Ask ThatGuy Episode 18 [August 20, 2008]

[ThatGuy is reading a book and smoking a pipe, after a second he notices the camera]

ThatGuy: Oh, Dinh Cho! Didn’t hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the Glasses.

[Piano music starts playing, title card appears]

Narrator: How many languages do you speak?

ThatGuy: That’s a very good question. The truth is that I can speak any language in the entire world. Any language that has ever been invented by man, I can speak. Whether it be French or German or even Hydroglyphics, I can speak it. In fact, ask me! Ask me to say anything in any language.

Narrator: Say something in Spanish.

ThatGuy: No. But I can. And that’s all that matters.

Narrator: I have started to drink alcohol to drown my problems, but those bastards have now learned how to swim. What should I do?

ThatGuy: Have you considered drugs. Drugs are a wonderful way to get rid of your problems. Now a lot of people will say confront your problems by acknowledging your fears. Because once you discover your fears you will also know how to over come them. And thus become a more confident and more positive human being. But that’s all bullshit. Drugs are the way to go. I do drugs everyday and have absolutely no side effects what so ever [voice becomes high-pitched and puts face up close to the camera, looking scared] Jesus help me!

Narrator: What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

ThatGuy: Life gives you a refund. And a coupon at JCPenney. Yes.

Narrator: Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

ThatGuy: You really don’t want to know the answer to that question. Trust me, you don’t.

Narrator: For the past 6 hours, I have been falling down an escalator that is going up. What do I do?

ThatGuy: Well first of all, stop typing on your computer and get the hell up. Were you just falling with your laptop the whole time, I mean how can you even do that? Are like typing and falling, I mean how does that work? If you’re still falling down that escalator, you deserve to fall down that escalator. Idiot. This is That Guy With The Glasses saying: There’s no such thing as a stupid question, until YOU ask it.

[ThatGuy goes back to reading books]

The End

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