Planet of the Apes

(We start off today's episode with several YouTube comments coming from different character's Doug has played mimicking the opening of Honest Trailers)

Nun Your Damn Bizness: Do something like Honest trailers you ape!

Tommy: Oh Hi Honest trailers Parody!

Dom: Do a satire of HT.

Oh My Zod: Honest Trailer, NOW!

ATG: I'm dead, and even I know you should do something like HT.

C.A.B.: CHANGE!?! Oh, and anHonestTrailer.

(We get a trailer splash screen with this caption)

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUTHFUL PREVIEW

Special Thanks To ScreenJunkies for Letting Us Lovingly Rip Them Off.

(The rest of this segment is narrated by Jon Bailey, along with clips of previous NC episodes)

From the company who can milk a cash cow almost as well as Disney comes the internet sensation that has people all over the world staring at their computer screens saying... "Jeez, you can get paid for doing this?" Nostalgia Critic.

Behold a comedian with a screechy high pitched voice like (picture of) Sam Kinnison, only you wished this one died instead of him, getting recognition for doing what no person online has ever done like: Scream loudly...

NC: Goooooood!

Get facts wrong.

Douchey McNitpick: This is the Top 11 Nostalgia Critic Part 3!

Forced, painful memes.

NC: A Bat-Credit Card?! / They Fried the Coke again! / BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!

And act like his opinion is the only one that matters. Seriously, do you guys even read YouTube comments. Watch this entitled nitpicking crybaby give birth to a million other entitled nitpicking crybabies, each one more desperate to ride his coattails to internet fame and glory. Kinda like what he did originally.

(Cut to scene of the Angry Video Game Nerd and NC yelling at each other)

Question how this whiny little tool actually got so much attention that Hollywood constantly tries to take him down for critiquing their worst piece of shit material. Yeah, taking down a review of Cat in the Hat isn't gonna change anyone's opinion on it, guys.

Endure a man with so little talent that you'll be asking yourself how he keeps getting celebrities you didn't know you wanted to meet. (Clip of Dante Basco) Shit, is that Rufio? He looks amazing. (Clip of Pinky & The Brain) Oh look, it's Pinky & The Brain swearing at each other! How the hell did he get that--(Suddenly a YouTube block is put on saying "This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by the people you now hate. Sorry about that." Aww come on!

Sit back and enjoy an overly unqualified twit rip apart terrible movies and shows...(Posters of Kickassia, To Boldly Flee and Demo Reel) even though he's made terrible movies and shows. Witness him clarify when an obviously bad film is obviously bad. Debate the ongoing question raised with every episode: What really counts as nostalgic? (Clips from Jurassic World) I mean Jurassic World? Really? That's still in theaters, dude. And see a man do what you know you should be getting paid to do...but he just got to it a little faster than you did. Nanynanynany!

Starring...

The Black Guy (Malcolm Ray), The Short Chick (Tamara Chambers), Rachel Beeewbs (Rachel Tietz), Blasphemy (Santa Christ), That Guy Who's Probably Funnier Than Everybody (Jim Jarosz), Memes (N. Bison), Way Too Many Favors (AVGN), and...(to the theme of Doug) Dooo-Doo-Dooo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Dooo-Doo-Dooo-Doo-Doo. (NC hears that theme and screams, shooting the screen)

White Privilege: The Job

If you're gonna download this, you better make it quick cause you never know when--(And it gets taken down by YouTube again) Oh fuck you guys!

(And we finally come to the opening!)