Cats Don't Dance

(The shortened opening)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Ever since I started this show, I got a lot of requests to review the movie...

(Cut to the title card for the movie NC was requested to do...)

NC (vo): ...Cats Don't Dance, released in 1997.

NC: (staring quizzically at the DVD case) Really? This is seen as a bad movie? I mean, I remember seeing it a long time ago and I recall it being... (shrugs) okay.

(Clips from the film are shown.)

NC (vo): Not perfect, but a serviceable film. A nice little kids' movie with nice animation and one or two laughs. I even mentioned at one point I would never review this movie because I didn't think the flaws were bad enough to fill up an entire review.

NC: But then I started thinking about it. Maybe you don't want me to review this movie because it's so bad, but because it...left an impact.

NC (vo): I've been hearing more and more that this is one of those movies that was played a lot on Cartoon Network, and even though it bombed at the box office, it found life on VHS, resulting in only now a widescreen release on DVD. And with all the recommendations I've been getting for it, clearly it has a follow-up.

NC: So what is it that draws so many people to this animated flick? Why not take a look? This is my quick mini-review of Cats Don't Dance.

NC (vo): It starts off with a Randy Newman song...

NC: ...that's...nice...

NC (vo): ...as we see a cat in the 1930s named Danny, played by Scott Bakula...

NC: ...this will be the greatest movie ever made if this is all secretly an identity from Quantum Leap...

NC (vo): ...is traveling to Hollywood to try and become a star.

Danny (Bakula): ♪ You can do anything if you try / Dig that face, they ain't seen nothing like it anyplace / It's right up on the movie screen... ♪

NC (vo): The first thing you might notice about this film is that it seems...well, corny.

NC: Like Indiana can't supply enough fuel for your corniness. But...there's a couple things to keep in mind.

NC (vo): On top of the beautifully colorful and lively animation, this is a throwback to musicals of that era, which represents Danny's optimism that's going to be dashed later on in the film. In fact, reality is already kind of sinking in, as the love interest of the film (Sawyer, voiced by Jasmine Guy) is not introduced through glitter in life, but rather, Danny unknowingly screwing her over, blinded by his cheerfulness. Everything he does somehow results in her misery.

NC: Also, shit! Captain Archer's a good singer!

Danny: ♪ Hollywood! Where the streets are paved with gold! Where the kitties never grow old! ♪

NC: Ensign, set a course for...smooth.

NC (vo): Danny enters a talent agency, coming across a slue of weirdos and has-beens -- if they ever have been -- and the talent agent just happens to need a cat for a Noah's Ark picture.

Farley Wink (Frank Welker): Just sign here, here, here, here, and here and here and here and here... and over there and down the middle...

(Sawyer walks into the room, soaking wet from the fountain water.)

Sawyer: A cat crossed my path.

Tillie (Kathy Najimy): Really? Orange tabby?

Sawyer: Yeah.

Tillie: Green vest?

Sawyer: Yeah.

Tillie: Straw hat?

Sawyer: Yeah.

Tillie: What a koinky-dink.

Sawyer: Yeah. How'd you know?

Tillie: Hippo intuition.

NC (vo): While the music in scenes like this can get distractingly loud, the pacing is pretty impressive, calling back to classic fast-talking comedies of that time, like His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby.

NC (vo): Sawyer gets roped into a role, too -- as they can't find a female cat -- and they're off to shoot with their main star, a Shirley Temple knockoff named Darla Dimple, played by Ashley Peldon.

NC: She's just jealous because she flunked out of art class.