Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Nostalgia Critic: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to, and welcome to Star Trek Month! *points offscreen* Engage review!


 * NC's pointing to Chester A. Bum on the computer

Chester: Yes, sir!


 * The opening title has Captain Kirk shouting KHAN! to the theme of Star Trek II


 * Scenes from various Star Trek movies play

NC (vo): What can you say about Star Trek? Well, really? Everything. It's a great vehicle for creative ideas! It's an onslaught of clichéd writing. It's characters are timeless and unforgettable! Their personalities are on par with the Ninja Turtles. It's one of the greatest works of sci-fi of all time! It's the corniest schlock you'll ever watch. Everybody has an opinion on Star Trek, but there is one pattern most people seem to agree on. When it comes to the movies, the even numbered ones seem to be the best. For whatever reason, the odd numbered Star Trek films seem to be the ones that get once-in-a-while viewers and die-hard fans really pissed off!

Chester: I believe we can attribute that to the binary structure that emanates from these movies--

NC: Or it could just be a giant coincidence.

Chester: Damn it, *slaps desk* I almost sounded intelli-ma-gent!

NC (vo): So all throughout January, we're going to look at the odd numbered Star Trek movies, the ones that seem to get Trekkies' panties in a bundle.

NC: And we're gonna start off with Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Roll clip number one, energize! *points*

Chester: *imitating Scotty* I cannot do it, Critic! I don't have the power! *normal voice, picks up his change cup* Or the, uh, money? *jiggles his change cup. NC sighs and reaches into his pocket, taking out a penny and tossing it in the cup, followed by a coin sound from Super Mario Bros.* Thank you!


 * Opening credits for Star Trek 1 play

NC (vo): So we see our opening credits. We got William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelly. *at the Co-starring part, part of the Gilligan's Island theme plays*

Tune: And the rest!


 * cut to some anomaly in space

NC (vo): We cut to some anomaly in space, where the Klingons come to check it out.

Klingon captain: (In Klingon) Tactical...

NC: Well waitaminute, in the original show, the Klingons had flat heads, *shot of an Original Series klingon, followed by the current version* now they're round and pointy? What's up with that?

Chester: Incoming cameo, Critic!

NC: *rubbing his temples* Oh, God, I was hoping I could avoid this! Looks like I have no choice, I have to face the music. Put him on screen.


 * static, followed by Angry Joe on his ship

Angry Joe: Hi, Critic!

NC: Angry Joe? Oh, thank God, I thought you were Linkara for a second! Phew!

Joe: Yeah, I know, he's obsessed with Star Trek! He's a total geek!

NC: Yeah, tell me about it!

Joe: So anyway, I wanted to point out why exactly the klingons' heads look like that. *NC goes from a smile to a frown* You see, there's actually several different theories that's popped up over the years. The first one being that the klingons, uh, suffer from the nekh'rat (editor: did I say that right?), which is a degenerative disease that only their species suffers from.

NC: Uh, yeah, look, um, when I asked that question, I was only half curious. Well, not even half, more like third, uh, fifth--the fans would kill me if I didn't bring it up, so you don't need to explain it!

Joe: But surely you need a Star Trek expert like me to help you through this?

NC: No, I don't! And we're not gonna do that thing where we go back and forth and then suddenly, I give in, I'm doing it alone!

Joe: But Critic, you HAVE no idea what you're in for!

NC: Oh, come on, it was directed by Robert Wise, one of the greatest directors of all time! I'm sure I can get through this.

Joe: Very well, Critic. Very well. But do you know the ancient Klingon proverb, that tells us, "Reveng--"

NC: Nope, I'm not allowing any quotes either, now just piss off.

Joe: Oh come on, I've been wanting to do the speech for years!

NC: *pointing* Engage overdubbing audio!

Chester: Right! *he types on some keys*


 * Joe talks, but a different voice is overdubbed on him

Voice: Hello, I am Angry Joe, the fastest mouse in all Me-hee-co! I like to yell and scream because I'm a stupidhead, and like to drink elephant urine! I have no friends, only my elephant urine! Does this incredibly racist accent offend you? Good! I don't think it's even the right nationality! That'll teach you next time to interrupt my review!

NC: Nicely done, now back to the review! Engage! *points*

Chester: You know, you don't have to point every time you say that. *Critic shakes his pointing fingers at him* Fine. *a couple key taps and we're back to the review*