TGWTG Team Brawl

(Nostalgia Critic is standing on top of a building.)

NC (singing): There's a bright, sunny day in Chicago. (He starts walking around on the building.) There's a bright, sunny day in Chicago... Corruptions as high as an elephant's eye... (Shows some skyscrapers.) And the meters cost $74.25... (Shows Rob Walker smacking a parking meter.) Oh, what an adequate morning! Oh, what an adequate day! I got an adequate feeling everything's going my way! Oh, what a... (speaking) FUCK ME!

(He looks to the side and notices the Angry Video Game Nerd on top of the same building. AVGN is playing something on a Nintendo DS, but he looks up and notices the Critic. They both glare at each other.)

NC: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER- (AVGN punches him. NC falls to the ground. AVGN punches NC some more before NC elbows AVGN in the crotch. This causes AVGN to back up, hiss like a snake, and run off. NC follows him, and a chase scene around Chicago begins. They both enter a large building. AVGN presses an elevator button, and they stand in front of the elevator doors. The Nerd repeatedly presses the button, and the Critic punches him every time he does so. The elevator doors open and they get inside. They patiently wait for the elevator to take them to another floor. They get off the elevator and run into a large room, where they continue fighting, At last, the Nostalgia Chick arrives and tackles the Nerd.)

Critic: Nostalgia Chick!

Chick: Come on, Critic! Let's kick some ass and get cynical.

(They both smile at each other then angrily kick the Nerd, who is still on the floor. All of a sudden, a guitar, held by somebody offscreen, hits the Critic in the back of the head. He falls to the ground, looks up, and sees Kyle Justin.)

Critic: Kyle Justin of KyleJustinMusic.com?!?

(He holds his guitar up heroically. Chick tries to punch him, but Kyle uses his guitar to block it and then hits Chick with it. He then helps Nerd up.)

Kyle: Let's get him, Nerd.

Nerd: Well... thanks.

(Nerd starts stomping on Critic while Kyle beats him with his guitar.)

Offscreen voice: Hold it!

(Nerd and Kyle look to where the voice came from. It was Linkara.)

Linkara: Let the wussy go.

Critic: Hey, I will not let you talk about the Nostalgia Chick that way. (Nerd kicks him.)

Nerd (to Linkara): Yeah? What the hell are you gonna do about it?

(Linkara pulls out a fake gun from his jacket and points it to Nerd and Kyle.)

Nerd: A toy gun. What are you, some kind of idiot?

Linkara: I'm not an idiot! I AM A MAN! (He fires the gun. It knocks Kyle's hat off.)

Nerd: How the fuck did you do that?!?

Linkara: With magic, bitch!

(Benzaie comes in from offscreen and punches Linkara. Linkara falls. Critic gets up.)

Critic: Benzaie!

(He punches Nerd and Kyle. They fall.)

Critic: I knew you'd come to our aid! (Linkara gets up.) Now, quickly! Clench your fists in rage and swarm up for our side! (Benzaie punches Linkara again. He falls again.) He's on our side... (Benzaie punches Critic.) What the hell, Benzaie?!?

Benzaie (speaks in French, but there are subtitles): "Sorry, Mr. Critic, but I'm a gamer first and a friend second..." (Nerd and Kyle get up.) "And quite frankly, Mr. Video Game Nerd is a God among gamers. So sorry, but I must deliver unto a world of pain."

Critic: Fortunately, I can read your subtitles, you backstabbing snail-eater! I hate you!

Benzaie: That's a shame... Because I loathe you.

Offscreen voice: Not so fast, Frenchy!

(Benzaie looks to where it came from. It was Handsome Tom.)

Critic: Handsome Tom?!?

(8-bit Mickey pops out from behind Tom.)

Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey!

Critic: Tom, is what this surrender monkey saying true?

Tom: I'm afraid it is, Critic. Most gamers are loyal to their fellow players and would stab their pals in the backs just to protect them.

Critic: Yeah, you're kinda douches that way.

Tom: But this is different. For Handsome Tom..,

Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey!

Tom: ...Have a score to settle with a certain individual I've known for a while...

(The camera zooms in on Nerd, but then quickly switches to Benzaie.)

Tom: Benzaie!

Benzaie: Me? Why me?

Tom: Because you tried to defeat me at Street Fighter!

Benzaie: Yeah... I lost!

Tom: But you insulted my honor by even challenging me! Now it's time for Handsome Tom...

Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey!

Tom: ...To kick your ass!

(LittleMissGamer arrives.)

LMG: I think not!

Tom: Stay out of this, LittleMissGamer! This doesn't concern you!

LMG: It concerns all gamers, Tom! You used to know that once... Remember your roots, Tom! Remember your roots!

(Tom thinks for a few seconds. TheSpoonyOne comes in and uppercuts LMG.)

Spoony: Roots, schmoots! We are here to rumble!

(ThatAussieGuy arrives.)

Aussie: That's right, Spoony. We're here to teach these [unintelligible] pricks a lesson. By the way... whose side are you on?

Spoony: Well, actually, I consider myself a critic first and a gamer second, so... I guess I'm on the Critic's side.

Aussie: Then burn in hell! (Punches him.)

Critic: Hey, you leave that Yankee alone! (Punches Aussie. He falls, then looks up and sees MarzGurl.)

MG: Don't worry, NC. I've got him for ya.

Critic: MarzGurl!

(AngryJoe arrives and punches MG.)

Critic: AngryJoe!

(HopeWithinChaos arrives and punches Joe.)

Critic: The Epic Fail Guy!

HWC: Sean!

Critic: Whatever!

(ThatChickWithTheGoggles arrives and punches Critic. He falls.)

Goggles: It's gamers untied, Critic, and ThatChickWithTheGoggles is ready to bring it! Isn't that right, Lee?

(Critic looks up and notices StillGaming Lee. Lee is not in full-motion video, rather, just a bunch of pictures.)

Critic: Lee too? Lee from StillGaming?

Lee: What can I say, Critic? You threaten one gamer, you threaten us all!

(Paul arrives.)

Paul: The same can be said for reviewers, my friend.

Critic: Paul?

Paul: You threaten one of us, you threaten all of us!

(BennetttheSage arrives.)

BTS: Then we will see who will emerge triumphant. (Puts his hand on Goggle's shoulder.) Won't we, ThatChickWithTheGoggles?

Goggles: Don't touch me.

BTS: Okay. (Takes his hand off.)

Offscreen voice: Heart!

(BTS and Goggles look to where it came from. It was Ma-Ti, from Captain Planet.)

Critic: Ma-Ti! From... Captain Planet?

Ma-Ti: Ah, I can sense you all!

(Goggles and BTS punch him. He falls.)

Critic: Leave that little... idiot... Mexican... thing alone!

(BTS kicks Ma-Ti.)

Ma-Ti: Heart!

Critc: And all reviewers get on this side! (Moves to one side of the room.) Move it! Move it! Move it! Move it! WRAAAAAH!

Nerd: All gamers on this side! (Points to the other side of the room.) Now line up, you goddamn [unintelligible] bastards! Line up!

(Everybody goes to their respective side.)

Critic (to the reviewers): All right, everybody! Let's show those pixellated pansies who's boss!

Nerd (to the gamers): All right, listen up, you cockmuching maggots. We're not gonna fight with our hearts. We're gonna fight with our balls! So sound off when you've got a pair!

Gamers: YEAH!

Critic (to the reviewers): People... I'm no good at making speeches and, uh... quite frankly, that's all I've got.

Nerd (to BTS): Hey, you! Wipe that asshole off your face! There's no assing around here! We don't even know the word "ass'! We annihilate all ass!

Critic (to the reviewers): But I'm sure there's a lot of motivational speeches you can remember. Uh... that one from Braveheart, that was good. Um... 300! That was a great speech! Blew me away! Remember that! (The reviewers look confused.)

Nerd (to the gamers): I want you all to fight until every one of those motherfuckers hits the floor like diarrhea dump dropping out of a dog's asshole!

Critic (to the reviewers): Or how about those Lord of the Rings movies? I mean.,. there's a bunch of midgets fighting each other! There HAS to be a good speech about that!

Nerd (to the gamers): I'm gonna have you all eating fireworks and shitting firecrackers!

Critic (to Nerd): Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to be inspirational here!

(They both say "Fuck you" several times to each other.)

Critic (to the reviewers): So, um... buck up, drink milk, stay in school, and don't do drugs. LET'S GO! (to Nerd) All right, Nerd! No more "To be continued's! No more do-overs! It's time that we have the final battle... for the last time!

(Both sides glare at each other as everybody prepares for battle.)

Critic: ATTACK!

(Nerd lets out a tiger-like roar. Both sides charge at each other and begin fighting. Tom punches Benzaie with extreme speed repeatedly. LMG and Mickey punch each other a few times. Critic charges towards Nerd while yelling, but Nerd holds out his arm and pushes on Critic's head, preventing him from getting close. Kyle swings his guitar to ward off Spoony and Mickey. Several people kick Ma-Ti while he yells, "Heart!". Joe screams angrily, strikes a few fighting poses, and runs towards Mickey. Mickey sticks out his fist and Joe runs into it. Lee beats Paul with a baseball bat. Spoony and Chick are about to fight Goggles and BTS, respectively.)

Spoony (to Chick): Actually, why don't you take Goggles an I'll take Bennett?

Chick: Why?

Spoony: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, WOMAN! IT'S VITALLY IMPORTANT TO SWITCH!

(They switch.)

Spoony: Go!

(Chick and Goggles start fighting. It looks as though Spoony and BTS are about to fight, but they instead take out their cell phones and take pictures of the girls fighting. Linkara shoots at Goggles, but she ducks. Kyle attempts to hit MG with his guitar, but she blocks him and kicks him. Joe screams and strikes more poses, then punches HWC repeatedly. It doesn't even affect him.)

HWC: Dude, that was totally uncalled for.

(He punches Joe. Banzaie carries Tom as Tom punches him.)

Aussie: All right, mates. It's time to whip out the stereotype of doom!

(He pulls out a boomerang and throws it. It hits Linkara, Tom, MarzGurl, and Ma-Ti (who attempts to stop it by saying "Heart") before returning to him.)

Aussie: Oi.

Transmission Awesome Broadcaster 1: This is Transmission Awesome and it is a beautiful day for a brawl, isn't it, [unintelligible]?

TAB 2: It certainly is, [unintelligible]. As you can see, all the fights are [unintelligible] epic battle [unintelligible].

(Linkara's hat lands nearby.)

Linkara (far away): My hat!

(TAB 1 tosses it back. Ma-Ti runs by, yelling, "Heart".)

TAB 3: I'm sure glad our egos only extend to podcasts as opposed to videos our else we would be getting our asses kicked in this ugly mess.

TAB 1: Right you are, Gonzo*.


 * I think that's what he says.

(Joe stumbles to where they are. TAB 2 punches him in the face. Critic stumbles through the fighting crowd and walks up to Goggles.)

Critic: Hey, are you on my team?

Goggles: No.

(Critic punches her. Nerd backs into him. They both face each other and get into fighting positions.)

Critic: All right, Nerd. Let's pick up where we left off!

Nerd: You mean with me kicking your ass?

Critic: Shut up!

(Mortal Kombat style, the words "Round 2" and "Fight!" appear on-screen. Nerd punches Critic in the stomach and elbows him to the ground.)

TAB 3: We have a special guest with us [unintelligible] brawl [unintelligible], Kat. Kat, tell me, what do you notice about this fight?

Kat: Well, I certainly notice the two music people, Kyle Justin and Paul beating the crap out of each other.

(Shows the two fighting.)

Kat: I also notice Benzaie putting up a good fight against Handsome Tom.

(Benzaie is quickly punching Tom and Mickey.)

Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey!

Kat: But the biggest draw of course, is Video Game Nerd and Nostalgia Critic.

(Nerd tackles Critic.)

Kat: As the Nerd is apparently uppercutting the Critic's jaw... (A loud punch and Critic groaning is is heard offscreen) And slamming him to the ground... (A thud and another groan are heard.) And finally... (Critic loudly screams) ...nailing him in the privates.

TAB 3: Well, you certainly have a lot to write about, Kat.

(Linkara and MG both have one of their arms around the other's neck.)

Linkara: I AM A MAN!

MG: So am I!

(Linkara looks confused.)

MG: Gotcha! Pansy power!

(She punches him in the stomach. They fight until BTS walks up to them.)

BTS: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you two on the same team?

MG: Huh...

Linkara: He's right.

(Linkara and MG punch him. Joe screams and strikes more poses until Critic shoots him. Chick is cornered by LMG and Aussie. They charge towards her.)

Chick: Big-Lipped Alligator Moment!

(LMG is turned into a reptile wearing a dress, BTS's and Chick's clothes change,(both of them are wearing hats now), Chick is holding a stuffed animal, yodeling music plays as all three of them dance, and the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment logo appears. Chick uses this as an opportunity to punch the two and escape.)