Fox Kids

(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by 2018 NC title sequence. Open on NC sleeping on the couch, snoring and all, surrounded by various pop culture memorabilia of all kinds. Lying on the floor, Tamara and Malcolm are wide awake, unable to sleep because of NC's snoring; from their perspective, it sounds like all kinds of loud noises: a jackhammer, an elephant trumpet, a Tarzan yell, a Howie Long yell, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex roar. Suddenly, outside, the moon explodes, turning into a sun, looking like the one from Teletubbies, and NC is wide awake and smiling; he puts on his glasses)

NC: MORNING! (brushes his hand in front of his friends' faces, to their annoyance) Wake up, wake up! Wake up, wake up! It's Saturday morning!

Tamara: (groggily) Critic, we didn't get much sleep.

NC: Too excited for your bowl of (takes two bowls of...) Lucky Frosted Cocoa Trix! (gives them to his friends) It's part of a complete breakfast!

Malcolm: (disgusted) From where, Dairy Queen's dumpster?

NC: Now, don't be like that. I poured you each a bowl of that last Saturday in preparation for this!

Tamara: You mean this has been out for a week?!

NC: It helps open up the flavors.

(Malcolm looks toward his bowl, looking rather sick; the cereal is a very moldy green)

Tamara: (giving NC her bowl) I had a big dinner.

Malcolm: (doing likewise) And I'm vegetarian. I'm pretty sure that used to be alive.

NC: (shrugs) Suit yourself. (eats the cereal himself)

Tamara: Okay, Critic, can you explain why we're up at dick o'clock in the morning?

NC: (laughs with his mouth full) I forgot at your humble age, you know of the ritual of Saturday morning.

(Shots of kids watching TV are shown)

NC (vo): You see, Saturday morning used to be a special time for kids, we often have friends sleepover the night before and then wake up to the majesty of television: (a collage of Saturday morning cartoon shows are shown) Saturday morning cartoons, each one filled with brain-rotting material coaxing us to buy teeth-rotting material. Unfortunately, TV did its job too well, and the following generation said...

(Cut to a shot of 24/7 kids' channels: HBO Family, Starz Kids & Family, Nicktoons, Boomerang, etc.)

NC (vo): ..."Let's just have this shit raise our kids 24/7." Thus, every second of every goddamn day was already Saturday morning cartoons, and they got rid of them years later. Society sucks!

Malcolm: Okay, we're not ten years old; we had Saturday morning cartoons, too.

Tamara: We're just wondering why we're here this Saturday morning?

NC: Oh, well, that's because we're paying homage of the best in Saturday morning awesomeness, "Fox Kids"!

(A montage of clips of various Fox Kids shows is shown)

NC (vo): In 1990, the then-still-young Fox Network aired its Saturday Morning lineup of shows called "Fox Kids". It included bumpers, PSAs, catchy songs, and, of course, some of the best kids shows to ever aired on TV. Eventually branching out to Monday through Friday as well, Fox Kids lasted twelve years, an unbelievable run when you consider its counterpart, (image of...) the Disney Afternoon, lasted only seven years. While half of these shows can still be viewed today, some of them have sadly never gotten a DVD release or were never aired again. So keep in mind, we're not going to look at every single show that aired on Fox Kids, because, like I said, this is twelve years of material. We're just going to look at the most unique, inspired, and... (hesitates slightly) memorable parts of the greatest Saturday morning line up there was.

NC: So, with our sugar-coated poison in hand...

Tamara: (pointing to her right) ...younger kids wanting to watch what the older kids are watching...

(Suddenly, Walter Banasiak and Heather Reusz from "Top 5" come in)

Heather: Hey, guys!

Walter: Can we watch the show, too?

Malcolm: ...and an overprotective parent who thinks if it's not Sesame Street, it's bad for them...

(Barney Walker walks in and speaks to Walter and Heather)

Barney: I'm sorry, kids, but you're too young to see this kind of stuff.

Heather: (disappointed) I'm older than half of them over there!

Barney: Shoo, shoo.

(NC, Malcolm and Tamara wave good-bye as Walter and Heather leave in disappointment)

Walter: I hate you! You're not even my real father!

Barney: (to NC and his friends) Kids, are you enjoying Saturday morning?

NC, Malcolm and Tamara: (in unison) Yes, Dad. (Malcolm and Tamara roll their eyes as they say this)

Barney: That's good, I'm going to make some waffles on the stove just for you.

(He leaves. NC, Tamara, and Malcolm look puzzled)

Malcolm: Do we have a stove?

(They jump by the sound of an explosion of the stove and hear Barney scream)

NC: We'll figure out how that happened later. This is Fox Kids!

(As he eats the cereal, the intro to Fox Kids plays; NC, Malcolm and Tamara dance and sing along)

Singer: ''♫ Sit back, get out, see what all the talks about, everybody knows... ♫''

Plucky Duck: ''(Singing) ♫ It's on FOX! ♫''

Singer: ''♫ There's Tiny Toons and Dynamo, Plucky Duck with his own show! ♫''

Malcolm: What was that?

NC: I-I, it was complicated, we'll get to it when we get to it.

Singer: ♫ Everybody knows it's on FOX! Now Batman's gonna show you, he's the greatest superhero! Eek! the Cat, Taz and Bobby, Super Dave, Tom and Jerry... ♫

Tamara: That doesn't rhyme.

NC: Keep going, keep going!

Singer: ♫ Dog City, X-Men too, Merrie Melodies, Beetlejuice, everybody kno-o-o-ows, it's on FOX! It's on FOX! It's on FOX! It's on FOX! It's on FOX! Big surprises, fresh new faces, now you know the cool places, everybody kno-o-o-ows, everybody knows... ♫

NC, Malcolm and Tamara: IT'S ON FOX!

(An explosion occurs as we transition into the list of shows to come)

Bobby's World
(The opening titles for this are shown)

NC (vo): Let's start with one of their earliest staples, Bobby's World.

Malcolm: Oh, I've seen this. It's like if Calvin and Hobbes were made by Ned Flanders.

NC: Hey, it's a lot more than that.

Tamara: It sounds pretty accurate.

NC: Yeah, okay, it's pretty accurate.

NC (vo): Bobby's World was based on a little boy voice that comedian Howie Mandel did for his popular stand-up.

(Cut to a clip of Howie doing the exact voice)

Bobby: That's my name! (giggles)

NC (vo): And because the '90s were a strange time where crude comedians got kid-friendly shows, (posters of Waynehead, Life with Louie, Camp Candy, Little Rosey and Rick Moranis in Gravedale High are shown) he was given one of his own. Just look at how awkward he is in the live-action openings.

Howie: Hi, everyone, I'm Howie, welcome to Bobby's World! And you know what I really hate? Of course you don't because you don't know me. You know what I hate?

NC: (as Howie) GERMS! God, I hate germs!

NC (vo): While certainly aimed at a younger demographic than the other Fox Kids shows, Bobby's World showcased the imagination of a little boy misinterpreting what adults say. Either that or he swallowed all his mother's NyQuil, either way, neat. The characters included Howie as his father, with the Jew-fro, rat-tail haircut...

NC: ...Common?

NC (vo): The cast of Fargo as his mother...

Martha: Now you need to go upstairs and wash your hands and face before we leave our post, don't ya know.

NC (vo):  His older brother representing the '90s trying to kill the '80s, and his older sister representing the 80s refusing to die. Along with Uncle Ted, who gives an obligatory fart joke...

Bobby: How can you make bubbles without putting your face in the water?

Uncle Ted: Tell ya what, Bobbo, let's just keep that our little secret, okay?

NC: POOP!

NC (vo): Bobby had children's fantasies often based on movies a kid his age wouldn't see yet. Looks like somebody read the kid-friendly version of Die Hard.

Tamara: So, was it any good?

NC: It was... hypnotizingly unoffensive.

NC (vo): It's for little kids, so it's simple, but imaginative. It even had the first Saturday morning character get pregnant, and we even see her progression throughout the season. Little touches like that stand it out just enough. And I guess kids thought the same thing, as it was one of Fox's longest-running shows. Add a catchy-as-hell theme song, and you got a decent start to the Fox Kids lineup.

Tom and Jerry Kids
Tamara: That's cool and all, but how about some more violent stuff?

NC: Well, you're in luck, 'cause this network also had Tom and Jerry...

Tamara: YES!

NC: Kids.

Tamara: I retract that "YES".

Singer: ♫ Talkin' bout the Tom and Jerry Kids ♫

NC (vo): Yeah, another strange trend in kid shows for a while...

(Shows pictures of Muppet Babies, The Flintstone Kids, Yo,Yogi, and A Pup Named Scooby-Doo)

NC (vo): ...was just making famous characters younger.

(Clips from the show are shown.)

NC (vo): Because if there's anything better than seeing someone brutally dismembered and maimed, it's...seeing it happen to them as children?

Malcolm: Finally, somebody gets it!

(NC and Tamara turn and stare at him strangely)

Malcolm: I have issues!

NC (vo): It was pretty much the same thing as the regular Tom and Jerry cartoons, except it was done with kids, so the slapstick wasn't nearly as violent and therefore not nearly as funny. Granted, it had other characters, too like Spike and his son,Tyke, Droopy and his son, Dripple, in fact, how are Tom and Jerry younger if their counterparts are the same age? And how is...

(Shows picture of James Bond and M from Skyfall)

NC (vo): ...Skyfall a prequel if M is in Goldeneye? Also, how did...

(Picture of Minions on a dinosaur is shown.)

NC (vo): ...Minions exist with dinosaurs millions of years ago?!

Tamara: (Puts her hand on NC's shoulder) This is a road you don't want to go down on.

(Malcolm puts his hand on NC's other shoulder. Both start shaking their heads on him while he looks around with a worried look with ominous music playing. Cut to Barney shaking his head at him as well. He soon snaps out of his worried state)

NC: (confused) Okay, I'll never bring it up again-

Tamara: Never.

(Clips from the show are played again)

NC (vo): Much like Bobby's World, this was obviously meant for smaller children, so it was tamer and more gentle than previous versions.

Malcolm: So, not good.

NC: Yeah.

NC (vo): But for little kids, it gets the job done, I guess, I mean, it is better than other outings Tom and Jerry have had recently. (Shows picture of Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory, then shows various faces of the cartoon Willy Wonka while speaking ominously) Never forget those faces. It lasted a few seasons, though, so it obviously had its fans. It's not the cat and mouse team we remember, but it's not obnoxious, either. It wasn't harmful enough to be Tom and Jerry, but it was harmless enough to be a decent distraction for little kids.

Singer: ♫ Tom and Jerry Kids! ♫

Chorus: ♫ The Tom and Jerry Kids New Show! ♫

Peter Pan and the Pirates
NC: But let's get to something more grisly and adult: Peter Pan and the Pirates-(rapidly) Let me explain!

(Opening intro is shown with the theme music playing.)

NC (vo): We all know the classic book (shows the Peter Pan book), play (shows a photo of the play version), Disney film (shows poster of the Disney film) and childhood scarring (shows footage from Hook), but few adaptations of Peter Pan ever captured the darker and surprisingly more adult take of the original J.M. Barrie story than this one. I know this sounds strange, but this was actually a really great show. There were ideas that took concepts from the original book and pushed them even further. For example, Peter steals the pirates' shadows and what happens? They walk upside down because they've lost their anchor to the ground. That's so creatively strange, but it weirdly makes sense. In another episode, Peter is gone for too long and forgets about everybody because he's distracted by Wendy's future daughter in the real world who he brings back to Neverland to meet her future mother despite them roughly being around the same age.

Jane: Bye, Uncle Michael, Uncle John. (to Wendy who is crying) Why are you sad?

Wendy: Because I learned today that I shall have to leave Neverland sometime, but I'm happy 'cause when I do, I'm going to have a daughter as wonderful as you.

NC (vo): It's super surreal, but it's also surprisingly adult. It's kinda like the ending of Return to Neverland (shows picture of Peter and adult Wendy) where young Peter meets older Wendy. That's a lot of people's favorite part in that movie and this show is mostly comprised of scenes like that. The characters all have fleshed out personalities like Peter's always hungry for mischief, The Lost Boys and pirates all having distinct character traits and in my opinion, the best Captain Hook ever portrayed played by the only actor who could perfectly portray him.

NC: Literally, the first perfect thought that comes into your head is who plays him!

Malcolm and Tamara: Tim Curry.

NC: You're goddamn RIGHT Tim Curry!

Captain Hook: If I must die, I will encounter darkness as a bride and hug it in my arms.

NC (vo): This is the first Captain Hook that has dimension to him. Yes, he's an angry screamer and a scoundrel, but he prides himself on being a gentleman and a sophisticate. One minute he's ready to stab your heart, but the next, he might let you go if you make him laugh with a reading of Shakespeare.

Captain Hook: Ugh, dear Bard, they give you death by inches. Oh, Shakespeare, give thanks that you aren't here to witness this atrocity.

NC (vo): He was an egotist, but still valued his bizarre ethics. It made him both funny and intimidating at the exact same time. And nowhere is the series' complexity shown best than in its series finale where Peter decides he does want to grow up and he starts to wither away into an old man unaware that he's actually taking Neverland with him. So you could argue Hook was portrayed even before Hook was doing it (''shows clip from Hook). ''It's surprisingly intense and unbelievably well done. It lasted for only one season, but it resulted in a ton of episodes and had a pretty good life in reruns. Criminally though, there is no DVD release of it. If you're able to find it on YouTube or anywhere else, definitely watch as many of them as you can. It's a cannonball of imagination waiting for you.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Malcolm: That's all fine and good, but what about the poor people who demand a series about demonic fruit? (NC and Tamara stare at him) I had no segue into the show.

Singers: ♫ Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! ♫

(Attack of the Killer Tomatoes opening clips)

NC (vo): So, um, because we apparently demanded it, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was given its own cartoon series. Based on the B-movie comedies, it did have some of the original characters like Igor, Tara, that parachute guy, and even John Astin reprising his role as the mad scientist who made the evil vegetables.

Malcolm: Fruit.

NC: It's 2018, nobody uses that term anymore.

NC (vo):  It certainly had the strangeness of the films down, but it didn't have much more beyond that. The plot is similar to the movies, that a mad scientist wants to take over the world with the tomatoes, and his failed experiments, Tara and F.T. and Tomato War veteran, Wilbur, tries to stop them. He gets help from the main lead, a boy that was not in the movies (Chad), and you can see why. He's pretty bland and forgettable, and the animation doesn't do him or any of the other characters any favors.

Chad: (Is talking with Tara and for some reason she keeps turning her head back and forth) You know you're supposed to stay away from salt! If someone sees you-

NC (vo): What is up with this girl? Is the binary code on her neck being hacked?

NC (vo, as Tara): (In a robotic voice) Must blackmail George Clooney with Return of the Killer Tomatoes footage.

(Clip of said movie)

Matt Stevens: (played by Clooney) Yo! Zucchini!

NC (vo): Look at this scene: she has to lean over to talk to F.T., but look how she does it.

Tara: (It looks like she's almost upside down when she talks to F.T.) It's Igor!

NC (vo): What the hell? Is this part of the joke, or is it just poorly animated? The whole show is kind of like this, leaving you with no idea what's intentional and what isn't. Even the dialogue you can't figure out what they're aware of and what they're not.

Tara: Being a luscious, ripe tomato can be hard on a girl.

(Everyone looks uncomfortable with what she just said)

NC: Whatever you're thinking, erase it from your heads.

Tamara: I had a line about her being saucy, but never mind.

NC (vo): I guess on a level of bizarre awkwardness, I can see this entertaining a few, but for many kids, the most memorable part of the show was the theme song, but, goddamn, that's a catchy theme song.

Singers: ♫ ''Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Tomatoes!'' ♫

Beetlejuice
NC: But not all of the Fox Kids shows started on Fox Kids.

(Opening title is shown with the theme music.)

NC (vo): A charming story about a dead man who befriends an underage girl he was going to marry... (A still from the live action movie is shown.)

Malcolm: Finally, somebody who gets it!

NC: Do I have to worry about you?!

Malcolm: You might.

(Clips from the show play.)

NC (vo): Beetlejuice had only the slightest connection to the movie which was surprisingly welcomed as it allowed for a lot of wild and inventive designs. Granted in the movie, everybody looks the way they do because they died that way, here...well, I don't know how the shit they were supposed to die to look like this. Tim Burton himself helped design the show and it certainly shows in all the strange people and creatures. It had little in terms of plot, but it had a lot in terms of visual and gross-out humor. At the time especially when there wasn't much in terms of dark or macabre cartoons, this one gave us a small but still memorable taste of the enjoyably morbid. It was a waste of time, but it was a fun waste of time.

(End of the theme is shown.)

Little Shop
NC: But I know what you're thinking, "If Beetlejuice got a cartoon, why not Little Shop of Horrors?"

Tamara: Because no one was thinking that.

NC: Just for that, the plant raps!

Tamara: NOOOOOOOO-

NC: (while Tamara is still yelling) YEEEEEEEE-

(Cue the cartoon opening and title card)

Singers: ♫ Little Shop, Little Shop. Take me to the-- ♫

NC (vo): Little Shop is based on the musical interpretation of the man-eating plant, except that Seymour is now a little boy, the plant raps instead of sings and literally none of it looks completed.

Junior: (Rapping)

Malcolm: This looks more like the bumpers you see before they go to commercial.

NC: You don't give those bumpers enough credit.

NC (vo):  The focus of the show is that the plant (Junior) is trying to get Seymour to win the girl (Audrey) and defeat the bully (Paine Driller), while also running a plant shop that's constantly infested with bad musical numbers.

Mr. Mushnik: (singing) ♫ My business is a bust. Business, what a joke. ♫

Other flowers in the shop: ♫ Shooby-doo-ba ♫

NC: God, I wish this had the original cinematic ending.

NC (vo): Why's he even shocked that the plant is talking? The flowers act as backup singers all the time. Not even sure if the plant is talking, his lips move so rarely.

Junior: (his lip movements are exactly how NC stated) "C" is for "commuter train." Many parts are edible.

NC (vo): I guess I can give credit that for a show that had a budget of monkey feces, the backgrounds are at least creatively simple. I mean, I'm sure the layout artist had two minutes to color these on Mario Paint, but there is at least a little structure in between the poorly animated sections. Oh, God, he's having a stroke, nope, it's just a bad show.

Junior: (Rapping) ♫ Something's goin' bad, it's a crime, a disgrace. You got stones for ground, walls in your face ♫

NC (vo): The writing doesn't make any sense either. The girl in the show is obsessed with a refrigerator. I'm going to repeat that. The girl in the show is obsessed with a REFRIGERATOR. And they never explain why!

Audrey: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! (she hugs the fridge) I think it's really cool.

Seymour: Women...

(NC and Malcolm awkwardly turn to Tamara)

Tamara: Hey, my love of refrigerators has nothing to do with my gender! Now if you'll excuse me. (she gets up and hugs the fridge, while crying and confessing her love for it)

Malcolm: Clearly Little Shop of Horrors was ahead of its time.

NC (vo): Like I said, this has little redeeming value, but I'm sorry. I have to reference a Little Shop of Horrors cartoon show in the 90's where the plant raps! I know you think it's a crime that it even exists, but it's an even bigger crime to pretend it doesn't exist. The show only lasted 13 episodes before it was yanked, and you can see why this fertilizer didn't get far.

Junior: (Rapping) ♫ Word! Little Shop! ♫

Tiny Toon Adventures (and The Plucky Duck Show)
Malcolm: It's not your fault.

Dog City
NC (vo): But there's stuff for dog lovers, too. Jim Henson's Dog City, for example, lasted for three seasons.

Batman: The Animated Series
(Return from commercial)

NC (vo): So, even though Fox Kids was growing, it still wasn't the dominant force in Saturday morning or kid shows. But, year 3 is when all that started to change. Fox Kids expanded from Saturday morning to weekday afternoons, which a risky and expensive move. If they wanted kids to constantly be watching, they needed some kick-ass shows to keep them hooked. Thankfully, they had little gems like this... (X-Men) and this... (Animaniacs) and this (Batman: The Animated Series).

NC: Now I've talked to death about these shows in the past, so I'll do my best to talk about something different about the impact that they had.

(Starts with clips of Batman: The Animated Series)

NC (vo): First, Batman: The Animated Series. After two wonderfully dark Batman movies, an animated version of the Dark Knight not only won both kids and adults over, but it served as a game-changer for Batman in general. A lot of other writers went on to several other Batman canon projects, several characters and backstories created for the show made their way to the official Batman lore, and even to this day, when most people read Batman comics, the voices that pop in their heads are always Kevin Conroy as Batman and Mark Hamill as the Joker. It's hard to read them without making that connection.

Batman: Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you.

Joker: A-dee-ba-dee-ba-deep, that's all folks!

NC (vo): Unlike other kids shows, Batman took years to develop, resulting in a unique style not often seen in many animated series. The backgrounds always started off on black paper to keep the dark environment of the show consistent. The characters and buildings had an Art Deco style as opposed to pulp comic style like all the other shows. And the atmosphere in general was more adult, allowing fir quieter moments, slower pacing, and more realistic acting. There was no other animated action series that looked like this at the time. And now, every animated action series is trying to look like this! It walked the perfect tightrope between too playful and funny between too dark and gritty. It seemed like it incorporated everything. It felt true to the comic roots, worked in the adult side of the movies, had a good laugh at the campiness of the situations, and yet somehow also felt like its own unique vision. It's just as good today as it was when it first premiered and no other Batman show has topped it. Think about it, after all these years and all the other incarnations that have come out, no other show has done Batman as well. It's just as clear as it was years ago why this was a huge game-changer.

Animaniacs
NC: But Warner Bros. was breaking new ground with another game-changer... (Malcolm and Tamara groan in annoyance) What? I was just talking about Animaniacs. (Malcolm and Tamara groan louder) Oh, I see. You guys think I talked about it too much, huh?

Tamara: If Animaniacs was a prostitute, you'd have paid off five of her house loans.

Malcolm: Yeah, what? Do they save your cat or something?

NC: No. But through the magic of wishful delusions... (Thinks about something as a harp is heard, then a cat's meow) Now they have! (Malcolm and Tamara groan once more) Fine, fine! I'll keep it short.

(We see various clips of Animaniacs)

NC (vo): Seen as the follow-up to Tiny Toons, Animaniacs was a variety show that stepped up its game. Every episode had a plethora of great songs, memorable characters, hilarious animation, but most important of all: brilliant writing. It was truly the closest we ever came to experience the fresh comedy of the original Looney Tunes. They have the great comebacks, the violent slapstick, the imaginative take on the world we all wanted to experience. This must have been similar to when people saw a Bugs Bunny cartoon for the first time on the big screen. There was just an excitement that you were gonna see something clever, funny, and filled with so much energy, they felt alive. Along with Batman and Tiny Toons, it was one of the few shows that had an entire orchestra providing the music. And speaking of which, the brilliant songs are still being used by kids today to pass countless school exams. In fact, they even keep updating the songs to coincide with the constantly changing world. In fact, these songs even went on tour, (A poster of Animaniacs in Concert is shown) with songwriter Randy Rogel and actor Rob Paulsen singing their infectious earworms. They're still that popular. It seems the show was so popular, that it's even being rebooted. In 2020, these characters are coming back to give their take on modern day insanity. Imagine the shots they could take with the Internet, trends, politics. It's crazy exciting to see where this can go. Will it be as good as the original? I guess only time will tell. But one thing's for sure, we'll always have these timeless, classic, hilarious characters to look back on.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: (singing) ♫ Animaniacs! Those are the facts! ♫

X-Men
NC: Now onto a show I know I've barely talked about: X-Men!

(Malcolm and Tamara groan again)

NC: Will you two knock it off?!

Tamara: You knock it off! You've talked about this show so many times there's nothing left to cover!

NC: Oh yeah? I bet I can find something new to talk about!

Malcolm: Prove it!

NC: Fine! (pause and pulls up a book entitled, Previously on X-Men: The Making of an Animated Series, and reads from it to find something new to talk about) ... Apparently it was the passion project of the head of Fox Kids.

(Clips of the show play)

NC (vo): Margaret Loesch, ironically, used to be the head of Marvel television, producing hit after hit except in one category: funny enough, the Marvel characters never caught on in TV. Every attempt seemed to bomb, including an early version of X-Men where Wolverine was Australian.

Wolverine: (With said Australian accent) She's not joinin' the X-Men is she? She's just a kid!

Malcolm: (Picture of Hugh Jackman) That's almost too ironic.

NC (vo): She went from studio to studio trying to get X-Men made, but they all said the same thing: it was too adult and nobody would watch it. Margaret then went on to be the president of Fox Kids and was so passionate about getting X-Men a TV series, that she put her job on the line. They knew if this was gonna be good, a lot of money had to be thrown at it, so she took the gamble, but picked the right producers, writers and actors to make it work. The only down side is there wasn't much time to make it work. In fact, the tone and animation were so campy and off-key in the first season, that they only had two episodes for the big October premiere, that being the two part pilot. What do you do when you need months and months to rework your show? You show the first two episodes as a preview. Yeah, it pissed off the advertisers and cost a fortune, but Margaret and showrunner, Eric Lewald, knew they had to get this right if they were gonna have a hit. The preview, thankfully, went over incredibly well and left people wanting more. So after a redo of the show with better animation and more adult atmosphere, it finally premiered with no other new shows being put on. That's right, because they waited until spring, it got more attention because everything else was reruns. As you'd imagine, the numbers were through the roof. X-Men was suddenly Fox's biggest hit. It represented more than cool heroes with powers, it grasped the prejudice and torture character arcs, as well as the all-around badass nature people loved from the comics. After being told no over and over from several studios and even ignoring advice from Stan Lee to make it more kid friendly, the creator stuck to their guns and turned in a huge payday. Much like the X-Men who had to fight for human dignity, so did the creators who wanted to see their timeless characters done right. X-Men would go on for 5 seasons, one of Marvel's longest running series. It launched them into the mainstream more than before, leading to several reboot series, comic spin-offs and, of course, shows pictures of X-Men: First Class, X-Men: Days of Future Past, and X-Men: Apocalypse) a beautifully inconsistent movie franchise. This was a gamble that paid all the way to the X bank.

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
NC: So, with those three gigantic hits, Fox Kids was moving on to their next-

Malcolm: Um... aren't you forgetting another hit show?

NC: (Knows what he's talking about and is trying to deny it) No. Don't think so.

Tamara: Yeah, yeah, one that makes like a butt ton of money, even today.

NC: (Still trying to weasel out of this) No, no, no, there were no other hit shows at that time.

Walter (off-screen): Ahem!

(Cut to Walter and Heather pointing and gesturing to the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers shirt Walter's wearing)

NC: (sighs in defeat) Fine. There might have been another teeny insy winsy hit of a show called... Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

(The theme song plays)

Singers: ♫ Go, go, Power Rangers! ♫

(Malcolm and Tamara dance to the theme song as NC looks extremely displeased and annoyed)

NC (vo): It's no secret that I never got into this show, even as a kid. It was just... (sighs and speaks in a whiny tone) So dumb! The same time Batman and X-Men were on we had...

Bulk: About that double date we talked about?

Skull: Yeah! (Does a goofy laugh)

NC (vo): (whining) SOOOOO DUUUUUMB!! But, okay, let's talk about it. Because, on the one hand, it is a brilliant marketing strategy. Five teenagers-

Malcolm and Tamara: (smile and cross their arms) With attitude!

NC (vo): ...are summoned by Jabba the fuzzy mouth to stop a space witch named Rita for her crimes of bad lip syncing. They first do a martial arts fight against the monster of the week, and then they grow in size and use giant robots in a fight against Los Angeles Japanese mountains. So, yeah, the set up was pretty obvious: shoot American actors for dirt cheap, and then cut to Japanese stock footage from another hit show in Japan. Power Rangers, of course, became a huge hit, which meant as long as they're still making shows in Japan- (shows pictures of future Power Rangers shows) Oh, God, they'll never stop! ... they could keep making shows here. Power Rangers was not only the longest-running series on Fox Kids, but it surpassed it. Even after Fox Kids shut down, the show still continues to have an impressively long lasting life. It had many spin-offs, storylines, reunions, callbacks, and tons of B-movie monsters to fight. On the one hand, I really wanted to like this show. Because, hey, martial arts, giant robots, killer monsters, that could be some fun shit. But...

(Shows clip of Kimberly doing backflips as Bulk and Skull see her)

Skull: Guess you finally flipped over me!

NC (vo): (whining) SOOOOO DUUUUUMB!!! It was clearly past my time and not for me, but that doesn't mean they didn't tap into something that excited a shit ton of kids...

NC: (glares at Malcolm and Tamara) And some very disturbed adults years later.

NC (vo): Power Rangers, whether you liked it or not, was, and still is, an impressive spectacle.

Singers: ♫ Power Rangers! ♫

Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?
NC (vo): But it wouldn't be the 90's if unless we forcibly try to teach you shit!

(Title and theme to Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?)

Singers: ♫ Where is Carmen Sandiego? Carmen Sandiego-- ♫

NC (vo): Thankfully, some shows were better at it than others. Like Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?

Malcolm and Tamara: (singing) ♫ Rockapella- ♫

NC: Nope!

NC (vo): This was a different kind of Carmen Sandiego, one that was on a kids computer game that tried to educate you.

Tamara: That's exactly what Carmen Sandiego is.

NC: Okay, maybe not that different.

NC (vo): The on screen character always had to pick two characters to go after Carmen, and he always picked the brother and sister duo, Ivy and Zack.

Malcolm: Oh, god! Tell me he didn't... ship them?

NC: It's a kid who always sits at his computer!

Malcolm: ... So probably.

NC: Probably.

Ivy: Hello player. Thanks for picking me.

NC (vo): Yeah, that sounds weird. There's a freaky ass chief who seemed to be the mix of Max Headroom and the Genie [From Disney's Aladdin].

Chief: Ivy, Ivy, Ivy, you simply must learn to accessorize!

NC (vo): Regrettably so. And the duo had to chase Carmen around the world to get back the famous monuments that they'll inevitably home school us about.

Chief: Okay, listen up gumshoes! You'll be heading to Holland! It's the home of wooden shoes, tulips and the world famous windmills!

NC (vo): On the one hand, it doesn't work as well as the game show [Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?], because the investment came from having to know the information to get further. Here, the show just kind of comes to a halt to teach you something.

Chief: (Talking about Vincent Van Gogh) He used bold colors and violent brushstrokes, often slashing at the canvas as he painted.

NC (vo): On the other hand though, it did have a story to each one and Carmen herself was just as stylish and cool a villain as you would want her to be. In fact, a lot of time, she would leave the clues on purpose, because she loved the thrill of the chase. At first I thought this was kind of lame, but then the more I thought about it, how clumsy is Carmen in the other versions to always leave something behind? Here, she's at least owning up to her stupidity. The show lasted a good while with four seasons, and even thought the education stuff did feel a little forced, it was still cool seeing the queen of thieves do what she does and I guess help us get a little smarter watching it too. It was decent enough for what it was.

Singers: ♫ Where on Earth can she be? ♫

Spider-Man
NC: Hey kids! What's more awkward than (shows a picture of Spider-Man 3) movie Spider-Man?

Malcolm: (shows a picture of The Amazing Spider-Man) Other movie Spider-Man?

NC: (turns to Tamara) Aaaand?

Tamara: (shows a picture of the 1967 Spider-Man cartoon) Cartoon Spider-Man?

NC: (Turns to Malcolm) Aaaand?

Malcolm: (shows a picture of the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon) Other cartoon Spider-Man?

NC: YES!

(The theme song and into clips play)

Singers: ♫ ''Spider-Man! Spider-Man!'' Radioactive-- ♫

NC (vo): Riding off the tails of X-Men, heck even doing a crossover with them later

The Tick
NC:  But for my money, the best superheroes always shouted-

Malcolm: Oh! Can I say it? I've always wanted to say it.

NC: ( Shrugs and decides to let him )  Go ahead.

Malcolm: ( clears his throat )  FORK!

NC: It was one word. It was one  goddamn word!  With five letters! YOU COULDN'T EVEN SAY FIVE LETTERS!!!  ( He starts hitting Malcolm with his hat ) .

Tamara: (Points at them) This is nice.

(The show's t itle shows and the theme song plays ) 

Goosebumps
Malcolm: That's cool, but... Can I have a series based on a book series where the scariest part was the cover?

NC: No.

Malcolm: Oh...

NC: ... But you can have a show that's less scary than Are You Afraid of the Dark?

(Cue the show's title and theme song)

NC (vo): Goosebumps was based on the hugely successful book series by R.L. Stine. It was wild, imaginative, and not the least bit scary.

Tamara: Hey!

NC: You know I'm right. You ALL KNOW I’M RIGHT!!!

Fox Kids' Decline
NC: Sadly though, this is when Fox Kids began their downward spiral.

Tamara: Aw, yessh, how long did they last after that?

NC: Just a mere six years.

Tamara: That's... stupid long.

NC: I know, but here's the thing.

(Clips from Kids WB! are shown as well as Animaniacs, Looney Tunes, and Batman: The Animated Series)

NC (vo): Warner Bros. was starting their own network with their own kids programming called Kids WB and when they started up, guess what they took with them? Animaniacs, Looney Tunes, and Batman.

(Shows clips from Superman: The Animated Series and Pinky and the Brain along with a photo from Pokémon)

NC (vo): They even did spin-off shows like Superman, Pinky and the Brain and their own little Japanese import that was dirt cheap to make and would run for years and years (Pokémon).

(Clip from Animaniacs episode, Super Strong Warner Siblings, is shown)

NC (vo): In fact, even the first Animaniacs episode on Kids WB was a parody of Fox's biggest show, Power Rangers.

Wakko: (to Dr. Scratchansniff who's parodying Zordon) Hey, what's wrong with your mouth?

Dr. Scratchansniff: (out of sync) It's all fuzzy.

NC: Fox would still do well, but this was a big bite for them.

(Pictures from Life with Louie and Casper are shown)

NC (vo): And many of their upcoming shows did well, but not nearly as well as before.

(Footage from Toonsylvania is shown)

NC (vo): Another Spielberg show called Toonsylvania tried capturing a darker tone on the Animaniacs formula, but sadly, the writing wasn't on point and it didn't last very long.

(Footage from Sam and Max: Freelance Police is shown)

NC (vo): I talked in great detail about Sam and Max in another episode. It was creative, but a little too unfocused, earning only one season. And then of course, there's this. (Shows photo of Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation)

NC:  (struggling to speak) That's like summing up the Titanic in one sentence. I need a full episode to go into what's wrong with that.

Malcolm: Yeah.

Tamara: Good call.

(Clips from Digimon are shown)

NC (vo): After that, Fox Kids went the same route Kids WB went: importing more and more Japanese shows after seeing not only how easier they are to put out, but also how cheap they are to do.

NC: And sadly... I stopped watching after that. If we were gonna go into this in more detail, we would need people who actually grew up watching this.

(Loud throat clearing is heard and NC, Malcolm and Tamara turn to see Walter and Heather around the corner with excited, almost creepy looks on their faces while Fur Elise plays in the background)

NC: (annoyed) Okay, go ahead.

(Walter and Heather cheer and rush to sit in front and push the others away onto the couch while they argue)

Godzilla: The Series
Walter: Hey, kids, remember this incredible writing?

(Clip of Godzilla (1998))

Nick Tatopoulos: That's a lot of fish.

Heather: They made a show out of it!

NC: OH, GOD!

(Everyone angrily shushes him as the title shows and the theme song plays)

Walter (vo): Godzilla: The Series was a direct continuation of the 1998 Godzilla movie. It featured some actors of the film lending their voices to reprise their role.

NC: Including Bart Simpson?

(Everyone shushes him again)

Heather (vo): Thankfully, Matthew Broderick wasn't one of them, but his character... What?

Walter: Tatopoulos.

(Walter and Heather try to pronounce his name)

Walter: It's Greek, ha-ha!

Heather (vo): ...did return. The only surviving offspring of the Godzilla that attacked New York in the movie imprinted onto Nick as its parent, and thus, they used him as a government sponsored Pokémon to fight other giant monsters.

NC: That's so stupid, I'm surprised it wasn't in the '98 film.

(Everyone turns to him about to shush him, but don't and think about what he said or agree with him)

Heather: So am I.

Walter (vo): The series was received pretty well by fans of Godzilla, but honestly, following the '98 film, there was nowhere to go but up. We did get some great kaiju fights in the show, though. So I guess I can look past Godzilla's Dick Tracy chin.

Power Rangers in Space (and Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy)
NC: I guess it's better than any of the Power Rangers shows-

Walter: And then there's Power Rangers in Space and Lost Galaxy! (NC groans)

Singer: ♫ Set controls to outer space, now-- ♫

(Power Rangers in Space opening clip plays)

Walter (vo): Power Rangers in Space wrapped up the series' initial run and was supposed to be the series finale. As we know, that didn't happen.

NC: Much to our regret.

(Tamara takes NC's hat and slaps the back of his head)

NC: (Pause) I don't like it back here.

Walter (vo): What on the surface seemed like Star Trek Lite actually became one of the most popular and well received seasons in the show's history. They went much further with character development than they did with most of the previous seasons. There were decently deep arcs for a kids show, that featured the red ranger's long lost sister being brainwashed as the Power Rangers' main enemy, and even more multidimensional villains. There's plenty more to talk about with this season, which finished the Zordon era and ended up saving the franchise. But some of you may just know it for their crossover with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga... I guess.

Malcolm: Hey, we have a deal: no Next Mutation unless (points to NC) he's fully being tortured!

NC: (rubbing his head) It's okay, just the mention of the idea hurts me.

(Shows clips of Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy)

Walter (vo): The next season, Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy, kept the outer space theme, but began a new phase in the PR legacy. Starting here, every season introduced a new cast with new powers, Zords, etc., and that became the status quo for the series moving forward. Saban's big plan to get this phase going? Sword in the Stone in space! ... Woo? Actually, this season's pretty good, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Young Hercules
Heather: But I know what you're thinking, "Those shows needed a lot more Ryan Gosling as young Hercules."

Tamara: It's actually amazing how much we weren't thinking that.

Heather: Well Fox Kids was!

Malcolm: (pause) I was thinking that.

(Everyone slowly turns their heads towards Malcolm and looks at him as if he's demented as the theme song and clips of the show play)

Heather (vo): Yup. There was a spin off of the Kevin Sorbo show starring a young Ryan Gosling. I always speculated this was just another Goosebumps episode he was in.

Walter (vo): It is scary enough.

Heather (vo): What else do you need to know about this show? Well, I think this clip says it all.

(Cut to clips of an interview between Ryan Gosling and interviewer Jake Hamilton for the movie Gangster Squad)

Jake Hamilton: What is a performance that you've given? Something that you're insanely proud of?

Ryan Gosling: My work on Young Hercules.

Jake Hamilton: Really?

Ryan Gosling: I had a fake tan. Leather pants. Was fighting imaginary monsters, they weren't really there, but I was acting like they were there.

Tamara: My god! I think we're all in a Goosebumps episode!

Beast Wars: Transformers (and Beast Machines: Transformers)
(Cut to clips of Beast Wars: Transformers)

Walter (vo): We also can't forget about Beast Wars. This was one of my favorite childhood shows. It traded in cool cars, trucks and jets for animals, like rats and ants!

(Walter smiles as everyone else stares at him awkwardly)

Walter: Believe me, it's way cooler than it sounds.

Walter (vo): This was my generation's Transformers show, and I absolutely loved it. Beast Wars, along with ReBoot, was among the first all-CG animated series. The early computerized look doesn't hold up all that well, but for the time, it was revolutionary and set the show apart from most other things on TV. The stories were great, the characters were great, it was just a really solid animated series. That being said, 'YOU STAY AWAY FROM THIS, MICHAEL BAY! YOU HEAR ME?! DON'T YOU DARE DEFILE RATTRAP, TIGATRON OR OPTIMUS PRIMAL'- For more on this series, you can check out my top 5 best episodes, right here on the channel.

NC: If my face isn't on it, I don't watch it.

Walter: Like I haven't heard that before.

(Clips of Beast Machines: Transformers plays)

Walter (vo): Beast Machines: Transformers was the less popular sequel series to Beast Wars. It took place almost immediately after and was dark, sobering and kind of depressing at times. You know, for the kids. The change in tone and design wasn't something anyone was asking for, but it did end all the stories that started in Beast Wars and has gained a small, dedicated following over the years.

Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot
NC: Blah blah blah, get to the more hardcore stuff!

Heather: Oh, you mean like... Frank Miller?

NC, Tamara, Malcolm and Walter: (in unison) YEA- wait, what?

Heather: Yeah, there was a show based on a Frank Miller comic.

Singers: ♫ Watch the skies, coming at you. A hero-- ♫

(The show's title is shown and the theme song plays)

Heather (vo): Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot was a show based on a short comic written by Frank Miller. There really isn't too much crossover between the show and the comic, with the show actually being more fleshed out than the comic.

Tamara: Is Samuel L. Jackson in a Nazi uniform?

Heather: No.

Tamara: It's a good start.

Heather (vo): Rusty is the most advanced robot ever made, with a complicated A.I. and the ability to feel emotions. He was meant to be the successor to Big Guy, an advanced robot that protects Earth. However, Rusty's emotional circuits and A.I. are young, and he, therefore, acts like a child. Rusty needs to learn how to be the protector of Earth. Big Guy is recommissioned so he can teach Rusty. Big Guy and Rusty was one of the more complex and mature shows in the year 10 lineup. It was pretty interesting and unique. Although it was never my favorite show, I do remember being engaged by it, and wanting to see what happened next.

Singers: ♫ The Big Guy and Rusty! ♫

Digimon (and Monster Rancher)
NC: Well it's good to know not everything was a Japanese import-

Heather: And then there was Digimon!

NC: Yeah, okay. (He sits back down as Malcolm smiles with joy)

(Clips of the intro and the theme song play)

Singers: ♫ Digimon. Digital Monsters. Digimon are the champions. ♫

Heather (vo): When Pokémon became a smash hit, Fox Kids tried to capitalize on that market and trend by introducing the world of Digimon. Seven kids at a summer camp are transported to a digital world, creatively called the "DigiWorld." there, they discover they are the DigiDestined, who must save the digital and real world with the help of their partner digital monsters or "Digimon." They are also given DigiDevices which transport them between the real and digital worlds, and can help their Digimon digivolve into other forms.

NC: (Pulls out a gun on Heather) Say "digi" again! I dare ya! I double dare ya!

Heather: (Doesn't look at him and is not intimidated) Digi.

NC: (Doesn't do anything and looks around, not knowing know what to do now, and talks in a more discouraged tone) Now I'm mad!

Heather (vo): The show was actually a lot of fun. Although it never really reached the fever pitch of Pokémon, it was received well by audiences. Although there was fan demand that the anime be shown in its entirety as the Fox Kids version was edited and changed to fit a more humorous tone than the original Japanese show. And who could ever forget that theme song?

Singers: ♫ Digimon. Digital Monsters. Digimon are the champions. ♫

NC: I just got that damn song out of my head and you put it right back in there!

Malcolm: Oh, I thought you were still humming, "DuckTales! Woo-" (NC smacks Malcolm with his gun)

(Clips of Monster Rancher are shown)

Heather (vo): Because of Digimon's success, we also got Monster Rancher. Another monster show that was meant to compete with the success of Pokémon. Monster Rancher was first a video game before being made into an anime that Fox Kids picked up. In the game, you used discs to unlock monsters that the player trains to compete in tournaments. In the show, a boy named Genki receives a disc to use while playing. The disc ends up transporting him to a different world where monsters are real and created by scanning stone discs in temples. Like Digimon, Monster Rancher was edited to make it more suitable for audiences, removing more dramatic elements from the series. I remember loving this show as a kid, but honestly, it was a bit bland and basically an over glorified commercial.

Tamara: So.... an anime?

(Everyone glares at Tamara and she immediately regrets what she said)

Tamara: Oh, Christ, I hit a nerve.

(Heather hisses at Tamara and Tamara looks away in fear and shame)

Spider-Man Unlimited
(Clips of Spider-Man Unlimited begins playing)

Walter (vo): Fox did give Spider-Man another go with Spider-Man Unlimited, a loose sequel to the '94 series, while having a strange and somewhat confusing plot that sends Spider-Man to a duplicate world on the far side of the sun called "Counter-Earth." Normally, this would be like a parallel dimension or something, but apparently, that's not what Unlimited was going for. Instead, we got a really weird futuristic planet for Spider-Man to fight Venom and Carnage on, while freeing humans from oppression.

Malcolm: Wow, this is making his deal with the devil almost sound credible.

Walter (vo): Due to legal issues, this series couldn't draw from any of the decades of source material before it or even used the standard Spider-Man outfit for most of its run. There have been some awesome designs for alternate spider suits made over the years, but a web cape? Unique to say the least. The opening sounds like it's trying to be Batman Beyond, but comes off like its goofy, clubbing cousin.

Tamara: Like clubbing a seal, I think you mean.

Walter (vo): I get that Spider-Man: The Animated Series is an insanely tough act to follow, but Spider-Man Unlimited was a mess from the beginning, both behind and on the screen, that is best skipped over by fans of the web head.

Angela Anaconda
Heather: And then there's Angela Anaconda.

(The opening theme song plays and the show's art style looks like pictures of children from black and white newspapers pasted onto a child's Microsoft Paint project.)

Angela: (singing) ♫ My name is Angela, hey, hello, welcome to my very own show. ♫

(Cut back to everyone looking horrified by how the animation looks)

Heather: Did any of us actually watch this show?

NC, Tamara, Malcolm and Walter: (in unison) NO!

Heather: I can see why! (She points the remote at the screen and turns the TV off)

Closing Thoughts
NC (vo): By year 12, Fox Kids was losing momentum, and pulled back weekday scheduling to only Saturday mornings. By then, the writing must have been on the wall, because the following year, Fox Kids stopped airing programs and never returned.