The setting is the living room of That Guy's house. It takes place after the party at the end of To Boldly Flee. That Guy is the only one present. He is seen passed out, hold two bottles of alcohol. He wakes up startled. he notices that everyone is gone, and addresses the camera.]
That Guy: Oh-oh my, but we did have quite a party. [puts bottles down and reaches for his glasses.] Oh, "Those"-GuyWithTheGlasses.com reviewers. Oh look, they even left FilmBrain inside the couch. That's adorable. [FilmBrain is heard offscreen, his voice is muffled. ThatGuy turns to the camera again] Well, it has in fact been a while, but I am still here to answer your que-[feels a headache/hangover]AHHHHH!!! Sorry. Ant over there was shuffling. I am in fact here to answer your questions, just...just ask them very softly.
[The AskThatGuy Theme (or Moonlight Sonata) is played very loud. The title card is seen briefly as it cuts to That Guy who still has the headache.]
That Guy: WILL YOU TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!?!?!
[The theme is now played rather soft. The title card is completely seen.]
Narrator: How come Pluto's in the doghouse and...
That Guy: No, no, no. Now it's been far too long to just take questions from the narrator, you pompous ass.
Narrator: Nice to see you care.
That Guy: Eat my nipples. Let's take some questions from Matsuricon, the real people of the world.
Matsuricon Fan: Why is Pluto in the doghouse-
That Guy: LOUD! ... You're too loud. Please... ask the question again in a much softer voice. (That Guy rubs his temples)
Matsuricon Fan: Why is Pluto in the doghouse-
That Guy: (sarcastically) Wow, that's so much better. Thank you.
Matsuricon Fan: Why is Pluto in the doghouse while Goofy roams free?
That Guy: That's a very good question. And the answer is Pluto actually used to be exactly like Goofy. You see, everybody thinks that Pluto is just an everyday dog that they keep on a leash, but that doesn't make any sense in that universe. In reality, Pluto is just an everyday person that they lobotomized. You see, a long time ag, Pluto caught on to the conspiracy about why all the cartoon characters only have four fingers. The answer was so horrifying, that he was going to spread the word to everybody he knew. But, luckily his old roomate, Mickey, found out and knocked him out. When he woke up, 80% of his brain was gone, and he's now the humble creature that you know today, never letting on that Mickey and all his lovable friends are actually the most evil creations of all time. Incidently, I also know why all cartoon characters only have four fingers. It's exactly wh- (That Guy's cellphone rings) Excuse me. (That Guy picks up his phone) Hello? (Mickey over the phone) Mickey: (coldly) Look to your left. (That Guy looks to the left, and his eyes widen when he sees a threatening shadow of Mickey looking at him) (That Guy hangs up his phone, and looks back to the camera) Nevermind. (Mickey laughs while That Guy's eyes widen again)
Matsuricon Fan: If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?
That Guy: Why, an everyday non suspicious dog like Pluto of course. (That Guy looks to his left, scared as Mickey's shadow appears to the left again, and then disappears)
Matsuricon Fan: What is worse: Hell or purgatory?
That Guy: You know, it's a shame Hell gets such a bum rap. Everybody acts like an eternal damnation is such an unhealthy thing, but look at the benefits. You're constantly working out, you're sweating off all those pounds, and you constantly have a motivation to keep yourself active: Pain. Which is why Hell is so much better than purgatory. Do you wanna know exactly what purgatory is? It's a plain white room with one chair that's only semi-comfortable, and a television set showing you nothing but the complete works of King of the Hill. ... It's not good, it's not bad. It's just... King of the Hill. I mean, I'm sure it has it's fan base, and it's very loyal. It stayed on for so long, but... w-was there ever a King of the Hill fan club? Were there ever King of the Hill teamsters or junkies? Have you ever seen anyone cosplay as anything from King of the Hill? Though, I take it back, I did see one guy cosplay as that Laotian guy. Though, maybe he was just asian. Either way, can we all agree that that character was horribly racist, but nobody cares because it was on King of the Hill. (That Guy looks at a drawing on the wall behind him) What the hell am I looking at anyway?
Matsuricon Fan: Which souls are the most delicious?
That Guy: Well, do you remember the first Batman movie? The Michael Keaton one? Do you remember the scene where he says "Shields open" and the Batmobile starts driving on it's own to him? Well , if you look very closely, and turn up the brightness on your tv, you can clearly see that there's a hand driving the stearing wheel of the Batmobile. That guy's soul was delicious. I don't know what it is. There was something just about that guy's soul that was unbelievable. It was the tastiest one I ever had. I asked him before I devoured his carcass, "What do you do?" and he said, "I was the hand in the first Batman movie driving the Batmobile." And in reality, it doesn't matter what I say right now, because you've already stopped this video, gone to watch the first Batman movie, to see if that hand is actually in there. I shit you not. There is a hand driving the Batmobile. And his soul was delicious. Now you know. (The logo from "The More You Know" PSA appears above That Guy's head while he sports a creapy smile and a voice screams in the background) There was a hand driving the Batmobile! Warn your family!
Matsuricon Fan: So, where exactly is Canada?
That Guy: Well, many think that it's just above the United States. But really, Canada is in all of us. And soon it will burst out of your chest like the aliens from that movie: First Wives Club! They'll crawl around the United States, destroying all the humans that they see, and inevitably, they will grow up all looking like Phelous. I mean, come on. Listen to the guy. Clearly he's an alien from outer space. As are all Canadians. Why else would they be so polite? (whisper) They're trying to eat us! But don't let Obscurus Lupa know. He's saving it for a surprise. (That Guy's smile disappears)
Matsuricon Fan: What color is a mirror?
That Guy: The same color as air. Suck on that, doctor. (That Guy looks away in disgust)
Matsuricon Fan: What happened to your first love?
That Guy: ... My first love. (That Guy remembers back to episode 54, when he proposed to his GPS, and then they broke up afterwards) GPS: What happened to the magic between us? What happened to all the joy you used to make me feel? You're not the same man you were when you proposed! That Guy: That was a long time ago! (the flashback ends) ... As you probably all have figured out, my first love was a flashback cloud. And, I don't know what happened to her. I mean, everytime I have a flashback she appears, but then she's suddenly gone. But it's okay. I'm a grown-up adult. I'm the kind of person who can take that kind of stuff, and not let it get to me whatsoever... (repeats to reassure himself) Whatsoever... Whatso- (cut to That Guy with no shirt on, crying and holding his head with his hands) FLASHBACK CLOUD! FLASHBA- (cut back to That Guy who has returned to normal) -ever.
Matsuricon Fan: Do you read comics, and what is your favorite comic?
That Guy: Yes, and my favorite comic book series of all time is The Cabinet Who Speaks In Tongues. (Picture of a cabinet with gibberish being played in the background is shown) And his sidekick: Compulsive Lying Ping-Pong Table. (Picture of the cabinet with gibberish being played in the background is shown again, with a ping-pong table beside it) Ping Pong Table: The Holocaust never happened. (cut back to That Guy) I think DarkHorse ran that series.
Matsuricon Fan: Can I be your friend?
That Guy: ... (eerie music plays while That Guy just looks at the camera with a creepy blank expression) We will walk through the meadows, and laugh at baby deer because we shot them. Then, we'll massage ham, and play slide whistles to our heart's content. (camera zooms in a bit) We'll acuse jellybeans of being racist, and then sing to the actor who plays Ronald McDonald when he's asleep. (camera zooms in a bit again) All this... (That Guy's mouth twitches into a small smile) ...I can do for you... (cut to That Guy acting normal again and the eerie music has stopped) Or we could get coffee? Whichever.
Matsuricon Fan: If you're the devil, then what exactly is the Hummel figure?
That Guy: You know, I as well have a lot of questions for the Hummel figurine.
(Mozart's "Dies Ire" is played in the background as the camera cuts to the Hummel Figurine.)
Hummel: MY BABUSHKA HAS EATEN ALL OF YOUR PUPPIES...
(cuts to That Guy. normal music is played)
That Guy: Knock it off! I have some questions for you. Like for example, didn't you shoot yourself in the last one, or something happened?
Hummel: Wait, is that what happened to me? I don't know. It's been so long. ey(?)
That Guy: How is it you keep coming alive? How is it that you talk even though your mouth doesn't move? How is it you have a male voice instead of a female voice? How come you seem to be out of focus and a hand is holding you? How is it that you always seem to appear in front of me, and I disapear, and yet, you're somehow there, and we're talking to each other?
Hummel: I don't know. I'm just the Hummel figurine.
That Guy: I think you know clear well what the answers are and I will not rest until you tell me!
Hummel: Oh, you want to know?
That Guy: I want to know.
Hummel: You want to know?
That Guy: I want to know!
(The two talk simutaneously with one another, progressively getting louder and angrier)
Hummel: [simutaneously] You want to know? You want to know? You want to know?!! You want to know!?! Do you want to know!??! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOOOOOU WANT TO KNOW!?! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW!?!
That Guy: [simutaneously] I want to know, Hummel figurine! Let me know! Let me know! I would like to know right now! I would like for you to come here and tell me EXACTLY ALL THESE ANSWERS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN KEEPING FROM ME!!! YOU WILL GIVE ME THESE ANSWERS HUMMEL FIGURINE!! YOU WILL GIVE ME THESE ANSWERS!!! YES, HUMMEL FIGURINE!! YES! YES! YES, HUMMEL FIGURINE!! YOU WILL GIVE ME ANSWERS!!!!
Hummel: I'LL SHOW YOU!!!
(lightning strikes and That Guy disapears)
Hummel: See you in MY realm. (laughs deviously. frightening music is played. Hummel stops laughing and music stops playing.)
Hummel: (looks off-screen) Wait, have we ever done a "To Be Continued..."?
Voice off-screen (maybe That Guy?): No.
Hummel: Well we are now!!!
**To Be Continued...**