The Spirit

(After the Channel Awesome logo and the title sequence, we open on a black-and-white shot of the front door of the studio. NC walks in through it)

Narrator (Doug): The studio is my bitch. I will always protect it. Whenever evil comes, I will defend her–

NC: (looking around, confused) The shit is that?

(There is no answer. After looking around some more in confusion, he continues walking through the studio)

Narrator: She is my studio, to put my hand up her skirt as I please–

NC: Seriously, what the dicksauce is that?

Voice: Hello, Critic.

(NC shudders upon seeing...Tamara Chambers in front of the dark blinds, wearing a leather suit, chains, a rifle and holding a woman's shoe)

Tamara: As a hot-blooded dame of the night, let's kick this review's ass in the sexiest way possible. (winks)

NC: First of all, that's not sexy. That's scary.

Tamara: Scary sexy?

NC: Scary scary. Second, what the perverted Maltese Mother-Falcon is going on?

Tamara: Oh, I know. I thought I'd switch things up today, so I hired a new director: Frank Miller!

NC: Wait. Crazy cool Frank Miller or just crazy Frank Miller?

Tamara: I don't know. Which one is that?

(NC looks aside, and we're shown a bearded man in a hat, who is Frank Miller, played by Doug. Also, he is in color unlike everything else)

Miller: Incredible, my fetish goddess, but you didn't show off the swastika on your outfit.

Tamara: (observes the band on her hand) What are you talking about? There's no... (realizes it has a Nazi symbol on it and throws it away) WAH! Get that off of me!

NC: I knew it. You got the plain crazy one!

Tamara: Hey, hey. You don't know. Maybe this is somehow all brilliant.

Miller: What are you, dense? What are you, retarded or something? Do you know who the hell I am? I'm the goddamn Frank Miller! (starts jumping and laughing crazily)

NC: Nope. It's just crazy. I'll prove it.

(He takes out his phone and calls...a man with long hair writing something on his pad. He answers the call)

Cool Miller: Hello, crazy cool Frank Miller.

NC: Hi. I think we got the plain crazy version of you.

Cool Miller: (massages his forehead) Oh, okay. Well, there's only one way to know for sure. Ask him these questions.

NC: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Got it. (addresses the crazy Miller) Hey, Frank.

Miller: (turns back to NC, grinning) Goddamn?

NC: Why are you in color?

Miller: I don't know.

NC: Why is she dressed like that?

Miller: I don't know.

NC: What does any of this have to do with the source material?

Miller: I don't goddamn know.

NC: (to cool Miller) Yeah, he answered the same to all of them.

Cool Miller: I knew it. That's totally crazy me. The best thing to do is not give him any attention. For the love of God, keep him as far away from Jim Lee as possible.

NC: Great. (hangs up)

Tamara: Wha...I don't get it! I thought Frank Miller was one of the most influential storytellers of our time!

NC: Well, he is...

Miller: You know, I really should draw the Joker more like Plastic Man and Captain Planet more often.

NC: ...Was.

(The footage of young Frank Miller and some of his comic book and movie work is shown)

NC (vo): Frank Miller was one of the biggest names, if not the biggest name in getting people to realize comic books could be for adults. With his reinvention of classic characters like Daredevil and Batman, gorifying his own gritty style with Sin City and 300, and even inspiring blockbuster hits, some of which he himself directed, this was one hell of a creative force to admire.

NC: And then, somewhere, he went cuckoo bananas.

Miller: Goddamn cuckoo bananas?

NC: If it keeps far away from me, yes.

Miller: I can't promise that.

(The covers and pictures from Miller's comics The Dark Knight III: The Master Race, Holy Terror, World's Finest Vol 1 285, etc., are shown, followed by a recent picture of Frank Miller himself)

NC (vo): Both Miller's writing and artwork seemed to suffer greatly due to...nobody really knows. It's practically a cliche now to mock the insanity of his later works. Whether he just went nuts or was always nuts and just hit it better, nobody could deny there was a train to Out-of-your-damn-minds-ville, and he was the one in the driver's seat.

NC: And one of his crowning achievements of bonkerism is The Spirit.

(The title for the 2008 comic book adaptation The Spirit is shown, followed by its clips)

NC (vo): Based on the 40's comic by Will Eisner, The Spirit tries to go for old-school charm and Satan's school of ethics. So many bizarre choices that nobody but Miller could follow make this an uncomfortable, unfeeling and unrecognizable adaptation of what should be an upbeat adventure (A cover of Eisner's comic that shows the Spirit slapping the woman on her butt and a snippet of another comic showing an Asian taxi driver) with just a hint of misogyny and racism. Hey, maybe Miller was a good choice to direct this! Regardless, many agree not only did it not capture what the original source material was about, but the directions it goes did seem to have no rhyme or reason whatsoever. Are they right?

(NC, back in color, returns to his usual desk, but with the Spirit's mask on)

NC: Well, strap on your masks that don't seem to hide shit...

(Miller is laughing and jumping more crazily than before, like a freaking Daffy Duck)

NC: Dammit, Tamara, why did you give him attention?!

Tamara: I'm sorry, but he's like a car crash! I can't turn away!

NC: (to the camera) This is The Spirit.

Miller: (offscreen) Goddamn!