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Ask That Guy With The Glasses Ep. 7 (July 11, 2008)

(That Guy is seen reading a book. He looks up and shuts it)

That Guy: Oh! Konnichiwa! Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to "Ask That Guy With The Glasses."

(Title card comes up with music)

Narrator: My boyfriend and I watch your hilarious questions and rants all the time. He always insists on watching you. Is my boyfriend secretly fantasizing about you?

That Guy: That's a very good question. Yes, he is fantasizing about me because I'm fantasizing about him. His muscular body. His smooth, silky ass. The large hunk of pork that I would love to tie a little ribbon and call it my own. Jesus hates me.

Narrator: In "Ask That Guy Episode 4," you told me to sacrifice my little brother to the gods. Would that be okay with my parents? Wouldn't they ground me, or should I sacrifice them as well?

That Guy: It's just as I always say: If at first you don't succeed, sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. And don't just stop with your parents either. You can sacrifice your neighbors as well. In fact, invite the whole neighborhood over for a BBQ. Except you will call it a BBQU. And people will be like "What's the U stand for?" And you will slyly say "You." And then kill them all and burn them alive. (Laughs evilly, then bites pipe end)

Narrator: My girlfriend is smart, beautiful, and totally in love with me. The only problem is that she really enjoys the taste of human blood. Should I be at all concerned about this?

That Guy: Not at all. It's perfectly common for a woman to want to suck human blood. Now, if she doesn't shave her pits, that's when you need to worry.

Narrator: What was the best thing before sliced bread?

That Guy: (shifts eyes) ...I guess just bread.

Narrator: I have a problem. I live in Iceland and global warming is causing my igloo to melt. What can I do?

That Guy: Have you thought about moving to Greenland? The hills are very green this time of year and it's never, ever icy. Hence why Iceland is made of ice and Greenland is made of...green. Would I lie to you? (nods) Yes. This is That Guy With The Glasses saying there's no such thing as a stupid question until YOU ask it. (Winks and goes back to reading book)