Old vs. New: Evil Dead

(The Nostalgia Critic 2017 opening)

NC: (looking offscreen; sighs) As flattered as I am that you would use me a couples' therapist, (he is addressing Hyper Fangirl and Devil Boner, who are looking upset) it is my nonprofessional opinion that you should seek an actual professional.

HFG: But you're the only one crazy enough to understand us.

Devil Boner: Yeah, and to be fair, we do usually get along better when we take you against your will.

NC: (revealed to be bound by chains to a chair) Well, I've been kidnapped so many times, at this point, there's probably a plumber constantly being told that I'm in another castle.

Devil Boner: (as he and HFG hold hands) What can I say? We're bound tighter when you're bound tighter.

HFG: And I can practice my arts and crafts on your manacles.

NC: (his arms are manacled together; the manacles are a girly pink) Yeah, they're lovely, thanks. So, let's get to the heart of the argument.

Devil Boner: (he and HFG abruptly withdraw their hands) I'd rather not talk about it.

NC: Good, I'd rather not hear about it. (holds out hand) Key, please.

HFG: (frustrated) It's just that we thought that we agreed on every single thing, and we found out that there's (holds up index finger) one major hiccup!

Devil Boner: The Evil Dead movies.

NC: (putting his hand on his head) Yeah, if I had a nickel for every couple who's broke up...

HFG: He prefers the remake, even though the original is a cult classic!

Devil Boner: It's gooier and more realistic!

HFG: It's demons possessing people! How is that more realistic?

Devil Boner: I can tell you some things!

(They start arguing inaudibly as the NC turns toward the camera)

NC: The funny thing is, it's kind of amazing we're having this conversation at all.