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A Wrinkle in Time
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Aired
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November 20, 2018
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Running Time
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20:52
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Next Review
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The Ninth Commercial Special
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Link
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(The Channel Awesome logo is shown and the title sequence plays)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. There's just something about nostalgic fantasy books.
(A montage of posters for fantasy movies is shown, starting with The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
NC (vo): Whether they make good film adaptations...
(Next is the poster for Eragon)
NC (vo): ...or whatever Eragon was...
(The montage continues, showing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and The NeverEnding Story)
NC (vo): ...there's always a part of us that has to see what the cinematic version of the most imaginative tales look like.
(The cover of the book "A Wrinkle in Time" is shown now)
NC (vo): And clearly, the best director for a trippy sci-fi mind warp about children traveling to different worlds would be one who specialized...
(Cut to another pair of movie posters, this one of films directed by Ava DuVernay, which include Selma and 13th)
NC (vo): ...in prejudice and race relations.
NC: Well, that...turned out exactly what we got!
(The title for the movie version of A Wrinkle in Time is shown, followed by clips of that movie)
NC (vo): Being admittedly an already difficult book to adapt, Wrinkle in Time tries to be that artsy kids film meant to open up your mind, but instead turns out to be that artsy kid (An image of a youth on a laptop computer appears in the upper-right corner) that tries to open up your mind with his ultimate interpretation of Donnie Darko.
NC: (frustrated) Yeah, you all know that asshole! They made a movie like him.
NC (vo): Based on the only kids fantasy book you remember being more Jesusy than Narnia, (The poster for Disney's The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe adaptation is shown briefly) the adaptations for this novel have often been underwhelming, (The poster for the 2003 TV movie is shown) and this version is...well, not underwhelming, but...how do I put it? Remember that very pompous ending to American Beauty, where they say, "You don't understand our film, but don't worry: you will"?
NC: (smiles) Imagine that for two hours.
NC (vo): But is there anything about it that worked? I mean, without the use of a slowly becoming legal substance? Well, let's take a look in more detail.
NC: This is the unsurprisingly bizarre, but surprising in a way it's bizarre, Wrinkle in Time.
(The film starts with a little girl named Meg Murry making a picture using her thoughts, guided by her father, Alex, played by Chris Pine)
NC (vo): The film opens with Chris Pine in Mel Gibson's beard showing his daughter Meg the ABCs of pretentious speeches.
Alex: Love is always there. Even if you don't feel it, it's always there for you.
NC: (as Alex) I want you to remember that when you read the reviews for this movie.
(Meg's mother Kate (Gugu Mbata-Raw) shows her the paper octahedron that, when unfolded, shows a heart in its middle)
Kate: This is our love.
Alex: It's...it's not gone. It's just...it's just enfolded.
NC: Gee, I wonder if this speech about love means he's gonna disappear-
(The caption that NC says appears after the movie cuts forward, when Meg is 13 years old (now played by Storm Reid) and she also has a younger brother Charles, played by Deric McCabe)
NC (vo): One gone dad later...
News presenter: (on radio) Tomorrow marks the four-year anniversary of the disappearance of NASA scientist Dr. Alex Murry. There are still no leads in the case.
NC: But perhaps the biggest mystery: why can two kids who have screens in front of them (The Amazon Prime's main screen on TV is shown) literally through breathing listening to radio?
(Meg is shown in her school as the song "Let Me Live" by Kehala plays in the background. Some of her classmates are already waiting for her to come to her locker)
NC (vo): As a pop song indicates, Meg is sad and often made fun of by mean kids who say such terrible things as...
Veronica: Hi, Meg.
NC: (slams the table) Bitch, you did it!
NC (vo): You can call me every variation of the C word you like, but say hi to me? You better expect this in return!
Veronica: Hi, Meg.
(We're shown an obligatory clip from The Room)
Johnny: Oh, hi, Mark.
NC: Trust me, you'll be seeing few high marks in this.
(On Meg's locker, there's a note that says "Happy anniversary! If only you'd disappear, too" and a smile. Meg turns back and sees the person who must've wrote this)
NC (vo): Yeah.
NC: We made that on our way to make fun of...
(A clip of the bully Scott taunting Jess from Bridge to Terabithia is shown)
NC (vo): ...the Terabithia kid for losing his best friend.
NC: Our gang is called "The Plot Devices".
(Outside, on the basketball field, Meg hears Charles encouraging her)
NC (vo): Anyway, what do you make a fun of her for? This is the kid asking for it.
Charles: Did you hear that, Meg? You have more potential than anybody here! Mommy was awkward and funny-looking at your age, too! And look at her now. She's beautiful!
NC: (as Charles, smiling) And she never mixes my medications at all!
NC (vo): Also, I'm confused. Who's he talking about being awkward and funny-looking? Wait. Meg is supposed to be awkward and funny-looking? Pfft. Oh, God, yeah! By Disney standards, what a dog! (Four children magazines dedicated to the movie and Storm Reid are shown) I bet she is only on the cover of four magazines instead of five!
NC: (rests his cheek on a hand) When will everybody learn that beautiful people are beautiful people?