Iron Man 3

Announcer:

And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Iron Man 3."

Chester:

OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

(covering his mouth like Iron Man) I am Iron-- Spoilers!

There's this guy called Tony Stark.

Also know as Iron Man!

Thought I don't think he ironed anything in his life.

And he own up a bijillion dollars.

But he get really sad because somebody tried to take out his chubby bodyguard.

So Stark is like, "Why did they try to kill you, chubby bodyguard?"

"Probably I wasted Mickey Warken in Iron Man 2"

So Tony Stark vows revenge.

"I'll show them" he says "I gonna tell them exactly where I live!"

(pauses of a moment) Interesting strategy.

But his love interest, Mrs. Potts is like,

"Don't you think you should thought this out more clearly?"

"What's gonna happen? gonna come blow me up?"

(points to the left) "Terrorists have come to blow us up!"

"I should thought this out more clearly." (an explosion is heard which blows him away)

So the smartest person in the world makes probably the dumbest decision on the planet with absolutely no backup plan at all.

Seriously, who would do that?

Tony Stark finds a little kid.

"Hey mister, are you alright?"

"No, I'm having a panic attack."

"Why you're having a panic attack?"

"Because I have the fear of losing Mrs. Potts and she means the world to me."

"Oh. Is that why you constantly blow her off?"

"Well ah..."

"Give the terrorists the address of where you both live?"

"Might not have been the brightest thing..."

"And didn't even greet her at the door and instead have your robot double do it so you can get your work done."

"It was kind of douchey. I'm not gonna lie..."

"And instead of protecting her now, you're going out to seek revenge,

(he tries to interrupt)

Never ever learning from your mistakes and constantly putting her in danger."

"Did I mention I'm a superhero?"

"What did they called you, Panic Attack Man?"

"Hey, these Panic attack will work their way to the plot."

"No they don't."

"I think I hate you."

So Tony Stark get try to find this terrorist played by evil Gandhi.

And evil Gandhi is like,

(imitating him) "Well I'm not sure if I'm a terrorist, I'm actually an actor."

"Well if you're not the bad guy, who is?"

"That one guy who started to have a career and then he disappeared and now he's trying to have a career again."

"Gattos?"

"Bingo."

"Where is he now?"

"Kidnapping the girl you sown to protect."

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"I should have played by Gutley Moore."

So it turns out Guy Pierce is behind all the evil badness.

(transcript in progress)