8

Ask That Guy With The Glasses Ep. 8 (July 16, 2008)

(That Guy is seen reading a book. He looks up and shuts it)

Oh! Namose. Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to "Ask That Guy With The Glasses."

(Title card comes up with music)

Narrator: Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? I am not a vegetarian but my mom is, and she's terribly confused about this issue. She's also terribly stupid. So, can I eat my mom?

That Guy: That's a very good question. The answer is yes! You can eat your mom! And once you have prepared her for eating, sprinkle animal crackers on top. The irony will be delicious. As will her heart deep-fried in several herbs and spices. Now that's a good mother!

Narrator: What is in that book that you're always reading?

That Guy: Actually, it's a book instructing you on how to look like you're actually reading. Unfortunately, I can't read. Thank you for opening up a painful wound. [closes book]

Narrator: I currently live on a warm, sunny, Mediterranean island. Next year, I would have to leave my country in order to join a university in the UK. How can I cope with adjusting to their cold climate?

That Guy: Pfftttt.... Fuck, I don't know.

Narrator: If "Where's Waldo?" and "Carmen Sandiego" had a kid, how hard will it be to find him?

That Guy: Actually, if "Carmen Sandiego" and "Where's Waldo?" both have recessive genes, and the recessive genes contain the inability to be found, then the dominant gene, the gene that makes most of us what we are today, will take over. So, in fact, he will be a perfectly normal human being. But, for the sake of comedy, let's just say: Yes! He will be very hard to find.

Narrator: What is the meaning of life?

That Guy: People have been asking this question since the dawn of time, and nobody has had a satisfactory answer, until now. Ladies and gentlemen, the meaning of life is... [brings up dictonary] the property or quality manifested in functions such as metabolism, birth, responsed distimulation and reproduction, by which living organisms are distinguished from dead organisms or from inanimate matter. Why is that such a hard question? [closes dictionary] This is That Guy With The Glasses saying there's no such thing as a stupid question until YOU ask it. (Winks and goes back to reading his book)