Star Tours: The Adventures Continue (Part 2)

''[We open to black with the caption: "If you wish to avoid spoilers, skip to the 16-minute mark for Some Jerk's SPOILER-FREE OPINION, then minimize your browser window." We then cut to the caption:]''

Announcer/Jerk [v/o]: "Previously, on television...."

''[We cut to a promo for the original Star Tours, where C-3PO raps. Throughout, we see the horrified reactiions of Jerk, Spazz, The Wire, Diamanda Hagan, and Count Jackula.]''

C-3PO: [Raps]

My name, you know,

is C-3PO,

Rapping about space the new place to go.

You can eat all you want and you won’t gain a pound

Cause there isn’t any weight here like back on the ground.

We travel very fast near the speed of light

You can leave in the morning and get home last night.

''[R2-D2 beeps and whistles. We also get a caption: "Fact: Someone received money because they created this."]''

C-3PO: [Raps]

His name is R2 but you will never hear him rap

His inventor forgot to give him lips that flap

He’ll greet you all and turn on his charm

He’ll give you a hug if you had some arms

There’s no gravity when you’re out in space

It doesn’t pull you down or hold you in place

You can run real fast, your feet will fly

You’ll be so light, you can jump sky high

New worlds open up when you’re out that far

And all you gotta do is wish upon a star

[Cut back to black and the caption:]

Announcer/Jerk [v/o]: "And now, back to the Internet!"