Lost in Adaptation: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Terrence continues The Dom's Harry Potterathon by comparing the 2000 fantasy novel Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with its 2005 film adaptation.

Intro
The Dom: Hello, my Beautiful Watchers. I'm The Dom, and welcome back to Lost in Adaptation, the show that compares films to the books they were based on. This one's gonna be a doozy -- The Goblet of Fire is by far my favorite of all the Harry Potter books; it struck, I think, the perfect balance between the charming adventures of the *first* three and the dark foreboding of later novels. The film?

(Terrence Apparates near him)

The Dom: Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest with you, Beautiful Watchers: this film made me-

Terrence: Stupefy!

(The Dom ducks, avoiding the spell)

The Dom: Nope!

(he draws a pistol and fires at Terrence)

Terrence: Protego!

(a magical shield appears, blocking The Dom's bullets)

Terrence: Expelliarmus!

(The Dom's pistol flies out of his hand, and he throws a knife at Terrence)

Terrence: Wingardium Leviosa!

(The Dom draws another pistol, but then slowly rises into the air)

The Dom: What the-? MOTHERFUCKER!!

(he rises off-screen)

Terrence: (chuckles to himself) Hello, Muggles! Did you miss me? (pulls The Dom's knife out of his side, wincing in pain) Welcome back to the Harry Potterathon.

Poll
People Asked: 75

Saw the Film: 72

Read the Book: 68

Terrence: So, with *two* directors to hand -- one who was getting quite good at adapting, and one who was good at *directing* -- which one did they decide to go for for this film? Well, apparently, their decision was, "Fuck it; let's get someone new in." -- Mike Newell. Well, at least they got an Englishman this time around; let's see what he's most famous for. (shows the poster for Four Weddings and a Funeral) Ohhhhh, good Lord, a Hugh Grant chick flick?! That man's entire career comprised exclusively of the shameless *prostitution* of awkward British charm. Oh, well; let's talk about the book, shall we?

Terrence (V.O.): The opinion that The Dom expressed just before I sent him up into the stratosphere is not inaccurate; this is *definitely* one of the best books. It was *significantly* longer than the first three, so allowed for way more development of all the characters and gives you a more rounded feel of everyday life in Hogwarts. It is very much the turning point of the series, starting off in the same carefree format as the first three before it, but giving you a taste at the end of the serious elements to come in later novels -- whether you like the latter or not -- and I know some didn't -- will obviously affect your *opinion* of this book; but *personally*, I had no objections to it.

Terrence: Now, I would *like* to be able to talk to you about the film just as a film...

Terrence (V.O.): ...except...in this case, I can't -- the reason being that this film's main flaw is that, if you haven't read the book, it makes *no* fucking sense; in this case, being a bad adaptation also made it a bad film. That said, there were *some* positives to this film, including another jump forward in the CGI technology and, with the very *occasional* slip back into Over-Enunciation City from Miss Watson, reasonably good performances from the majority of the cast -- the most notable exception, unfortunately, coming from one of the best actors in it, as David Tennant was apparently temporarily possessed by the ghost of *Nicolas Cage* for the duration of the movie. I will also say that the comedic timing in this movie was a lot better handled than any of the ones that had come before it, coaxing some genuine *laughs* out of me in places. And, of course, I'm obliged to talk about the elephant in the room, Robert Patterson (sic) playing Cedric Diggory and the mandatory reference to the Twilight connection.

Terrence: Well, here it is. (clears his throat) Robert Patterson, Twilight was *not* your fault; no one could have done *any* better with the *horrible* character and story that Stephanie Meyers wrote for you and, personally, I don't think it's fair that people hold it against you -- yes, that was anti-climactic, wasn't it?

Terrence (V.O.): Little interesting fact: the Hogwarts School Song that was missing from the first movie was filmed essentially verbatim for this one, but didn't quite make the final cut, saving *me* the trouble of having to decide which section to put it in.

Terrence: Well, that's probably quite enough of all that; let's talk adaptation, shall we? (pulls out his wand) Accio title card!

What They Didn't Change
Terrence (V.O.): Unfortunately, almost *everything* on this list can only be considered a partial victory for the film, as even the stuff that was *predominantly* accurate to the book tended to be spoilt by a small, but glaring change or omission right in the middle -- as such, you might actually see some of the scenes in this section reappearing in the *next* two as well. While there was an upsetting amount of backstory left out of the opening with Frank the elderly Muggle, what they did keep was accurate enough, with him seeing someone in the abandoned house he looks after and his investigation getting him murdered by You-Know-Who. Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys do indeed take a trip to the Quidditch World Cup at the start of the book; the concept of Portkeys, the weird and wonderful tents that all the wizards invented, and the *massive* World Cup stands are also in there -- and the night *after* the match being disrupted by Death Eaters.

Cho Chang finally makes an appearance, and they held true to Harry's inability not to make a complete ass of himself in front of her. Fake Moody's description and example of the Unforgivable Curses, and the effect that witnessing the Cruciatus Curse in action had on Neville. The Goblet of Fire itself is pretty accurate, thank the gods -- can you imagine if they managed to fuck up even the book's title? Fake Mad-Eye Moody using Transfiguration to turn Malfoy into a ferret as punishment for trying to shoot Harry in the back.

What disappointingly little they included of Rita Skeeter is accurate enough, including her fixation on Harry in particular, her wildly fictitious articles, and her attempts to portray Hermione as Harry's love interest. Of course, what lets her *down* as a film character is the 90 percent of her story arc that they cut out completely -- I mean, she just sort of disappeared after the second article; so she was all setup and no conclusion.

Ron's initial misplaced anger and jealousy of Harry leaving him to be a complete dickhead to him, but apologizing after the first task; the first task of getting the golden egg from the dragon -- even if the dragons were disappointingly *small* in the film -- Harry tipping off Cedric about them due to his sense of honor and his use of the Summoning Charm to bring his broomstick to aid him; the *extreme difficulty* that Harry and Ron had in plucking up the courage to ask someone to the ball -- oh, come on, lads, it's just a case of whipping out your incredibly bulging biceps and showing off your awesome Ravenclaw tattoo; (shows a picture of Terrence showing off a Ravenclaw crest tattoo on his arm) OH, WAIT, that's just a Terrence thing. (chuckles)

The rather fabulous Hogwarts decorations for the Yule Ball and the opening dance that Harry had to take part in -- they also remembered to include the Weird Sisters wizard rock band, even if they didn't mention them by name. Harry and Ron's selfish neglect of their dates because they were too busy feeling sorry for themselves because they didn't get to go with their first choices; the egg puzzle containing the clue about the next task, along with Cedric returning the tip-off favor and suggesting Harry listen to it while having a good scrub in the tub. (shows Harry's naked abs) Well, *hello*, Harry Potter's six-pack; I don't remember *you* in the books, but kudos nonetheless -- it's nice to know there's at least *one* other wizard who lifts.

Myrtle's appearance in the bathroom to help Harry along with his musings and make him feel very uncomfortable in the process; Harry's unplanned visit to Dumbledore's memories in the Pensieve, revealing Karkaroff's backstory and Snape's history as a Death Eater turncoat. The twist that Mad-Eye Moody was, in fact, Barty Crouch, Jr. all along and that he'd been helping Harry all throughout the tournament so he would be the first one to touch the cup and get sent to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is...unfortunately, true to the book. I'm sorry, I still love this book; but that's just *such* a convoluted plan -- literally *anything* can get turned into a Portkey, and You-Know-Who was ready to go right from the start of the book; he was just holding off for Potter. This so *easily* could have gone...

Terrence (V.O. as Mad-Eye Moody): Okay, welcome to the first week of term. Potter, hand me that book, will ya?

Terrence (V.O. as Harry): Huh? Oh, uh, okay.

(shows Harry and Cedric being transported to the graveyard)

Terrence (V.O. as Moody): Lol!

Terrence (V.O.): ...and then, *boom*, Junior could have run off, leaving the real Moody to get blamed for the kidnapping; Dumbledore would have had no idea where Harry had gone and why; and the Dark Lord wouldn't have had to wait for *months on end* to come back! All I'm saying is, this plan probably explains why You-Know-Who wasn't sorted into Ravenclaw.

The ceremony to bring He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named back to full power, including the necessary three ingredients from his dead father, Wormtail, and Harry; the (sighs) death of Cedric Diggory. The Dark Lord's serpent-like features and his extreme skinniness is also accurate to the book; I have to admit, I just wasn't quite...sure how I felt about Ralph Fiennes' performance as him -- while it's definitely not how *I* was imagining him, it's not different enough from the book's description for me to have grounds to complain. I tell you what: let me know in the comments what *you* thought of him, and I'll tell you what the majority opinion was in the next episode.

The duel that he forced Harry into, with him *toying* with him the whole way through, was *reasonably* good; they kept the unique and unusual effect that happens when two brother wands are forced to fight each other and the pseudo-ghosts that turn up. Harry's escape afterwards by summoning the cup to him and bringing Cedric home, followed by Barty making one last failed attempt on his life.

Ron is probably the most accurate supporting cast member in this one, as he was kind of an unfair douchebag *to* pretty much everyone at some point or another in this particular book. One final interesting similarity is the bizarre choice to set the second and third tasks in *places* where the AUDIENCE COULDN'T BLOODY SEE ANY OF IT -- that *was* a bit of a question mark for me when I read the books, I have to admit.

(shows Terrence and another wizard, played by The Dom, staring at the outside of the third task's hedge maze as a crowd cheers)

Terrence: (sighs) Well, *this* is *riveting*!

What They Changed
(Terrence angrily hits his wand on the palm of his hand)

Terrence: Are you kidding me? Are you *actually* fucking *kidding* me showing that Barty Crouch, Jr. is alive and well in the first...ten...*fucking* minutes of runtime?!?! Do you ENJOY enraging me?!! Is that it, Newell?!? What did TERRENCE ever do to you?! Answer me!!

Terrence (V.O.): As you can undoubtedly tell, I'm not best pleased with them showing the *last* plot twist of the book in the opening scene; while there was some hints to him being Moody in the book, they're on a whole new level of blatant in the film -- honestly, I can only put this down to the film panicking that its audience was going to be upset that the plot twist at the end was actually surprising. Even if you haven't read the books, you must have guessed by now that Crouch, Jr. and his true form make absolutely no appearance in the books until the Pensieve flashback; and then he's gone again until right at the end.

For the fourth film in a row, we have a nice little list of things that *would* have been accurate to the novel had they not been given a dose of epic steroids -- this includes letting go of the Portkey mid-travel and falling through what appears to be the time vortex; Harry's chase with the Hungarian Horntail that trashes half the bloody school; and the attacking grindylows originally being little more than a minor hindrance to Harry on his *way* to the merpeople village, as opposed to a deadly swarm that nearly overwhelmed him on the way back. Nobody ever flinches when Harry says V-...You-Know-Who's *name* in the film; that *really* bothered me! It's *also* annoying that Harry has *stitches* on his face in the film, as it's established that magic can close wounds almost instantly.

Harry getting knocked out during the chaos of the Quidditch World Cup and *seeing* Barty Crouch, Jr. is *not* in the book, and it changes *everything* about that scene. (sighs) It's going to take me quite a while in the "What They Left Out" section to explain what Barty Crouch, Jr. was originally *doing* at the Quidditch World Cup; but for now, I will say that the reason he sent up the Dark Mark was 'cause he was *pissed off* at seeing the free, disloyal Death Eaters running amok and wanted to make them piss their pants. In the film, he doesn't wander in and do this until what *looks* like long *after* the Death Eaters have moved on; and it definitely looks like he's about to make a grab for Harry. To me, this suggests that the Death Eater riot was now a *distraction* to let him do this; and summoning the Mark was a pointless act of *enthusiasm* on his part -- whether this was an intentional change on the part of the filmmakers or just the byproduct of them mishandling the adaption *process*, I'm not a hundred percent sure; but I rather suspect the latter.

So, apparently, the film decided to make Beauxbatons an all-girls schools and Durmstrang a sausage fest. This is *not* true to the book, *and* it makes no sense in the Harry Potter universe -- Beauxbatons is the *only* magical school for most of bloody Western Europe; did the filmmakers really think that Spain and France would ONLY have witches?! Same thing applies to Durmstrang; it's so stupid -- unless, of course, the film was implying that both Karkaroff and Madame Maxime were both *sexist* enough that they only wanted to bring their own *gender* as potential champions.

And why the bloody hell are the Durmstrang boys doing a choreographed dance routine in the main hall?

(shows a dance scene from Magic Mike as a fake deleted scene from Goblet of Fire)

Terrence (V.O.): Though I have to admit it's not nearly as random as the Beauxbatons students' entrance -- I mean...what am I seeing here?!

(shows the Beauxbatons students stopping and sighing alluringly as they enter the Hogwarts Great Hall)

Terrence (V.O.): Good Lord, was that orgasmic moaning something they thought would impress the Hogwarts students; or is this just something involuntary that happens to them when they move in groups?

(shows The Dom as two Beauxbatons girls)

Beauxbatons Girl 1: Can you *believe* we have been sent this much *homework* in the first week of *term*?! It is so unfair!

(both girls sigh alluringly)

Beauxbatons Girl 2: Perhaps we should complain to Madame Maxime! It is unfair to expect this much mess this soon, after all.

(both girls again sigh alluringly)

Beauxbatons Girl 1: Oh, by the way, have you seen how Fleur is doing her hair this year? I was thinking *I* might be able to pull that off.

(both girls again sigh alluringly as butterflies fly from their spread hands)

Beauxbatons Girl 1: Woo! Dear *me*, that was a large one!

Terrence (V.O.): There's no mention of a cannon being involved in the Triwizard Tournament, or even any evidence that wizards would know what a cannon *was*, considering they would have had no need for them -- it also serves to give the tournament a bit of a Hunger Games vibe; I don't know if that was the point, but there it is. Barty Crouch, Sr. is *waaaaaay* off from his book original; they cut out pretty much his entire backstory, which I'll have to come back to later -- listen, I'm sorry I have to keep saying that; it's just how this film is. Bottom line is, this guy seems reasonably inoffensive; while his book predecessor was a bit of a dickhead with a stick up his ass the size of a ship's mast!

In the film, and the film alone, Fake Moody blasts away the weather...with his wand...from *inside* the castle -- do I even need to explain how little sense that makes? Fake Mad-Eye *acts* like his book original, being grumpy and socially awkward at first impression, but showing he has a softer side underneath; the big issue I have with him in the film, though, is the mechanical whirring noise his eye makes when you see from his perspective and the robotic-looking leg that replaced the carved *wooden* one from the book -- they turned him into a cyborg...a *cyborg* in Harry Potter.

Mad-Eye Moody: (speaking with the voice of the Borg) Resistance...is futile.

Terrence (V.O.): Also film-only is Fake Mad-Eye bringing Neville up to the front of the class to get a better view of the Cruciatus Curse, suggesting he either didn't *know* that his parents were tortured into insanity by it or wished to exacerbate the pain for the poor bastard.

I can't help but notice that Fred and George Weasley are getting more and more unrealistically cartoonish with every passing film. They were indeed jokesters with a profound inability to take anything seriously in the book, but I don't really know what the film was *going* for here with them talking in tandem all the time and the goofy one-liners they've started vomiting out in the background of all the scenes.

Personality-wise, Film Viktor Krum...doesn't really have one -- he's one of the many, many side characters that had almost everything about them *stripped* away to their bare minimum contributions to the main plot. *Physically*, he's not all that similar to the book either; the general idea was, he was graceful like an eagle while flying, but awkward, hunched, and bow-legged on the ground, with thick, bushy eyebrows and round shoulders. As badly as he's handled in the film, Krum has nothing on Fleur Delacour, the Beauxbatons champion -- boy howdy, is she a "nothing" character in this. *This* film faced the same challenge as The Princess Bride did in that it's all very well and good for an author to write in someone who's Aphrodite-levels beautiful with almost ethereal grace of movement and perfect silver flowing hair, but the poor *filmmakers* actually have to find and *cast* such a person.

Oh, Dumbledore, what happened, bro? I cringed so hard when I heard The Dom say Michael Gambon was doing a better job of portraying the Hogwarts headmaster. Okay, so at *this* point, we pretty much all know that Dumbledore eventually succumbs to the heinous crime of proving himself to be a fallible, flawed human being in the last few books; but at least in the first four, he really was this *perfect* messianic figure full of calm, kindness, and infinite patience, understanding, a good sense of humor, and an iron-hard sense of right and wrong. Does that sound *anything* like the bloke you saw in this film getting all up in Harry's personal space, agreeing that it *would* be a good idea to use Harry as bait to draw out their enemies, and pulling incredibly mean-spirited pranks on his own students? That's right, Film Dumbledore, I made a note of you tricking Harry into putting his hand into a bowl full of biting monsters; way to be abusive towards a child who just discovered a dead *body*, you absolute dickhead.

Sirius Black does indeed have a conversation with Harry through the Gryffindor common room fireplace in the book, though the description of it *there* is his normal head sticking out of the flames. While I can see why the visually creative fiery face was tempting for the filmmakers, you have to wonder how they supposed non-dramatic conversations would go down via this method of communication.

(shows Sirius Black's fiery face in the Gryffindor common room fireplace)

Terrence (V.O. as Sirius): Hey, I was...just wondering if you're going to Vicky's party on Saturday -- I mean, I'm totally up for it; I just don't want to get there and just find people I just *sort of* know, you know? Oh, and...by the way, you still owe me a dinner from when we went to TGI Fridays last weekend.

Terrence (V.O.): In regards to Miss Granger, well, I know she's still of an age that makes this a vastly creepy statement; but I'm just gonna say it anyway: it was a bit off-putting that she was leagues prettier than the girls who were *supposed* to be the mind-bogglingly hot ones. Krum's attraction to her seems perfectly understandable in the film (text appears reading "Aside from the before mentioned age thing"); and the makeover that shocked everyone at the ball doesn't seem all that different to her usual look, aside from her hair. Book Hermione was not excessively ugly; *but* she did *not* have the potential to be a cover girl, like Emma Watson.

Amos Diggory, Cedric's father, is made a bit more likable in the film; in the book, he was a bit of a prick to Harry all the way through, reminding him that Cedric beat him at Quidditch this one time *and* getting annoyed at him because Rita Skeeter pretended Harry was the only Hogwarts champion, despite that not being the lad's fault. I can't have been the only person who got to *this* scene (shows Professor McGonagall giving Gryffindor students dancing lessons) and started muttering, "No, no, surely this isn't going where I think it's going."; but, yes, the film adds in an awkward dance lesson -- they cut out *half* the bloody book, but they *added* an awkward dance lesson! Also, consider this: Professor McGonagall considered it her duty to teach the Gryffindors how to dance well at the ball; does this mean the other heads of houses had to do the same?

Terrence (V.O. as Snape): Malfoy, we're going to dance like nobody's watching.

Terrence (V.O. as Malfoy): I, ummm...I really don't want to, sir.

Terrence (V.O.): Okay, we have to face it, Snape's not been doing so well in any of these films; but *this* one has got to be a low point. Gone is his relentless and sadistic use of humiliation and fiendishly cunning psychological bullying to try and goad Harry into an outburst that would allow him to punish him, to be replaced with him bonking him on the back of the head for talking in class -- it's not exactly an intellectual substitution. Leaving aside this film's bizarre obsession with twins always talking in unison, *what the hell* was Padma Patil doing in the Gryffindor common room? In the book, that lucky young lady was in Ravenclaw!

In the film, Harry's follow-up dream is pretty much just a rehash of the first one; in the book, he's in Professor Trelawney's lesson and has a vision of You-Know-Who telling Wormtail about some fresh plot points, which were left out of the film because they tied into one of the *many* abandoned subplots. In later books, Dumbledore would explain to Harry that these visions were a psychic link beginning to form between him and Voldemort's minds, making his and Sirius' dismissal of them as "just dreams" in this film annoying and incorrect.

Ooookay, I *did* say that Myrtle was in the bathroom with Harry; but I *never* suggested she jumped in the *tub* with him. Good Lord, considering the age of that actress, this is *immensely* creepy; if you don't agree, imagine a nearly 40-year-old *man* hopping into the tub with 14-year-old Emma Watson -- yeah, now you see it. Harry ended up waiting around for the other champions to turn up and save their hostages as well for a lot *longer* in the book, and you got a better sense of his nobility as a result.

In the film, Karkaroff gave away Crouch, Jr. to get himself out of Azkaban; in the book, the young Death Eater was caught at the scene of the crime along with Bellatrix Lestrange and the other fanatical You-Know-Who supporters. Interestingly, in the book, Barty, Jr. feigned innocence all the way through his trial, begging his father for mercy; Film Jr. seems quite happy to *throw* himself at his father and blurt out a crazy-pants confession the *second* he was implicated.

The film showing Fleur whimpering as she ran through the maze really bothered me -- I can't specifically say that she *didn't* do this in the book, as Harry never actually comes across her originally; but considering that they cut out all the stuff that she was actually *good* at and just kept her *failing* all the time, it seemed like they were just humiliating the only female champion at this point. The maze itself is a *damn* disappointment in the film; the *book* version of it was full of tons of various traps, spells, monsters, giant spiders, riddles, and Blast-Ended motherfucking SKREWTS! What does the film have? Hedges that try to close on you. Did you learn *nothing* from Stephen King, Mr. Newell? HEDGES ARE NOT SCARY; THIS SHOULD NOT BE SOMETHING SOMEONE HAS TO TELL YOU!!

Oh, and film, jog my memory, what was it the imposter Moody said about the Imperius Curse?

Moody: *Scores* of witches and wizards have claimed that they only did You-Know-Who's bidding UNDER the influence of the Imperius Curse! But here's the rub: how do we sort out the liars?

Terrence (V.O.): Well, I guess you *could* just look for whoever has the extremely obvious whited-out eyes as a starting point. Having clear evidence of the Imperius Curse in action is stupid, dumb, *and* unnecessary, as in the book, Krum is cleared of all charges because Fake Moody mentioned that he was controlling him while monologuing to Harry at the end.

Here's an interesting change: originally, it was *Harry* who saved Cedric from Krum, and then again *later* from a giant spider -- replaced by roots in the film (replays an echo of him yelling "HEDGES ARE NOT SCARY!!"). They gave it the old switcheroo so *Cedric* ended up saving Harry, then Harry *almost* didn't return the favor. At first glance, this makes Harry seem like a bit of a prick; but it also ties into the film apparently deciding to crowbar in a new moral to the Triwizard Tournament. Dumbledore gives them a prep talk about being careful not to "lose themselves" in the maze; this and Harry almost leaving Cedric to die so he could win the cup and the glory to *me* hints that they were going for a "don't lose sight of what truly matters" or "it's not all about the goal" theme for the final task -- good in theory, but I can't help but feel that intentionally designing a task that was intended to tempt the champions into *turning* on each other is an odd thing to include in a tournament originally intended to foster stronger international ties and cooperation.

One thing I am confident in saying they fucked up on in regards to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is his voice; in the book, it's clearly described on multiple occasions as being remarkably high-pitched -- so, yes, I don't know if they experimented with this and found it impossible to make intimidating or they just decided to scrap it from the start; but the end result was a deep, raspy affair. The film's addition of the Dark Lord ripping off the Death Eaters' masks one by one *seems* like an odd thing, considering how he used to take such pains to keep their identities a *secret* so no one person could give them all up to the ministry; but I guess he did refer to them by name in the book, so same result.

The interrogation of Barty Crouch, Jr. is a tad less dramatic in the novel, as the Veritaserum combined with him coming round from being recently stunned put him in a kind of trance. They tweaked it somewhat in the film so it left him fully conscious, but unable to tell a lie, so David Tennant could still ham it up all the way through (text appears reading "Alan Rickman poking David Tennant in the face for the win" as Snape pokes Crouch, Jr. in the face with his wand).

Terrence: You know, despite the awful fuss they made about Harry managing to grab a *single* dragon egg in this film, *I've* actually been stealing them on the sly for over a year now (the sound of giant wings flapping begins in the background); and let me tell you, they are just *delicious* -- seriously, you've not had *real* scrambled eggs until you've tried Ukrainian Ironbelly with just a *pinch* of salt-

(a dragon lands behind him and roars, causing him to hastily turn around and then back again)

Terrence: Oh, bugger.

(continued in Part 2)