The Review Must Go On

''After the main logo, we hear shuffling as the main titles appear. we cut to Donnie DuPree of Demo Real in the lounge making a cup of coffee. Note that his mug is shown with the letter D on it. Donnie goes out of the room for a brief second. He comes back to see the coffee mug is now a plastic cup containing a small portion of water in it. He is slightly confused as he enters the next room where Tacoma Narrows is.''

Tacoma: So we doing this?

Donnie: Yeah. I just needed to get some coffee.

Tacoma: That's water.

Donnie: (noticing it) So it is.

Tacoma: Come on. Let's get started.

''Cut to Donnie, Tacoma, and Rebecca Stone sitting at their table. Donnie looks like he has a lot on his mind.''

Rebecca: This is gonna be so good.

Tacoma: It's perfect.

Rebecca: Wow, this is some of your best work. I think.

Tacoma: Thanks. Thanks but your input has really made it come full circle.

Rebecca: You know, what's a movie without rabid monkeys?

Tacoma: Exactly.

As they talk some more, Donnie is staring at his cup of water.

Rebecca: Nobody ever does that anymore. Ever.

Tacoma: Never. We've seen rabid raccoons and squirrels. Simians.

Rebecca: Donnie. What do you think?

Donnie isn't paying attention.

Rebecca: (mysteriously) Come back.

Donnie: Huh?

Rebecca: Earth to Donnie. Are you listening or not?

Donnie: I'm sorry. Uh, where were we?

Tacoma: Well, I'm thinking it's time we film something different. Something other than a remake.

Donnie: OK, I'm with ya.

Rebecca: How are you with Carmen Sandiego?

Donnie: A Carmen Sandiego movie?

Rebecca: Except we don't half-ass it like those other video game movies. We throw everything we can into it.

Tacoma: For example, it opens up with the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

Rebecca: Except Lincoln turns around and BLOWS John Wilkes Booth away.

Donnie: How is that possible?

Tacoma: Carmen Sandiego has stolen a time machine and she's going back through history settling all of history's greatest scores.

Rebecca: Killing Hitler, letting Crazy Horse win and then stealing all their shit.

Tacoma: So the police are not only trying to arrest her for thievery but they're also trying to award her the medal of honor.

Donnie: Cool. I like it. It makes her complex.

Tacoma: First thing's first. All our hopes rest on the Nostalgia Critic. People will love that.

Donnie: (suddenly concerned) What did you say?

Tacoma: I said all our hopes rest on nostalgia. Critics like that and the people will too.

Donnie: Hmm. Well, obviously we got our leading lady.

Tacoma: We do?

Donnie: Yeah. Rebecca.

Tacoma: (confused) Is she a friend of yours?

Donnie: (even more confused) And yours. (Tacoma still looks confused) Dude, what the hell's wrong with you? She's sitting right there...

''He points towards his right to see that Rebecca has suddenly disappeared. He grabs his cup looking very freaked out.''

Tacoma: Donnie. Are you OK?

Donnie: How many people work here?

Tacoma: Four. You, me, Quinn, and Carl.

Donnie: You never heard of a woman named Rebecca Stone who did a one-woman Titanic, beat a turkey to death, and wears a t-shirt that says "Malkovich Equals Balls."

Tacoma checks Donnie's cup before we cut to Donnie at the kitchen table having a drink placed in front of him.

Quinn: A cup of warm Irish milk. Just like me grandmother used to drink every night when she'd go to bed.

Donnie: This tastes like microwave Bailey's.

Quinn: There's more alcohol in that.

Donnie: (sighs) Could it be I possibly fabricated a person out of nowhere? It can't be. She seemed so real.

Tacoma: Nope. It's always been just you, me, and Carl.

Donnie: And Quinn.

Tacoma: Who?

Donnie: (slams his hand down) Qui...

He points his hand in Quinn's direction, but no one is there.

Tacoma: Is Quinn the refridgerator?

Donnie: (gets up) No, Quinn's not the refridge... (looks out the door) Quinn! Quinn! Who gave me this warm Bailey's?

Tacoma: That's not Bailey's. That's Yoo-Hoo.

''Donnie spits it out. Cut to Tacoma at the computer with Donnie and Carl standing over him as Carl smokes a pipe.''

Tacoma: I searched the whole internet. Public records. Everything. There is no Quinn.

Donnie: But Carl...

Tacoma: ...works alone.

Carl: So, are ve done wizz zis little interrogation or vhat?

Donnie: Yeah. Yeah, you can go. (As Carl leaves, Donnie grabs him back) No, wait. If you go out there, you could disappear like everyone else. I ... When did he grow the goatee? He didn't have a goatee. Everything's topsy-turvy now. It's an upside-down world.

Carl: Enough! Ze goatee was a bi-product of drinking so many sauer-kraught Schnapps last night. (Leaves) And it was delicious.

Donnie: I guess you were out drinking with Quinn then. I think I'm going to have myself committed.

Tacoma: Donnie. It's OK. I've already called an ambulance.

Donnie: Thanks. You're a good friend. I think.

Tacoma: We try. Tell you what. I'll stay with you until it arrives.

Donnie: Doesn't matter. You'll be gone with all the rest of them.

Tacoma: Donnie. I'm not going anywhere. (Donnie sighs) Donnie, listen. Let me tell you something.

Donnie: What?

''Donnie turns to find Tacoma gone. He then finds his script on the table and finds all the pages saying nothing but "Come Back!" He slams it on the table and walks out to the living room area with the white board saying the same thing as ominous music begins to build.''

Donnie: Carl.

He rushes out to the warehouse space of the studio and finds Carl in the adjacent hallway with his back turned.

Donnie: (relieved) Carl.

''He walks towards Carl, but then stops. He notices something different about him. Carl turns around to reveal he now has a dinosaur's head.''

Dinosaur Carl: Yeah?

''Donnie is shocked as suddenly a bright light takes over Carl and appears before him. As Donnie looks with intrigue, we cut to... a script with some text that ends with "Donnie looks up and sees" with the cursor next it waiting for the next word (you know, that little blinking line).''

''We are now in the home of Doug Walker. He looks up at his computer looking at his new Demo Reel script. He then looks down at his hands as they tremble a bit before looking at his script again. He then sits back in his chair.''

Title Card: The Review Must Go On.

''Doug, lost in thought, looks at his unfinished script before putting his hands on the keyboard. He suddenly stops still stumped on what to write next. Suddenly, he hears a truck outside.''

Doug: Ah shit.

''He runs out his room and outside his house. He trips a little grabbing a garbage can and dragging it in front of his window to the curb. He then enters his room again taking off his coat and sitting at his computer.''

Doug: Ah. Ok. Mmm.

''He still has trouble with his script before sitting in his chair again. The doorbell is suddenly heard. In a quickly edited fashion, he answers the door, is handed a package, signs for it, closes the door, and sits down to open his package. He opens it to find a DVD copy of the Disney film ''The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Doug: (on the phone) I ordered the original Odd Couple, not The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I don't even think it's the real movie. I think it's a pirated version. ... Well, that's all fine and good. What am supposed to do with this? ... Oh, I see. Plant it in the back and see if the real movie grows, huh? Screw you!

''He hangs up, puts the DVD aside, and goes back to his script. He then eyes the DVD and reluctantly pops it into his DVD player.''

Doug: I'm gonna regret this.

He sits on his bed and hits the remote as the movie's music is heard.

Title Card: One Movie Later...

''He has a horrified look on his face as more whimsical music plays. He then hits the remote to turn it off. After a few seconds go by...''

Doug: My god...

''Cuts to him talking to himself about the movie in a series of jump cuts (similar to that of the Transformers review). Durring this scene Doug eventually sounds like The Nostalgia Critic.''

Doug: Okay, so this is supposed to be a feel-good family film about a couple that plants a child in the backyard. No! First of all, before you grow your tomatto child, didn't you think like...an orphanage! Hello! You could go to an orphanage! There's lots of children there. You could pick from them like a garden...except you don't have to grow them! Everybody should get a Jesus kid! That's what it is, a kid that popped up with no sex. Jesus Kid...or Anakin Skywalker-that's even better! How am I supposed to like these people? At all? They're all horrible! You're horrible people! (on the bed covering his face and moving his legs in motion) AWFUL! AWFUL! (now enraging on the bed just like the NC) People who made this movie should be studied! I-it-jus-They thought this is how people would act! This is how people would-It's not! It's not how anybody would act! They would donate that kid to science! (now calm) That was new. That was a new experience for me. You-*beat*-You got balls, Timothy Green. I don't know, maybe they're leaves but... ('chuckles a bit and thinks about what he just did) Oh wow, that was something.

''He glances out in the hall and sees a shadowy figure just walk off screen. Doug goes out in the hall to find nobody there. ''

''We then cut to Linka... or rather Lewis Lovhaug's apartment. He is seen sitting on his sofa organizing some thoughts when his cell phone rings. He answers it.''

Lewis: Hello!

''Cut back to Doug. He is sitting on his sofa on his cell as the conversation cuts back and forth between the two producers.''

Doug: Hey Lewis.

Lewis:  Hey Doug, what's up?

Doug: I... um... I got a bit of a question for you.

Lewis: Shoot!

Doug: (inhales) Do you think I did the right thing ending the Nostalgia Critic?

The question catches Lewis by surprise.

Doug:  It's just... you ever think we left too early? Like, there's more things we could have done with him?

Lewis:  What do you mean?

Doug: (sighs) We stopped because we thought we were done, but... recently a lot of new ideas have been coming up in my head.

Lewis: Such as...?

Doug:  Well, for example, I just saw "The Odd Life of Timothy Green"...

Lewis: (appaled) Oh Doug. Why?

Doug:  It doesn't matter.

Lewis:  I think it does!

Doug:  (continuing) It was weird. I felt the exact same way I did when we first started! I mean, the excitement, the fresh ideas... (a beat)  I'm wondering if I made the right choice.

Lewis:  Well, I'm not sure I'm the guy that can answer that for ya. Really, it boils down to you.

Doug: Yeah... But I made a choice, you know. I... just felt that it was the right time to go.

Lewis:  Your fans didn't seem to think so.

Doug:  (sarcastidly) Oh! Did they notice? The ass-number of e-mails asking the Critic to come back didn't seem to tip me off! I can't just do it for the fans though. I gotta do it cause I want to do it.

Lewis:  Well, that's why it's your choice. Bottom line, if you feel like there's potential and you can keep it going for a long time, bring him back. But if you think you only have enough for once in a while, just keep it once in a while and go out on top.

Doug: (nodding his head) All right. Thanks man.

Lewis:  Oh hey, Pollo and Harvey say hi too!

''This sentence catches Doug. Apparently, someone's been taking the 'Atop The Fourth Wall' storyline a bit TOO seriously.''

Doug:  Lewwis? Buudy? Are you convinced that the characters from your show are real people?

Lewis laughs at the rediculous notion.

Lewis:  Doug, of course not! I'm not derranged. It's just Pollo and Harvey that are real.

''Well, semi-rediculous anyway. Lewis hangs up on the stunned-beyond-words guy with the glasses before he could say 'Combine Harvester'. Lewis then turns and talks to someone just off-screen.''

Lewis:  So, Pollo! What are your thoughts on the subject?

''Cut to Pollo who, outside of the show, is just a simple cardboard cutout doll. Pollo says nothing, but Lewis carries on the conversation anyway as if Pollo had just opined on the situation.''

Lewis:  (nodding) Yeah, and what's that?

''Insert witty Pollo remark here. Lewis burts out laughing like a madman.''

Lewis: (laughing) Oh man, that's a great one!

''While Mr. Lovhaug continues to lose his mind without the help of the Wurzels, we cut back to Doug. He is back at his computer, staring at the same 'Demo Reel' script page from before. He is still stuck on the line 'Donnie looks up and sees...'  After staring at the screen for several long seconds, Doug navigates away from the script screen and into his video folder. After clicking on a file, he begins to watch a full-screen version of the video. Particularly, an old Nostalgia Critic review.''

Nostalgia Critic:  (in the video) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to.

Doug watches the video deep in thought. H''e is watching the 'Doomsday Machine' DVD special review. We see scenes from that movie play on the monitor as the Critic's review begins. ''

Critic:  Oh, this is about as pretentious, sexist, and downright pointless movie you can ever see in the sci-fi genre. It's corny, it's weird, it's downright savage at times. Let's take a look at "Doomsday Machine."

As the review plays, Doug takes his eyes off the screen as he continues to ponder what he should do.

Critic: (seriously) So what are you waiting for? Hmm?

''This catches Doug's attention. That line wasn't part of the review. Or any review for that matter. Doug suddenly turns his eyes back to the screen. The Nostalgia Critic is looking him straight in the eye from the monitor!''

Critic:  You know it's just a matter of time.

''Doug looks straight back at his retired character. We go back and forth between the Critic and Doug.''

Doug:  You're not real. You're just a fragment of my not very concernable imagination.

Critic:  Maybe. Or maybe it's like what you said before.

Doug:  And what did I say before?

Critic:  How a character can become so real that they cease being a character. They become ingraned in your mind, and you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try. Even to the point where they take on a life of their own.

Doug:  No. You were the burried remains of some nostalgia that I have left behind.

Critic: (chuckles) Oh, isn't that cute? You're nostalgic for the Nostalgia Critic.

Doug:  I made a choice. I said that I'm not going back and I'm gonna do exactly that.

Critic:  Why? What's stopping you?

Doug:  What am I supposed to go back to anyway? Quoting memes and running jokes?

Critic:  It isn't always about memes and running jokes. It's about that passion for film and that love of making people laugh. And I know you still have a hunger for both.

Doug:  ... It ran its course.

Critic:  Listen to yourself! You got so sick and tired of it that you actualy forgot you enjoy it.

The Critic last statement strikes a nerve with Doug

Critic:  Remember?

''The Critic snaps his fingers and we are treated to a quick montage of funny Nostalgia Critic moments. We toggle back and forth between the montage and Doug, taking in the entire speil.''

Critic:  Every single time you thought you were done with it you came up with something better. When you had time to think, time to focus, time to put that extra effort in. But you had anniversary movies, conventions, other shows, your own life to live. All trying to write, act, and edit a 20 minute video every single week. Face it buddy, you wern't done yet. You just hit burnout.

Doug: I'm not going back.

Critic:  Yeah? (he leans in closer to his camera)  Then why don't you just make me go away?

'''Editor's note: Not finished. Someone take the wheel!'''