Blade

(We start off today's episode with a meeting in 1998 between executives from Marvel (Tamara Chambers and Jim Jarozs) and DC (Malcolm Ray and Doug Walker)

Tamara: All right, with the recent popularity of Blade and your recent disappointment with...Steel.

Malcolm: I really thought Shaquille O'Neal was gonna be the next Mark Wahlberg.

Tamara: It just makes sense to discuss who'll get what going forward.

Doug: Yeah, that dark stuff with Blade worked pretty well. We're gonna try some of that.

Jim: Nope. Our next seven movies are gonna be cashing in on the dark stuff, destined to all be hits.

(Tamara presses a button on the projector remote to show those movies from Marvel are Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Elektra, Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Punisher, Hulk and Man-Thing)

Malcolm: But all we got is like harder crap coming up.

(DC's movies are Green Lantern, Catwoman, Superman Returns and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

Tamara: Well that's why you have the Caped Crusader.

Doug: After Batman & Robin!?

Malcolm: Nobody's gonna want to see another Batman movie in years!

Tamara: Hey, we're switching it up, too. We got a colorful and corny Spider-Man movie coming up from the director of Evil Dead.

(The projector now shows a shot of Spider-Man and Green Goblin in Spider-Man 1. "SPIDERMAN. It's, uh...MEANT to be silly")

Jim: Yeah, it's not probably gonna break any records, but it should be a huge hit with the kids.

Doug: Fine, I guess we'll do another Batman movie even though there's no money in it.

Malcolm: Christ, years from now everyone's gonna associate Marvel with dark and gritty and DC with bright and playful.

Doug: Right?

Tamara: Well then, there should be no problem signing this television contract.

(Jim puts out a contract)

Malcolm: Wait, this is affecting our shows too?

Tamara: Oh yes.

Jim: See, all of your TV series will be upbeat and positive while all of ours are gonna be depressing and harsh. They'll make you wanna kill yourself.

(DC's shows in this case being Supergirl, The Flash and Arrow while Marvel's shows are Jessica Jones, Blade and Daredevil 2015)

Doug: But what if we end up completely misunderstanding our audiences and we end up doing the exact opposite?

Tamara: It's okay. Our animation departments will fill in the blanks. We'll keep ours goofy and harmless while you keep yours complex and intriguing. With some exceptions.

(Marvel's side has Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H., Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers Assemble. DC has Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Justice League and Young Justice. The exception is Teen Titans Go!.)

Malcolm: But what if somehow DC's material for children ends up doing more adult work than our material for adults?

(Tamara, Jim and even Doug laugh at the idea!)

Doug: Yeah, and they're gonna do a cartoon version of The Killing Joke with a hard R rating.

Tamara: That was bizarrely specific.

Doug: Yeah. So, anything else?

Jim: One more thing. Are you sure you don't want any of your shows to be tied to this new Netflix format that's getting a lot of buzz?

Doug: Yeah, like anything's gonna kill cable. No, you guys can handle that.

Malcolm: Besides, we don't wanna be known as those guys that always copied Marvel.

Tamara: That's a very valid point. So anything else?

Jim: Yeah, what are our plans in terms of comics?

Doug: Pfft, who gives a shit?

Tamara: Yeah.

(And we come to the opening!)