Lost in Adaptation: Watchmen, Part 2

(continued from Part 1)

The Dom (V.O.): *Previously* on Lost in Adaptation, I...said the ending to the Watchmen movie was better than the ending to the graphic novel; that's...pretty much all you need to know.

(text appears reading "AND NOW...THE...CONCLUSION")

Angry Fan 1 (V.O.): How could you *say* that?!

(a gunshot sounds)

Angry Fan 2 (V.O.): BURN HIM!!

(a punch sounds)

(shows The Dom fighting off angry fans -- all played by himself -- with a sword and pistol as his secret bunker burns behind him)

The Dom: Okay, I *know* a lot of you hardcore fans were looking forward to seeing the orifice monster; but *come on*! In the *comic book*, it was silly enough; in the *film*, it would've been fucking ridiculous!

The Dom (V.O.): The alien plot twist comes *virtually* out of nowhere -- a 416-page graphic novel, and the only *foreshadowing* we get for this thing is six panels of a woman sketching it and Vedit *describing* it *right* before it shows up!

The Dom: Doctor Manhattan and all his proven badassery has been front and center all the way through the story; it makes *much* for sense for something established like *him* to become the apocalyptic boogeyman rather than some new and ill-explained menace.

The Dom (V.O.): Think about all the *plotholes* it opens up -- the world governments see this thing and, apparently, instantly jump to the conclusion that it's either a forerunner of an alien invasion or ended up there by cosmic *accident*, and the only option is to join *forces*?!?! Making quite a few important decisions based on *very* little information there.

The Dom: You *also* have to consider that in the film, it wasn't *just* New York that was attacked.

The Dom (V.O.): Adrian destroyed major cities *all* over the world.

The Dom: I can't understate how much more *sense* this makes, considering his objective.

The Dom (V.O.): With the novel's ending of only America being victimized, it raises the question of why on Earth the *Russians* reacted by calling off the war and offering aid. They could *very* well have seen it as an indication that the nasty-ass space monsters were on their side and used the U.S.'s temporary *turmoil* as a chance to finish them off.

The Dom: By having *each* country experience the shared horror and fear of its own massive disaster, it gives them a genuine reason for seeking unity rather than having us believe a devotedly communist nation would suddenly develop a shit-ton of *sympathy* for its long-term capitalist enemy, which it was a few *mere minutes before* on the verge of nuclear war with.

Now, usually, I'd be a bit nervous about promoting just one side of a controversial subject; but seeing as I'm pretty sure I've just *killed* anyone with a conflicting opinion-

Linkara: Not quite!

The Dom: Linkara.

Linkara: Dom.

(The Dom clears his throat)

Linkara: Huh, fine! *The* Dom!

The Dom: Thank *you*!

(Linkara points his Magic Gun at The Dom)

Linkara: You wanna go ahead and drop the sword?!

The Dom: (sighs frustratedly) Fine. (puts his sword down) But after this, I'm finding my *own* magic weapon; and it's going to be *badass*! What are you doing here, anyway?

Linkara (V.O.): First of all, *no*, the USSR would *not* take advantage of something like that. Bear in mind that while the superpowers were the main forces engaged in the Cold War, Russia couldn't take on the *entire* world; and they were played a political game just as much as the USA was. To try to launch an attack like that right after the destruction of New York would have given the impression *they* were responsible, and the devastation of a civilian target like that would have *united* the world against them. The reason the Cold War *was* a cold war was because nobody really *wanted* to escalate matters, giant blue being or not!

But *here's* the real problem with a threat like Doctor Manhattan versus a threat like the squid: THEY WOULD KNOW THEY COULDN'T WIN! Trying to fight Doctor Manhattan *before* the destruction of so many cities *might* have been possible; but by your own admission, *multiple cities* were destroyed simultaneously from an *enemy* they couldn't even *see* -- and he *did* it without any seeming motive to do so! And *you* think that they'd be all gung-ho to try to find him and take him on head-on together? *Hell* no! If they really *did* believe Doctor Manhattan was responsible, they'd realize this was pretty much a preemptive "you cannot *stop* me" gesture -- they wouldn't be *mobilizing*; they'd be SURRENDERING because even united, they wouldn't stand an ice cream cone's chance in Hell against him!

But then, there's this alien...thing, this creature that -- through accident or design -- came through to their world from another universe. Whether it was the harbinger of a coming invasion or just a chance encounter, they know one thing: if it bleeds, they can kill it. They *can't* take the chance that more like this thing won't come through; just *one* of them killed so many with a psychic scream. They can't be *bothered* to worry about international politics now when it's possible something like *that* is on its way; and *unlike* Doctor Manhattan, they have this thing's bloody corpse to prove that they *can* fight it.

The Dom: But it's so...silly!! It's the cloned brain of a renowned psychic super-sized and inserted into the body of a giant squid monster that's been designed and grown by a group of scientists and graphic novel artists who think it's a prop for a MOVIE!!

The Dom (V.O.): For them to be able to set aside the time needed to explain it like they did in the novel would have *completely* ruined the *pacing* of the end of the FILM!!

The Dom: Plus, what happens when they get around to *autopsying* that thing?

The Dom (V.O.): I know Vedit killed *off* the world's best scientists, but does he really think no one will *ever* notice anything strange about his little creature?

Linkara (V.O.): *Yeah*, it's silly! You know what else is silly? A giant naked blue man who can teleport to Mars and back, a guy with an inkblot face who writes down journals talking about how *awesome* he is versus everyone else, and a guy who dresses up like an *owl* to fight crime! It's a SUPERHERO story; it's SUPPOSED to be silly!

And even then, the entire point of it is that the clues were all there, hidden in the backgrounds of shots and scenes for people to put together -- we're in the same position as the characters, not seeing the forest for the trees. Hints were placed all *over* the book; it's not *supposed* to be spelled out right away. It trusts its audience will be able to look back and see all of them without needing to spell it out. The *same thing* can be done in the film: quick cuts to newspapers talking about missing scientists, *dialogue* from people passing by, the *beginning* of a newscast that then pans over to characters -- again, trust the audience to put it together just as Ozymandias is explaining the plan.

Linkara (V.O. as Ozymandias): It vas for a *movie*, I told them; I want something *truly* alien! And then my scientists made their movie into reality.

Linkara (V.O.): Boom, done! And I'm not a screenwriter.

And *sure*, people will question it; no one ever said the plan was flawless. *Neither* plan works in the long term since both rely upon a non-existent threat that WILL...NEVER...COME! Eventually, the political situation will break down again; and they'll be right back where they started -- Ozymandias' plan was a *Band-Aid*, not a *cast*!

The Dom: Well, I guess there is that. Honestly, I'm beginning to realize that even *saying* they changed the ending is a bit misleading.

The Dom (V.O.): All they changed was *how* Vedit did what he did, not why, not when, and not what he achieved. Isn't that what's more important? Maybe this doesn't *have* to be a "who shot first?" situation -- incidentally, it was totally Han.

The Dom: I should, ehhh, probably apologize to everyone who just died because I didn't figure this out a few minutes sooner -- that was my bad.

What They Left Out Altogether
The Dom (V.O.): There were a few heroes that only got small mentions in the beginning or short cameos in flashbacks. Hooded Justice at least got his scene where he pummels the Comedian for trying to rape Sally, so the guy who misses out the *most* was probably Captain Metropolis. Secretly gay and openly racist soldier-turned-crime-fighter and founder of the Minutemen, his story is a little sad. In the novel, the meeting in which the Watchmen fail to team together to save the world was actually *his* attempt to form a team called the Crimebusters; and he takes its bombing rather badly. Generally shown throughout the book to be a whiny has-been trying to rekindle the glory days, he may or may not have been killed in a car accident in 1974.

There was a shit-ton of stuff about Adrian in *particular* that got left out. I know I mentioned the costumes already, but *his* was just the *worst*! In the book, it reflects his obsession with ancient Egyptian royalty/divinity -- something that, in hindsight, should have been an alarm bell about his state of mind. In the film, it's got (zooms in on Ozymandias' chest, showing what appear to be nipples on his costumes)...well, let's just say if I hadn't already annoyed the Critic the other week. Adrian also has a big-ass bio-dome as part of his base in Antarctica in the novel -- it represented life and fragile beauty existing even in the harshest of environments, and his intentional destruction of it was *disturbingly* symbolic.

Another character that just can't seem to get his time in the limelight, no matter what the cut, is Rorschach's psychiatrist. *This* guy gets his own *chapter* in the novel showing how he *genuinely* tries to help Rorschach, but ends up getting *drawn* into *his* world instead and how that ultimately destroys his marriage. That scene where *he*, the newspaper salesman, and the comic book kid all end up *next* to each other when New York is destroyed is meant to be a coincidental convergence of *all* the book's minor non-Watchmen characters -- including them, the psychiatrist's wife, the two detectives that arrested Rorschach, a lesbian truck driver and her ex-girlfriend, and a few other background cast members.

Squeezed in amongst the chapters of the novel are also some world-expanding written pieces, like extracts from Under the Hood, articles from the New Frontiersman, transcripts from interviews with old Minutemen, scientific papers about Doctor Manhattan, and internal memos from Veditcorp that suggest that a jokingly-made fan trailer for a kid-friendly Watchmen cartoon *might have been* on the verge of being an actual *thing* in the Watchmen universe.

The Dom's Final Thoughts
The Dom: Soooooo...*was* it as good as the graphic novel? Probably not. Was it *bad*? *I* don't think so. Can we all at least agree that with the bar currently set so low for loyalty in graphic novel adaptations, and with the book's creator already predisposed against the film, that Zack Snyder didn't *have* to try so hard to stick to the novel's story; and it's pretty awesome that he did so. Okay, sure, it *is* regret-worthy that Moore and Gibbons' inspired way of slipping subtle symbolism into *every* panel was played down in exchange for action and sex; but he *did* try to maintain the final battle between the conflicting ideologies of optimism versus nihilism without giving a very clear answer of who was the ultimate victor. Perhaps another reason for leniency is remembering that Watchmen is often hailed as being one of the greatest graphic novels of our time; that's one *hell* of a hard act to follow. Ahhhhh, fuck it -- you have every right to like what you like and hate what you hate. Personally, I'd like to shake Snyder's hand; if you'd rather kick him in the nuts, that's fine with me -- just, ummm, let me do *my* thing first, okay?

=Tales of the Black Freighter=

(after the credits)

The Dom: Still here, Beautiful Watchers? Excellent, because I've decided to throw a little something *extra* in here. Believe it or not, the absence of the pirate story in the cinema release of the film actually *upset* a few people at the time; later, when it was re-included in the Ultimate Cut, I suspect the majority of them changed their minds. However, since they released the animated production as a self-contained movie as part of the Blu-Ray package, I thought, just for shits and giggles, I'd give you a little mini-episode.

The Dom (V.O.): The comic that you catch glimpses of in Watchmen is supposedly just Issue 23 of 31 comics in the Tales of the Black Freighter line, called "Marooned". The other, never-seen issues *presumably* chronicle the way this asshole pirate ship fucked over *other* people's lives as well. The in-universe author of the comic is actually one of the people recruited by Vedit to help design the outer look of the horrific space monster, which is a clever tie-in to the main plot and *presumably* Moore's way of admitting that there are few people in this world with minds more *deranged* than graphic novel writers.

What They Didn't Change
The Dom (V.O.): Much like Watchmen itself, this story is strictly adhered to. A tough, but unlucky sailor's ship is attacked and sank by a large freighter with black sails -- which I feel I have to point out is a little strange because freighters are traditionally big, slow-moving, *ugly*, UNARMED cargo vessels; but, oh, well. He gets stranded on a small island at first; but then, convinced that the freighter is en route to his home in a seaside community called Davidstown, determines to beat it there and save his family by crafting a raft out of the bodies of his dead crewmates. Not long into the journey, his gross boat is set upon by sharks -- a particularly large and nasty one gets tangled up in the ropes, and stabbing it in the brain through its eye with a spear is the only solution he can come up with on short notice. He's overtaken by the freighter and loses all hope for saving his family in Davidstown. He and his new shark friend drift aimlessly for a bit, then hit *land* not far from his destination.

Upon seeing a random citizen and his girlfriend off for some seaside dogging, he assumes they must be in league with the pirates, who have already taken over the joint. Almost certainly still delirious from dehydration and shock, he *murders* both of them and sneaks into town. Along the way, it's made very clear to the *watcher* that nothing is actually wrong in Davidstown and he's clearly just *bonkers* now. At last reaching home, he tragically mistakes his wife for a pirate and beats her, possibly fatally. Finally realizing his error, he flees town in a state of shame and panic. Just as he's wondering why the Black Freighter hadn't fucked shit up after all, he notices that it's waiting for him just off shore and realizes this *whole thing* has actually been a recruitment drive on *their* part to get him to willingly embrace his inner murderer and join their crew -- so, yeah, both a dark, disturbing, and ambiguous an ending. Good show.

What They Changed
The Dom (V.O.): The few *major* differences are, poor old Ridley gets a bit more screen time than he strictly should have. In the cartoon, the captain witnesses his death; takes his body with him; and saves his head from the sharks, turning him into a somewhat macabre reimagining of Wilson from Cast Away -- Ridley even starts *talking* to him after the effects of drinking nothing but *seawater* for days starts to take effect. In the comic, his name is mentioned as being one of the more *recognizable* bodies; and that's about it.

The *animated* version made the unlucky sailor the ship's captain, adding guilt at failing at his list of responsibilities to his woes; but there's no real indication of what role he played on the *ship* in the comic -- my *personal* theory is that he was the third most sought-after male prostitute on board. Finally, and most interestingly, you never actually see the evil pirates at the end of the comic -- it's left to your imagination what they look like, if they're supernatural or not, and if they even exist at all outside of Captain Whacko's mind and aren't just a mental manifestation he created to help him get past the possibly accidental loss of his ship and crew (text appears reading "(My theory is that he killed them)").

What They Left Out Altogether
The Dom (V.O.): As far as the story and the imagery goes, there wasn't really anything; so the only real absentee I can think of is the *relationship* this meta-fiction pirate comic has with the rest of the Watchmen graphic novel. The short version is, the original tried a lot harder to integrate the two stories -- the film had some creative *transitions*; but the graphic novel actually went back and forth *between* them constantly, with speech bubbles from the Watchmen world interrupting the *comic* and the narration from the marooned sailor overlaying panels from the main storyline, allowing it to serve a double meaning.

The Dom's Mini-Final Thoughts
The Dom: I enjoyed The Tales of the Black Freighter a lot more when I watched it as a stand-alone piece rather than having it constantly interrupting Watchmen; so, yeah, if you have the Blu-Ray or you know someone who has it, by all means, give it a go! The end.

(after the credits, showing the text "S.Q.U.I.D. Energizing" on a control panel display in the Watchmen film)

The Dom (V.O.): Holy shit, I just *noticed* that! Well, that was a big old "fuck you" to the graphic novel fans, wasn't it?!