Rap Critic Reviews: "Pills N Potions" by NIcki Minaj

Hi, I'm the Rap Critic, and just in time for my Missy Elliott videowhere I mentioned how people were comparing her to Nicki Minaj, comes a new single from Nicki Minaj, called "Pills N Potions". So let's prepare for yet another "look at me look at me" video where she does silly, outlandish things just to get people talking about her

* video starts*

Pills n potions We're overdosing

Whoa, hey, look at Nicki. Like, just look at her. She looks… normal. No crazy hairstyle, no exaggerated faces, just… her…

* cuts to her showing her breasts*

…and her boobs, but I was expecting that

* pez dispenser rabbit, rabbit picture*

Okay, that's… kinda random, but, but not enough to be distracting. So, what's this song about?

Pills n potions We're overdosing

Oh… okay, now I get why this song's being more serious. From the context I'm getting, I'm guessing it's gonna be a song about substance abuse and trying to get through it all. Okay, that's unexpected, but that can definitely make for a powerful, meaningful song…

* show "Dr. Dre Beats Pill*

Oh. oh, you didn't…

Wow. You just subverted the meaning of our own song for the sake of an ad for Beats by Dre pills. I mean, I could understand using this in a party song, but this is obviously not meant to be that. I mean, I haven't even gotten to the lyrics, and already I can't take this song seriously now, because they thought it'd be cute to use a play on words that equates beats by Dre stereos to crippling drug addiction. But hey, what do I know, maybe this song ISN'T about narcotics, maybe it's actually about OVERDOSING on the sweet audio quality of Beats by dre pills! So, what, does the word "potions" in the title not refer to a general term for alcoholic substances, but is actually just an ad for, I dunno, your perfume line or something

* shows perfume in video*

…Huh…

I'm angry but I still love you

Oh… okay. Well, I guess you can't have a downtempo song be a hit without the word "love" in the chorus, so now it's more clear what this song is actually about: substance abuse when it intervenes in a relationship. Okay, that sounds engaging

I still love, I still love, I still love, I still love, I still lo-o-ove

…Thank you for expanding on that idea. I mean, she just says "I still love"… *motions* go on. Did you want to tell us who or what you love? Or, when you say "I still love", are you just plainly stating, "I possess the general capability to love". Okay, I guess that's f-- *shows the weird gas eyes* AUGH! What the hell is that? Are those supposed to be... tears? Maybe she's crying… mercury?

* shows other animations of it*

What is that supposed to be? Like, it looks like the water animation you would see in one of those 90's t.v. shows when they still hadn't figured out how to use CGI

* shows her smoking*

Oh… is that supposed to be smoke? That looks horrible. Maybe they could be grey clouds or something, but definitely not smoke. And does that mean this last scene is about her being surrounded by smoke? It looks more like she's surrounded by deformed zombies covered in grey bedsheets

Uh… right, sorry, back to the song. What were we talking about again? Oh yes, chemical dependency affecting a loving relationship. Got it!

* song plays*

* snoring, shakes awake* huh, not in the ear! …Oh, right, the song. Uh... chemical dependency in loving relationships, right… if you haven't figured this out, I'm saying that the song is kinda boring. And that's not to say that downtempo songs are inherently boring, but this just isn't striking me like it should. The beat's just inoffensive and unengaging. But maybe it's serving a purpose: to be a more somber look at chemical dependency affecting a loving relationship. Okay, I actually remember what the song is about. Let's go

Ayo, they could never make me hate you Even though what you was doin’ wasn’t tasteful

Okay, so this first line could be about how, no matter how crazy someone they love may get on drugs, she'll still love this person at their core, even though she's not necessarily overlooking the things this person may have done to her

Even though you out here lookin’ so ungrateful I'mma keep it movin’ be classy and graceful

And she remains calm with a sense of quiet, dignity and grace, despite how drugs can make a close one blind to the emotions of those who have done a lot for you… to be clear, though, I'm only assuming that drugs are the reasoning behind what this unnamed other person is doing, mainly because I haven't been given any other context

I told 'em it’s no friends in the game, you ain’t learned that yet All the bridges you came over, don’t burn that yet

…this IS about drugs, right? Because, without the context of the chorus, this COULD be about someone who is, in general, just a jerk

Niggas want respect, but niggas ain't earned that yet Self-righteous and entitled but they swearin' on the Bible that they love you

I'm sorry, are we still talking about chemical dependency affecting a loving relationship, because… this just sounds like the Nicki Minaj version of "No New Friends" by Drake

Yo, people will love you and support you when it’s beneficial I'mma forgive, I won't forget, but I'mma dead the issue

Okay, so we're circling back to the original point at the beginning! Well, in the first verse, anyways, as I'm under the assumption that this song no longer has anything to do with drugs anymore. Honestly, it feels like the words "pills and potions" in the chorus are there just to make the song sound more important than it really is. Also, to sell merchandise. But okay, the point is, she's saying that she understands how underhanded and shady people can be, but that she will be the bigger person in the situation and let it pass

But I sped off in a Benzy I see the envy when I'm causin' a frenzy So I pop pills for 'em Cop cribs in the hills on ‘em

So, this is what I'm getting from this mature, more responsible Nicki Minaj

Hey, man, I forgive you for what you did to me, BECAUSE MY LIFE IS BETTER THAN YOURS! *TONGUE OUT* I'M RICH, BIATCH!

Sounds healthy

Look, I don't like the sentiment this song is slowly churning out. It's like, "yeah, things are going wrong in her life, BUT she's still totally super rich, you guys, lest we forget. And I can understand for any other song where the whole purpose is her bragging, but I was under the impression that this wasn't going to be one of those songs, specifically based on the chorus. Remember, Nicki, how you were talking about overdosing on drugs but still loving someone throughout the process? Do you even remember that part? Because that sounded like it was leading to a deeper, more heartfelt song, but I guess not, because you HAVE to talk about speeding off in Benzes, right? It's like, damn, can't a rapper be vulnerable for a full 4 minutes without needing to ego boost themselves by reminding us of their success? Can't you have an emotion that doesn't involve your pride for the length of a full verse?

Well, at least she finally mentioned drugs somewhere in the there

So I pop pills for 'em

But wait, she only mentions popping pills as a part of a celebration of her victory over the haters, like, because I know you guys are hating on me, I'm going to rub it in your face by doing expensive drugs. Sure, it's a small line, but since it's the only time she directly brings up drugs in the verse, I'm forced to notice it, and… well, talking about celebrating your accomplishments by doing drugs in the verse is a bit of a different depiction than I was expecting from a chorus that sheepishly sings about overdosing on them

Overall, I'd give this a 3 out of 5. An yeah, I know this one's short, but Honestly, there's not a lot to say about it, and half of the song is her saying "I still love", so there's not really a lot to say about that, and either way, this song doesn't affect me enough in general to illicit that much of a response. It's the definition of the word average. Like, plenty of songs I give a 3 star rating because it does things that were good in one area where in others they weighed it down. With this, the feeling behind it is so "meh" that it can only be rated in the middle. The rhymes are okay, but they don't really seem to follow the theme of the chorus. At first look, it sounds like it's about drugs and the affects thereof, but then it sounds like it has nothing to do with that, and that it's about friends who offend you but that you still love and forgive, but THEN near the end, it's just about stuntin' on haters. It just comes out like a big, blobby, unfinished mess… like these visual effects!

Well, I'm the Rap Critic, and this song isn't even worthy of my catchphrase