Star Trek 9: Insurrection

(We open on a conference room at Kami-Con 4, where the Critic runs across the stage screaming in fear. He then runs into another conference room while still screaming at random fans in the audience. He then runs up on stage and sits in a large throne placed in the middle.)

NC: (Calmly) OK. First question. Uh, yeah (points to someone) Oh no, yeah that's a lot of fun. (Dissolve to another scene where the Critic is still talking with the audience facing the camera) And that's the first time I ever did it with a melon. I just want to say everybody. Thank you so much.

(The audience applauds as the Critic stands up, takes a bow, and runs off the stage continuing to scream. He then runs down a hotel corridor where he suddenly stops and looks to the side to find That Sci-Fi Guy looking from his room)

Sci-Fi Guy: Nostalgia Critic?

NC: Sci-Fi Guy.

SFG: What are you doing...?

(The Critic pushes him inside. Cut to both of them on the bed with a terrified Critic covering Sci-Fi Guy's mouth)

NC: It's him.

SFG: Who?

NC: Linkara!

SFG: Linkara?

NC: Lower your voice, Sci-Fi Guy! He can smell geek.

SFG: My god! Linkara. Why, in Star Trek circles, he's known simply as ... Linkara.

NC: Yes. The ultimate Star Trek nerd. He had heard about my Star Trek month. He wants to do a crossover with me on Star Trek Insurrection, but I won't let him. No no no. All his stupid little nitpickiness that nobody cares about is not going to spoil my review and I found the perfect hiding spot. He will never look for me here.

(He starts laughing maniacally with Sci-Fi Guy reluctantly joining in, then they stop and there is awkward silence.)

NC: Funny. I thought something would happen while we were laughing there.

SFG: Yeah, like maybe we got interrupted there...

NC: Yeah or someone would interrupt our laughing.

SFG: ... So you want some coffee?

NC: That'd be lovely. Thank you, yes.

(Sci-Fi Guy gets up from the bed. Critic then grabs the TV remote and lies down on the bed)

NC: Might as well see what's on the television.

(He turns it on only to find a pissed off Linkara wearing a Star Trek uniform on his spaceship staring disapprovingly at him)

Linkara: Hello, Critic. Start the review.

NC: (sobbing) Last time in the good Star Trek movie.

NC (as the 60s Batman announcer): Picard goes through a Borg identity obsessed with stopping his old arch-rival even though he's never really been that obsessed before. He follows the Borg back in time to stop man's first contact with the Vulcans. After ripping off Moby Dick 'cause ... that's what Star Trek likes to do, Picard defeats the Borg queen and Data goes through his I-Want-To-Be-Human bullshit again and First Contact is still made by the farmer from Babe. Will Star Trek continue to score big with audiences. I don't care. I get paid either way.

(Cut to the Star Trek month logo. Then cut to the Critic still in his hotel room)

NC: And now we come to the final film in Star Trek Month: Star Trek Insurrection, with special guest star, Linkara.

Linkara: Hello, adoring fans. I've come all the way here on my spaceship to talk to you about the most HATED of all Star Trek films.

NC: Wait a moment. This was the most hated? I thought it was either like the first one or 5 that was the most despised.

Linkara: That may be the case with other fans, but me personally, this is my least favorite in the entire franchise. So you need me here, or you'll screw this review up like you've done so many times before.

NC: What? When have I ever screwed something up?

Linkara: (Holding up a large stack of papers) In your Battlefield Earth review, you said that the Psychlos have never had an explosion on their planet when that's NOT what they said in the movie. It was that the air they breathed reacted violently to radiation.

NC: My god. You're defending Battlefield Earth?

Linkara: No. I'm pointing out the fact that you never get details right so we're gonna do this together so it gets done CORRECTLY!

NC: So, let's not waste any time. Let's dive right into...

(Sci-Fi Guy clears his throar off-screen)

SFG: ... Am I in this?

NC: Well, it's kinda just a duo thing.

SFG: But it's my room.

NC: Yeah.

SFG: ... OK, I guess I'll just go stand silently in the corner.

(He then proceeds to do so)

NC: Star Trek Insurrection.

NC (vo): So we open on the Shire as we see a peaceful alien people called the Baku taking care of their planet.

Linkara (vo): Funny how these people who don't believe in machines have an irrigation system set up for their crops. It's almost as if machines are helpful or something. And on top of that, the original series got away with people who looked exactly like humans because it was a low-budget 60s TV series. This is a multi-million dollar movie! Buy some damn forehead bumps or something.