Hocus Pocus

(We start off with the Nostalgiaween 2015 opening, then come to a Cineplex in the year 1993. We cut to Doug Walker, Tamara Chambers and Beth Elderkin playing Winifred, Sarah and Mary Sanderson. All three have nooses around their necks. Below them is a crowd of people involving Rob Walker, Barney Walker, Doug Walker and Jim Jarosz)

Rob: Witches of Hocus Pocus!

Winifred: Word up?

Rob: We, the National Association of Registered Critics, NARC, find your movie guilty of being incredibly...dumb! Therefore you shall be hanged until hung, and your movie banished into obscurity...until obscure.

Mary: Come on, we weren't that bad.

Jim: Just look what you've done to our youth! (He pulls out Malcolm Ray from the side)

Malcolm: Hey, can I get another kids film about the awkward teen that gets the hot babe?

Jim: That's every movie you've seen this year!

Malcolm: Yeah, and I've got babes like them to thank.

Sarah: Oh, you don't need to thank us.

Malcolm: Oh but you're so bodacious.

Winifred: She's actually right. We don't want to entertain you, we want to consume your consumerism. The more we keep you in a formulaic box the more likely you are to watch things we put no effort in, thus making mass profit!

(Malcolm gulps)

Mary: In fact when you watch a product too much, you become the product.

(Malcolm clutches his chest and collapses to the ground, soon becoming a black cat)

Jim: What is that?

Mary: A black cat toy. They're all the rage now.

(Captions pop over Malcolm. "NOW AVAILABLE. He Sounds Just Like That Boy You Like! Only $29.99. Pester Your Parents Until They Buy You One. We'll Gas All the Ones Not Bought."

Sarah: Yes. Sailor Moon, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and of course, our movie.

Winifred: Look for them at Toys R Us. The children can't resist!

(The witches laugh evily)

Rob: Destroy them!

Winifred: Hah! The joke's on you! Our movie may have opened up fourth at the box office, but soon we will return!

Jim: What do you mean?

Winifred: We'll be nostalgic.

Sarah: Hollywood will run out of ideas.

Mary: They'll find comfort from us.

Winifred: And soon the 90s will rule the world!

Rob: That's impossible.

Winifred: Soon Pokemon will be popular again.

(The mob shudders)

Sarah: Backstreet Boys.

(Another shudder from the mob)

Mary: Furbies.

(Another shudder)

Rob: The fuck is that?

Winifred: And all of them will be exploited by Jimmy Fallon! (She laughs out)

Rob: Kill them!

Winifred: You can't kill us! We're Disney!

(Rob signals for them to hang. One lightning flash later, the hanging silhouettes are found over a poster of a kitty clinging onto a bar that says "Hang In There, Baby.")

Rob: What depraved time would bring back such archaic monsters?

(We now cut to 2015 where the Nostalgia Critic is pulling out one of his Halloween jackets before he notices something.)

NC: Hey! (Inside the room is a reindeer, Christmas tree and mistletoe laughing) Go away! Go away! I'm still celebrating Halloween! (Now a snowman, bells and Christmas ornaments come floating in laughing. NC shoos them away with a broom) Ugh! It's not December yet! (He then notices something on a shelf, which happens to look like the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. It happens to be a Collector's Edition to Evil Dead 2) Ooh, Evil Dead 2 on Bluray. Now this is a Halloween flick we're talking about.