The Bum Reviews Song

(Chester sings to the tune of his theme song over various clips from his past reviews and con appearances)

Chester:

If you are roaming websites for something to view Can't form an opinion no matter what you do Come enjoy me, join me Or employ me, coin me Or just sit right back and watch Bum Review-ews.

We're gonna watch some movies to relieve your strife Maybe they're the best I've ever seen in my life Give a tip if you could (spoken) C'mon, pal, Jesus would! Or you could sit back and watch "Bum Reviews."

Come on, friend, just spare a buck I live in a wooden duck (spoken) Seriously, a wooden duck!

If you're looking for some versatility Start by telling me then just what that word means My vocab ain't that good My rhyming also kinda sucks But at least I star in "Bum Reviews."

Come to me, I'll tell it straight "Citizen Kane" is second-rate Overrated!

So drop on by my office on the northside bench Just follow your nose to the horrifying stench Your head might feel queasy And your nostrils might bleed But at least we'll watch some "Bum Reviews."

(spoken) CHANGE?! Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, give a guy a break, will ya?! C'mon, change! C'mon, I'm Chester A. Bum, the greatest homeless critic this side of the garbage can! Don't you wanna hear my opinion on "Jack and Jill?" OH MY GOD, it's the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! It was a great, ironic twist showing what happens when an actor just doesn't care about his career anymore! And is it me, or did his twin sister really look a lot like him? C'mon, that deserves a couple of nickels! I swear I'm not gonna use the money for alcohol or drugs! I'm just gonna use it to give it to another person who's going to give me alcohol or drugs!

(singing) So please don't tell the cops if you should notice me There's only so many times I can plead insanity It's hard to get through it But someone must do it It's Chester A. Bum from "Bum Reviews."

House is gone, got thrown away Don't live inside an ashtray (spoken) Though, they are spacious!

I guess there's no more song for me to sing about I'll take this opportunity to scream and shout CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE! CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE! Please give me some change for a Bum review!

(spoken) Who wrote this crappy music, anyway?