Wreck-It Ralph

(We hear a cheering crowd as the usual title screens appear without the announcer)

Title Card: Bum Reviews with Chester A. Bum

Title Card: Tonight's Review: Wreck-It Ralph

(Chester appears before a crowd of screaming fans)

Chester: HELLOOO!!! OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!

(Chester screams in apparent sadness)

(Cut to Chester entering his hotel room with Linkara not far behind)

Linkara: Damn it, man! You got to get out there. They're waiting for you.

Chester: I don't owe those people anything.

Linkara: You owe them EVERYTHING, bum!

Chester: No. NO MORE! I can take it anymore!

Linkara: God damn it, man. You're such a sellout now. You used to be about the reviews.

Chester: (softly) Get out of my room.

Linkara: No. You are not leaving until you get out there.

Chester: Get out of my room!

Linkara: You get out there.

Chester: GET OUT OF MY ROOM! GET OUT! GET OUT! OUT!

Linkara: What happened to you, man?! (He leaves)

Chester: (slamming on the door) Ah.

(Chester lies down on his hotel bed. He then sits up and addresses the camera)

Chester: There was a time when reviews seemed magical, when it seemed like I was only doing them ... for me. Now, over the past several years, people have demanded to see me all over the world. I've become a sensation as they like to call it. ... BUT AT WHAT PRICE? At what price does that sensation come by. I'll tell you. It comes at your soul. It comes at the loss of your art. The loss of love. The loss of something beautiful that you created. (Sadly and silently) With these hands. With these hands. And yet, through the process of becoming bigger and more famous, they take it and they CRUSH it. THEY CRUSH THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! AND I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! They seem to love me, BUT I DON'T LOVE ME! So how can I love them? Take for example this latest movie, Wreck-It Ralph. (Relieved) Wreck-It Ralph. There was a time when I could go through the entire movie without playing to an audience of millions, but those days are gone. What would I say, you ask yourself? Well, it'd probably go somewhere along the line of:

(He starts to do his usual routine but with less energy)

There's this guy named Wreck-It Ralph.

And he is in a video game called Fix-It Felix, Jr., which if Mario and Luigi finally did it, this would be their offspring.

And Wreck-It Ralph is angry because he does not get the recognition that he deserves.

And he's like, "I want to be a hero."

"You're not a hero. You're a Ralph."

Thus he goes and talks to a bunch of video game characters that costs Disney millions of dollars every single time they take a breath.

And he says to himself "I don't want to be a villain anymore."