Face/Off

(We start off in the Nostalgia Critic's office as he sits down at his computer)

NC: Ah, well, those Christmas reviews were fun, but it's time to make way for the future. (he drags a folder called "NC Christmas Episodes" into the Recycle Bin) And...empty. (He then deletes the files) Okay, there we go. Now on to Rachel's farewell video. (he opens the folder, only to see it's empty) What the hell? (Folder's still empty) Oh, that's right, I left all the footage for her farewell video in the Christmas folder. (dawning on him) In the Christ...mas...fol... Aaaahhh!!

(Smash cut to Rachel Tietz)

Rachel: You want me to do what?

NC: Fly back from California so we can shoot your farewell video again.

Rachel: Critic, I can't fly all the way out there and shoot that in such a short amount of time.

NC: Okay, look, I know a lot of opportunities have opened up for you down there. I'm simply asking you to throw away your future for MY personal needs.

Rachel: I can't do it. There's no time.

NC: But it was such a good idea! It won't take long to shoot you die during a war by having your head decapitated before falling down an elevator shaft after being spit out by a gooey alien while getting in a car accident...during the Red Wedding.

Rachel: It. Ain't. Happening.

NC: Oh come on, what am I supposed to do? Have Malcolm and I discover a--

(Cut to Malcolm Ray and NC holding a CD)

NC: --video message left here by Rachel.

(NC puts a dvd named exactly that into the PlayStation3, then sits down with Malcolm to play it)

Rachel: Hello, Critic. Hello, Malcolm. By the time you see this, I will be in California. Some opportunities have opened up to help me continue my career as an actress. Though one door has closed, I will never forget the good times we've had. The fun, the laughs...the fact that Malcolm's worn more womens clothing than I have...

Malcolm: (sarcastically) Oh, thanks.

Rachel: ...I'll remember it all fondly. You guys are amazing friends and I'll never forget the good times we've had together. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of this experience. And...(reading off a piece of paper) if I should die by having my head decapitated before falling down an elevator shaft after being spit out by a gooey alien while getting in a car accident during the Red Wedding...don't be shocked.

NC and Malcolm: We won't.

(NC turns the video off)

NC: *sigh* Well, let's not let this ruin Nicolas Cage Month.

Malcolm: I wasn't planning to.

NC: Oh good. Nicolas Cage Month!

(We do the usual Nostalgia Critic opening, only with Nicolas Cage singing lyrics to the theme while every single head on screen is replaced by various characters he's played)