ABC Goes To Disneyland


 * The whole transcript that comes before this scene has not been transcribed yet. Feel free to do so.

Jerk: (Laughs) Can you believe that? They actually expect grown adults like me to believe that the Disney characters are just costumes with people in them? (Chuckles and sighs) Oh, TV. None of it's real, what are you gonna do? Anyway, that concludes my ABC retrospective, so...

(II Neige, The Wire, and Spazz Master are shown standing next to Jerk)

Spazz Master: Wait. You're kidding, right?

Jerk: About what?

The Wire: This...isn't how we wanted you to find out.

Jerk: Find out what?

II Neige: Jerk, those characters are just costumes with people in them.

Jerk: (Chuckles) No, they're not.

Spazz Master: Why do you think their faces never move?

Jerk: I assumed they were suffering heat stroke. I mean, come on, guys. A joke's a joke. But if Little John's just a guy in a suit, that means...that means Mickey's just a guy in a suit, and Goofy's just a guy...

II Neige: Jerk, back when I worked here, I was that guy in the Goofy suit.

Jerk: (Frowns) What?

II Neige: Remember this?

(He brings out a Goofy hat, puts it on and uses its ears to block his eyes while acting like he cannot see. Jerk is stunned and saddened)

Jerk: You filthy liars.

(He begins to walk away)

II Neige: Oh, Jerk, come back!

Jerk: Well, if you're not lying, that means Disney is! I mean, how am I supposed to know what's real anymore? Spazz Master, are you just a guy in a suit? Am I just a guy in a suit? Is Disney CEO Bob Iger just a guy in a suit?!

The Wire: Jerk, I'm sorry, but you deserve to know the truth. Why would we lie?

Jerk: I don't know what to believe anymore!

(He sadly walks away)

The Wire: Jerk, wait!

Spazz Master: No. Let him go. (Beat) I'm tired of following him around. Let's go ride rides.

(He walks away. As the song "God's Song (That's Why I Love Mankind)" by Randy Newman is heard, we see Jerk sadly walk past Mickey's Toontown. He stops to look at it, before continuing his walk. We see Spazz Master, II Neige and The Wire having fun at a carousel. As Jerk walks around Main Street, he witnesses all sorts of Disney characters meeting and greeting guests, including Goofy, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Chip and Dale, Mr and Mrs. Incredible, and Pluto. Jerk puts on a hood and walks out of the park. We see II Neige and The Wire staring at Spazz Master, who is constantly saying "Hidden Mickey" over and over. Jerk is shown walking out of the park, passing by a person reading a map, who looks at Jerk leaving. Jerk is shown riding on a train, going up an elevator, and walking to the airport. We then see Jerk walk through a black background, as we see past clips of Jerk encountering the Disney characters. We then see Spazz Master, The Wire, and II Neige returning to their respective review rooms, with II Neige falling off of his chair. Jerk is shown walking through a large building, and then on the street. After looking at the restaurant behind him, Jerk walks away, leaving behind his mini-camera. We fade to Jerk walking at a pier, where he sees two people clearly dressed as Mickey and Minnie. We fade to black, then we are shown a caption, "One Year Later..." We see Jerk now a bum, holding a piece of cardboard saying "Will review for crack". He notices the camera)

Jerk: Camera? Wow. It's been such a long time. Who found you?