Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins

(The Channel Awesome logo is displayed, followed by 2018 NC title sequence. Open on the door to the studio, which opens to reveal NC and Hyper Fangirl walking in)

NC: So, how're you liking married life?

HFG: Really good. My ring's starting to decompose, though.

NC: Oh, that happens.

(Suddenly, HFG sees something falling and screams. She shoves NC out of the way of a huge falling object that smashes into the ground where NC was just standing)

NC: OH, MY GOD!! WHAT WAS THAT?!?

HFG: Somebody's trying to kill you, Critic!

(Suddenly, Malcolm rises up behind them)

Malcolm: Why, hi, guys. I was just thinking of how Nostalgia Critic gave a negative review of Fievel Goes West, and that made me angry. (beat) Just thought I'd mention it.

NC: Okay... Do you guys realize what this means?!

HFG: Jinkies! We have... (turns to camera, softly) a mystery!

(Thunder crashes outside as HFG holds up a magnifying glass in front of her face. What follows is a parody of a Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! intro, but with the title "Nostalgia Critic" and NC, HFG and Malcolm performing the roles of Shaggy, Velma and Fred, sneaking across the screen along with a giant Appa plushie. Throughout this, Doug sings the "theme song")

Nostalgia Critic, where are...ic

We got some work to do now

Danger level: zoinks,

That's why...

(Suddenly, Roger (Orlando Belisle Jr.) shows up)

Roger: Excuse me! (Everyone stops and turns to him) Oh, okay.

NC: Roger?

HFG: Of course! From the previous Scooby-Doo reviews, where you-

Roger: Nobody cares.

HFG: Oh, okay.

Malcolm: What are you doing? We had a mystery to solve. I could have been the suspect!

Roger: Nobody's falling for it. You couldn't even hurt a fly.

Malcolm: That's not true.

(A sound of a fly buzzing is heard. Malcolm tries swatting the insect with his hands, but doesn't succeed)

NC: Look, what's going on here? I mean, we had a whole Scooby-Doo mystery planned.

HFG: We even had a cute and cuddly sidekick.

(Cut to the Appa plushie)

Appa: (voiced by Doug) Appa-Appa-Appa!

Roger: I know, but that's not what people people want to see anymore. They instead want to see the criminal reveal as early as possible, with little attempt to make it look like it wasn't him.

NC: Yeah? Says who?

Roger: (smiling) Says Scooby Doo: The Mystery Begins! (His smile slowly fades)

(The title for the 2009 TV movie Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins is shown, followed by clips)

NC (vo): Often referred to as the third Scooby-Doo movie, this...

Roger: Um, I was talking.

Malcolm: Oh, he usually takes over at this point.

Roger: But I was talking.

NC: You know, you tried to kill me. How do I explain shit to you?

Roger: (bemused) But I was...tal-

NC: (speaks to the camera, leaving Roger dumbfounded) Often referred to as the third Scooby-Doo movie...

NC (vo): ...this prequel aired in 2009 on Cartoon Network... Hey, remember when they used to run cartoons? (As he speaks, the posters for the late 2000s-early 2010s CN live-action shows Destroy Build Destroy, Dude, What Would Happen, Level Up, Tower Prep and Unnatural History are shown) ...showing how our gang of mystery-solving teenagers met. What we got, I guess, is on par with the other lame Scooby-Doo movies, but there's a sore, half-assed nature to a lot of it that makes it feel even more uninventful. Hell, half the characters don't even look like their original selves.

Roger: That is the one thing you guys got down.

Malcolm: (indignantly) What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Roger: I'm telling you, this movie just doesn't try as hard as the others.

HFG: But the other movies were awful, too.

Roger: Exactly. Now, get out while you still can.

NC: Screw you, Roger! These costumes took a long time to make!

HFG: Mine didn't.

NC: Most of our costumes took a long time to make, and we're gonna solve the mystery while doing this review!

Roger: Okay, cool. Uh, by the way, (picks a huge stack of papers and hands it to NC) here's all the evidence that proved I did it. Let me know if you need help figuring out who did it. It was me, by the way. (leaves)

NC: Well, we're not gonna let him or this movie ruin our mystery, right?

HFG: Uh, I don't know. The mystery seems pretty killed.

Malcolm: Yeah, I feel like the Stay Black Marshmallow Man.

HFG: Yeah, let's just go see if Flintstones made another live-action movie. (They leave as well)

NC: What... I... W-Wait! Come back! Zoinks and shit!

(He sighs, drops the papers and goes to sit at his desk, putting back his usual clothes)

NC: So, let's see if this prequel is just as bad as its other films. This is Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins.

Roger: (offscreen, teasingly) I warned you!

NC: Noted.

(The movie starts with a curly-haired teenager named Shaggy Rogers walking into the school bus)

NC (vo): So, like I said before, the film is actually a prequel to the live-action films, rather than a sequel.

NC: (adjusts glasses, in a posh voice) Are we ignoring the Pup Named Scooby-Doo mythos now?

NC (vo): It looks like everything takes place in a town called Coolsville. But we know that's not true. The only population there is...

NC: (points thumbs toward himself, imitating Horarth from The Iron Giant) Us!

NC (vo): As the credits roll, Shaggy, it looks like, is late to school and has problems fitting in.

(A beefy jock steps on Shaggy's foot, making him fall)

Jock (Devon Thomas): Had a nice trip, Shaggy? (laughs)

Shaggy (Nick Palatas): Hey, yep, sure did.

NC: You should see how they're treating Peter Parker.

(The clip from Spider-Man (2002) is shown, showing Peter running after the bus)

Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire): Hey! Stop the bus!

NC (vo): In fact, isn't that the same stock bully? Do they just make them in a factory?

(A jock raises his hand to high-five another student named Fred Jones, but then lowers it)

Fred (Robbie Amell): Grow up, man.

NC: (as Fred) Get a neckerchief or something.