The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2016

Introduction
Todd plays Twenty One Pilots - "Ride" on the piano.

THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2016 A year-end review

Todd: And welcome back. Now, having finished the worst songs of the miserable year that was 2016...


 * Clip of Zayn - "Pillowtalk" 

Todd (VO): ...I had a lot of people asking me, "God, it was such a terrible year, not just in general but for pop music specifically, is there even gonna be a best list?"

Todd: It's a fair question. 2016 was absolutely not a good year for pop music.


 * Clips of Lukas Graham - "7 Years" ...

Todd (VO): Especially in the summer, when we're supposed to get all the memorable, inescapable mega smashes. Instead, we got Lukas Graham and Zayn. It was rough. [...Desiigner - "Panda" ...] But more than that, it was bleak. It is by far the darkest, saddest time in pop music I can remember. It's easier to say this in hindsight, but it almost feels like people knew what was coming. [...and Rihanna - "Needed Me" ] I mean, listen to these songs. "Now we're stressed out." "All I know are sad songs." "Look what you've done." "One more dance before I go." Historians are gonna have a field day studying the music of 2016.

Todd: And weirdly, as the world went further and further down the toilet, I actually started enjoying the songs of the year more and more.


 * Clip of Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - "Black Beatles" 

Todd (VO): Maybe I'd just caught up with the Zeitgeist, but as we move into 2017, I'm actually feeling a lot better about the direction of music. It's the one part of the year that ended better than it started.

Todd: And you know what? You're probably not going to agree with everything on this list. But that's okay. Remember, it's just my opinion. And you know what they say: "opinions are like assholes; everyone has one. And mine is demonstrably superior to yours." To the list!


 * Clip from DJ Drybones's "Top Pop Songs Of 2016 Mashup (Can't Stop), which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown.
 * Sia: Hit the dance floor, hit the dance floor

Todd (VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2016!


 * Flo Rida: We don't have to
 * Sia: Hit the dance floor, hit the dance floor

#10
Todd (VO): #10.


 * Clip of Coldplay - "Yellow"
 * Chris Martin: Look at the stars

Todd: I have a complicated relationship with Coldplay.


 * Clip of "Speed of Sound"

Todd (VO): As in, I really really hated them from the very first time I heard them. Pretty much everything from their first three albums, I think is unlistenable crap. I hated their boring music which always sounded like a single repetitive loop playing too slow, I hated their stupid meaningless lyrics, I hated Chris Martin's stupid whiny voice...

Todd: [singing "Yellow" in a whiny tone] I drew a line for you, it was a yellow line, it was a yellow line.


 * Clips of "Vida la Vida"...

Todd (VO): Weirdly, it was about the time that the public kinda got sick of them that they started making music I liked. They had their last real smash around 2008, but that was the first time I really liked them. [..."A Sky Full of Stars"...] And despite them never coming close to their commercial peak in the early-mid 2000s, they managed to stick around, and I've consistently been glad whenever I hear them. [...and their performance with Beyoncé and Bruno Mars at...] Even when they headlined the Super Bowl Halftime Show and got completely embarrassed by the guest stars and were treated like jokes by everyone. Am I the only one who actually liked their performance?

Todd: I like this song.

#10. Coldplay - "Adventure of a Lifetime"

Todd dances along to the song.

Todd (VO): No one's ever called Coldplay exciting, but more and more, I find their music just pumps me up. And "Adventure..." [Todd starts getting distracted.] And "Adventure of a Lifetime" is the most uptempo song of theirs to date. With that looping guitar riff, and... [Todd is completely distracted by the video filled with dancing monkeys.]

Todd: I, I'm sorry...

Todd (VO): ...I had not watched the video for this. Th- this is...

Todd: ...huh.

TRANSCRIPT IN PROGRESS.