Highlander - The Source

(Before the opening, we get a warning saying "WARNING: The following sequence may be the most awesome thing to ever precede a rant on a game or film. Your head may explode." After that, we do the usual opening, then cut to a clip of the extended ending from Highlander 2)

Spoony (vo): Can you believe the Highlander series even survived Highlander 2? (Clips of Highlander 1, 3, and Endgame are shown) The first movie was so good we continued to watch shitty Highlander movie after shitty Highlander movie, even though it was clear early on there was no future in this. With every sequel, with every retcon, this series was just gonna keep hurting us.

Zeist goon (from Highlander 2): MacLeod!

Spoony: (holding a dvd of Highlander 2) Highlander fans are like those hillbilly domestic abuse victims you see on COPS who never press charges despite their husbands' repeatedly punching them in the eyes, always screaming, "I can't leave him, I love him!"

(Picture of the Special Edition of Highlander 2)

Spoony (vo): The Highlander series is the cinematic equivalent of herpes and its fans, the kind of people who enjoy picking at scabs. (Poster for Highlander: Endgame) Not a good combination. But at least this was the worst of it, you know? (Clip of Ramirez stopping the fan with magic) We took comfort in the fact that no matter what, this is as bad as it would ever get. It was all uphill from here.

Spoony: But no. I'm just gonna throw this out there, and you're not gonna believe me. Cause it's not possible. I still can't really believe it, but I'm gonna say it anyway. (now showing the dvd for Higlander: The Source) Highlander: The Source is a worse fucking movie than (holding the dvd of...) Highlander 2: The Quickening! And that is not a statement one can make lightly because [Highlander 2] is the archetypical bad fucking movie, and it's not even the worst movie in the series. You'd think if there were worse movies in the world floating around, you'd have fucking heard about 'em by now!

(The poster for Highlander: The Source is shown)

Spoony (vo): But there's a very good reason why you haven't. You never saw it. Hell, you weren't aware it existed until I just now told you. I wasn't aware until I saw it in the bargain bin at a Wal-Mart about a year ago. (Another poster for the movie is shown) This movie was never screened in theaters. Hell, it wasn't even direct to video. It was a direct to SciFi Channel original movie. The same company that makes movies of the same prestige and caliber as Mansquito. Then as if you weren't already ashamed enough to waste your weekends watching shit like Frankenfish, they started to wonder aloud. Could we possibly make it so that every single thing about this channel is ridiculous and embarrassing right down to the name--(Now showing the SyFy logo) there! Honestly, it really is that extra little bit. It's not enough that I'm about to watch Knights of Bloodsteel, but add in the fact that I'm watching it on the "Siffie" Channel, that really makes me yearn to wrap my lips around a fucking glock.

Spoony: Ugh, so where was I? Oh yeah, Highlander: The Farce. Nobody saw this shit. When I bought it, I didn't watch it. It sat on my shelf for over a year and I'm one of the biggest fans of the original movie you will ever find. The only reason I did eventually end up watching it is because I was doing research to review (holding the Highlander 2 dvd) this movie. I almost stopped that review before scripting, because Highlander: The Source pissed me off even more than The Quickening. Oh yes! This movie did more damage to the franchise (clip of the Zeist scene) than Zeist. And I can tell you still don't believe me. So get ready to have Highlander ruined for you all over again just like the first time. (dropping the Highander 2 dvd to reveal The Source) Because it's time to go back to The Source.