Top 11 South Park Episodes

(The opening)

NC (annoyed): Hello, I'm the Notaslgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to...so I haven't done a Top 11 list in a while...

(He looks to 3 computer nerds, played by Malcom Ray, Rachel Tietz, and Uncle Yo, who are preparing for something on their computers)

NC: ...and so I thought I would do...

(He looks at the 3 nerds again)

NC: ...my Top 11 Favorite "South Park" episodes.

(The nerds start screaming and typing their favorite episodes, angering NC)

NC (after a few angry breaths): SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! Just gonna tell you right now straight forward there's a very strong chance that I will not have your favorite "South Park" episode on this list. (The crowd gasps) And you know what, who can blame me? It fucking "South Park".

(Footage from the show)

NC (voiceover): And that's really quite an accomplishment. With most shows people love, fans can usually pick their Top 15 or even 20. But with South Park, it's like Top 30 or Top 50. That's how many good episodes there are. And with them making their way up to their 17th season, they show no sign of getting less clever, less raunchy, and most importantly, less funny. They always know what subject to tackle, how to tackle it, and how to get the biggest laugh. But inevitably, we have to ask, "Which ones are the best?" Which ones stand out with the best jokes, best parodies, or even the best messages?

NC: They're tough to sort out, but I think I've figured my Top 11 favorite. Why Top 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. So, sit back and enjoy the Top 11 Best "South Park" episodes.

(Footage from "South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut")

Eric Cartman (singing): Weeeeeeeeeellll, Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world! She a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

(Title for "The Top 11 Best South Park Episodes")

Eric Cartman (singing): Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean ole bitch, and she has stupid hair. She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch! She's a stupid bitch! (Whoa!) Kyle's mom's a bitch! And she's such a dirty bitch! (Bitch!)

(For each interlude on the Top 11, Eric Cartman sings the last part of "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" with the number moving in front of the screen from the right)

NC (voiceover): Number 11--"Christian Hard Rock*." With the internet growing in popularity, they were still so many questions about what was ethical and what wasn't. What was harmful stealing and what was innocent fun? And this episode exposed a lot of the over hyped bullshit for what it was. The boys start their own band...


 * It's actually "Christian Rock Hard".

George Costanza (from "Seinfeld"): Moops!

NC (voiceover): ...then decide to get online music for inspiration. Little did they know, though, that they are tapping into the worst crime humanity could possibly perform. At least, that's what the poor starving musician that already made millions of dollars say.

Sergeant Yates: Here you see the loving family of Master P (He's shown tossing a basketball to his wife while his kid tries to catch it). Next week is his son's birthday and, all he's ever wanted was an island in French Polynesia (his mom lowers the ball and gives it to the boy, who smiles, picks it up and drops it. It rolls away and he goes after it).

Kyle Broflovski: So, he's gonna get it, right?

Sergeant Yates: I see an island without an owner.

Stan Marsh (apologetically): We're sorry! We'll, we'll never download music for free again!

NC (voiceover): The boys are so blown away at what a terrible crime this is that they decide to stop playing and protest to protect their music, and become symbols for other big name artists who decide not to play, never realizing that Cartman, who has started his own fake Christin rock band, which it turns out is very easy--all you do is replace the word "girl" in any love song with "God", is making tons of money because there's nobody else to listen to, forcing him to become the success, while the boys sit and do nothing, leading them to sum up the position of any artist perfectly.

Lars: But why play if we're not gonna make millions of dollars.

Kyle (turns around and addresses the crowd): Because that's what real artists do. People are always gonna find a way to copy our music and swap it for free. If we're real musicians, then we should just play and be stoked that so many people are listening.

Stan (joins Kyle and faces the crowd): Beside, maybe our sound would have gotten downloaded for free, but if they were good songs then people still would have bought tickets to see our band in concert (shots of Rick James, Ozzy, Britney and two other acts).

Kyle: We're not striking anymore! Who's with us (grins, but gets no response)?!

Britney: ...We're just about the money.

Other acts: Yeah, yeah.

Kyle (casts his eyes down): Oh.

NC (voiceover): This episode not only has great commentary, but it's another example of keep your eye off the prize and doing what you love simply because you love doing it, and after (SOPA picture) poorly written bill after (CISPA bill) poorly written bill trying to get passed in Congress to show the evils of internet, I think this is an argument that won't be going away anytime soon. It's another great reminder for artists that if you're doing it the money, you're doing it for the wrong reason.

Sergeant Yates (somberly and dramatically): Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else...recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.

(Interlude to the next entry)

NC (voiceover): Number 10--"Britney's New Look." The boys are shocked at how much attention Britney Spears is getting in the media, interrupting political debates, important news stories, and sucking every common person's attention, and the news about her is not really that interesting either. She just does something stupid, that in no way effects the world, but the world, for some reason, thinks that it does, and they hunt her down, trying to exploit what a pathetic blood-sucking creature she is, never realizing that they, themselves, are turning into the pathetic blood-sucking creatures. Even after she pushes herself to the limit, shooting herself, people still want to be in on the shit that nobody should care about. It talks about the obsession with celebrities our society has, but "South Park" asks the important question, "Who the fuck cares?" There's no doubt that people love bullshit, but this episode says, "For the love of God, get a fucking life and stop how you can live through others!" It's like that show: "TMZ". You know, the...worst humanity has ever put on...in the...history of the human race...so terrible that I hate getting a clip to show you because I feel like getting the footage is giving them a fraction of support and that makes me feel like the devil...

NC: ...that fucking bad...

NC: ...and yet people still watch them like they're saying something important, when all they're doing is praying somebody will blow their brains out to preserve whatever measly shreds of journalistic decency they have left.

The Dude (from “The Big Lebowski”): ...Jesus.

NC (voiceover): This episode exploits that showing when...

NC: ...oh, you know what, I'm gonna go on a little longer. FUCK THIS SHOW!!!!

(FUCK THIS SHOW!)

NC (voiceover): If you're actually dumb enough...

(STOP IT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!)

NC (voiceover): ...to watch path the first two seconds...

(You CAN'T be this big of a loser! You just CAN'T!)

NC (voiceover): ...without realizing it's sucking whatever intelligence you have...

(Seriously? I mean...SERIOUSLY???)

NC (voiceover): ...then you deserve your purgatory rubbing...

(Give humanity some hope!)

NC (voiceover): ...tamploids on your genitalia, thinking you're getting laid...

(Live your life!)

NC (voiceover): ...and claiming to others you know how the world works...

(Do something outside!)

NC (voiceover): ...when really, you're jut crying your virgir ass to sleep every night while eating...

(Kim Kardashian's Shoes? Who Gives a Dick?)

NC (voiceover): ...your Dorito and Cap'n Crunch sandwiches! No...

(They are the Devil's Anal Warts!)

NC (Voiceover): ...seriously, you stab God every time you see this...

(Just Stop!)

NC (voiceover): ...show! You rape a kitten...

(Just Stop!)

NC (voiceover): ...everytime you don't...

(Just Stop!)

NC (voiceover): ...change the channel!

(FuCK THIS SHOW!)

NC (voiceover): FUCK...

(FUCK THIS SHOW!)

NC (voiceover): THIS...

(FUCK THIS SHOW!)

NC (voiceover): SHO--

NC: --not a fan

NC (voiceover): This episode displays a lot of similar issues that were also brought up in raising the bar, and while that was a great episode, I felt this one did the obsession with the horseshit not only first, but better. For whatever reason, there will always be a crowd for this stupid, and as long as there is, this episode will always hold relevance, unlike some other pieces of shit.

NC: Seriously, whoever's watching it, sleep with something--for your own good!

(Interlude to the next entry)

NC (voiceover): Number 9--"Cancelled." Satire often shows the flaws of human nature, but once in a while, it can get its humor from the idea that maybe we've been doing better than we thought, like we've actually been holding up when given the circumstances we're put in, and this episode plays around with that idea...sort of. It starts of early familiar to the very 1st episode, in fact, it's exact.

Stan: That wasn't a dream Cartman, those were visitors!

Cartman: No, it was just a dream (crosses his arms), my mom said so.

Stan: Visitors are real. They...(lowers his left eyebrow and thinks, looking down) Wait a minute. This has all happened before.

Kyle: Yeah. This does seem really familiar.

NC (voiceover): But then they realize they're reliving the same events as before and discover that the aliens who implanted the satellite in him from the 1st episode have returned. This, of course, raises the question, "Why was the satellite there to begin with?" Well it turns out Earth is part of an intergalactic reality show. The idea revolving around what happens when various people and animals all live on one planet.

Stan: Our planet is just a reality-TV show?

Alien: Well, you don't think the whole universe works the way Earth does, do you? No! One species, one planet! There's a planet of deer, a planet of Asians, and so on! We put them all together on Earth and the whole universe tunes in to watch the fun!

NC (voiceover): This immediately creates conflict, violence, drama, which, of course, equals entertainment. But the problem is, people are suddenly made aware of its existence. So, because of the fear of it not being as fun anymore, the show is in danger of being cancelled, resulting in Earth's destruction. So the boys have to convince the aliens that mankind is still violent, still crazy, and still has the need to keep world peace as far away from them as possible, so they can be renewed for another season and the Earth doesn't have to be destroyed. They have to promote the worst of humanity in order to save the best of humanity. Not only is it a great callback to the 1st episode, but it's also both the most optimistic and pessimistic combination you can imagine, turning the mere act of existing into a form of business and entertainment. This episode shows clearly not only what's good TV, but what makes it good TV.

Stan: I'm sure you'll see that if you give our world time, it will become even more outrageous and violent.

(Interlude to the next entry)

NC (voiceover): Number 8--"Chinpoko Mon*." Let's face it, whether you love "Pokémon", or...just...didn't fucking understand it, there was no ignoring the impact that it was having. Kids everywhere became obsessed, making the anime style bigger than it had ever been in the past. So this is Trey and Matt's very adult outsider look on the phenomenon, and as someone who's going into college by the time this shit became popular and didn't follow it at all, I can guarantee, it got most people's reaction to it.


 * It's actually "Chinpokomon".

Announcer: (more Chinpokomon appear...) Now you can collect them all. Furrycat, Donkeytron, Pengin, Shoe, Lambtor. Collect them all, and you can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master.

Japanese Woman (dressed in business attire): Chinpokomon is soo-peh-rior rubbeh toy, Nuhmbah 1!

Singer: I got to buy it! Chinpo-ko-mon!

NC (voiceover): So, they're trying to understand the show, and...why it's so damn weird. The parents discover a plot from the Japanese to brainwash all of America's kids, forming an army to conquer the world. This not only mocked the intense fandom of children at the time, but also how diabolical marketing can be, and that with the right combination of crazy-ass ideas can form an empire of epic proportions, even to world domination, apparently. Just look at this subtle propaganda.

Singer: Got to buy a ticket! I've got to buy one! A ticket! I've got to buy buy buy!

Japanese woman (pops in from the side): It'sa Satuhday anda Sunday. You can'ta wait to go!

NC (voiceover): It was just a great "What The Fuck?" reaction to all the adults trying to understand what their kids are watching, and that as much we like to push good intelligent programming on them, kids are always gonna like something stupid, too. It's just the way of life.

"Ash": Someday, I will collect all the Chinpokomon, then I will fight the Evil Power that will reveal itself once all the Chinpokomon are collectable (tilts his head to one side), oh?

Cartman (affecting an anime look): No, Kitty, you can't have these chicken tenders, because they are mine, and I keep mine to myself, oh?

NC (voiceover): It was great seeing the oddness of children's anime show being mocked so well, but this of course raise the question, "What about adult anime?" Well, join me at Number 7.

Singer: Chinpo-ko-mon!