Zenon: The Zequel

(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Zenon: The Zequel)

Doug (vo): Well, seeing how I thought the first Zenon movie was charming enough, I expected the sequel, or Zequel...ha-ha, whatever...to at least be as good, if not better. As it starts off, it seems like it's gonna be good. It has a particularly funny opening where she sneaks into a control room and finds what she thinks is a game of Pong. Not only is it funny that she's blown away by a game like Pong, seeing how it's so simple and they just don't have games like that in the future, but it's made even funnier when you find out the paddles are actually the doors sucking stuff into space, even starting to get people involved in there. "Okay", I thought. "We're in some good hands." But sadly, that's where the best stuff of this movie stops.

Story
Doug (vo): You see, another authority figure is coming to the space station and, again, is threatening to close it down. To make things worse, his daughter is the girl that she didn't get along with in the first movie, and Zenon's been assigned to show her around and do what she wants, even cut her food. [Mutters] Oh, God, this is dumb. [Speaks normally] But Zenon can't think too much about that, as she's put in a part of the ship to mostly just keep her out of trouble. It's a section that tries to track any signals for alien life. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as Zenon takes over, she hears a signal for alien life. But, for some reason, nobody believes her. She said she heard this sound, like a "zoom-zoom", and...what? They don't have a recording of it? They can't go back? They can't hear it again? This is the technologically advanced future? Naturally, this happens a couple times, and every single time, she's the only one in the room, and she has to tell everybody it happened again with nobody believing her. So she once again travels back to Earth...again, spending the majority of the film down there...reuniting with her aunt, her best friend, and, of course, the girl she doesn't like who sneaks off with her for some reason, and they try to find the rock star from the end of the first film because they think that the message is actually his song and the aliens want to talk to him. (Sighs) Do you find this ridiculous yet?

Review
Doug (vo): Don't get me wrong. The first Zenon was a silly film, but it had a little bit of a charm and creativity to it. This is just on repeat, except there's little charming about it. Most of the characters aren't even that likeable. I hate how nobody believes her, I hate this girl that's supposed to be annoying, but instead of coming off as funny-annoying, she's just annoying-annoying, I hate the fact that she breaks up with the boyfriend at the beginning of the film and it's treated like no big deal. No, actually, it is a big deal, it kind of affects her, but not enough to pay him to have him come back in the movie. The musician gets annoying, the aunt gets annoying, the parents get annoying, the general's annoying. Everything just has a slow, unimaginative feel to it.

(The aliens depicted in the film are shown in several clips)

Doug (vo): Even the aliens at the end, when you finally see them, just kind of look like rejects from The Abyss. At times, it's even hard to follow. There's a lot of talk about what the aliens want and how they want them, and let me tell you, I watch a lot of Star Trek, and even I couldn't follow this. How the hell are kids supposed to comprehend it? Even the layout of the scenes don't even make sense, like the aliens finally come and everybody sees them, and they're like, "Oh, my God! Life on the different planet!", and then Zenon's still being punished, and she's trying to tell them what's going on, and they're like, "Where's your proof?" (Stammers in annoyance) What do you mean, "Where's your proof"?! The aliens were just there! How can you still not believe her?! But then, they do it again! Yeah, the aliens just come by and flash things and...yeah, didn't we just see this? Why was there that little scene of her getting balled out? Oh, what? Is it so the annoying girl can finally stand up for her? You could've had that in an earlier scene. And truth be told, she's so unlikeable, I'm still not quite on her side. When she sneaks off with Zenon, she leaves a letter to her father, saying that she's been kidnapped. Freakin' kidnapped! What the hell is wrong with these people?!

Final thought
Doug (vo): Okay, okay. So, is this a terrible film? I guess not. It's just your run-of-the-mill bad. The characters are all morons, a lot of the moments seem recycled, the effects are a little better, I'll give it that, but aside from that, there's really not that much to it. It's funny, because this is the kind of film I assumed the first Zenon would be like, you know, kind of lame, has aliens, and some dumb technology that makes no sense, and lame lines. But the first one kind of surprised me and I thought it was an okay kids film. Because of that, I was actually expecting more out of this one, and instead, I got what I supposed I should've been expecting. Like I said, I'm not gonna act like it's the worst thing ever, but I definitely wouldn't take this trip to the stars anytime soon.

(A scene showing all the characters smiling at each other after seeing the aliens is shown)