Reimu watches Scary PSAs

(Cow PSA)

Reimu (vo): Oh, good. A video from Britain, our friendly neighbors from the Outside World.

Reimu: They're always so kind in everything they do.

(A group of females driving in a car, texting and laughing)

Reimu (vo): Oh, look, a text message to someone's boyfriend. Oh, you got the teehees and giggles and everything, oh, my Byakuren.

Reimu: This is going to be adorable.

(Car crash.)

(Another one.)

(Girl wakes up and cries in agony.)

(Girl asks why mommy and daddy won't wake up. Baby appears to be dead.)

Reimu: (shocked, with a frozen smile on her face) WHAT THE FUCK, BRITAIN??

Reimu (vo): I mean, talk about an uncomfortable blow to your nads! Is this how you do all of your serious commercials? Start off with something innocent and light-hearted, and then smash it down into cruel, cruel reality? I mean, it's like starting off an ad like this.

(We see Sakuya and Meiling at the coffee brewer with Shanghai Teahouse playing in the background.)

Sakuya: One coffee for Remilia.

Meiling: What do you got there?

Sakuya: I just told you, dumbass. What do you have there?

Meiling: I have PTSD from my parents dying in a car crash when I was little.

(Sakuya is saddened. "Many people die in car accidents a year. This message brought to you by the National Road Safety Institution of Britain." Cut back to the commercial)

Reimu (vo): Sheesh, I mean, this can't be good for tourism. Who the hell would want to go to Britain after seeing that stuff? Do they have that on the entry sign to the place? "Welcome to Britain. Kids will be traumatized from serious accidents?"

Reimu: That's pretty awkward!

Reimu (vo): I mean, how do you think the child will feel growing up?

Girl: Why won't Daddy and Mommy wake up?

Reimu (vo; as safety worker): Well...your parents have stopped working. You will have to live on your own.

Mystia: ♫ Blame Britain! Blame Britain! ♫

(TV static transitions to: Queensland Transport "Pram" commercial)

(A boy and dad are seen in a workshop)

Reimu (vo): Here's a little PSA from... Australia.

Reimu: Nuh-uh! Nope! I've learned my lesson! That's where Peter Scully lives, and I HATE HIM FOR MAKING A PEDO SNUFF MOVIE! Well, I'm not falling for it this time!

Kid: What's wrong with it, Dad?

Dad: I dunno. Looks like we're outta, gas mate.

Reimu: Oh dear. Hopefully, they know a solution.

Dad: You wanna go for a drive?

Kid: Yeah!

NC: Oh, well, that sounds sweet. A father and son moment in a car.

Kid: I just want rissoles.

Dad: (mock surprise) No snags?

Kid: “Nah.”

Dad: “You're a classic Jack.”

Reimu: This is actually kinda funny...

(Mother calling someone on phone. Suddenly, the dad's car accelerates and brakes)

Reimu: Huh?

(The car hits the mother and the baby. The mom is dead, the baby is covered in blood, and the boy is sobbing in fear! Reimu is totally freaked out by all this!!)

Reimu: OHH!! OHH, BYAKUREN! OHH, BYAKUREN! (Becomes enraged and sounds a bit like Cirno) AUSTRALIA, YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK, AUSTRALIA! WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! (The incident is shown again!) THEY WERE GONNA FIX THE CAR AND EAT RISSOLES, AND THEN YOU FUCKED UP WITH ALL THEIR LIVES! YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK, AUSTRALIA!!

(The PSA's moral is shown to be "Every K Over is a killer")

'Reimu: No, no, no, no, no! I don't care what you're advertising, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK, AUSTRALIA! I AM NEVER VISITING YOU, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SCARY! YOU'RE A SCARY PLACE, AUSTRALIA! PUT IT ON YOUR FLAG!  (The Australian flag is shown with the caption, "We're scary") YOU'RE SCARY! WE'RE KEEPING NICOLE KIDMAN, YOU KEEP WHATEVER THE HELL WE GAVE YOU... '''which is probably nothing. ' (beat)'  ' CAUSE YOU'RE SICK!!''

(The blood-soaked, scarred and screaming, baby is shown once more, causing Reimu to scream and change the channel, only to see the very irritating crying lady from the 2015 eHarmony AD Matt's Bad Dates. Reimu screams again and changes to the next commercial)

(TV static transitions to: Silent Scream PSA commercial from PETA)

Reimu (vo): Okay, so here's one from PETA called "Silent Scream".

(It first shows a man yelling at a woman before abusing her, as their child screams in terror)

Reimu: (screaming) OHH, KANAKO!

Reimu (vo): OH, GOOD BYAKUREN!

(We then see an elderly woman being mugged and possibly raped, as she screams in agony)

Reimu: OH, SWEET HEAVENLY BYAKUREN, NO! Oh, my Byakuren! Oh, my Byakuren! Oh, my Byakuren! Oh, my Byakuren!...

(NC repeats those words in fast-motion as the commercial continues, until the next shot. We then see a boy being bulllied and crying for help. Finally, we see a fish on a cutting board opening it's mouth as if to scream.)

Text: Some screams cannot be heard.

Reimu: (sits there stunned, then cries out:) I'M AFRAID OF PETA NOW! YOU'RE NEW BRITAIN! YOU'RE NEW BRITAIN!

Reimu (vo; angry): OH, TRUST ME, MY SCREAMS CAN BE HEARD! BECAUSE YOU COMPARE SOME OF THE MOST TERRIFYING SCENARIOS TO A FISH BEING COOKED!

Reimu: YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK, PETA! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MARIO KILLS ANIMALS GAME, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK!!

(The shot of the elder being mugged is shown again, causing Reimu to scream again and change the channel.)

Reimu: Okay, I'm done with this stuff. It's horrible, it doesn't get the point across, it's just disturbing. Please show me a different one to watch.

(Unfortunately, the irritating crying eHarmony girl shows up again.)

'Reimu:  DAMNIT!!!!!!!!! '