Ask ThatGuy Episode 21 (August 29, 2008)
[ThatGuy is reading a book and smoking a pipe, after a second he notices the camera]
ThatGuy: Oh, Merhaba! Didn’t hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the Glasses.
[Piano music starts playing, title card appears]
Narrator: Whenever I go to the bathroom, I have to take a dump before I can take a piss. However in situations where I do not need to take a dump, I still cannot take a piss. What can I do to solve this problem?
ThatGuy: That’s a very good question. My recommendation would be stop eating and drinking. That way you would never have to worry about dumping or pissing again. Of course you will die, but if you’re dump enough to ask that question in the first place, you probably belong dead. Yes.
Narrator: I am seeking a transfer to a new college, but I cannot make up my mind. What college did you go to? Maybe I can go there?
ThatGuy: I went to Glasses University. There everybody wears glasses and therefore everybody is smart. People think its all good education, studying, and trying hard, but no, it’s wearing glasses. And if you don’t believe me just watch what happens when I take them off. [Takes off glasses and starts yelling with a voice that implies idiocy] Boobies! Boobies! [Runs off screen. A woman starts screaming and the sound of objects breaking is heard] Boobies! Boobies! [Breaking sounds and screaming sounds continue and blend in with various other sounds, possibly a man screaming, and a gun shot, and other noises, before all sound off screen dies out quickly]Boobies! [His voice goes back to normal as he puts his glasses back on, laughing] Hilarious! And quite tragic.
Narrator: Why are finished structures called buildings? Shouldn't they be called builts?
ThatGuy: No. They are called building for the same reason that we drive in a park way and park in a drive way. The reason women have a pair of panties but only one bra. And the same reason my pinkie is not pink and Greenland not green. Because people are idiots! But at least the smart idiots keep on their glasses. [Takes off glasses again and speaks in the idiotic voice once more] I want another Star Wars movie! [Puts them back on, laughing] I ask you!
Narrator: If a Spoon and a Fork is a Spork, what do you call a Spoon and a Knife?
ThatGuy: Spnife. [He hits forehead and makes a face as if the answer to the question was obvious]
Narrator: You seem to wear the same clothes every episode. Why is that?
ThatGuy: Actually I don’t wear the exact same clothes. I have a whole closest of blue robes. I also have an entire drawer of red scarves. I also have an entire room of glasses. An entire mansion of beards. And I even have an entire museum of butt checks. I just love my but cheeks. And there’s a set of cheeks for every occasion. Happy cheeks. [He shows with his hands what “happy cheeks” look like] Sad cheeks. [Shows with his hands what “sad cheeks” look like] Indifference cheeks. [Shows with hands what “indifference cheeks” look like] And my personally favorite, the diarrhea monster. But I don’t think you want to see one reenacted. If you do, call this number for a real good time. [A phone number, 555-6394, appears on bottom of screen. ThatGuy points to it] This is That Guy With The Glasses saying: There’s no such thing as a stupid question, until YOU ask it.
[ThatGuy goes back to reading books]