Ghost Rider 2 - Spirit of Vengeance

(Cue the intro and theme song) (Cut to NC)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it- (calm demeanor becomes angry)-BECAUSE YOU WON"T FUCKING SHUT UP!! I mean, by God, ever since I reviewed the first Ghost Rider movie, all you guys have been saying is "Review Ghost Rider 2! Review Ghost Rider 2! It's so much worse than the first one!" Well, fine then, you... barking dogs of entitlement! (picks up the dvd) Here's the goddamn dvd! (picks up remote) Here's the goddamn remote! Let's goddamn watch it!

(NC plays the movie) (static as Mike J appears on screen)

NC: By God, a British person!

Mike J: 'Ello, Critic.

NC: Mike J? From Shameful Sequels? Of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses. com? (pause) Boy, in 1984, Mike J enjoyed a simple childhood-

Mike J: Enough of that. Critic, I found a way to record myself onto every Ghost Rider 2 dvd in the world.

NC: Really?

Mike J: Yeah, it was... actually quite easy.

NC: Hmm.

Mike J: I've done it because no reviewer, not even the Nostalgia Critic, who has re-reviewed about ten films I reviewed, but we'll just ignore that all together, because I can let things go like that, should have to sit through this flaming skull of dog shit alone.

NC: Wait, how do you know everything I'm going to say?

Mike J: Because this movie is so repetitive and predictable, it's actually given me the ability to predict everything in the world which is mediocre.

NC: Wait a minute, that means you think I'm mediocre!

Mike J: Yeah, but you get the views.

NC: Oh yeah, well if you think you can predict everything that's mediocre, predict how many fingers I'm about to hold up!

Mike J: One.

NC: (puts his hand back behind his back when he flips Mike J off) Again.

Mike J: One.

NC: (puts his hand behind his back again) Again.

Mike J: Two.

NC: (puts both his hands behind his back after flipping off) Again!

Mike J: An unopened Gameboy, a roll of Hello Kitty duct tape, and an Optimus Prime doll.

NC: (holds up all those items, pissed that Mike J guessed them all) GODDAMN IT!

Mike J: Trust me, Critic, you need help with this one.

(guitar riff as the title and clips from the movie play)

Mike J: (vo) Whereas the first film was underwhelming and silly, this one is painful and obnoxious. For every problem they try to fix from the last movie, two more just as ridiculous take its place. It's ludicrous, it's makes no sense, and it's a pain in the ass to sit through.

Mike J: Nobody, not even you, you re-reviewing prick, should review it on their own.

NC: You know, the only other issue I have, is that you're a Brit wanting to do a crossover. That might anger another Brit wanting to do a crossover.

Mike J: What, Film Brain? Don't worry about him. He's gonna be out of commision for a while.

(Cut to Film Brain, crying in his bed while looking at a picture of Pinky and The Brain, as sad music plays)

Film Brain: (singing while crying) They're laboratory mice... the cheese has been spiced... They're Pinky... They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brai-

(cut back to NC and Mike J)

Mike J: So, Critic, are you ready to once again to see the hideous lengths Nicolas Cage is willing to go to for a paycheck?

NC: Isn't that the call for any Nicolas Cage movie?

Mike J: This is Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

(cut to the Columbia logo, which zooms out fast)

NC: (vo) And I hate it already. One second in; gotta be a new record. That fucking fast speed editing! Do you really think you're audience is so A.D.D. that even the film logo is too slow for them to watch? Why don't you just speed up the whole fucking movie like- (cut to Nicolas Cage in the movie) (NC as Nicolas Cage) I was Ghost Rider! Bye! (cut to the films end credits)

Mike J: Actually, that would've been better.

NC: (agreeingly) Yeah, they probably should've done that.

NC: (vo) But nope, we get our drawn out movie, starting in the leftover castle from BloodRayne, where a biker, played by Idris Elba, rides in.

Moreau: They found the boy?

Mike J: Oh my god, it's Heimdall from Thor!

NC: No it's not. It's just the same actor.

Mike J: No, all the Marvel movies must be connected! (pictures from various Marvel movies show) He came through the Rainbow Bridge to have Ghost Rider join the Avengers! This created a time paradox, where The Human Torch became Captain America, where Bruce Banner would get plastic surgery, twice, and Howard the Duck would exist in a universe where he can actually be funny! Now what doesn't make sense about that?

NC: (thinking) ... Why Stan Lee was in Princess Diaries 2?

Mike J: Damn that movie! Always fucking up the Marvel canon!

NC: (vo) We see the rider, named Moreau, enter a monastery full of what I'm now considering the cinematic "kiss of death", Cybermonks, because they went over so well in two Dennis Rodman movies, clearly they've proven to pass the test of time!