The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2019

Introduction
Todd plays Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello - "Señorita"undefined on piano

THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2019

A year-end review

Todd: Hey everyone. It's Todd in the Shadows, everyone's favorite music critic on YouTube except for the other guy. Probably several others. [text briefly appears: We're #4!] Once again, it's time for the worst hits of the year list, and...there's a question I've been wrestling with: Should I keep doing these?

"Montage clips of Lizzo - 'Truth Hurts'undefined; Ariana Grande - '7 Rings'undefined; Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - 'Old Town Road'undefined; Post Malone - 'Circles'undefined; Halsey - 'Without Me'undefined; DaBaby - 'Suge'undefined "

Todd (VO): "I hate this, I hate that, and..." Come on, right? We've got enough negativity in the world. Why not just elevate the things you love? Why you gotta be so harsh to innocent artists just trying to entertain people?

Todd: It's something I've thought about a lot, especially these last couple years where it's been really difficult to fill out the worst list.

"Montage clips of Shawn Mendes - 'If I Can't Have You'undefined; Sam Smith and Normani - 'Dancing With A Stranger'undefined; Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - 'Hot Girl Summer'undefined; Lil Tecca - 'Ransom'undefined "

Todd (VO): Popular music...more and more gravitates to the middle ground, so they can get on a Spotify playlist or something. And feels like very few artists have the courage or ambition to really, truly suck.

Todd: But I thought about it, and I decided, "Yeah". Yeah, I am gonna keep doing the worst list, 'cause...I need [image of empty wallet] money. And the [screen capture of The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2018 (Pt. 2) on YouTube with view count circled] worst list is always my most popular video. I mean, Christmas is coming up, if you didn't notice. [image of shopping crowd] I got a lot of shit to buy... [image of Christmas card reading "To: Me, From: Me"] for myself, while it's on sale. But I also genuinely want to make a worst list. Like, part of the reason I limit myself to the hits, and again, I define that as [images of...] anything that reached Billboard's Top 20 or made the Year-End Hot 100. The reason I do that is...more and more I consider myself a [image of professor with the caption "Snooty History Professor Todd"] historian of a kind, and this is an easy way to do [image of "2019: The Year in Review"] complete coverage of the year that was. [shot of article: "Critics need thicker skin than ever in the age of Twitter"] And at the time when artists, and their insane fan armies, seemed to demand only positive coverage, it feels important to record the bad, too. [book cover of James Ussher's The Annals of the World] I want the lousy trends recorded for posterity, even if it's just my personal interpretation of them. Now, keep in mind, I'm just a single critic among many and I have very limited tastes. I get things wrong all the time [image of children] My kids will look back at these lists and laugh at me for not liking..."Video for..."Todd (VO): ..."Gucci Gang", which will be the most classic of hip-hop at that point.

Todd: So, don't take it too seriously. We're just here to have fun, right? Right. Alright, we're counting down...

"Clip of Flipp Dinero - 'Leave Me Alone'undefined, which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown"

"Flipp Dinero: Leave me alone"

Todd (VO): The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2019!

#10
Todd (VO): #10.

Todd: So there's an old episode of, uh, How I Met Your Mother..."Clips from How I Met Your Mother"Todd (VO): ...about the psychological phenomenon called "associative regression". Or, in their words..."Marshall Eriksen (Jason Segel): ...'revertigo'.""Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor): Yeah, I don't know about 'revertigo'."It's about how you become your old self when you're around things or people from your past, even if you've changed drastically since then.

Todd: Now, I could not find any actual scientists talking about it...

Todd (VO): ...so the show might have pulled it out of its ass. [text briefly appears: TV ≠ Real Life]

Todd: But I wanna believe it's a real thing, it would explain so much, like [images of man with his parents...] why you, a grown adult, might feel like a child around your parents, [...and grown-ups at a party] or how you become a dumbass when you're with your old college friends, or why..."Footage of Jonas Brothers concert"Todd (VO): ...if you were part of a band that was [clips of Jonas Brothers on Disney Channel] forced to maintain a family-friendly image, [brief clips of Nick Jonas - "Jealous"...] then spent a decade separately [...and DNCE - "Cake by the Ocean"...] forging out adult identities, [...followed by clip of MTV News interview with Jonas Brothers] and yet, the second you reunited, you started making the same...

Todd: ...Kidz Bop-y watered-down shit you made when you were kids!

#10. Jonas Brothers - "Only Human"

Todd: The Jonas Brothers are bad."Kevin Jonas: Whoo!"Todd (VO): I've been dancing around it all year, I'm sick of pretending. I don't like them, I've never liked them. Like, I was willing to say I just didn't get it...

Todd: ...but, the thing is, I feel like I am starting to get it, at, you know, at least their older stuff."Clip of Jonas Brothers - 'S.O.S.'""Joe Jonas: Ooh, this is an S.O.S."Todd (VO): Yeah...I-I guess this is okay.

Todd: "It's too squeaky-clean for me" is my problem, but, you know, it's fine. They're teenagers.

Todd (VO): But their comeback this year that all the 2000s kids are so happy about..."Joe: We gon' dance in my living room"Todd (VO): No, I hated it. [clips of Jonas Brothers - "Sucker"...] I saw many people say what a breath of fresh air "Sucker" was. Fuck "Sucker", "Sucker" sucks. [...and...] Their second single "Cool"undefined was also bad. But worst of all is their third single this year. The inhumanly annoying "Only Human"."Clip of 'Only Human'""Joe: Dance in my living room, love with an attitude"Todd (VO): I had my problems with DNCE and Nick Jonas solo, but they did sound like they've grown some muscle. Reunited, they reverted to that plasticky, TV-Y7 sheen...

Todd: ...and they're not kids anymore, so it's not okay!

Todd (VO): What the grown-up Jonases remind me of is [clip of "This Love" by...] early Maroon 5 back before they sold out, by which [text appears: OVERRATED] I mean also not very good.

Todd: Fine, Maroon 5 had their moments. Let's say [clip of Maroon 5 - "One More Night"] they're Maroon 5 in that awkward middle period when the rot was just starting to appear, especially that awful fake reggae beat."Clip of 'Only Human'""Joe: Gon' dance in my living room, slave to the..."Todd (VO): Mostly, I just hate how repetitive it is."Joe: Dance in my living room"The Jonases have discovered one hook and they're gonna beat it into the ground."Joe: Dance in my living room"Todd (VO): Someone somewhere desperately needs to tell them, "Hey, you know that whole 'dance in the living room' line?

Todd: "You can say that once or twice at most...

Todd (VO): ...and then, come up with a different rhyme. Or sing it in a different rhythm, or change up the melody."

Todd: Nope."Nick Jonas: Early morning la-la-light"Todd (VO): And the thing is they're dancing in the living room 'cause, you know, the club's closed, they wanna keep partying, but this sure doesn't sound like an all-night party.

Todd: They play it with the chipper energy of [image of kids playing in ball pit] a bunch of kids headed to Chuck E. Cheese.

Todd (VO): It's not a prelude to sex, nothing's gonna happen. They're just gonna jump on the goddamn couch.

Todd: As far as I know, they're still there now, in the living room, still dancing."Nick: Human"Interlude

#9
Todd (VO): #9.

Todd: As the 2010s draw to a close, I think everyone's starting to acknowledge that the most important country singer of the entire decade...was Luke Bryan."Video for Luke Bryan - 'That's My Kind of Night'""Luke Bryan: Uh, uh"Todd (VO): Yeah, I wish a better artist had that title too, but...

Todd: ...it is what it is."Clip of Luke Bryan - 'Country Girl (Shake It for Me)'""Luke: Shake it for the birds, shake it..."Todd (VO): At the start of the 2010s, the sound of Nashville was bro country. And all the retrospectives pinpoint Luke Bryan as Patient Zero.

Todd: The Bro Father they call him."Clip of Luke Bryan performing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show"Todd (VO): And this walking Bud Light commercial of a man set the tone of the overwhelmingly male decade of country music that followed.

Todd: Now, I'm told that bro country burnt itself out years ago."Video for Dan + Shay - 'Tequila'undefined"Todd (VO): Certainly it seems out of step now, where the big trend is [images of...] guys who'd more buy you flowers instead of catcall you at a Buffalo Wild Wings."Video for Luke Combs - 'Beer Never Broke My Heart'undefined"But every time I check back in with the country charts, there's always at least one meatball-brained dumbass flatulating his way through.

Todd: Usually Bryan himself.

#9. Luke Bryan - "Knockin' Boots" "Luke: This truck needs a half tank""These wheels need a two-lane"Todd (VO): Now this might not technically be bro country, 'cause...

Todd: ...I don't see much hard rock or hip-hop influence in it, and...there's no partying, and...

Todd (VO): ...it had the lyrical structure of a classic Nashville song.

Todd: But for me, bro country was always the attitude more than any specific sound or cliche. "Luke: That dress needs to slip off"Todd (VO): Does the artist seem like a frat-boy idiot? If so, it's probably bro country.

Todd: And "Knockin' Boot's" message of "'Ey, let's fuck," it feels like it counts to me."Luke: Boots need knockin', knockin' boots"Todd (VO): Now I wanna be clear; I'm not saying "Knockin' Boots" is gross or sexist, it's just very, very stupid.

Todd: First off, I wanna say it's amazing there's a euphemism for [brief clip of The Lonely Island ft. Justin Timberlake - "Dick in a Box"] sex that has the word "boots" in it, and it took this long to make a country song out of it."Luke: Birds need bees and ice needs whiskey"Todd (VO): The basic idea is that, you know...his penis needs her vagina, so we're gonna list a bunch of other things that go together as a comparison."Luke: Long weeks need a weekend"Todd: A thing needs a thing it goes with."Luke: Cheap drinks need a-slingin'"Todd (VO): Okay, no. Now it's...a thing needs to...

Todd: ...do a thing."Luke: Boots need knockin'"Todd (VO): Look, if this were a creative writing class, Luke Bryan would get a big, fat F.

Todd: But I'm not gonna tell you that I hate the song, 'cause it's not elegantly constructed. It's just those fuckin' guitars."Luke: Knockin' boots"Todd (VO): ''[imitating guitar chords] Neh, neh. Neh, neh, neh.''

Todd: It's like they're laughing at you.

Todd (VO): I mean of course the guitars have to sound like a joke, 'cause "Knockin' Boots" is such a stupid, "gee garsh" way to talk about sex.

Todd: Look, I grew up on country music. I get that being corny is it's charm, but...

Todd (VO): ...listening to this pile of beef sing about doing it in Larry the Cable Guy language...

Todd: No, I got limits."Luke: Knockin' boots"Interlude

#8
Todd (VO): #8.

Todd: I'll probably get into this more on the best list, but 2019 felt like a very fresh year."Montage clips of DaBaby - 'Suge'; Lizzo - 'Juice'undefined; Khalid - 'Talk'undefined; Billie Eilish - 'Bad Guy'undefined"Todd (VO): The most dominant acts of the year were new names, teenagers, or both. And I...

Todd: ...absolutely welcome it."Video for Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie - 'ME!'undefined"Todd (VO): Most of the superstars of the 2010s like, you know, Taylor Swift, Bieber, Sheeran, they felt worn out by decade's end. [clip of Lil Nas X - "Panini"undefined] It's time to turn the reins over to the next generation.

Todd: [pause] There are exceptions to this.

#8. YK Osiris - "Worth It" "YK Osiris: I would give you the world, baby girl""You just gotta be worth it (Oh, oh, oh)"Todd (VO): In January, we saw the debut of 20-year old R&B up-and-comer YK Osiris, [image of Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus] a distant relative of the Cyruses.

Todd: Good year for the Cyruses this was.

Todd (VO): Funny thing; I said if a song made the Year-End Hot 100, I would call it a hit.

Todd: The year-end chart is weird, though. This-this song only [screenshot of Hot 100 chart with "Worth It" at #48] barely cleared the Top 50, but..."Video for 'Worth It'"Todd (VO): ...it broke right at the right moment earlier in the year, and just kind of lingered on for a long time, so, he made the list.

Todd: That feels like a technicality to me, but here we are.

Todd (VO): YK Osiris charted with his very first single, "Worth It", which makes me realize maybe I just...

Todd: ...don't like songs with that title."Brief clip of Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink - 'Worth It'""Camila Cabello: Baby, I'm worth it""Video for YK Osiris - 'Worth It'"Todd (VO): But this is not a song that has much to do with Fifth Harmony.

Todd: What it is, is a straight ripoff of The Weeknd's..."Video for..."Todd (VO): ...deeply unpleasant soundtrack hit, "Earned It"."Intercut clips of 'Worth It' and 'Earned It'""YK Osiris: Worth it""The Weeknd: Worth it""YK Osiris: I would give you the world, baby...""The Weeknd: ...love when you call"Honestly, that song probably should've made the worst list that year, too.

Todd:  'Cause both songs are like...

Todd (VO): ..."Hey, girl. You're good enough that I'll let you sit on my dick 'cause you're worth it."

Todd: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks, I'm flattered. Motherfucker, are you worth it?!"YK Osiris: Everybody doubted..."Todd (VO): You gotta have a certain kind of charisma to pull that off, and YK Osiris has one big disadvantage, which is...

Todd: ...he's an awful singer."YK Osiris: You just gotta be worth it, yeah, yeah""But you don't gotta be..."Todd (VO): His voice...he sounds like if we gave [image of...] Aziz Ansari an R&B career.

Todd: Mostly he seems like a throwback to like fifteen years ago, when we got a...

Todd (VO): ...whole bunch of weasel-voiced teenagers like [brief clips of "Hey Young Girl" by...] Lloyd, ''[...and "Run It!" by...] ''Chris Brown. [shot of highlighted article quote...] Osiris said straight up, that he wants to take Chris Brown's place. [clip of "Worth It"] And so far, he's got a good head start, 'cause...since the song came out, he has in fact [shot of BET article: "Report: YK Osiris Arrested For Choking and Biting His Girlfriend"] gone to jail for biting his girlfriend...in the face!

Todd: The face!

Todd (VO): I will say this, though; the song ends with a pretty bitchin' R&B guitar solo."Snippet of aforementioned guitar solo"That brought it way down on the list than it would have otherwise.

Todd: Then again...[shot of earlier BET article] face-biting. Maybe I should bump it back up."YK Osiris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, nah, nah"Interlude