Bio-Dome

(writing in the beginning that reads) "We have been informed that the movie 'Biodome' was supposed to be a 'Bill and Ted' sequel that the studio changed at the last minute. After much consideration, we have decided that this information would not help the movie in any way"

(cut to NC) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it- I fucking hate Biodome! I fucking hate Biodome!! I fucking hate Biodome!!! I FUCKING HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!! (screaming) (water is thrown on NC from the side of his room) (pause) Thank you. Anyway, I fucking hate Biodome.

(movie title and clips of the movie are shown) NC:(voice-over) I mean, I don't think I've seen a more annoying and obnoxious piece of cancerous ass. It's so grading and ear-rapingly bad, that i'm surprised the movie itself hasn't been arrested for indecent exposure. It may not be the worst movie, but trust me, it's in the top five

(cut back to NC's room) NC: This is the movie, (holds up the dvd disk of Biodome) these are my wrists after watching the movie, (shows the camera his wrists, bandaged) and these are the notes that is took during watching the movie. (shows the camera a bunch of paper with "Why?" written over and over) (NC slams the paper down on his desk) I've never been so happy to get something over with, so let's just go ahead and get this over with.

(opening credits play) NC: (voice-over) So the film starts, appropriately enough, by throwing it's garbage at us. A fitting metaphor. We then see our main stars, listed 'Pauly Shore' and 'Stephen Baldwin', which honestly begs the question "How bad do you have to be to be listed under Pauly Shore?". The credits roll on, like a cinematic ransom letter, until the story finally begins.

(clips of people in the desert, shoveling, working in labs, and handling animals)   Narrator: The place is the Arizona desert. Here, a team of scientists and investers, has come to create the first space station on Earth. A self contained world. A pure enviroment. Their mission will be to sustain life for one year, while living in harmony with nature. NC: (NC imitating the narrator) They're codenaming it 'The Really Stupid Experiment'. Narrator: Congradulations, Biodome 5, and good luck.

(cut to a scene with a house) NC: (voiceover) So while THAT waste of time is going on, we cut to an even bigger waste of time. This playful scamp is named Squirrel, played by the Devil's pubic hair himself, Pauly Shore.

(scen with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin playing rock, paper, scissors) Pauly Shore: (teasing) Paper covers rock! You lose! (making wierd noises and sounds)

(cut back to NC's room) NC: That was the first line. Literally, the first line he says makes me want to lobotomize myself. We have to watch a whole MOVIE with this anus!

(shows a scene with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin smoking and dancing around a car) NC: (voice-over) Now for those of you who are young and have no idea who Pauly Shore is... (pause) good.

(shows more scenes with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin doing stupid things) NC: (voice-over) So Shore is joined by his good buddy, Stephen Baldwin, who plays another idiot named Doyle. They live in that wonderful time of the 90's, where stupid guys didn't really have to have jobs, and yet somehow they live in relatively nice places. Oh, and they also somehow date really hot chicks as well. Come on, are we really supposed to believe the 90's were like that?

(cut to Linkara, playing 90's Kid) Linkara: DUUUUUDE! The 90's are like that, man! People like us don't need jobs because we're delightfully quirky! Houses and babes just drop into our laps!

(cut back to NC's room) NC: But 90's Kid, there's got to be some reason why lazy morons keep getting good stuff back then.

(cut back to Linkara, playing 90's Kid) Linkara: Nope, that's just how we roll. (shows the letters WYSIWYG on his shirt) What you see is what you- (knock on the door)

(cut back to NC's room) NC: What was that?

(cut back to Linkara, playing 90's Kid) Linkara: Oh, it's probably just my landlord with another eviction notice. (bashing sound) And a battering ram. (gun cocking) And a sawed-off shotgun. Gotta go! (gunfire)

(cut back to NC's room) NC: Anyway, back to the review. (show scene where Pauly Shore runs at Stephen Baldwin with a book, hitting him in the face) So Squirrel and Doyle spend most of their time, hitting each other with books and explaining how smart it is.

(shows the scene with Joey Lauren Adams and Teresa Hills talking to Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin) Joey Lauren Adams: I can't believe you'd crack Doyle's skull just to get out of this!

Pauly Shore: You don't understand. The book fell on him. I mean, well, he fell on the book. They collided.

Joey Lauren Adams: Bullshit!

(cut back to NC's room) NC: (imitating Joey Lauren Adams) Bullshit!

(cut back to the scene) Joey Lauren Adams: God, it is just like you two to try and weasel your way out of your responsibilities on Earth Day!

NC: (voice-over) Oh, by the way, yes, that is the lesbian with the funny voice from Chasing Amy. The only thing that gives me hope through all this is that she'll castrates Pauly Shore and start making out with the brunette. But i don't think the writers are smart enough to do something so stupid.

(shows the scene where the girls talk about their boyfriends while driving) Teresa Hills: Well, they're getting better. They're taking yoga, and you're the one raving about how flexible Bud is getting.

Joey Lauren Adams: There is something about a man who can lick his own back.

(cut back to NC's room) NC: (pause) (NC looks stuck) What am i supposed to say to that?

(show the scene where Joey Lauren Adams and Teresa Hills are on the phone in the middle of trash filled desert spot) NC: (voice-over) So it turns out these two are super enviromental bimbos, who want to help clean the enviroment for Earth Day. (shows the scene with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin on their couch, and Stephen Baldwin is biting hangnail from Pauly Shore's toe) But their dumbass boyfriends have even more important things to do, like being dumbass boyfriends.

(to be continued)