icon, and probably the most well-known mainstream superheroine, aside from Batgirl, and Batgirl, as awesome as she is, is still a distaff counterpart to Batman. You know, it's often a repeated phrase that sex sells, and it's a load of garbage. It's not sex that sells, it's porn. If it was merely sex or nudity that got people to buy books, half of the comics I reviewed would be the highest selling titles of all time. But huzzah! Frank Miller proves that he can't even draw cheesecake without screwing it up royally! I ask any man or woman curious to try: stand in that pose, stomach shoved out, while simultaneously arching your back, and see how long you want to stay in that position.
(The comic opens to the first page)
Linkara (v/o): We open to...
Narrator: Five Hours Ago...
Linkara: (irritated) Enough with the timestamps, okay?! Nobody opened this comic up and thought to themselves, (shakes comic around) "Oh, man! I don't know what time it is compared to the rest of the story! I'm so confused!" (facepalms himself) Time and space are meaningless in this comic, Frank!
Linkara (v/o): Wonder Woman is walking down a dark street, holding a newspaper. The most noticeable thing about her outfit as it is in this is the addition of a nose guard. I admit, I actually like this change since it's a basic aesthetic difference that would make sense without being controversial, like pants somehow are. However, for some bizarre reason, she's wearing a trenchcoat, too. Why? It's not because it's cold, since we can see it's already opened up, and frankly, I would think she'd want to put on warmer clothes under the coat. Not to mention, she's super-strong already, so I imagine that comes with endurance to the elements. It can't be to conceal her identity because the outfit is so poorly covered underneath it. Plus, she's wearing the friggin' tiara thing right there on her face! (as someone in the comic) "Oh, man! There's Wonder Woman right there! Oh, wait, she's wearing a trenchcoat. Never mind, it isn't her." (normal again) This page... This dumbass page! There's so much stupid here. There's Wonder Woman, who I'm sure is supposed to look pissed off, but instead just looks like she's pouting. There's the overwritten, irritating and schizophrenic narration, though I'll get to that in a second. There's a random drunken hobo asking Wonder Woman to marry him, and there's a random businessman casually walking down the streets. Where the hell is he going? Judging by the light in the background, it's either sunrise or sunset. Either way, it seems like an odd time for him to just be walking through some back alley. And then there's the dialogue! That wonderful, wonderful Frank Miller dialogue!
Wonder Woman: Out of my way, sperm bank.
Linkara: (as Wonder Woman) Out of my way, Internet meme.
Wonder Woman: (narrating) Metropolis. The city of dreams. Men's dreams.
Linkara (v/o): And, you know, the few hundred thousand women who live in it, too.
Wonder Woman: (narrating) It stinks of men. Of doorways abandoned, obsolete phone booths used as urinals.
Linkara: That would've made things awkward for Bill and Ted.
Wonder Woman: (narrating) It leaves a bad taste, this world of men.
Linkara: (licking his wrist, then recoiling in disgust) Blegh! Grape jelly and mustard. Weird.
Wonder Woman: (narrating) Men. They can't do anything right.
Linkara: Nonsense! We invented peanut butter, didn't we?
Linkara (v/o): So, as Wonder Woman... Okay, she's not acting like Wonder Woman either, so I've got a new name for her. This is Bonkers Betty, the crazy escaped mental patient who found a Wonder Woman costume in a store and took it. So, as Bonkers Betty crashes through a chained-up door, she continues her narration...
Wonder Woman: (narrating) The word on the door speak a lie. Men always lie. About everything.
Linkara: (as a man on the street) You look pretty today. (as Wonder Woman) LIAR! I look hideous!
Wonder Woman: (narrating) Men always make a mess. Out of everything.
Linkara (v/o): ...says the woman smashing through private property. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm sure that's actually supposed to be deliberate. This is a feminist in Frank's eyes. You know, a strawman: man-hating, hypocritical, and given the fact that until the 2011 reboot, Paradise Island always had a kind of nod-and-wink lesbianism in place, he probably sees her as a lesbian who just needs the right man to show her the error of her ways. I admit this is mere speculation on my part, but frankly, with what we've seen of Frank's writing before, does anyone really think that isn't a possibility? Oh, and speaking of Frank's tropes, Bonkers Betty discards her robe, leading to a shot of her walking down a stairwell from above so we can peek down her cleavage while her eyes are closed, as if we were seeing a Victoria's Secret commercial. Also, she wears horribly uncomfortable high heels, like the freakin' hugest ever! Lovely. And now, she's talking about Batman.
Wonder Woman: At least they insisted on meeting in Metropolis. As bad as this cesspool is, it's not that cesspool they call Gotham City. Gotham City. With its awful Bat-Man [sic]. By all accounts, he's the worst of the lot. He's an outrage. Even by the standards of men, he's an outrage.
Linkara: In fact, you could call him "outrageous". (points to camera) Truly, truly outrageous. (looks up in thought briefly) Okay, Batman and Jem crossover, people. Make it happen.
Linkara (v/o): She walks into a room where Superman, Green Lantern and Plastic Man are all located and arguing about Crazy Steve. Actually, here's my question: why Plastic Man? I get that, for some stupid reason, Frank wants to do his version of the Justice League, probably so he can keep going on and on about how awesome Batman is, compared to everybody else. But this I don't get: Wonder Woman, Superman and Green Lantern make sense, but Plastic Man? I like Plastic Man just fine, I've got no complaints about the guy, but why him and not The Flash or Aquaman or something?
Narrator: Plastic Man. Shape-changing nutcase.
Linkara: Oh, I get it now. Because we needed more crazy people.
Superman: I told you, Diana. I told you all. From the first moment I heard of that maniac, I knew his methods would make us all look like monsters.
Linkara (v/o): Says the dude who's casually twisting metal because of his rage issues. Still, at least he's saying other things besides "Damn".
Superman: And now he's kidnapped a little boy. He'll be the excuse they've been looking for -- to destroy us.
Linkara (v/o): Yes, because when the little boy has been the psychotic murderer, it's your reputation as a superhero that you should be worrying about, you dick! Green Lantern tries to act rationally since they don't know for certain that Crazy Steve kidnapped anybody, although I'm confused about the green hand symbols he's creating with his ring for absolutely no reason. Is he mining something? Okay, four words. Sounds like... "hitchhiking"?
Wonder Woman: Shut up. You call yourselves men?
Linkara (v/o): So, wait, you were the one who was going on and on about how men suck and are weak and blah, blah, blah, yet you have an expectation of men to be strong and correct or something?
(Cut to a shot of Phelous, who gives a double thumbs-up)
Phelous: Great continuity!
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Wonder Woman continues to berate the others for wanting to be so "nice" about it, stating that they're "kowtowing to ants and dropping to [their] knees before earthbound, ephemeral humans."
Linkara (v/o): Obviously, it's Miller's method of trying to pave the way for "The Dark Knight Strikes Again" by putting herself and the others on the level of gods. Of course, anyone who actually gave a damn about Wonder Woman would know that she doesn't see herself above ordinary people, AND GOD, I HATE THIS COMIC!!! WHY ARE WE EVEN WASTING OUR TIME WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE?!? I know this is a repeated thing with me, but isn't this book about BATMAN AND ROBIN?!? Why should we care about the JUSTICE LEAGUE'S REACTION TO HIM?! "All-Star Superman" was ultimately about Superman, and while I think we got a cameo out of another hero or two, it was focused tightly on Superman's mythos! Did Miller just get bored with Batman and wanted to play with the other chracters?!
Superman: Settle down, Diana. You're new to this world. You don't know the rules.
Linkara: (as Superman) We don't talk about Fight Club in Patriarch's World, Diana.
Linkara (v/o): Superman keeps playing it cool, trying to make it seem like she needs to calm down when it's obvious he wants to play "Burn the front page of the newspaper" with her. Wonder Woman responds...
Wonder Woman: You want cooler, farm boy? I'll give you cooler. I'll give you cold. Cold and simple. We hunt down this Bat-Man like a rabid dog. We kill him. We chop off his head and plant it on a stake and present it to your "authorities"-- as their first gift from the Justice League.
(Cut to a clip of an anime of some kind (I don't know what it is, though). It shows a man and soldiers confronting another young man in a green suit)
Man with soldiers: Okay, I was kind of with you until that last bit.
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): And Miller once again reverts to the style he used in Dark Knight Strikes Again, where he tries to wax poetic, with Superman getting pissy and punching a metal column.
Narrator: It starts with a bellow worthy of Zeus. Then a wind that Boreas might envy.
Linkara: I'm sorry, what was that about boring me?
(Cut to Linkara wearing a blue suit and walking up to a bookshelf)
Linkara: (singing) Game on... Get your game on... (looks to see he's on camera) Oh. (adjusts his hat) We'll be right back, people.
(He leaves, humming, as the AT4W logo appears in the corner and we got to commercial. Upon return, Linkara returns)
Linkara: (singing) Tough times, hard climbs... (sees he's on camera again) We're back. (walks off, singing) We'll take 'em on together...
(The AT4W logo appears in the corner and we resume the video, with Miller's waxing poetic some more)
Narrator: She's a fragile twig-- a blade of grass-- tossed aside in the wake of an angry God.
Linkara: (scowling) Wonder Woman should never, ever be described as a (makes "finger quotes") "fragile twig"! Up yours, Miller!
Superman: Damn you, Diana! Damn you and your Amazon arrogance!
Linkara: (as Superman) Damn it all to hell, you damn dirty apes! YOU BLEW IT UP!!
Superman: If you commit murder on my land-- you'll pay for it with your own precious Amazon blood!
Linkara (v/o): So, wait, if she kills someone on his land, from California to the New York island, he'll kill her back?! Way to really take the moral high ground there, Supes! Bonkers Betty basically says, "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Well, I take that back; that would actually be better written than Miller's Torgo-esque repetition of...
Wonder Woman: You bastard! You bastard. I hate your guts. I hate your guts. You make me sick. You make me sick.
Linkara: This comic blows. This comic blows.
Linkara (v/o): Oh, and... then the two start making out. Yeah. This is that "Frank Miller can only write characters if they're prostitutes" thing. Now, bear with me here: I'm not calling Wonder Woman a prostitute; I'm just making the association here that's in Miller's mind. Wonder Woman, in his head, is just some angry feminazi who needs sex with an alpha male to calm her down. She's not actually strong in her convictions, since all it takes is a big, strong man to get her to not go off and try to murder Batman, the logic following it being that she comes from an island of lesbians, and gay people don't have relationships, they just have sex, and following that, wanting to have sex in such a manner means she's wicked and immoral and loose; thus, prostitute.
(Editor's note: "Also, pairing up Superman and Wonder Woman? Good job, DC Reboot – YOU TOOK A STUPID IDEA FROM ALL-STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN AND MADE IT CANON.")
Linkara (v/o): The only reason characters like Carrie Kelly and, in the next issue, Barbara Gordon don't get tied with that is because even Frank Miller isn't so squicky as to do that to TEENAGERS! He sees them, instead, as young girls or daughter figures that need to be protected. Have I mentioned that Frank Miller is a dumbass? I have? Don't care – Frank Miller's a dumbass!
Narrator: Then Zeus stabs the world of man with thunderbolts and somewhere Poseidon roars with laughter.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Futurama, showing Bender the robot in a boat on a stormy sea, with a huge wave rising up)
Bender: Curse you, merciful Poseidon!
(Cut back to the comic)
Narrator: The thunderbolts. They stab them both.
Linkara: (stumped at what he read) WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
Wonder Woman: You boys go and give it your best shot. After that-- it's up to me. And all your rules can go straight to hell. And so can you. I hate you all.
(Cut to a clip of the MST3K gang watching Overdrawn At the Memory Bank)
Tom Servo: I'm sorry these two didn't end up together.
Mike Nelson: They did.
Servo: Oh. Well, then I'm sorry about that.
(Back to the comic again)
Narrator: The Justice League of America. For now, they are creatures of accident and destiny. Each seeking their way.
Linkara: (as narrator) They could really use a GPS.
Narrator: To truth. To justice.
Linkara: (holding up a bottle of booze) To sweet, sweet booze! (opens it up and takes a swig)
Linkara (v/o): But enough of that totally unnecessary stuff; now it's back to Crazy Steve! How do we know it's him? Well, he's laughing in Satanic glee, and his narration caption is...
Batman: (narrating) I love being the goddamn BATMAN.
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I think Frank was aware of the meme status that "Goddamn Batman" had reached, and so he just injected it into the rest of the issues as often as he could, not realizing that when you overuse a meme, PEOPLE KIND OF GET SICK OF IT. More of Jim Lee's artwork is wasted: two panels of Steve psychotically cackling, then a two-page spread of him running across a rooftop. Like in "Batman: Noel", it features some very lovely architectural artwork that I'm sure took Jim Lee some time to draw, and it's unfortunate that it's BLOCKED OFF BY DUMBASS WRITING! Also, I've noticed that the sky is red. I'd like to think "Crisis On Infinite Earths" is happening in whatever universe this takes place in, and it's all gonna be swept away in antimatter soon. It's a pity it's taking its sweet-ass time. Steve continues his crappy narration about how he hasn't slept in days and yet is still so excited and energized. Glad somebody's happy.
Batman: (narrating) I should be EXHAUSTED. I haven't slept in DAYS. But I CAN'T GET TIRED. No matter how hard I TRY. Not on a night like THIS. Not with my PULSE pounding my EARS and dear GOTHAM calling to me like a sultry SIREN.
Linkara (v/o): Okay, one, you haven't slept in days?! You went out to the circus as Bruce Wayne without ever having slept?! Two, it doesn't matter how much natural adrenaline he's got pumping into him. Without any kind of rest, it's gonna start hurting, both physically and mentally! Now we know why he's insane: without sleep, anyone'll go nuts. Three, "a sultry siren"?! For the love of crap, in an earlier issue, you were the one who compared her to Edgar Allen Poe's Lenore!
Batman: (narrating) A woman screams. What the HELL?
(Cut to a clip of the MST3K gang watching Beast of Yucca Flats)
Movie narrator: Flag on the moon. How did it get there?
(Cut back to the comic)
Batman: (narrating) I give with the LAUGH. That ALWAYS works.
Linkara (v/o): I love how this comic keeps offering us explanations for this nonsense. Frank doesn't realize he's writing Batman, he thinks he's writing the Creeper! Creeper's the one who laughs insanely to scare criminals while being totally friggin' nuts. Oh, and speaking of wasted space, splash page of Batman against the huge-ass moon! Why the hell was it taking so long to get this book out when six of the twelve pages we've had so far are splash pages, two-page spreads, or whatever the hell those two panels featuring his head are?! Crazy Steve leaps down towards a group of thugs assaulting a woman with huge knives in their hands. I'm talking Crocodile Dundee "This is a knife"-sized knives! Stevie Boy beats the snot out of the would-be rapists... Well, I presume they're rapists, given how bizarre those knives are; maybe they're just overly enthusiastic knife salesmen. ...even giving a compound fracture to one guy.
Linkara: I'd say this was further proof of his psychotic behavior, but in the last few issues, he murdered policemen! This is pretty tame by his standards.
Linkara (v/o): Of course, then Crazy Steve starts beating on one guy who keeps asking "What?" in confusion, as if this was Pulp Fiction. Steve, you are not Samuel L. Jackson, and yes, they do speak English in "what"!
Batman: "What?" You're asking me "What?"
Batman: What? This.
Linkara: No, no, no! What's on second, you idiot! THIRD BASE!
Linkara (v/o): The woman who was being attacked watches and then gets a maniacal grin on her face.
Linkara: OH, MY GOD, THE MADNESS IS SPREADING!
Linkara (v/o): The woman, wearing what I think are supposed to be platform heels, and it'd look much more sensible shoes than the superheroine was wearing, walks over to one of her injured attackers, who asks for help. The woman just kicks him in the groin and says...
Woman: I've got Batman watching after me.
Linkara (v/o): Well, thank God we have this scene. Otherwise... uh, the comic would be one page shorter.
Batman: Go home, now. Catch a cab on Novick. It's well lit. Call your shrink, if you've got one.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Scrubs)
Dr. Cox: (to J.D.) Well, hold on a second there, rainbow. This just off the news wire: you're not licensed to comment on how people deal with their emotions.
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): Although, actually, given how she was following Steve's example with her psychotic look, maybe a psychiatrist wouldn't be a bad idea. Then again, Steve's not exactly in any position to be evaluating who needs psychological help.
Woman: Thank you. I love you.
Linkara: (singing) Oh-ho-ho-ho, tainted love...
(He raises his finger in the air, and a snippet of Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" plays)
Linkara (v/o): To which our intrepid hero thinks in his narration boxes...
Batman: (narrating) Nobody loves anybody, my darling. We just survive.
Linkara (v/o): Thanks, Marv, that was real deep. As deep as the hole in your brain. Anyway, after some more narration, we cut back to our old pal, Alfred Pennyworth, and... Oh, my Lord. He's punching a punching bag while wearing shorts, and he appears quite muscular. Okay, I can sort of believe that he'd want to stay in good shape, but give me a break here. The guy's in his 60s at least, and I think he'd be doing other exercises besides a punching bag. And furthermore, isn't he a butler? Doesn't he have things to clean or, say, a frightened twelve-year-old in the basement of his psychotic employer to take care of? Oh, boy, the narration boxes don't make this scene any better, folks. It's just makes it much, much creepier.
Alfred: (narrating) How many a day-- how many hundreds, THOUSANDS a time-- day or night, did my black-eyed angel come home from his frolics in the WOOD-- BLOOD streaming his smiling, fearless face?
Linkara: (confused) His (makes a "finger quote") "black-eyed angel"? You have a very strange theology, Alfred.
Alfred: (narrating) He was always an ADVENTURER, Bruce was. Always JUMPING and RUNNING and giving himself a proper BANGING.
Linkara: (even more confused) He was banging himself?? (stares disgustedly, then shrugs) I guess Batman does train to be the best at everything.
Alfred: (narrating) And now my DEMON-- my black-eyed, brilliant, willful ANGEL-- has grown to MANHOOD.
Linkara: (irate) Don't you ever say "manhood" again, you maniac!
Alfred: I pray this CHILD will survive this.
Linkara: (making "finger quotes") "Manhood"? "Banging"? Describing Bruce in romantic terms, and then bringing up the kid?! (looking quite sick) I think I'm gonna throw up all over myself.
Linkara (v/o): We cut over to Dick Grayson, age twelve, examining a weapons rack in the Batcave. Wait, are those guns? GUNS?! IN THE BATCAVE?! After Alfred just had HALF A PAGE of UNNECESSARY NARRATION WHERE HE TALKS ABOUT THE DEATH OF THE WAYNES?! ...That I skipped over because it was just boring? Frank, do you even know who Batman IS?! For crying out loud, even you wrote about his refusal to have guns back in "The Dark Knight Strikes Again"! Next thing you know, the Batcave is gonna have some massive, ridiculous chain gun and–
(Cut to a panel of "Superman At Earth's End", showing Bearded Idiot holding a HUGE-ASS chain gun)
Linkara (v/o): OH, GOD DAMN IT!
(Cut back to the Batman comic)
Dick: (narrating) BATMAN works out of a REALLY BIG CAVE. It's full of STUFF.
Linkara: (smiling sarcastically) Crazy Steve sure knows how to pick the (gives a thumbs-up) sharp ones for his sidekick, doesn't he?
Dick: (narrating) It's like a MUSEUM would be if a MUSEUM could BREATHE.
Linkara: (holding up index finger) One, no, it isn't. (holds up two fingers) Two, no, it isn't!
Dick: (narrating) And all the STUFF is CLEAN and SHARPENED and POLISHED and ready to USE.
Linkara (v/o): So, what does Dick immediately do? He reaches for the sharp, bladed edge of an ax. This place is just begging for someone to trip, fall, and get their head gouged on an exposed weapon. And so, the issue that people had waited a whole year for ends on Dick Grayson, age twelve, picking up a huge freakin' battle ax and saying...
Linkara: (frowning heavily, applauds sarcastically and haltingly) Congratulations, Frank, on 22 more pages devoted to wasting everybody's time! (holds up comic) This comic sucks!
Linkara (v/o): Do I even have to explain why? As I just stated, this was when the delay problems with "All-Star Batman and Robin", AKA "All-Star This-Is-Really-The-Entire-DC-Universe-But-We're-Putting-Batman's-Name-On-It-To-Make-A-Quick-Buck", began to really become an issue. A whole year's wait for this comic that essentially amounted to "Batman's still crazy, Dick Grayson's going to injure himself, and the Justice League are assholes"! Jim Lee's artwork continues to be good, but isn't worth the cover price. For added unpleasantness, there seems to be some kind of red filtering going on, since every page and panel is in red, as if the blood on the cover was somehow seeping into the rest of the book or we were tying to read it through a Virtual Boy.
(Wonder Woman's line "Out of my way, sperm bank," is shown again)
Linkara (v/o): And of course, the writing is... Yeah.
Linkara: Even if it's not officially spoken, I think it's pretty much guaranteed that the promised continuation of this series is never going to come, though we have several more issues to go for what was printed. However, I'm really not in the mood anymore. (looks at comic) Out of my way, poorly-written comic! (throws down the comic, gets up and leaves)
Pollo: Linkara, this is Pollon on board Comicron 1. We are ready to start an overhaul of the security systems here and in the apartment.
Linkara: (walking out into the living room) Good, then we won't have any more problems with intruders.
(Suddenly, he gets zapped in the back by a stun gun held by the Gunslinger. Linkara falls to the ground, out cold, and the Gunslinger walks up and takes his magic gun off of him)
Gunslinger: (looking at gun) Thanks. (turns to leave)