ET

(Todd plays "E.T." on his keyboard. Text appears reading: "KATY PERRY ft. KANYE WEST - E.T. A pop song review")

Todd: It has been 13 months since Katy Perry's song [cut to video for...] "California Gurls" first entered the top 10. Since then, not a day has gone ["California Gurls" fades into "Teenage Dream"] that a Katy Perry song has not been present in the top 10. 13 [fades into "Firework"] straight months of Katy Perry. There have been presidential administrations that didn't last that long.

Todd: I made no secret that I think Katy Perry is 'noxious. But long time viewers of my show might also remember I put 2 Katy Perry songs in my top ten list last year.

Footage from Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2010

Video for "California Gurls" Todd (VO): I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Todd: I am so, so sorry.

Todd: As I expected, I was immediately blasted by many people, specially from my own colleagues.

Card reading A SHORT MONTAGE Of People Giving Me Shit for My Top Ten List

Todd (VO): And now, a short montage of people giving me shit for my top ten list. The reactions are real. Names and faces have not been changed to protect the innocent because I'm lazy.

RolloT: Todd, I've got Miley Cirus in his MP3 player, and even I am disgusted by your taste in music. JesuOtaku: [laughs] Todd, you apologized 15 times for putting "California Gurls" in your list. 15 times isn't enough. The Nostalgia Chick: Why would anyone like Katy Perry? She sound like a garbage truck in labor. Nash: This is what the music guy on the site listens to. THE MUSIC GUY! Obscurus Lupa: Stop stealing pieces of my hair!

Todd: Yeah, Katy Perry sure does suck! But, I stand by my statements.

[Teenage Dream] Todd (VO): It's not that I think those are bad songs, I actually think those are good songs, despite the fact that I don't like Katy Perry as an artist or as a person at all. [Firework] Even "Firework", which I criticized heavily in a previous episode, I came to think that's actually a decent song. Oh, by the way, hope you have a good 4th of July.

Todd: [giving a thumbs up] Be prepared to hear that song every Independence Day for the rest of your lives. (You know it's true)

Video for "E.T." Todd (VO): But then she released "E.T.", her fourth and, by far, worst single of her latest album. "E.T." is the first song since "I Kissed A Girl" that I didn't like even the tiniest bit.

NChick: You know, actually, I kinda like that song...

Todd: Shut up, Nostalgia Chick!

[The Chick gets sad]

Todd: I... sorry... I mean... whatever.

[Lindsay mouths "Calls me!"]

TRANSCRIPT IN PROGRESS <!---   Talking about Fireworks being

"Katy singing someone who's not human and from a whole other world. Considering who she is married to, [shows image of a wild-haired Russell Brand]'' sounds about right"

Different DNA... You're from a whole other world A different dimension, Boy, you're an alien...

Discussing on naming the song after "the ugliest extraterrestrial in existance".

Todd: No one is turned on by that. Unless there's some kind of weirdo who's aroused by that bug-eyed turtle alien. Fortunately I think I can say with all certainty that there's no one turned on by E.T. Because if there was there had to be some kind of a porno version of E.T. And I'm sure if there was I'd heard of it by now. If I didn't mention it, my comments section would be floaded with people telling me about the E.T. Porno. God. That would be awful. Good thing none exists, right?

I got a dirty mind, I got filthy ways, I’ma trying to bathe my Ape in your Milky Way

They calling me an Alien A Big Headed Astronaut Maybe it's because your boy Yeezy Gets Ass A lot

Todd: They have accused me of being literal minded. [video for Lady Gaga's "Telephone"] I think "Telephone" is about an actual telephone, [Kelis's "Milkshake"] and "Milkshake" was about making really good milkshakes.

Katy Perry: Your touch magnetizing Feels like I am floating Leave my body glowing

While Katy Perry sings, clips from Queen's "We Will Rock You", with its stomp-stomp-clap beat, appear. Freddie Mercury: We will, we will, rock you!

Todd (VO): (to the tune of the song) You're an Indian, an Ethiopian...

What's with the stuttering?

Katy Perry: Kiss me, k-k-kiss me! Todd (VO): It's KKKKaty coming to kkkkiss me!

He then tries to decipher the metaphor in E.T,, concluding that it's about an interracial relationship. However, stumbling upon some rather unfortunate lyrics, he decides that the metaphor should remain as it is, and that the song has nothing to do with some unstable black guy. Cue Kanye.

Todd: Oh hi, Kanye!

Kanye West: I know a bar out in Mars, Where they driving space ships instead of cars,

Pockets on shrek, Rockets on deck.

Tell me what's next, Alien Sex?

Kanye West: Pockets on shrek, Rockets on deck. Tell me what's next, Alien Sex?

Todd:And now, ladies and gentlemen, "American Pie" as written by Kanye West.

[cover for Don McLean's "American Pie"] Todd (VO): (in a Kanye-like singing voice) MY MY BUDDY HOLLY DIED and then the sixties happened and it was really intense and rock and roll was involved in a lot of it.

Kanye West: I'ma disrobe you, Then I'ma probe you. See, I abducted you, So I tell you what to do [Todd stands silent]

Kanye West: "Imma disrobe, then Imma probe you! [dial tone] Todd: (holding his cell phone) Police, I'd like to report an assault in progress!

Todd: while "E.T." was bad, Katy Perry did something unique - [video for Kesha's "We R Who We R"] unlike Ke$ha, who released the same song five times, [video for Lady Gaga's "Judas"] and Lady Gaga, who tanked with "Judas" because it was just like "Bad Romance", including being about a bad romance. --->

Todd: Cool video, though. How does it end? [final scene of the video]

Todd (VO): It turns out, her magical alien dream lover is, in fact, a naked albino black guy. You know what?

Todd: I'm not even touchin' that one. Good night!