Stuart Little

(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence play)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Most of us know the classic story of "Stuart Little".

(A shot of the cover of the original story)

NC (vo): E.B. White's timeless tale of a little mouse who lives with a human family goes on the silliest of adventures and overcomes his fears, resulting in the happiest of endings.

NC: Well, you don't remember dick, because (cover appears in corner) that's not what this book is like at all!

(A montage of illustrations from the stories is shown)

NC (vo): Despite millions reading it, many block out the nonsensical insanity that "Stuart Little" actually was. For starters, he's not a mouse, he's a human that looks like a mouse. And he's not adopted; his mother just pushed him out that way. At the age of seven, he acts and talks like he's 16. He befriends a bird who runs away, and he uses a gas-powered toy car with a magic invisible lever to find her. He takes a job as a substitute teacher along the way, dates a girl who happens to be the exact same height, but blows it because his toy canoe is destroyed and she freaks out by his temper tantrum!

NC: (holding up index finger) Keep in mind, this is the climax!

NC (vo): Thus, he drives north, still searching for the bird, never finding her. And... that's where it stops! It literally ends right there!

NC: Back then, critics were like, "What the hell? Are you high?!"