Foodfight!

(We do the usual opening to the Nostalgia Critic, then come to him opening the door to his house, the lights off)

NC: (dazed) Honey, I'm home. (he reaches over to turn the lights on) Oh I forgot, I'm not married.

(He walks across the room, casually knocking a lamp off the end table, taking his tie off, and heads to the kitchen. He takes his phone out to check his messages, the first one from Tamara Chambers)

Tamara: Hey Critic. Heard you're gonna review Foodfight. Good luck to you, man. I heard the Nazis would've used it if they ran out of bullets.

(The next message comes on, this one from Malcolm Ray while NC opens the refrigerator to get milk)

Malcolm: Critic, are you sure you wanna review Foodfight? It's the first movie to ever get a negative percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

(NC opens the milk jug and tosses the cap away, drinking straight out of the bottle. Another message comes on, being an automated advertisement voiced by Doug(?))

Voice: Hello Nostalgia Critic. This is the Irony Grocery Store. We were hoping to indulge your nervous breakdown by advertising a series of trigger products. Mr. Clean, Mrs. Buttersworth, and Starkist tuna are all on sale this week. Irony Grocery. A division of Commercial Entertainment

(NC screams and throws the milk across the room, having a nervous breakdown! He picks his phone up and smashes it to pieces, throwing it aside. He picks up the dvd for Foodfight, breaking it apart in the sink and stuffing it into the drain before turning the disposal blade on, destroying it even more. He then starts picking up products like Starkist tuna, Twinkies, Vlassic pickles, Mr. Bubble and Hawaiian Punch. We're now in the basement continuing NC's breakdown as he lays all the products down, including a bottle of Mr. Clean. He opens the pickle jar and pours them all over before picking up a frying pan and going to town on them, alternating between laughing and crying. NC takes a bite out of some twinkies, then spits them out)

NC: They want me to do that!

(He continues the Batman Returns re-enactment, smacking the pan on the items before laying on the floor, crying in a fetal position. Cut to one hour earlier. NC is quite normal and poking on his phone, seeing the messages asking him to review Foodfight)

NC: What the hell is Foodfight? (he turns around and he's in another room) And why does everyone want me to review it?

(Inside the room is Malcolm and Tamara in labcoats. Tamara's typing on the computer in a rather weird way)

Malcolm: Well according to our research, Foodfight is one of the worst, if not THE worst, animated film of all time.

NC: Worst? Like worst worst?

Tamara: It only came out last year, but it seems to be growing an underground following at a surprisingly rapid rate.

Malcolm: If our data serves correctly, this flop could be as popular as The Room and Birdemic combined. It could easily be the next big thing.

(Tamara pokes on her phone)

Tamara: Only a few online critics have reviewed it so far, which means its potential can still be milked like a lactating Claribel Cow.

NC: Waitaminute. So you're saying if I jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon?

Malcolm: Potentially.

(*KA-CHING!* NC grins from ear to ear as his face appears on the $100 bill)

NC: Well if you excuse me, I'm gonna be at the center of one of the most popular bad animated films of all time.

Tamara: I wouldn't be too hopeful, Critic. Here's a video of the last person who tried to review this movie.

(She presses a button and we're treated to a bench in front of a brick wall. A body then falls and hits the ground from above)

NC: Oh I'm sure he's fine. Keep checking those numbers. It's the least you can do to indulge the brilliant, intellectual minds I've decided to write for you all of a sudden.

(Malcolm and Tamara chew on the ends of glasses, even when they're already wearing some, while Tamara types again, soon just running her fingers along the keyboard)