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Ask That Guy With The Glasses Ep. 10 (July 23, 2008)

(That Guy is seen reading a book. He looks up and shuts it)

That Guy: Oh! Nai Ho!(Cantonese in "Hello"-ed.) Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to "Ask That Guy With The Glasses."

(Title card comes up with music)

Narrator: Why go to the top of a tall building only to put money in binoculars to look at the things on the ground?

That Guy: That's a very good question. The reason is that everything seems to look better through binoculars. Take for example, women. Women look so much better through binoculars. That is to say, I've only seen women through binoculars. There was this one women that I was following and she looked incredible through my binoculars, especially while changing her clothes and taking a shower. (tilts his pipe upwards)

Narrator: If a fly didn't have wings, would it be called a walk?

That Guy: Yes, it would. the only problem with that is, if we had to call a fly a walk, we would have to call walking "flying", and thus we would all have to learn how to fly. I, myself do not know much about flying. But my little puppy, Scruffy, does. I would see him fly all the time. Usually, after I picked him up and threw him across the room. True, he would only be flying for a couple of seconds, but MAN was he speeding across the air. In fact, I found he actually flew better after he stopped breathing. He is an amazing puppy. Oh my god, what's wrong with me?

Narrator: Why do Americans hate the letter "u"? Think of colour, armour, and the like; you guys seem to have thrown it away.

That Guy: Well, now that's not entirely true. We use the letter "u" all the time in sentences. For example, "u" are an idiot, "u" are butchering the English language, "u" shall be shot, and "u" can burn in hell. We also make great use of the letter "y". For example "y" don't "u" kiss my ass? Would you also like to see what we can do with one finger? I didn't think so. (gives him the finger)

Narrator: If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

That Guy: Plaid.

Narrator: In one of your episodes, you said that you couldn't read, yet you're clearly seen reading a dictionary word for word a few moments later. How do you explain this?

That Guy: Heh heh heh... It's quite simple. It's true that I can't actually read words, but that is why I read hydroglyphics. And that entire dictionary was made out of hydroglyphics. The crouching bird means life, the pharoah's hat means definition, the venomous snake means Samuel L. Jackson, and so on and so forth. There. Don't you feel stupid now? Yes. This is That Guy With The Glasses saying there's no such thing as a stupid question until YOU ask it. (Winks and goes back to reading his book)