The Man Who Fell To Earth

''[The intro to Brows Held High, only with the guitar from "Space Oddity". When Oancitizen appears, he's reading a David Bowie biography]'' Oancitizen:David Bowie made a film David Bowie made a film About a spaceman whose whole life has gone downhill David Bowie was the star [A countdown from 10 is heard in the background] Rip Torn was in it, so was Candy Clark The Criterion Collection sells it now

Oancitizen: [spoken really fast] Released in 1976, under the direction of Nicolas Roeg, director of Walkabout, Performance and Don't Look Now! David Bowie's cinematic debut...

DVD box for The Man Who Fell To Earth 

Oancitizen:It was called The Man Who Fell To Earth It doesn't make much sense [scenes from the movie] There's some 70s' style trip out scenes scenes, and there Are some holes throughout the plot, but I declare

[title card for the movie] I could like The Man Who Fell To Earth It's tragic as it's strange Science fiction's rarely filmed in quite this way? It's more than green men from outside the Milky Way

[Bowie close-up, then him in front of a mirror] 'Cause here is a movie with a message Sorry that it's there? But it has some nudes, so if that does it for you

''[Kyle does air guitar. Then as scenes of an explosion in the sky appear, the music changes to "Ziggy Stardust", showing a meteor falling into a lake. The songs are now mostly sung along with scenes from the movie]'' Bowie lands on Earth, crashing in a mountain lakeside And he walks down a hill Towards Haneyville Almost hit by a car, he does things on the wing He goes to pawn a ring

"Thomas Jerome Newton" [image of the Fringe character with that name] Is the name that he calls himself Passport made in Great Britain But we know that he's from space, I mean just look at that face

''[music ends as Bowie\Newton meets patent attorney Oliver Farnsworth. Then starts the guitar intro to "Fame"... Newton: I want a lawyer who is well versed in pata... Patents. Oliver: That's me. Oliver': I don't believe it. I can't believe it. You have nine basic patents here. Newton: In say three years, what would this be worth to me? Oliver: I'm a lawyer, not an accountant Mr.Newton. But I'd say it must be somewhere in the area of, three-hundred million dollars. Newton: Not more? Oliver: More? Newton: I need more. Oliver: What the hell for for?!]''

Kyle:Fame Comes with wealth, which comes with patents Fame Gets you fans on a college campus [Hi, Rip Torn!] Fame Rip Torn sleeps with all his students Shame

[sex scene, with the text, "...I'm so sorry"] Shame It racks you brain, to see his vein, in the hands of naked co-eds, it's, Shame…ful [Woman talks into Rip's censored-with-a-rooster “Yeah, you're not at all like my father”] Pain

[Bryce: What they need is some real stimulus, some ideas to pursue. Canutti: Well, we've had enough of your "pursuits". Canutti: While you're at it, why don't you go get a job with that great company of yours? Bryce: (Walking out) I believe I will! Newton's cadillac stops at a hotel. Newton, to the counter: Sussex, I have a reservation. He rushes to the elevator, with a woman inside which is closing. Newton: No, I'll take that. Mary-Lou: (Smiling) It's five flights. Newton faints. Mary-Lou: Are you all right? As she carries him to a room, "As the World Falls Down" starts. ]

He meets a young girl When he passed out Her name is Mary Lou Offers him gin And she's a girl And your love interest 'Cause she's a… girl Kyle (Speaking): Only female character in the film, mind you

Brings him a TV Offers him wine He watches 6 screens This image might work in all the ads? This is the image used in the ads

(shows two posters with Bowie sitting in front of TVs, and the caption "The international ones, at least...")

Now she's Bowie's girl, Rip Torn works for the World Enterprise Corporation, while Bowie's got it all He's becoming more human And he sings a song

''[Bowie struggling to sing in a church. A baffled Kyle, then starts "The Man Who Sold The World"]'' He cannot sing a note Funny injoke, that He rides back to Haneyville Begins to see some sand And much to his surprise [Flashback] Saran-wrapped transvestites With plastic tubing Oh, they all must be his folks

Oh no Now he's Begun to lose control He's face To face With the men from his old world?

''[Mary-Lou says "Tommy? Tommy?" as Newton doesn't react. Then The Who's "Tommy Can You Hear Me"...]'' Tommy, can you hear me Can you feel me near you

Kyle: Tom-- [music stops] Scratch that.

["Suffragette City" plays along sex scenes censored with "Nekkid"] Now he's Got a girl and a place Now he's Ready to go back to space Now he's Got Rip Torn by his side They're gonna build a rocket ship to serve as his ride

But he's Watching too much TV But he's Drinking too much GT But he's Hearing voices all round His media saturation's getting, It's getting,

Oh, his brain's getting fried He's succumbing to his vices From here his life becomes shitty See his eyes getting wide He's surrounded by devices That make his life become shitty

It's not right It's quite a sight

[Newton watches TV and screams "Get out of my mind, all of you!"]

Kyle: [speaking] Oh... well, this was down from the novel, but still, the similarities... oh, I need a chorus for this one! Hey, Alison (Obscurus Lupa shows up), Justin (Jew Wario), Lindsay (Lindsay Ellis), Todd (ToddInTheShadows)... any of you guys wanna sing "Magic Dance"?

JewWario: Yes! Todd: Yeah! Yay! Lindsay: Yes! Cool! Awesome! Spectacular! [Lindsay keeps silent, maybe remembering Bowie's crotch from Labyrinth...]'

[As Magic Dance plays] Kyle: He reminds me of a song Lindsey''': What song? Kyle: The song from the album 'Todd: What album? Kyle: The one about Stardust Lupa: Who dust? 'Kyle: He does Jewario: Does what? Kyle: Remind me of a song

(Lupa and Jew Wario laugh) Kyle: Quiet! [speaking] Now, hear me out: it's not much of a stretch that the director adapted the story to fit David Bowie's stage persona! Well? [Kyle, Lupa, Todd and Lindsay laughing] Lindsey: I doesn't get it.

Kyle: Now Ziggy Stardust Was an alien on Earth And he was doomed [images of Bowie as Ziggy Stardust on stage] To fall to human vice And leave his people and leave his people blue Director knew!

Kyle: Nicolas Roeg must have known about this '''Lupa: Man from space Todd: This is a case Jew Wario dressed as Jareth from Labyrinth: Of casting your actor Kyle: Based on his works

All: Cast gimmick cast Cast gimmick cast Cast gimmick cast Cast gimmick cast Lupa: Cast rock star, don't you see?

[The four dance]

All: Lift, movie lift Lift, movie lift Lift, movie lift Lift, movie lift Lindsay and Lupa: Lift your themes and just copy Jarwario: A song from David Bowie

Kyle: (speaking) It's obvious, right? I mean, it's not like the movie suffers for it, but it's worth pointing out.

[Back to the film, Rip Torn putting a camera behind the air conditioner as "Life on Mars" begins] Kyle: Rip Torn sets up a homemade bug While Bowie gives his GT a chug Rip Torn takes his new photo home Bowie's getting a badly drawn glow

Back at home, Bowie's being mean While Mary Lou wants to make him cream He throws cookies into the air Cut to alien spinning scene

But he can't hide it anymore As she's banging upon the door And he opens the door for her And then Mary Lou looks at his

Strange eyes Underneath his bald head Oh man Pisses herself in fright [censored with a Wiimote] Didn't she see the title? [cut to title card]

And then we're shown an ab- -normal Interspecies sex scene Oh man How can she be this dumb? Of course we all saw this coming He's a man from Mars--ACK! (spoken in disgust) AH! GODDAMN IT!

[flashback played with "Starman"] Then we explain what Thomas 'N's about His homeworld's under a nasty drought That's why his family's wearing White jumpsuits Keeps the water in

Planet Earth has lots of water And so his children expect their father To go to Terra and bring back some Evian [said as he opens and drinks a water bottle' Kyle: (Speaking) Again, Ziggy Stardust.

He's a starman, come down from the sky We've known that from the start, but now we have a reason why He's a starman, come down from a dream Rip Torn seems fairly mellow Mary Lou could use a shrink

And he tells her "Get the children water Bring the planet water Before the children shrivel up"

["Changes" plays as a spaceship is shown, along with a reporter saying "This is a unique moment in the history of space exploration. Never before has one man planned to travel single-handed..."] Now the rocket's going to launch tonight And the astronaut Jim Lovell has a cameo here Media frenzy around the pad But things won't go so sweet

Cause the lawyer's been in debt now And Rip Torn's talked to the feds So his convoy's stopped by police The men in black have found him out

In-ca-ca-cerated! Captured by the feds In-ca-cerated! His lawyer reenacts Watchmen [shown as the lawyer jumps out of a window] In-ca-ca-cerated! Locked inside a suite In-ca-cerated! His wife can visit, but he's still a prisoner

She may come in But he can't get out

''[Thomas puts a gun on his mouth. Mary-Lou: Mmmm! Bad boy! Thomas approaches. Thomas: Do you know what I think? Mary-Lou: What? Thomas: I think you know you know too much about me. I can kill you right here on this bed. And then I'd have them send up another girl. Sleep well! Mary-Lou: No! No! He fires as she screams. "Let's Dance" plays along with scenes of gunshots and sex intercut... Mary-Lou Won't they come in? The noise! ...and Kyle clearly baffled.]''

Kyle: GUN SEX! They both get nekkid while firing blanks GUN SEX And the song they play is (ugh) "Hello Mary Lou" GUN SEX Uh, Jesus Christ, I can't even tell, I can't even tell what THE HELL This is meant to even symbolize

''[later scene, along with the intro to "Ashes to Ashes". Thomas: I've proved everything I'm gonna prove. I've gone as far as I'm going. Mary Lou: I don't love you anymore.]''

But Mary Lou, she won't stay with him Because the love is gone His contact lenses are burnt into his head Oh no, he's forever human

And both his old friends are together now [Kyle shown side-by-side with himself] Rip's happy Candy's happy too They've aged quite a bit Rip Torn wears a Santa suit

The government just lets him go one day They've all the info they need from him And he still has money, and he still has booze So now Bowie's stuck on this planet alone(lone, lone, lone, lone)

Ashes to ashes Funk to funky Now our Mister Tom's a drunkard Strung out on GT Hitting an all time low

''[Newton wearing sunglasses and drinking. Newton: I may not see so well anymore, still have money. He drops his glass. A waiter picks it up. Waiter: Ah, I think maybe Mr. Newton has had enough, don't you? Bryce: I think maybe he has.]

''[Film ends. Cut to Kyle in a dark background, as "Heroes" plays.]'' That And that was the film And I think that You should see the film

At times At times, it can't? hold together But it's weird And dazzling, and certainly clever

It's all pure Bowie Summed up in one film

It It has great pathos (really great pathos) Despite Being slightly camp (slightly camp) And the guns ''[scene of the GUN SEX! scene]'' The guns scene was silly (guns scene was silly) I'd explain it But I really just can't (really just can't)

But still Bowie sure can hold a screen He's weird But dazzling, and certainly clever

It's all pure Bowie Summed up in one film

It's all pure Bowie (Speaking: This was really hard to do.) It's all pure Bowie It's all pure Bowie

''[Credits, to the sound of Flight of the Conchords's "Bowie's In Space". A card thanks Allison "China Girl" Pregler, Todd "Spider From Mars" Nathanson, Justin "God-Given Ass" Carmichael and Lindsay "Mellow Thighed Chick" Ellis]''