The Lion King, or The History of King Simba I

[Cut to Oancitizen reading "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace. He puts the book down]

Oan: Sing it with me now.

[Cut to the opening scene of the movie overlapped with the voice of Oan singing]

Oan [v/o]: Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ants igonyama bagithi Baba./ Sithi uhm ingonyama/ ingonyama-

Oan: Wait, you don't know the words?

[Brows Held High intro: Summer of Shakespeare]

[Fade in to clips from film; "The Circle of Life" plays.]

Oan [v/o]: The Lion King is considered the peak of the Disney Renaissance in the 1990's. Superbly animated and majestically scored, its a story of a young prince forced to grapple with maturity upon the untimely death of his father, a wise king. Later, the father appears to him as a spirit and the prince learns that his father's death was actually caused by his wicked uncle. And so, the prince steels himself and avenges his father. The prince also has two comic relief best friends, a strained relationship with his girlfriend, a doddy advice-dispensing courtier, and, at one point, there's a gag involving a skull.

Oan: So naturally, I thought it would be fun to look at all the obvious parallels between The Lion King and William Shakespeare's H-

[Cut to Some Jerk with the Camera at Downtown Disney in Anaheim. He pops up from the bottom of the screen]

Some Jerk: Kyle!!

Oan: Ahh!

Some Jerk: Hey Kyle, long time no see. I heard through the magical two-way camera to which we can magically talk to each other that you're doing another Disney movie.

Oan: [obviously confused] ... yeah?

Some Jerk: So I thought, "why not continue our impeccable onscreen chemistry with yet another elaborate and incredibly time-consuming musical crossover?"

Oan: [still confused] ... Uh-huh?

Some Jerk: Now, look, it's totally cool, it's your show, your channel, feel free to shoot me down, but I did manage to make an entire album of Lion King parodies, so just let me know I haven't waste my time.

Oan: [aggressively and nervously stroking his hair] ... um.

Some Jerk: [with a quintet of backup singer that spontaneously appear behind him] You guys ready?

Backup singers: Yeah!!

Some Jerk: Alright, one, two, three, four. Go!

[The singers snap their fingers to a beat and break into song a la backup singers from "Circle of Life"]

Backup Singers: Something's rotten in the state of Denmark. [repeat 2x]

Some Jerk: [singing] It's a murder most foul. His offense is rank.

[Cut back to Oan, who's nervously stroking his beard. Some Jerk's backup singers still chanting the same line until ...]

Oan: TONY!!

[Music and chanting stops, the backup singers are now fiddling with their car-keys, frolicking, etc.]

Some Jerk: What? I actually did the research this time. I learned everything about your arty imped interest (?), I slogged through every Shakespearean essay from Samuel Johnson to Marjorie Garber, I memorized the entire play backwards and forwards, I even learned to speak fluent Danish just to be on the safe side, and now I can safely say unequivocally that I'm fully qualified to discuss all the obvious parallels between Disney's The Lion King and William Shakespeare's classic play, Ham-

Oan: [interrupting] The History of Henry IV: Parts One and Two.

Some Jerk: [confused] ... What?

Oan: ... Yeah.

Some Jerk: But, but I ...

Oan: Come on, I already did a Hamlet.

Some Jerk: But I ...

Oan: Sorry, Tony.

Some Jerk: [Humiliated and embarrassed] Lort. [Subtitle appears: "Shit."]

'''The transcript appears to be incomplete. Please finish.'''