To Boldly Flee: Part 7

''Luke is on his bed at his laptop. He suddenly hears a voice as the spirit of The Last Angry Geek appears.''

LAG: (phony spooky voice) Luke! Luke!

Luke: Last Angry Geek?

LAG: Luke, you must go to the internet. There you will find Master Oan, the high brow reviewer. He will teach you the ways of the Plot.

Luke: Internet? High brow reviewer?

LAG: There you will find the means to defeat Darth Snob, the douchebag who defeated me.

Luke: I-I can't do that. I can't kill my best friend. That's impossible.

LAG: Luke, nothing's impossible. You simply have to swallow your humanity, leave your body and shove a laser sword down your best friend's asophogus. It's the only civilized way.

Luke: Maybe there's another way. Maybe there's still some good in him.

LAG: He is more corporate now than man. Twisted and evil, while you're still pure and innocent.

Luke: I can't do it. Isn't there someone else? I'm surprised Film Brain wasn't interested.

LAG: Well...

Cut to Film Brain screaming in the corner.

FB: AAAAAHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHH!!!

LAG: Will you calm down?! I'm not trying to scare you! I want to - I'm trying to help you defeat the dark side! Stop yelling, British sissy boy! Oh forget it!

Cut back to him with Luke.

LAG: He wasn't available. Find Master Oan. Listen closely and guard your emotions, for they could be made to serve the Executor. Woo! I'm a ghost, Luke. (Fades out)

Luke starts to search the internet as we cut to Terl and Zod's ship.

Terl: (vo) Executor, we- WOAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?!

Terl: You look like a melted candle!

Executor: My battle with the critics has left me scaaaaarrrred!

Zod: The Death Bomb is nearly complete.

Executor: Goooooood! Then your work here is finished, my friends. Remain on the command ship and await my further orders. With our fast armada, nothing can defeat us now.

Terl: What of the critics and the Snob?

Executor: It is of no concern. Soon the critics will be crushed and the Snob is now one of us. This calls for a celebration. Throw a big Hollywood Coke party. Funnel at that money that we should have been giving to those screenwriters.

Zod: Excellent! We'll need a reliable source of entertainment. I'll put an ad on Craigslist.

Terl: With all due respect, Executor, I don't feel safe throwing a party while the critic still lives.

Zod: Nonsense! You heard the man. We're invincible. It's party time.

Terl: I don't want a party.

Zod: We are going to do a party!

Terl: (whiny) We never do anything I want!

Executor: Hey, don't make me separate you two.

Luke manages to find Oancitizen aka Master Oan at his home.

Oancitizen: Oh, hi, um, Luke? Right?

Luke: Hey, Oancitizen. Um, this is going to sound weird but ... I'm in space and this ghostly apparition just came to me and said that you should be a mentor and I...

Oancitizen: Wait. Wait. You want me to be a mentor? You want me to allure over to you my intellecutal prowess and always be right in your eyes? I knew this day would come. One moment.

''He dons a headset of Yoda's ears. He then leaves his room and suddenly appears next to Luke.''

Oancitizen: Hi, there.

Luke: Wait, how did you do that?

Oancitizen: Nothing can stop my true calling of being a mentor.

Luke: Yeah, but how did you get here?

Oancitizen: Jump cut. Well, technically jump cut aligned with parallel action that's very Stephen Sharf. I'll give you the book later. Anyway. Jump Cut. One of the many tools of the Plot.

Luke: The Plot. Yes, that's what I need to know.