Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties

(We start off with the Sequel Month: The Sequel title card before cutting to the Nostalgia Critic, looking slightly less irritated than in the previous review)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

(A poster of Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties appears)

NC: Bad kitty.

(Clips of the movie are shown, starting with the title)

NC (voiceover): We all know Bill Murray duped himself into Garfield 1 thinking one of the Coen brothers wrote it, but his contract included a sequel and because audiences loved to see this man punished, (posters of Larger Than Life, Osmosis Jones and The Man Who Knew Too Little are shown) he got one. Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties continues the Garfield movie tradition of having practically nothing to do with Garfield. He dances, has a ton of energy, tries to help those in need, and looks like a hairy hallucination from Pink Floyd's The Wall.

(Picture of one of the hallucinations from said movie appears)

NC: But he likes lasagna, so... (shrugs) no difference?

NC (vo): It probably goes without saying that this film is just as bad as the first, but this is an analytical review series, so just saying "Bite me, you flock of ginger pubic hair" probably isn't gonna be enough.

NC: So let's take a look with greater detail – something the filmmakers obviously didn't do! This is Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.

(The movie starts with the "storybook" type of opening credits, with illustrations picturing Garfield making contacts with fairy tale characters, including Humpty Dumpty and Red Little Riding Hood)

NC (vo): So it only figures the opening would be in crayon...I just assume the whole script was written in it. The film starts off with the surprising narration of Roscoe Lee Browne, the narrator of Babe.

(And we go to live-action)

Narrator: Once upon a time, in an English castle, there lived a pampered personage...

NC: (waves off) Oh, knock off that elegance and dignity bullshit; you're Garfield 2!

(We are shown the cooks making the breakfast for the aforementioned "Prince" and the butler, Smithee, carrying the tray into Prince's bedroom)

Narrator: Oh, did I mention that Prince was a cat? (And that cat looks exactly like Garfield)

NC: (as the narrator) Yes. I'm...kind of a bad narrator. (takes some paper sheets) Oh, did I also mention that it takes place in the year 1321?

(A static is heard)

Director (vo, by Rob Walker): You're fired.

NC: (as the narrator) Oh, bother.

NC (vo): So as you can quickly imagine, this cat named Prince looks exactly like Garfield, and it's obviously taking influence from Mark Twain's The Prince and the Pauper. (beat) If that's so, why is your title satirizing A Tale of Two Cities? In fact, why did the opening credits have fairy tales?! None of these things are connected!

NC: This has less to do with Garfield than...the rest of the movie has anything to do with Garfield!!

(Cut to Garfield himself, jumping around and dancing, just like in the previous installment)

NC (vo): We then see our main character, Garfield, who's...pretty athletic for being so heavy...

NC: You guys know what a cat is, right? (A picture of a cat sleeping is shown)

NC (vo): ...As he discovers his master, Jon, is going to propose to Liz the vet, who Garfield apparently doesn't like.

(Jon hears the doorbell ringing and puts Garfield down)

Garfield (Bill Murray): Whatever happened to Jon? My metal-head guy, my dude? You were so much cooler when you wore a mullet.

NC: (scoffs) Now they're suggesting that Jon had a mullet. (looks left and right) Did he? (A picture of Jon as he appeared in Garfield and Friends is shown)

(Liz enters the house)

NC (vo): But Liz interrupts his big question because, apparently, she's been invited to go to England to speak at the Royal Animal Conservancy.

Liz (Jennifer Love Hewitt): Jane Goodall dropped out at the last minute because she's nursing a sick chimp, and they asked me.

NC: Ah, yes. (pictures of...) Jane Goodall, Liz the vet. I totally understand this choice!

NC (vo): That's like saying, "What? We can't get Rudy Giuliani to open the 9/11 museum? Well, bring in Paul Blart, mall cop! That's a fitting replacement! We do the smart thing."