Up

Announcer:

And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Up."

Chester:

OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

There's this old man called Carl.

Only he wasn't always an old man.

He used to be a cute little boy!

I used to be a cute little boy once!

When I was born, the doctors said I looked like Bigfoot's testicles.

So, Carl as a little boy meets a little girl.

And she's like (Talking really fast), "I wanna be an adventurer! I wanna be an explorer! I want to see the world! I want to fly a plane! I wanna live in South America! I wanna fight animals! I wanna be the greatest explorer of all time! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

And then, she grows old and dies.

"Ha ha ha, oh..."

So, Carl really misses the old lady slash little girl monkey.

So, he decides there's only one logical thing to do.

Tie a million balloons to his chimney and fly away with his house.

Of course!

That's what all old people should do!

We should send all the old people into the sky.

Then everybody would be complaining about how slow they fly!

"Hey, grandpa! Can your house go any slower?! C'mon, step on the helium!"

So, Carl is flying in the sky.

But it turns out there's an Asian boy scout at his door!

I used to be an Asian boy scout!

Wasn't that a weird week.

So, Carl and the boy scout are flying to South America.

And they come across a dog who can talk!

I wish my dog could talk!

But all he can do is cure cancer!

What a waste.

So, the dog comes up to Carl and says, "My name is Dug, and I love you."

And I was like, "Doug?! I love that show!"

(singing) Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug!

How come the Nostalgima Critic doesn't like that show?

I bet it's because he has the same name as one of the characters!

I'm onto you, Mr. Mayonnaise! Lighten up!

So, the boy scout and Carl are looking after this bird.

And the bird is like, "Caw!"

And Carl is like, "Meh."

And the boy is like, "Wow!"

And the dog is like, "Squirrel!"

But then, this evil dog comes in.

An evil dog who sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks!

"I will destroy you all! Ha ha ha ha!"

(singing) Along with Alvin, Simon...and the fat one!

(talking) So, the bird sees the chipmunk dog, and he's like, "Caw!"

And Carl is like, "Meh."

And the boy is like, "Wow!"

And the dog is like, "Squirrel!"

And the chipmunk dog is like, "Indeed."

But then, they come across this old adventurer named Muntz.

And Carl is like, "I used to watch you all the time when I was a boy!"

And Muntz is like, "And yet, for some reason, we're almost exactly the same age!"

Yeah, that was weird.

But it turns out Muntz is after the bird.

And Muntz is like, "Huh? Bird!"

And the bird is like, "Caw!"

And Carl is like, "Meh."

And the boy is like, "Wow!"

And the dog is like, "Squirrel!"

And the chipmunk dog is like, "Indeed."

So, there's this big chase scene on this blimp.

And all the characters are there!

...Including:

The bird! "Caw!"

Carl! "Meh."

The boy! "Wow!"

The dog! "Squirrel!"

The chipmunk dog! "Indeed."

Muntz! "Bird!"

And 8-Bit Mickey! (Shows clip of Mickey during brawl - winks)

I love that guy.

But then, Muntz falls off the house!

Ahhhhhh!

And they all live happily ever after! ...All of them.

The bird! "Caw!"

Carl! "Meh."

The boy! "Wow!"

The dog! "Squirrel!"

The chipmunk dog! "Indeed."

Muntz! "Bird!"

No no, not Muntz. He's... He's dead.

And the crowd roared with applause!

I tell you, this movie inspired me.

To tie a million balloons to my house and make it fly!

Which shouldn't be too hard, considering how I'm living in a bottle of Pepsi.

It's almost paid off.

This is Chester A. Bum saying CHANGE?? Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change!

Well, at least help me buy some balloons! My Pepsi bottle can be a mobile home!