Bio-Dome

(The review begins with the following title cards: "We have been informed that the movie 'Bio-Dome' was supposed to be a 'Bill and Ted' sequel that the studio changed at the last minute." "After much consideration, we have decided that this information would not help the movie in any way."

Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it- I fucking hate Bio-Dome, I fucking hate Bio-Dome, I fucking hate Bio-Dome, I FUCKING HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!!! (He screams before water is thrown on him from camera right and he calms down) Thank you. Anyway, I fucking hate "Bio-Dome."

(movie title and clips of the movie are shown)

NC (voiceover): I mean, I don't think I've seen a more annoying and obnoxious piece of cancerous ass. It's so grading and ear-rapingly bad, that i'm surprised the movie itself hasn't been arrested for indecent exposure. It may not be the worst movie, but trust me, it's in the top five. This is the movie, (holds up the DVD disk of Bio-Dome) these are my wrists after watching the movie, (shows the camera his wrists, bandaged as through presumably slit) and these are the notes that I took during watching the movie. (He shows the camera a piece of paper with "Why?" written over and over before slamming it down on his desk) I've never been so happy to get something over with, so let's just go ahead and get this over with.

(The movie begins)

NC (voiceover): So the film starts, appropriately enough, by throwing its garbage at us. A fitting metaphor. We then see our main stars, listed 'Pauly Shore' and 'Stephen Baldwin', which honestly begs the question "How bad do you have to be to be listed under Pauly Shore?". The credits roll on, like a cinematic ransom letter, until the story finally begins.

(clips of people in the desert, shoveling, working in labs, and handling animals)

Narrator: The place is the Arizona desert. Here, a team of scientists and investers, has come to create the first space station on Earth. A self contained world. A pure enviroment. Their mission will be to sustain life for one year, while living in harmony with nature.

NC (voiceover): (imitating the narrator) They're codenaming it 'The Really Stupid Experiment'.

Narrator: Congradulations, Biodome 5, and good luck.

NC (voiceover): So while THAT waste of time is going on, we cut to an even bigger waste of time. This playful scamp is named Squirrel, played by the Devil's pubic hair himself, Pauly Shore.

(Bud (Pauly Shore) and Doyle (Stephen Baldwin) are seen playing rock, paper, scissors)

Bud: (teasing) Paper covers rock! You lose! (making wierd noises and sounds)

NC: That was the first line. Literally, the first line he says makes me want to lobotomize myself. We have to watch a whole MOVIE with this anus! (Bud and Doyle are seen smoking and dancing around a car)

NC (voiceover): Now for those of you who are young and have no idea who Pauly Shore is... (pause) good. So Shore is joined by his good buddy, Stephen Baldwin, who plays another idiot named Doyle. They live in that wonderful time of the 90's, where stupid guys didn't really have to have jobs, and yet somehow they live in relatively nice places. Oh, and they also somehow date really hot chicks as well. Come on, are we really supposed to believe the 90's were like that?

'90s Kid (played by Linkara): DUUUUUDE! The 90's are like that, man! People like us don't need jobs because we're delightfully quirky! Houses and babes just drop into our laps!

NC: But 90's Kid, there's got to be some reason why lazy morons keep getting good stuff back then.

'90s Kid: Nope, that's just how we roll. (shows the letters WYSIWYG on his shirt) What you see is what you- (knock on the door)

NC: What was that?

'90s Kid: Oh, it's probably just my landlord with another eviction notice. (bashing sound) And a battering ram. (gun cocking) And a sawed-off shotgun. Gotta go! (gunfire)

NC: Anyway, back to the review.

NC (voiceover): So Squirrel and Doyle spend most of their time, hitting each other with books and explaining how smart it is.

Monique (Joey Lauren Adams): I can't believe you'd crack Doyle's skull just to get out of this!

Bud: You don't understand. The book fell on him. I mean, well, he fell on the book. They collided.

Monique: Bullshit!

NC: (mocks Monique) Bullshit!

Monique: God, it is just like you two to try and weasel your way out of your responsibilities on Earth Day!

NC (voiceover): Oh, by the way, yes, that is the lesbian with the funny voice from Chasing Amy. The only thing that gives me hope through all this is that she'll castrate Pauly Shore and start making out with the brunette. But I don't think the writers are smart enough to do something so stupid.

(Cut to Monique and Jen (the other girlfriend) driving in a car)

Jen: Well, they're getting better. They're taking yoga, and you're the one raving about how flexible Bud is getting.

Monique: There is something about a man who can lick his own back.

NC: ...What am i supposed to say to that?

(Cut to Monique and Jen at a payphone in the middle of a trash-filled desert spot)

NC (voiceover): So it turns out these two are super enviromental bimbos, who want to help clean the enviroment for Earth Day.

(Bud and Doyle are at home on their couch with Doyle biting off a hangnail from Bud's toe)

NC (voiceover): But their dumbass boyfriends have even more important things to do, like being dumbass boyfriends.

Monique: (calls Bud from the payphone) We met these guys from Arizona Tech, and they’re taking us out to a kegger at Vasquez Lake.

Bud: What? You met men?

Monique: Oh, and they’re on the swim team.

Bud: (to Doyle after hanging up) Our girls have been seduced by breaststrokers.

Monique: (to Jen after hanging up) They bought it!

NC (voiceover): So they set out to find their girlfriends because they’re afraid that they’re gonna sleep with some breaststroke swimmers. They should just retitle this movie “Stupid White People Doing Stupider White Things”!

Bud: (points out to the Bio-Dome) Whoa, check out that mall, man.

Doyle: Whoa, must be a grand opening. “Bio-Dome.” (Bud chuckles) Do you think it means it goes both ways?

Bud: I don’t know, but we do. (He and Doyle lean in close to each other to flick their tongues out and make noise)

NC: Never do that again for the love of God.

NC (voiceover): So they get to the spot only to find out that the ladies tricked them.

Doyle: There used to be fish here, remember?

Bud: Yes, I did, Doyle. A long time ago when we were kids, right?

(Flashback to Bud and Doyle as kids on a boat, and their mother dunks Bud’s head in the water for a long time)

Young Doyle: Leave Bud alone, Mom!

Mother: I’m teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater. (She lifts Young Bud’s head out of the water) Much better, Bud. Let’s try for three minutes. (She dunks his head in the water again)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (sarcastic, claps his hands like a little kid) Yay, you tried to tell a joke! You get a vast empty void of silence!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So as they start to head back, they come across the Bio-Dome—which looks more like Bio-Pringles cans—as the five scientists get ready to head inside.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dr. Noah Faulkner: Please, I would like to introduce my team. Mr. T.C. Romulus, our entomologist. (Romulus gives a salute to the crowd) Miss Petra von Kant, our oceanographer… (She gives a salute) …and Miss Mimi Simkins, our agriculturalist. (She gives a salute)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: That’s not an agriculturalist, that’s Miss October.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): In fact, only two of these people look like real scientists, the rest look like fashion models. How phony is that?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Haven’t you seen any movie scientists? They got white lab coats and messed-up hair, like Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd. (An image of Doc Brown is shown) That was a scientist.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): These guys are GQ covers. (Three GQ covers appear below the movie’s five scientists) They’re insults to movie scientists everywhere!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: What would Christopher Lloyd say?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to a convention)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Christopher Lloyd: I was frozen today.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Ah, it’s good to know. (He shakes hands with Lloyd) Thanks, Christopher Lloyd.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the movie)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Oh, by the by, does this head scientist (Faulkner) look familiar to you at all?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Walter Peck: (from “Ghostbusters”): I’ll tell you what’s hazardous. You’re facing federal prosecution for at least a half a dozen environmental violations.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): That’s right! It’s Walter Peck from “Ghostbusters.” And yes, he’s an environmental douche in this movie, too.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: But one day to sustain life on new worlds far, far away.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Squirrel and Doyle sneak their way in to take a piss while the Nazi from “Blues Brothers” seals the Bio-dome up with the scientists inside. But wait a minute. (The entire crowd stands up to notice Bud and Doyle inside with the scientists) Oh, no! They’re not supposed to be in there! I smell shenanigans, or in their case, shit-nanigans.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">William Leaky: Get them out now!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: The doors are sealed for one year. I can’t open the doors, because if I open the doors, the integrity of all the scientific data is compromised!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Mayor (from “Ghosbusters”): Is this true?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Peter Venkman (from “Ghostbusters”): Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Petra von Kant: Adding two more at this stage will throw the whole system off balance.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: Then the system will adapt.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Ah, yes, let’s go over this again: They can either just open the door up and let them out simply starting the countdown over again, or they can let these idiotic time bombs stay inside and most likely destroy everything.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: What did these morons study before this?! The environmental impact of Bigfoot?!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So because space is tight, they have to have them stay in the janitor’s closet, where the idea for this movie probably should’ve stayed.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (to Doyle) For the blanket. (He and Doyle do Rock Paper Scissors; Bud wins with paper over rock and taunts Doyle) You lose the blanket! For fun. (They do Rock Paper Scissors once more; Bud wins again with paper over rock before he taunts Doyle with an annoying but also creepy laugh)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Oh, good. I just heard the soundtrack to my night terrors for the next few weeks.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The clip of Bud’s annoying and creepy laugh is shown again)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But Squirrel and Doyle find they can’t just stay confined to one room. So it’s raping time!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Bud sneaks into Petra von Kant’s bed to physically fondle her while she’s asleep, while Doyle does the same with Mimi Simkins; cut to the two women screaming from inside their rooms before Bud and Doyle run out to greet each other in excitement)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Bud and Doyle) Yeah, we’re rapists AND adulterers. (He laughs)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to the next day with Bud and Doyle out in a tropical lagoon section of the Bio-dome)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (sings and dances) Doyle, Doyle, Doyle of the Jungle / Friend to you and me.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Doyle swings down from a vine to meet with Bud on the other side, but ends up missing and tumbles down a sandy slope)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So…yeah, the majority of the movie is just these guys acting like douche monkeys as the audience scratches their head trying to figure out what’s supposed to be funny about it.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to another scene of Bud and Doyle dancing in place and making indistinct noise before Doyle pretends to be a bull and idiotically runs his head into a door, injuring himself)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Has anyone ever noticed that Pauly Shore is to white people what Jar Jar Binks is to black people? I have to say I’m very offended.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (to Petra) So, um, hey, I know yoga. (He lies down on the ground and spreads his legs apart while on his back; Petra tries not to laugh) If you don’t like that…

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Hey-hey! That’s the best performance in the movie! Finding Pauly Shore funny; that is no easy task.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (as Petra quickly leaves) Wait, wait! Okay, maybe I’ll show you some other maneuvers later.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Eventually, their girlfriends find out where they are as they go to visit them.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: (to the girlfriends through a glass window) Listen, maybe you’re not aware of it, but we’re a vital part of a homeosystem.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Monique: Don’t you think your couch is having withdrawals?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (mocks Monique) Don’t you think you should get back to your Jennifer Tilly impersonation?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: We gotta go. (waves goodbye) Bye. (He and Doyle turn away to leave)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Monique: Bye. (After Bud and Doyle are gone, she and Jen hug)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Oh, yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Touch each other, touch each other—(Cut to Bud, Doyle and the scientists making a toast at dinnertime) D’ahhh! Goddamn it!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (acts feminine) I am so fat.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: (pretends to be feminine and comforts Bud) No you’re not.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Nobody likes me.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: You’re beautiful.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: People didn’t like me in high school.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: Everybody loves you.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Oh, thank you.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: You know, I think this film is the Hot Pockets of movies; nothing substantial and will most likely cause diarrhea.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Bud and Doyle in the tropical lagoon section of the Bio-dome ready to play football with each other, while the "Spider-Man" song is playing)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: You ready? Hut one, hut two, hut-hut-hike!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): I’m beginning to think this movie is the predecessor to all those really bad Youtube videos you see. You know, the ones where two dickheads do dickhead-ish things while one dickhead laughs at the other dickhead while that dickhead gets hurt but sadly isn’t crippled for life? That’s this movie.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Bud and Doyle wearing their own tribal hats on their heads)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (rubs his head in frustration) God, every new edit in this film hurts me.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (greets Petra and Mimi) Good afternoon, Petri dish. (speaks with a bad French accent) Allow me to present…(Doyle brings out a jar filled with brown water and what looks like pineapple spikes on top)… (speaks normally) Chateau Squirrel Stub. It’s a bit plucky.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Mimi Simkins: So that’s what happened to our fruit harvest.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (to Doyle) Mini-tribal. (They both dance in place a bit)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (flaps his lower arms about) Laugh at us! Laugh at us! (Accompanying text flashes below him)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Bud and Doyle sitting in an artificial rain generator (which looks like a large white plastic round tub) playing “Marco Polo”)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: Marco!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Cholo!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: Marco!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Cholo!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Okay, these two were dropped. Either that or they’re some kind of special needs kids, but there’s no way these are normal functioning people! Especially if they think that THIS SHIT IS FUNNY!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Bud and Doyle causing chaos in a lab T.C. Romulus is working in, destroying it and letting the insects out)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): They’re worse than cancer! If a doctor came up to me and said I had a bad case of Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin, I’d cut off my head with a fork!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to a golf ball breaking through a window)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: (is practicing golf) Damn it, damn it, damn it.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And by the way, this is it! This is all they show for, like, 45 minutes. Once in a while, they cut back to a scene with Marilyn Manson’s ex-girlfriend here—who’s dressed like something out of “Pleasantville” for some reason—but other than that, it’s just this! WILL YOU JUST DECAPITATE THEM ALREADY?!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Bud and Doyle are shown having a sissy fight and punching each other in the jaw like Rock-‘em Sock-‘em Robots before rubbing each other’s faces)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Neal Page (from “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” played by Steve Martin): Here’s a good idea: Have a point! It makes it so much more interesting for the listener.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Doyle opens up a barrel to find food inside, and he and Bud gasp and make noise in excitement)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Sweet crispy Jesus, every time one of them speaks, I hear a child being murdered! I’m not kidding! That’s seriously what I hear every time one of them talks!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A sound clip of a girl screaming and a gun firing repeatedly is heard in the background over Bud and Doyle)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the scientists (in a deep frustrated voice) FINALLY (normal) come to their senses and ditch the two bungholes in their indoor desert, leaving them little to no means of survival.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: The idea being that while we are here, you are there.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Congratulations, movie; you have me totally siding with the bad guy. Walter Peck in a mullet is the more credible choice here. That’s how bad we’ve gotten.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Petra: We can’t just leave them there.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: They are a symbol of everything that is wrong in this world.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Walter Peck (from “Ghostbusters”): Captain, these men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): I know this seems incredibly unrealistic as scientists wouldn’t partake in murder, but I don’t care. If it’s Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin’s murder, it’s all for the greater good.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Monks (from “Hot Fuzz”): The greater good.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (Voiceover): So they spend several days practically starving to death when they come across an interesting discovery.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: (groans) A key. (He turns a key attached to a lock, opening up one of the windows leading to the outside)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): WAIT A FUCK NUGGET!! You mean this air-tight, totally concealed bubble could have been opened this whole time with just a key in the backlash door?!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (places a hand on his chest) Ow! Ow! Th-This plot hole is so bad, it’s actually physically hurting me! OW!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So what do they do now that they’re finally released out of their environmental prison? Throw a party, of course, as they invite everyone they know back to the Bio-Dome so they can have a rockin’ good time. The girlfriends hear about it at some sort of Earth Day even where they—(The camera shows Tenacious D performing on-screen for the first time ever) TENACIOUS D?!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jack Black: (sings) Don’t say we didn’t save some freakin’ TREES!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Oh my God, real comedy! Real comedy at last! Oh! Save me, Tenacious D! Help me to laugh again!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Festival-Goer: Party at Bio-Dome? All right, let’s go!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): NNNNNOO! NNNNNNOO! GO BACK TO TENACIOUS D, YOU ASS-MONGRELS! DON’T YOU KNOW REAL COMEDY WHEN YOU SEE IT?! (The scene switches to Bud and Doyle leading a procession of party-goers atop two portable thrones) D’OOOOHHH! HOW DARE YOU CUT BACK TO THOSE COCK-EATERS! YOU PASSED OVER THE ONLY TALENTED PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE, YOU MORONS!!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: It’s like looking at a line-up of the world’s greatest martial artists and being like, “Jackie Chan? I don’t think so. Bruce Lee? Maybe next time. Steven Seagal, get in there!" (Long pause, then out of nowhere…) ASS!!!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Monique, Jen, welcome to paradise!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as both Bud and Doyle) We’re still not funny.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jen: Doyle, look at this place. It’s being destroyed.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: I thought you guys wanted a big environmental party.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Monique: You assholes!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (mocks Monique) You assholes!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Monique: Bud, you’re killing the Bio-Dome.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So after the party is over and they’ve pretty much destroyed everything the Bio-Dome was trying to accomplish, they try to put it back together again by restoring all the clean air through just picking up everything. Great, that’s like trying to fix Hiroshima by handing out Band-Aids.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Mimi Simkins: (to Doyle) Do you have any idea how impossible it would be to make this place habitable again?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Doyle: We’re taking over this dome!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Romulus: We’re all gonna die!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (mocks Romulus) I am acting!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Seriously, this film couldn’t get any less funny if they just shot a clown!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Indeed, a clown is seen getting shot and killed in broad daylight on TV)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">News Reporter (on TV): Back and to the left. (NC reacts in surprise) A clown. (He shakes his head and looks solemn before resuming his normal reporting) The infamous Bio-Dome is back in the news.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: My God! You’re actually trying to kill comedy, aren’t you? You’re trying to…physically destroy everything that is humorous in this world! (Beat, points to the camera threateningly) You’re not gonna get away with it! No, no! How much of this movie is left? (A screenshot of the news report is shown along with NC’s caption “15 Minutes”) 15 minutes? Alright, I’m just gonna rush through it, thwarting your diabolical plan, you sick, sick fuckmovie!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Walter Peck goes mad and disappears for a while, but then returns as the Uni-bomber. Literally, his hair grows long, he has a beard and he gets explosives to try to blow up the place. He does this by combining nitroglycerin with coconuts—just go with it; it’ll be over faster—but his plan doesn’t work, as the explosion seems to happen next to the coconuts instead of actually in them. (A green arrow is used to illustrate NC’s point) But he also has a detonator and plans to use it to blow up the entrance.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Faulkner quickly turns around to face Bud and Doyle while holding out a detonator in his hand)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bud: Give me the detonator.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: What is the magic word?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Peter Venkman (from “Ghostbusters”): …Please.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): The bombs blow up, but mysteriously and unfortunately, nobody is hurt. The boys reunite with the girls, people confuse this experiment for a giant success, and Walter Peck ends the movie by doing his best “Flying Circus” impression.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Faulkner runs off into the horizon before the end credits roll)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Faulkner: Peeps!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">“Monty Python’s Flying Circus” Announcer: It’s…Monty Python’s Flying Circus!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Brought to you by the worst of humanity. (Beat) THIS IS AWFUL! I MEAN AWFUL!

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clips from the movie play again as NC speaks)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): All the funny is replaced by a giant cauldron of annoyance! I just can’t comprehend how bad this movie is. It’s just two really unfunny people doing really unfunny things and confusing it for something really funny. I haven’t been aggravated by a movie like this for a long, long time! And that’s saying something, considering the movies I’ve reviewed.

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Fuck this movie! (yells in a deep voice) FUCK THIS MOVIE FOREVER! (speaks normally) I’m the Nostalgia Critic. (He looks at the DVD for a short second, then chews on it, grabs a gun and shoots it, spits on it, then slams the gun down) I remember it so YOU don’t have to! (He gets up to leave and shudders angrily)

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">THE END

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">PS—Yes, we really did get Christopher Lloyd to say “I was frozen today.” <span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: 'Calibri', 'sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">Channel Awesome Tagline—Monique: Bullshit!