20

Ask ThatGuy Episode 20 (August 27, 2008)

{TGWTG is seen with a pipe reading his book, after a while, he stops reading his book}

TGWTG: {looks at the audience} Oh! Du briden!, didn't here you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with The Glasses.

{the intro plays}

Narrator: Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

TGWTG: That's a very good question. It's because there's always one a-hole out there that always likes it that way. It's the same person who always gets his steaks, extol welt done and burnt to a crisp. But luckily, I found this a-hole and killed him. That is to say I impaled him on a stick, and roasted him over an open fire. And do you wanna know how long I cooked him? Until he was well done. Or as I like to call it, well dead. Well said well dead, got out of bed and hit his head, while wearing red and eating bread. Yet.

Narrator: What would oranges be called if they were blue?

TGWTG: Disgusting.

Narrator: What would happen if I met my past self after time traveling?

TGWTG: Well, the early thing like me, you would probably make love to yourself. Now don't get me wrong, I am not gay in anyway. But if I was approached by myself, I would do me in an instant. I often practice in the mirror. And even make pornographic movies of me seducing myself. In fact it often goes like this...

{there is now two TGWTGs, both never seen together in the same shot}

TGWTG 1: Hello, That Guy With The Glasses.

TGWTG 2: Hello, That Guy With The Glasses.

TGWTG 1: I would like to make out with you, That Guy With The Glasses.

TGWTG 2: Go ahead, That Guy With The Glasses.

{now TGWTG has his back facing the camera doing the "making out with yourself gag", while making kissy, make-out sounds}

TGWTG: Oh, oh, That Guy With The Glasses.

{now TGWTG is talking to the audience again}

TGWTG: And if you think any of this is disgusting, just remember, you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. And that means time traveling back in time to do yourself.

Narrator: Why is it a butterfly if it's not made of butter?

TGWTG: Oh, no no, you don't understand. Butterfly's aren't made out of butter, butter is made out of butterfly's. What a silly misunderstanding. Even the word Margarette means sacrifice insects with preservationists. Now that you know, and know is half the battle. {the GI Joe music plays, and TGWTG raises his fist in the air}

Singers: G I JOE!

Narrator: Why do men have nipples?

TGWTG: This is a question women have been asking for years, and I think it's time that we as men own up to the answer. One gets radio reception, and the other shoots lasers. It's a very well kept secret among that. That's why men always win at laser tag. {TGWTG points his pipe at his right nipple} Now you might be wonder if this {TGWTG points his pipe at his left nipple} nipple has radio reception, where are the speakers? Just listen.

{TGWTG opens his mouth wide and moves his head up, he starts twisting his left nipple, causing radio noise, then the song Achy Breaky Heart plays}

Singers: {singing} Don't tell my heart, my Achy Breaky Heart.

TGWTG: I'm sorry I had to say that men, but women deserve to know, just pray they don't ask about the ice cream dispenser in our asses. This is the That Guy With The Glasses saying, "There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you, ask it.

{He picks back up the book from the beginning of the episode}

{The ending screen shows}