Mad Max: Fury Road

(The episode starts off with the new Channel Awesome logo, then transitions into several other Channel Awesome hosts, including Chester A. Bum, gushing about how good the movie was before we come to Nostalgia Critic at a canyon, his back to the camera)

NC: (narrating) My name is Critic, and my world is Mad Max. As the internet went more batshit crazy for Fury Road, it was hard to tell who was more batshit crazy: me, or everyone else. Yes, I am the one who runs from both the fanboys and the haters. I mean, it's good. Really good. But is it the masterpiece everyone praises? Hell, I have to be careful. Even just thinking that can piss off some extreme fanboys out there--(He turns around and suddenly gets punched out) Oh, boy!

(The title card comes in slamming like a crusher. Mad Max: Epic Review. NC then wakes up with his arms tied behind him and with the same metal face mask Max wears as a blood bag. In front of him is Devil Boner and two other War Boys)

DB: What's this we hear about you hating Fury Road?

NC: I never said I hate it. I thought it was good.

All three: Good!?

DB: Don't you know on the internet that's the same as saying it's bad?!

NC: Well, I just thought it was short on story and not very practical.

(The other three gasp)

DB: Did you hear that, Impractical Joe?

(We then come to our villain of the day, Impractical Joe, looking like Immortan Joe. On his body are badges saying "Get Mad," "#1 Fan," and "Do you see me now Toecutter!?")

Joe: It is not about logic or necessity, but the excuse to display the amazingly action-packed awesomely awesomeness. (NC is meanwhile trying to slip out of his cuffs) We even have a station running 24-hour Mad Max imagery. (A TV is shown with pictures from the four movies) So that the people can see how superior Fury Road is.

NC: Honestly, I always thought Thunderdome was the best one.

All four: Daah!

Joe: Mediocre! Destroy him, my fanboys. Destroy all of his mediocrity!

(NC gets out of his bonds and gets his phone out showing a report)

Phone: Pitch Perfect 2 beats Mad Max...

(The gang covers their ears at that awful news, allowing NC to slip out)

Joe: Anna Kendrick is so overrated! Stop him! Nobody likes Thunderdome the best in my cave...house...thingie!

(As NC runs away, he gets the same hallucinations as Max did in that scene, starting with Auntie Entity)

Auntie: You can't beat the Fury Road, Raggedy Man.

Master Blaster: Even Master Blaster thinks it's better.

Gyro Captain: Fury Road better! Thunderdome weak! Fury Road better! Thunderdome weak!

(NC then falls off a cliff and onto the roof of a truck belonging to this review's version of Furiosa (Tamara Chambers). He gets into the car)

NC: Drive!

"Furiosa": Worst. Braces. Ever.

NC: Just drive!

"Furiosa": Says who?

NC: My foot!

(NC stamps on the gas pedal, making it speed off. Joe, Devil Boner and the Wild Boys watch the truck speed off)

War Boy #1: Treason! Betrayal! An enjoyer of Thunderdome!

(The three begin to walk to their vehicles)

Joe: Drive, my beloved fan boys. Show him a world of excess testosterone.

(Devil Boner brings out his machine gun and begins firing while yelling. Another Wild Boy begins banging on drums wildly, causing several other Wild Boys to come out. Devil Boner accidentally bumps into one Wild Boy)

DB: Ah! Watch it!

War Boy #2: You watch it!

(Both Devil Boner and the Wild Boy both look at each other tensely, before DB puts his hand on the Wild Boy's arm)

DB: You're with me! (They both yell as they get struck by lightning and suddenly end up appearing inside a car. Devil Boner gives the Wild Boy something) Here. Apply your never fully explained silver chrome.

Wild Boy: This isn't chrome! It's cake glaze!

DB: (Smiles) Oh, what a glaze! WHAT A LOVELY GLAZE! (Beat) Yeah, that's the one we're going with. Blow me.

(Devil Boner and the War Boy begin driving off in their car, creating a hole in the building in the process. As DB's car drives away, a large truck, driven by Joe, appears)

Joe: CRITIC!!

(Joe's truck also begins speeding off into the desert. Meanwhile, at another far away part of the desert, we cut back to NC and Furiosa's car. NC struggles to get the mask off his face)

NC: Does Tom Hardy always have to wear shit on his face?! (Takes the mask off) Fucking Fury Road!

"Furiosa": What? You didn't like it?

NC: No, I did! It was good action, it was a great rush. But why does that make a masterpiece?

"Furiosa": Oh, so you're one of those first two films people.

NC: Actually, I like Thunderdome the best. (Furiosa immediately stops the car and takes out a gun) Did Tina Turner's popularity drop recently?

"Furiosa": Sorry, but no one likes Thunderdome the best.

NC: What is with everybody's hatred of Thunderdome?!

"Furiosa": We'll just sit here until you take it back.

NC: (Sighs) What's your name?

"Furiosa": Curiosa.

NC: Curiosa, aren't you "curious" how I can like Thunderdome more than the other films, even Fury Road? Just keep driving, and I'll explain.

Curiosa: Well...

(NC sighs and brings out his cell phone again showing another report)

Phone: Mad Max never hit #1 at the box office.

Curiosa: Daah! Fine!

(She resumes driving. We go back to Devil Boner and the War Boy's car)

DB: We're running low on fuel. Boost the engine with some intense fast-motion stares!

(As rock music plays (the music that usually accompanies Devil Boner's previous appearances), Devil Boner and the War Boy act out some intense, crazy and wild stares, before again speeding off in their car while yelling. They speed so fast, they actually speed right past NC and Curiosa's car, where NC now begins his review. Instead of film clips, however, we instead get images of all the Mad Max movies, which are shown on a TV screen inside of the car. These images will be shown throughout the review instead of film clips)

NC (vo): Okay, so we know the Mad Max movies takes place in an apocalyptic future where ex-cop Max loses his family. In Fury Road, he saves the abused wives of a religious dictator who controls all the water. It also gives us, arguably, some of the best action in movie history.

Curiosa: Right.

NC: But does incredible action and an adrenaline rush equal a great film?

(Beat)

Curiosa: You do have a penis, don't you?

NC: Okay, but 96% on Rotten Tomatoes great?

Curiosa: Oh, it got 96%? That's awesome.

NC: Yeah, until you realize that according to the critics, that technically means it's better than (posters of...) Pulp Fiction, Fargo, Jurassic Park, Exorcist, Die Hard, Hunt for Red October, Terminator 2, and every Indiana Jones movie.

Curiosa: Really?

NC: I think people got so hyped up on the adrenaline that they forgot it's just a simple chase movie.

(Impractical Joe appears on the car's TV screen)

Joe: And what makes your precious Thunderdome less mediocre?

NC: Because the chase is only the climax.

NC (vo): The rest is character, story and unforgettable lines.

Joe: Who said the first two films didn't have memorable lines?

NC: Name one right now.

(Joe attempts to think of a line)

Joe: Oh, what a lovely...

NC: That's Fury Road.

Joe: Oh. Uh...witness me...!

NC: Fury Road.

Joe: Uh, let's see, let's see. Oh!

NC: It's Fury Road, isn't it?

Joe: (Defeated) Yes, it is.

NC: Now quote some lines from Thunderdome.

Curiosa: Oh, I know! "Raggedy Man!" "Who runs Bartertown? Master Blaster!" "Two men enter, one man leaves!"

NC: Exactly. You remember it more because it was more engaging.

NC (vo): It broke up the action with good writing and twists and turns.

NC: It was just better storytelling.

Curiosa: Hey, just because we don't have a lot of talking doesn't mean we're not telling our story. We're telling our story through strong visuals and through strong acting.

NC: Oh, come on. The acting's good, but...

Curiosa: Tell me what I'm thinking just by looking at my stares. (Stares out from her window with a determined look)

NC: You're on a mission and you're not gonna fail?

Curiosa: Right. And this one... (Does another stare, this time, with a nervous look)

NC: (Sighs, defeated) You're afraid what's gonna happen to those you swore to protect.

Curiosa: You got it. And this one...

(She gets out of the car without stopping, as NC struggles to control it)

NC: Jesus!

(Curiosa gets down on her knees and screams in anguish)

NC: Get back here, you fucking nut!

(Curiosa gets back up and speeds back to her car, just narrowly missing a boom stick fired from Devil Boner's car)

DB: Crap! Hand me another exploding stick!

War Boy: We never made bazookas?

DB: Exploding stick!

War Boy: Aaaaahhh!! (He reaches into the back, but can't find it)

DB: Under the seat! Under the seat!

War Boy: Aaah, I can't find it!

DB: Look at the box that says "Sticks!"

War Boy: I never learned how to read!

(Curiosa now gets back into the War Rig)

NC: They're gaining on us!

Curiosa: No, I was doing remorse.

NC: No, they're gaining on us!

(They're followed not only by Joe's car, but also by another truck which has the Doof Warrior on it on guitar wailing away)

NC: What the Hell is that?

Curiosa: Oh, that's Weird Ass Guitar Guy.

NC: No, I mean who is he? Where does he come from? Why does he have a blindfold on?

Curiosa: I don't know, I don't know, and he has so much testosterone that his eyes shoot shark-shaped explosions.

(Guitar Guy pulls his blindfold off and shoots out shark-shaped explosions in the sky)

NC: Okay, that's exactly what I'm talking about. As fucking awesome as that is, nothing about it is explained.

(Picture of the Stilt Men in the Bog)

NC (vo): Who are the people on stilts in the swamp? (Another picture of War Boys giving praying at an altar of steering wheels) What is the basis behind this crazy cult religion? (Pictures of the people Max hallucinates about) Who are the people he hallucinates about? His family? People he let die? Or are they hallucinations?

NC: None of this is ever talked about.

Curiosa: It doesn't need to be talked about. Here.

(Curiosa makes a sharp turn)

NC: Will you watch the fucking road!?

Joe: Weird Ass Guitar Guy, unleash your phallic rage!

(Guitar Guy shoots off some missiles at the War Rig. Missiles with fucking T-rex heads on them!!)

NC: Are those...dinosaur missiles?

(The missiles roar before they strike, all of them missing the War Rig. Curiosa gets out some sheets of paper while NC has to hold the wheel to keep it straight. In her hand first is a blank sheet.)

Curiosa: So a lazy film gives you a blank page we've seen a million times, and a film trying too hard (A picture of several War Boys all cluttered into the page is shown) gives you too much and you can't make it out. (This time a Connect The Dots picture of a War Boy is shown with WITNESS ME! at the top) Fury Road doesn't give you all the information, but lets you see it for what it is. It allows you to become more engaged cause you can connect all the dots.

NC: Like how I'm not questioning why there's fucking dinosaur missiles flying at me and it just seems like something this crazy ass world would create?

Curiosa: Exactly. Just because there's no details doesn't mean there's no answers.

(She smacks his hand away from the wheel)

NC: Ow. Speaking of answers, how is he constantly missing us?

Joe: How the hell are you constantly missing him? Are you blind?

Guitar Guy: Yep.

Joe: Well sniff them out and send them to Valhalla or whatever the hell we believe in.

(Suddenly horns honking are heard as a new red car comes around)

Curiosa: Oh crap.

NC: What is it?

Curiosa: It's more enemies to keep the energy high.

NC: Why's that bad? I thought you loved that.

Curiosa: They're meninists.

(Inside the meninists' car is Malcolm Ray, Jason Laws and Jim Jarozs)

Malcolm: Can you believe they gave a gun to a chick in this movie?

Jason: Tell me about it! I'm man-tweeting right now to let the internet know my disgust!

Jim: That's a manly thing to do!

Jason: Oh yeah!

Curiosa: They act like they're being discriminated when a woman wants to do something that a man does.

NC: We had that. It was called the 40s.

Curiosa: Well they're not very good at growing up.

(Suddenly squeeing is heard as a car with Party Hardy written in dust comes up, making NC groan)

NC: Well it's gotta be better than our other friends here.

Curiosa: More meninists?

NC: Tom Hardy fangirls.

(More squeeing is heard as we see a bumper sticker that says "I'M HARD FOR HARDY!")

NC: The women who think Tom Hardy is the second coming of Christ for some reason.

Curiosa: Really? I mean he's a good actor, but who'd go crazy over him?

NC: Probably someone who spends their whole entire life obsessing over fanbases.

(Coming onto the screen now is a very familiar girl in an orange sweater: Hyper Fangirl. Two other girls are with her in the car)

HFG: Hi Critic!

NC: Punchline? I mean Hyper?

HFG: I found a new calling, Critic. Converting everyone to the miracle of Tom Hardy.

Girls: Oh praise He!

NC: Well I'm glad you found something more sensible.

HFG: It's about time the world saw him for the incredible talent he is.

NC: And you don't think any of that stems from your physical attraction?

HFG: No, no! Since he's a feminist, it would be hypocritical to love him just for his looks.

NC: Well, Mark Ruffalo's a feminist.

Girls: Eeeehh...

NC: Patrick Stewart's a feminist.

Girls: Eeehhh...

NC: Louis CK's a feminist.

Girls: Eeehhhh...

Girl 2: He's even balder. But Tom loves dogs.

Girls: Tom loves dogs!

(A picture of Tom Hardy with a puppy in his coat is shown)

Girl 1: Do you know how hard it is to find a man who likes dogs?

NC: Look, whatever your attraction, you can't act like Tom Hardy's one of the best things in this movie.

NC (vo): Don't get me wrong, he does a fine job. He does just as well as Gibson. But through his minimal dialogue and mostly dubbed over lines that are strangely more obvious than when he did (picture of) Bane, he's serviceable at best.

NC: Which is really all that Max is supposed to be anyway.

HFG: But the work of his body--I mean the body of his work!

(Now the meninists cut in)

Malcolm: Yeah, you tell those feminazis!

(NC groans and Curiosa facepalms)

Jim: Yeah, Max is barely in the film! Half the time it's a broad doing the fighting!

Jason: Yeah!

NC: So you're saying what the rest of the world sees as the manliest movie ever made, you see as being too girly.

Jason: Man yes!

Malcolm: It's a disgrace to everything that Mad Max stands for!

Jason: Yeah!

NC: Well that's interesting, cause there is a Mad Max movie where he appears even less in it and spends most of the time talking about his feelings.

Jason: R-really? Which one?

NC: The original, you fucking moron!