Cut the Crap

Todd: Okay, so. Let's just take the standard, music critic line about Punk.

     Music video of "New Rose" by the Damned*

(Editor's note: I don't recognize all the music and video clips used in the review. Anybody that can help fill in these gaps will be welcome to do so.)

Todd (VO): Greatest thing to happen to popular music since The Beatles. Turned Rock 'n Roll back to its scrappy, dangerous roots, after years of arena bloat and pretension. Spirit of '77, Sex Pistols, the Ramones. CBGBs, alienation, rage, safety pins as jewelry, all that shit. All part of one of the greatest and most enduring movements in Rock history.

Todd: So if we take all that to be true....What happened in the 80s?

Music video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by WHAM!

George Michael: Wake me up.

Before you go-go.

Todd (VO): Seriously, what happened? Surely, in the heart of the Regan and Thatcher era, the rebellious soul of Punk Rock should've been more vital and necessary than ever, right?

Todd: (Beat) And it was!

Todd (VO): Punk music lived on, and thrived in the 80s, and you wouldn't have any problem finding great Punk Rock.

Todd: You know. If you were into that.

Todd (VO): But if you were not an actual punk. If you were not wearing a Mohawk and going into dingy clubs and slam-dancing to bands with names like the Piss Hydrants....

Todd: Punk, might as well have been completely dead to you.

Todd (VO): The first wave of punks weren't underground, they were actual genuine hitmakers, notorious to the public at large. But by '84, it had fallen back out of the mainstream. Most of the good bands had broken up, or couldn't break through. At best you had cartoon sell-out Billy Idol, or bands like U2 and the Talking Heads, who were barely punk to begin with and left it far behind.

Todd: And then, there's the sad, sad story of The Clash.

Music Video for The Clash.

Todd (VO): If there was any punk band that should've owned that decade, it was The Clash, arguably the greatest Punk-Rock band that ever existed. They were the righteous political soul of the genre, and they stormed the 80s, having just released their greatest album, "London Calling". A record so amazing that they picked up the title "The only band that matters."

Music video for "Rock the Casbah"

Joe Strummer: The Shareef don't like it!

Todd (VO): Just a couple years later, they released the album "Combat Rock", which broke them into the mainstream with massive hit singles. They were selling out giant arenas, headlining festivals.

Todd: And that, as far as most are concerned, is where the story ends.

Live performance of another Clash song

Joe Strummer: Go straight to hell boys.

Todd (VO): Unable to reconcile their revolutionary ethos with their pop success, the band fell apart. They scattered into the wind, they never reunited. And because band leader, Joe Strummer passed away in 2002, they never will. The legend of The Clash ends there, immaculately and eternally into rock history.

Todd: But that's not exactly how it went down.

Todd (VO): The Clash did lose some key members in 1983. But they put together a new line-up and soldiered on. And as far as Joe Strummer was concerned, this was all a good thing. This was a bold new chapter for the band, and as the glitz and glamour of MTV took over, the world needed The Clash more than ever.

Joe Strummer: The Clash have to come back. In order, to tip the balance. So that a young person going, "Oh I have to put make-up on and, wear a dress to really make it"

Todd (VO): Yeah, exactly.

Todd: And so....

Todd (VO): In 1985, The Clash re-debuted to the world. Ready to bring Punk Rock's energy back to the masses, with their newest record, "Cut the Crap."

Todd: And man, what an unfortunately fitting title that was.

Todd (VO): They did indeed Cut the Crap, they cut twelve tracks (Poop emoji is shown) of crap.

Todd: No record has ever teed itself up for the critics like that....

Clip from "This is Spinal Tap"

Todd (VO): Since Spinal Tap released "Shark Sandwich."

Interviewer: Merely, a two word review that just said "Shit Sandwich."

Todd (VO): "Shit Sandwich" was my original name for this series by the way.

Todd: But yeah. Crap.

Todd (VO): The reviews were brutal. The fans were disgusted. The band fell apart once and for all. "Cut the Crap" was supposed to bring the rebel spirit back to the world, but all it did was end the first wave of Punk Rock for good.

Todd: Should they stay? No they should go now. The Clash, craps out. This is Trainwreckords.

''The Trainwreckords intro followed by the album art for "Cut the Crap". ''