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'''Linkara (v/o):''' Number 3: The Negative Zone Prison.
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''(Cut to events leading up to the Negative Zone Prison)''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' So, this being a story from 2006, with Americans still struggling with moral questions concerning a post-9/11, naturally, parallels to real-world things are gonna crop up. The Registration Act's quick passing and implementation was considered similar to the Patriot Act. The character Miriam Sharpe was inspired by Cindy Sheehan. So, in turn, there was a prison set up in an other-dimensional realm called the Negative Zone that served as a parallel to the prison at Guantanamo Bay.
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'''Linkara:''' Because nothing says ''(makes "finger quotes")'' "parallel to real-world events" more than having entirely different contexts to the situations that kinda make you look like morons.
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' The Negative Zone is a long-running thing in the Marvel Universe, with various parts to how it works, what it does to people, who lives there, etc. One of the things about it: it can induce despair and trauma when you go into or stay in it for a long period of time. Let me repeat that: this place can cause ''emotional trauma'' to the people inside of it just by ''being there'', and they set up a ''prison'' there. A prison for ''superheroes!'' You know, superheroes? Those guys who once stopped Thanos from destroying the universe because he wanted to ''date Death itself?!''
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'''Linkara:''' And the best part about this place? It was NOT an example of the Marvel Universe's government overstepping its bounds! This was an idea by Tony Stark, Hank Pym and Reed Richards! Just another in our continuing series of "Scientists Are Evil"!
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' The prison was named "42", based on the three of them getting together after the Stamford disaster and thinking up one hundred different ways they could improve the world.
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'''Linkara:''' ''(as a scientist)'' Hey, should we get together and find a cure for cancer? ''(as another scientist)'' Nah, let's just think up some more ideas to make our friends and colleagues miserable! ''(as the first scientist)'' Okay, for my next idea, we sneak into the X-Men mansion and fill up Professor Xavier's drawers with wigs and toupees!
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' To be fair, it was claimed they were only being held there temporarily to await trial, and that there were supervillains being held there, too, but why the hell would you have ''any'' prison in a place like this? And it's not like the Marvel Universe was born yesterday! Are you telling me that during the in-universe ten years or whatever they've all been operating, with multiple superhero teams and continually advancing technologies and emerging threats to the world, the S.H.I.E.L.D heli-carrier, Rom's war with the Dire Wraiths, the Sentinels, that ''nobody'' came up with a prison for superpowered individuals ''before this?!'' Oh, and speaking of how long the Marvel Universe has existed...
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Revision as of 06:02, 8 May 2019

15 Things Wrong With Marvel's Civil War

At4w 15 things wrong with civil war-768x339

Released
July 4, 2016
Running time
45:01
Previous review
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Tagline
15 things wrong with Marvel's event comic where heroes fight heroes! ...well, one of them, anyway...
Link

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn! And while today, we're talking about a bad comic, we're not exactly doing a full-on review.

(Cut to shots of the DC comic "Identity Crisis" and Linkara's review of it)

Linkara (v/o): A few years ago, I did "15 Things Wrong With 'Identity Crisis'", which, amusingly enough, had a clickbait-y before clickbait-y titles were a thing. I just didn't consider a Top 15 since there was no particular order to it. The reason I did it like that was because "Identity Crisis" was a book that many people really, really liked, and I could spell out a lot of positives to it.

Linkara: "Civil War" does not have that benefit. Even those who did like it admit to things involved in it that were stupid and made no sense. So, why not a full review?

(Shots of Marvel's comic "Civil War" are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Because honestly, the book is really politically charged. It had only been a few years after 9/11, and it did raise up the question of personal liberty vs. security that was explored in various books and took its concepts seriously. It didn't try to weasel out of it and say it was all a plot of supervillains or something. It didn't examine those questions very well, I will admit. The Captain America movie, AKA Avengers 3, actually handled those questions a hell of a lot better than this thing. But it did raise them. While I do get serious on this show on occasion, the reason people are here is to be entertained and have fun. Sometimes you get that through my verbal assassination of a crappy comic, but less so if I'm trying to examine complex moral questions where there are no easy answers. And if there is one bit of praise I can give "Civil War" the comic, it's that it didn't chicken out of its conclusion. It's often a thing where creators will say an event comic "changes things forever" or something like that, but "Civil War" at least meant it. While its effects were eventually reversed, the Superhuman Registration Act lasted three years of real time. It was the status quo of the Marvel Universe from 2007 to 2010. So while "Civil War" is crap, it also deals with serious subject matters and complex issues that I'd rather not try to get into due to the potential for being bogged down in political discussions or the like.

Linkara: That being said, I do think it's crap, so we've got plenty of stuff I can nitpick or scratch my head wondering what the hell they were thinking. So, for those of you at home not familiar with it, what was the plot of "Civil War"?

Linkara (v/o): A superhero reality show consisting of the team "The New Warriors" went after a group of supervillains in Stamford, Connecticut. While three of the villains were taken out, the last, Nitro, had an explosive power that he unleashed. Aaaand it was pretty big, killing not only most of the New Warriors, but a considerable amount of civilians, including children. In the wake of this and other similar, then-recent tragedies in the Marvel Universe, a Superhuman Registration Act is quickly made law, classifying superheroes as "living weapons of mass destruction".

Linkara: A true statement, if ever I've heard it. After all, how else can you describe Squirrel Girl?

Linkara (v/o): This act required all superpowered individuals to reveal their identities to the government and receive training for their powers, with the option to join S.H.I.E.L.D. and basically act as a civil servant. And by the way, this was even if they didn't want to be a superhero. If they just wanted to, you know, use their flight powers... you know, to fly, if that was it... Thanks, Congress!

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, showing Mike Nelson dressed like Uncle Sam, with the American flag in the background)

Mike: (singing) I'm the government / I'm the government / I'm the reason nothing works!

(Back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Tony Stark, after having been confronted by the mother of one of the child victims of this tragedy, named Miriam Sharpe, decides that the act is for the best, while Captain America refuses to hunt down people who risk their lives trying to save people, or for the fear that the government will tell him who is a supervillain, something that Cap himself has had history with. The two sides go to war, with Cap's group always on the run and Iron Man's side continually working to hunt them down. Eventually, the two sides fight in the middle of New York, with Cap finally surrendering when he sees the damage their fight is having on the city.

Linkara: There's plenty here that was just fine... and a whole lot that was not. These are my "15 Things Wrong With (holds up today's comic) Marvel's 'Civil War' Comic".

(Title sequence plays; title card has the MST3K gang's song "Government Gridlock" playing in the background; cut back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): This is not a Top 15 list. They are being presented in no particular order and range from mundane criticisms that people are probably gonna roll their eyes to things that people will probably disagree with me on. But before we get started, let's get something out of the way first.

Linkara: Three things you will not be seeing on this list: (holds up index finger) one, Iron Man, war profiteer; (holds up two fingers) two, Sally Floyd saying Captain America "doesn't reflect America because he doesn't watch NASCAR or use MySpace"; (holds up three fingers) three, the death of Captain America. All of these things are stupid and awful, and none of them happened in "Civil War" itself.

Linkara (v/o): This is not a review of the entirety of the event, just the original miniseries. The firs two occurred in "Civil War: Front Line", an eleven-issue miniseries...

Linkara: And by the way, why does a tie-in have than the main miniseries?! What is wrong with you?!

Linkara (v/o): ...while the last happens in "Captain America #25", in the aftermath of "Civil War". And really, killing off Cap wasn't actually the problem. I may not like killing off characters, but this was an opportunity for them to tell a cool story, and they always planned to bring him back, much like when Superman died. It's just the timing of it was bad: right after the controversial ending to "Civil War", which is something else we will be talking about today. With the way "Civil War" ended, coupled with that, it felt like... well, America itself was dying. Good work there. "Civil War: Front Line" is garbage and probably deserves an actual review at some point, but no, we're focusing on the event miniseries today. And there's plenty of dumb to go around on that alone. Let's get started.

#1

Linkara (v/o): Number 1: The Covers.

(Cut to a shot of the cover for this comic – the first of several to be shown here, actually)

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, let's ease in with the mundane and something that bugged the crap out of me about this series. Comic book covers are important, although it feels like, as the years go by, DC and Marvel care less and less about them. What was even the point? You've got this nice, big area to tell a story in itself, something that captures the mood of the comic... and you've cut off half of it for a big, blank, white space? Yeah, let's just jam everything into the top half! Or maybe have a wraparound so it's like in "widescreen" – even though most people won't even be paying attention to the back because that's not how comics are put on the racks in stores! Were they hoping to save money by not printing anything on the lower half? Or hell, maybe it was supposed to say, "Your ad here". Why not? Worked for those stupid Nick Lachey Twix ads DC ran in 2015.

(Cut to a shot of a cover for an installment of "Countdown")

Linkara (v/o): While the two series weren't happening at the same time, it says something when "Countdown" came right after this at DC and had better covers across the board.

Linkara: (smiling) And hey, I just said something nice about "Countdown"! And only three blood vessels burst this time inside of me! So maybe I'm getting more positive and... (starts reeling like he's dizzy) Ooh, the room is spinning... (falls over with a thud)

#2

Linkara (v/o): Number 2: Spider-Man's Unmasking.

(Events leading up to said unmasking in the comic is shown)

Linkara (v/o): Peter Parker, the guy who worked to protect his secret identity from the public more than anybody else, who actually has lost people because of his secret identity, within the first issue says how dangerous it is to make your secret identity public when Sue Storm says a public identity is not so bad... publicly unmasks so that he can support the Registration Act and thus put a target on himself and his loved ones.

Linkara: And I... (hesitates slightly) really liked this. (beat) No, really, the unmasking itself is not my problem, frankly. Out of character? Eh, a bit, yes, but I still like it, because it's a story that had never been explored before.

Linkara (v/o): Sure, there have been incidents where Peter had been unmasked by people, but they were usually able to write it off as a shapeshifter, or Peter trying to be a hero, or something like that. But a full-on admission and exploring the very real consequences of such an action for him? That's the kind of character development and plot point that opens up a ton of possibilities. And to be fair, this wasn't something he just chose to do out of the blue; they built it up, with Peter struggling with the question, consulting Mary Jane and Aunt May about it. Tony Stark had become something of a father figure for Peter, having taken him and his family into Avengers Tower, helping him out, providing him with a new, technologically-advanced suit, and basically just acting as the kind of guy Peter could trust above all others. So him convincing Peter to unmask is believable. So then, why am I listing this as a problem? Well, for two reasons. One, we don't see any of that in the main "Civil War" series, so Peter's big character moments are relegated to tie-ins.

Linkara: But more importantly, HE HAD NO REASON TO REVEAL HIS IDENTITY TO THE PUBLIC!!! The Registration Act requires identities revealed to the government, and in the end, it's revealed, not even that, but S.H.I.E.L.D.! So Peter's unmasking in the story, quite literally, in the real world and the comic universe, was a PUBLICITY STUNT!

Linkara (v/o): They altered Peter's life and his relationship to everyone around him for a friggin' publicity stunt to sell the damn crossover in a plot point that is completely unnecessary other than for political reasons! Here's a tip: when you're trying to make your big crossover event seem like it's more nuanced and sophisticated than the normal brawl, don't make such a massive change to the status quo because you want characters to win points in fictional opinion polls. Again, it's not the idea of him unmasking; it led to several awesome moments and stories that could be told before it was undone.

Linkara: And no friggin' duh it was going to be undone! This is a superhero universe where the space-time continuum falls apart because some creepy guy wanted Ms. Marvel to give birth to himself, and that's forgotten the next week! PEOPLE ARE NOT VERY OBSERVANT IN THESE THINGS!!

Linkara: So, yeah, cool idea, bad execution. The tagline for this miniseries, come to think of it.

#3

Linkara (v/o): Number 3: The Negative Zone Prison.

(Cut to events leading up to the Negative Zone Prison)

Linkara (v/o): So, this being a story from 2006, with Americans still struggling with moral questions concerning a post-9/11, naturally, parallels to real-world things are gonna crop up. The Registration Act's quick passing and implementation was considered similar to the Patriot Act. The character Miriam Sharpe was inspired by Cindy Sheehan. So, in turn, there was a prison set up in an other-dimensional realm called the Negative Zone that served as a parallel to the prison at Guantanamo Bay.

Linkara: Because nothing says (makes "finger quotes") "parallel to real-world events" more than having entirely different contexts to the situations that kinda make you look like morons.

Linkara (v/o): The Negative Zone is a long-running thing in the Marvel Universe, with various parts to how it works, what it does to people, who lives there, etc. One of the things about it: it can induce despair and trauma when you go into or stay in it for a long period of time. Let me repeat that: this place can cause emotional trauma to the people inside of it just by being there, and they set up a prison there. A prison for superheroes! You know, superheroes? Those guys who once stopped Thanos from destroying the universe because he wanted to date Death itself?!

Linkara: And the best part about this place? It was NOT an example of the Marvel Universe's government overstepping its bounds! This was an idea by Tony Stark, Hank Pym and Reed Richards! Just another in our continuing series of "Scientists Are Evil"!

Linkara (v/o): The prison was named "42", based on the three of them getting together after the Stamford disaster and thinking up one hundred different ways they could improve the world.

Linkara: (as a scientist) Hey, should we get together and find a cure for cancer? (as another scientist) Nah, let's just think up some more ideas to make our friends and colleagues miserable! (as the first scientist) Okay, for my next idea, we sneak into the X-Men mansion and fill up Professor Xavier's drawers with wigs and toupees!

Linkara (v/o): To be fair, it was claimed they were only being held there temporarily to await trial, and that there were supervillains being held there, too, but why the hell would you have any prison in a place like this? And it's not like the Marvel Universe was born yesterday! Are you telling me that during the in-universe ten years or whatever they've all been operating, with multiple superhero teams and continually advancing technologies and emerging threats to the world, the S.H.I.E.L.D heli-carrier, Rom's war with the Dire Wraiths, the Sentinels, that nobody came up with a prison for superpowered individuals before this?! Oh, and speaking of how long the Marvel Universe has existed...

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