Old vs. New: Spider-Man

Cue the Nostalgia Critic opening.

Fade to NC sitting at his computer when Black Willy Wonka appears.

Wonka: Why so glum, Critic?

NC (sighing): It's this "Hyper Fangirl" from the last review. She asked me out on a date, I said, "no", and now she's doing that Facebook thing where she writes down these very vague, miserable messages, but then asks people not to ask her about it.

He shows a message.

Fangirl: My life is Hell... don't ask why.

NC: 2 minutes later...

He shows another message.

Fangirl: There is no hope for humanity... don't ask why!

NC: 1 minute later...

He shows another message.

Fangirl: I am the saddest and loneliest person who has no friends to ask her about her problems... DON'T ASK WHY!!!!!!

NC groans.

Wonka: Well, why don't you just un-friend her.

NC: I can't do that, she's a fan! That means somewhere in there, there's a glimmer of brilliance trying to get out.

Wonka: Hmm, well as a popular holdover from the last review, I recommend either compromise, or carmalizing her until her insides are stretchy and sweet.

NC: (sighing): Well, maybe there's something to be said about--WHAT?!......Maybe there's something to be said about compromising. I'm gonna contact her, you...don't destroy anything.

Wonka (before leaving): I make no promises.

NC contacts Fangirl.

Fangirl: You are a whiny and pathetic little loser...DON'T ASK WHY!!!!!!!!

NC: Hello?

Fangirl (gasping): Is that you, my hipster love?

NC: I'm not a hipste...suck it! I'm doing an Old vs. New of the Spider-Man movies. I heard you were a Spider-Man fan.

Fangirl: I may have dabbled.

She quickly takes down a fan-picture as the 2 Spider-Man franchises are shown.

NC (voiceover): Both movie series were a huge hit, bringing in a brand new audience to enjoy the web-slinging  Spider-Man himself. But as you would expect, audiences seem to be very split on which series is actually the better Spider-Man series. Which one had the better story? Which one had the better action? Which one had the better villains? And of course, which one had the better Spider-Man?

NC: I would invite you along to be apart of it, but we all know the new Spider-Man films are better, so I guess there's no purpose to--

Fangirl: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! The new one aren't better. The old one blow the new ones out of the water.

NC: Oh, come on! With "Teary" Maguire?

Fangirl: Oh, I'm sorry. He did overstay his welcome, like that whopping 2 minutes of the Rhino.

NC: Maybe there is a bit to talk about with these Spider-Man movies. What do you say we go over it together as friends, and no getting super-obsessed over anything, got it?

Fangirl (now dressed as Spider-Man): Like you need to ask.

NC (sighing): Well, no use in delaying the battle. This is Fan vs, Fan in the newly restored Old vs. New.

''A new version of the Old vs. New opening is shown: The "new" (Chambers) is playing baseball with a...football(?) while is "old" (Ray) is walking like an old man. When suddenly, they notice each-other and prepare to battle! They strike their bat and cane at other, mimicking the original opening's pose and the battle begins...''