Back to the Future: The Ride (Part II)

(We open with a black screen)

Announcer: Previosuly, in the TV edit...

(Cut to the end of the 1st "Back to the Future")

Marty McFly: (To Doctor Emmett L. Brown) What are talking about? What happens to us in the future? Do we (He and his girlfriend, Jennifer Parker) become jerks or something?

Announcer: And now, back to "Some Asshole With An Asshole!"

Jerk (v/o): Eventually, we make our way into the institute lobby, where they're experiencing an unprecedented security breach.

Doctor Emmett L. Brown: (While looking at security monitors for the Institute of Future Technologies, he talks into a microphone to one of the Institute workers.) Zone 4, do you copy? (We see that the worker has been tied up. Doc Brown goes to his black board.) There's only one trouble maker that could throw a monkey wrench in the works like this!

Jerk: (Looks shocked) Oh my god! Do the Libyans want revenge for the stolen plutonium? Is Al Queda trying to impose Sharia Law retroactively? Is the Palestine Liberation Front trying to undo Israel? Is is ISIS? The KKK? The Neo-Nazis? Are the Disneyland Rovers trying to return the park to how it was when their parents were still together? (Scared) WHAT INSANE MAD MAN IS TRYING TO RE-WRITE HISTORY?!?!

Doc Brown: (Pulls down a big picture from the blackboard of...) BIFF TANNEN!

Jerk: (No longer scared, now annoyed) The guy who got his ass kicked by Crispin Glover (George McFly)?

Doc Brown: Juvenile delinquent...

Jerk: Who got his ass kicked by Crispin Glover.

Doc Brown: Biff can be quite persuasive!

Jerk: But, he couldn't persuade Crispin Glover to not kick his...(Gets angry) I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! IF CRISPIN GLOVER KICK YOUR ASS, YOUR ASS DESERVES TO BE KICKED!

(Cut to Kyle Kallgaren/Oancitizen)

Kyle Kallgaren: Oh shut up! Jerk (v/o): Yes, Biff Tannen, the lunkhead antagonist who somehow who somehow became a threatening villain, almost as though they had no other ideas.
 * Kyle tried to review Crispin Glover's film "What Is It," but Crispin had him take it down.

Doc Brown: Graduated Hill Valley High School, class of 1955!

Jerk: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. If Biff graduated class of 1955, May or June on '55, what was he still doing there in November '1955?

Jerk (v/o): Did this loser really have nothing better to do with his life but hang out at his old high school and make his future ass-kicker do non existent home work?

Biff Tannen: (To George McFly) Do you know what would happen if I handed my homework in your hand writing? I'll get kicked out of school! You wouldn't want that to happen, would ya?

(Cut to a clip from "Frozen")

Kristoff: Somebody's got to tell him.

(Cut to a clip from BTTF Part II, Marty spies on Biff leaving his house))

Gertrude Tannen (Biff's Grandmother)/Jerk (v/o): (Yells from inside the house) BIFF, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET A JOB?!?!

Biff/Jerk (v/o): (Yells) I TOLD YA, GRANDMA, I'LL MAKE MY LIVING STEALING LUNCH MONEY AND GIVING ALMANACS TO MYSELF, IT WORKS FOR DONALD TRUMP!!!

Jerk (v/o): Meanwhile, back at Skynet (The Institute of Future Technologies).

(17 year old Biff is wandering the halls of the institute, spots the security camera we're seeing him through.)

Biff: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, BUTTHEAD? Oh wait a second, you're the suckers Doc Brown conned into his time travel experiment!

Jerk (v/o): How can Biff even see us? The camera just shows his own reflection. Is Biff just taunting himself?

(Cut to Jerk by the "Doc Brown Tree")

Jerk: Wow, this whole "Biff is a delusional lunatic" theory is gaining more credence by the minute. (To the tree) What do you think, Doc? (The tree says nothing) I know, right. Poor bastard's probably walking around an abandoned hospital he thinks is the Institute. Imagine, talking to cameras all day under the delusion that anyone's watching. What a jerk.