MarzGurl Discusses All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series

(We open to MarzGurl at her computer)

MarzGurl: It's a little hard to believe that somebody over at MGM decided that it would be a good idea to turn the concept of All Dogs Go to Heaven into a TV series. But hey, who am I to judge?

(Clips from the TV series are shown)

MarzGurl (vo): It apparently did well enough to warrant three seasons worth of material between the years of 1996 and 1998.

(Covers of the VHS/DVD releases are shown)

MarzGurl (vo): Not much of it was released on any sort of physical media like VHS or DVD...

(The iTunes and Hulu pages for All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series areshown)

MarzGurl (vo): ...but would you believe that you could purchase the whole thing on iTunes or that you could watch it all for free on Hulu, all forty episodes?

MarzGurl: It really makes me wonder, was this series really all that popular and I just didn't know it? I had no idea it was in such high demand!

(More clips are shown)

MarzGurl (vo): And frankly, I don't get it. The series continues to follow the adventures of Charlie and Itchy on Earth. But wait, that doesn't make sense, after the events of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, Itchy went back to Heaven and Charlie got a second chance at life. So, what's up with this? Well, I guess the end of the movie never happened or something, because both Charlie and Itchy are angels that get sent on missions to do good deeds. Charlie doesn't end up with Sasha, in fact, he's still hitting on her and getting rejected by her. He's not adopted by the kid David, though he hangs around him every so often. Carface still shows up from time to time. So at first, it makes me want to believe that this whole series kinda takes place somewhere between the beginning and end of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2.

MarzGurl: But then...(sighs) there's some other weird things about the series.

MarzGurl (vo): For one, Sasha suddenly owns the nightclub, when in the second movie, she was just a singer there and sort of got ripped off. Secondly, Killer, Carface's old henchman from the first movie, shows up to stir trouble every once in awhile alongside his boss. Where did he come from?! Is he still alive? Did he manage to survive a good fifty-seven years and relocate from New Orleans to San Francisco, or did he die and sell his soul? Actually, as far as I can tell, it's never quite mentioned in the TV series that Carface or Killer are working for Satan, so...what? And then there's David, he keeps talking about his mom. I wasn't sure if he was talking about his real life mom, who died before the beginning of the second movie, or his stepmom, who appears in the beginning and end of said movie. But when David goes home to write a report for school, somebody claiming to be David's mom is standing in his doorway, and that is not his stepmom, so is it a new stepmom? Is it his real mom? Does this take place before she died? Can somebody please tell me when any of this happens?

MarzGurl: Well, no matter, we'll just assume that MGM didn't know or care about any of these details.

MarzGurl (vo): The intro is a bit irritating; I already dislike when a TV series uses clips from the show itself for its intro, it always feels lazy to me. But this, oh, this is even lazier! It's comprised of nothing but shots from the second movie; it's one big false advertising campaign, because believe me, none of the actual TV series animation looks this good.

Theme singer: This may not be paradise, but boy, it sure is fun / And we're not perfect angels, why pretend? / Through funny times and sad ones, lucky breaks and bad ones / We always come out smiling in the end.

MarzGurl (vo): With this intro, the closing music, the soundtrack to the series...

(A jazz instrumental of the theme song plays in the beginning of the episode, "Field Trip". The In Stereo caption is shown in the next frame)

Marzgurl (vo): And even the little In Stereo caption at the bottom of the screen, you'd think this TV series wanted to be an episode of Full House.

(The theme song plays over the Full House intro)

Theme singer: We will find a little Heaven, everywhere around us / Find a little Heaven, everywhere we are

MarzGurl: Oh, wait, do I have that backwards?

(The Full House theme song plays over the All Dogs go to Heaven opening)

Theme singer: Everywhere you look, everywhere, there's a heart, there's a heart, a hand to hold onto / Everywhere you look, everywhere, there's a place, somebody who needs you

MarzGurl (vo): (as male announcer) All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series is animated before a live studio audience.

(The beginning of the episode, "Travels with Charlie", plays as it cuts to Charlie waking up, with a live audience applauding over it)

Charlie: (yawns) Ugh, man, am I beat! (sighs) I'm so tired, I don't even have the strength to scratch.

(A laugh track plays as Charlie is startled by a loud noise and hangs from a ceiling lamp)

Itchy: Now, to clean this up, okay...Oh, morning, Charlie! Did I wake you? (applauding audience track plays during this)

Charlie: Nah.

MarzGurl (vo): Charlie Barkin is now voiced by a third actor, Steven Weber. There's almost no consistency to how Charlie's voice sounds over the course of all these productions.

(Cuts to a clip where Charlie and Itchy are disguised as a human walking through a grocery store)

Charlie: Uh, hey, ahh, whoa, ehhh...just keep your cool, Itchy, and try to walk like a man!

MarzGurl (vo): Further proof to lack of quality in this show hardly needs to be looked for, watching the animation at work is almost enough, but when the first couple of lines in the very first episode are one big screw-up, you already know early on that you're headed for disaster!

Charlie (vo): We have Annabelle sending us on a mission to save a cat! We hate cats! I know, I know, Itch, that's why it's a GOOD deed.

MarzGurl (vo): Wait, was Itchy supposed to say that first line, because he didn't, it was Charlie who said both lines.

(The scene is repeated)

MarzGurl (vo): And Dom, rest your poor soul, why did you take every role ever offered to you?! Why did you keep voicing Tiger in American Tail stuff, and why did you keep voicing Itchy in All Dogs Go to Heaven stuff?!

Sasha: Hi, Itchy!

Itchy: Haha, hi Sasha.

MarzGurl (vo): The adventures of these two dogs continues over the course of the series. What sort of adventures do they go on? Well, sometimes, they have to do some generic good deed; sometimes they have to make sure a puppy gets back to where it belongs; sometimes they go on vacations; sometimes they don't do anything related to their heavenly jobs at all, they just have sort of regular old adventures like good old Earth dogs, I-I sort of don't care.

Itchy: Ah, your favorite, Charlie: gumbo alle florentino!

Charlie: (tiredly) Mmm-hmmm.

Itchy: C'mon, lazy bones, chow down!

MarzGurl (vo): How do they go about these jobs? Well, Heaven angel lady, whose name, I guess, is Annabelle now, delivers them messages via reflective surfaces like water, glass, or mirrors. Then they solve some problems after putting up with Charlie being a jerk and never wanting to actually solve the problem. Why he gets to keep his job, I really strongly wonder. Frankly, I thought after the first movie, Charlie should have actually come to some sort of understanding that doing selfish things all the time only causes hurt for other people, but I guess the people at MGM themselves felt otherwise. Now how do the dogs solve these problems? Well, sometimes, it's as simple as accompanying somebody somewhere, other times, it involves using "miracles", which often work more like magic.

(Cuts to Charlie putting a charm around Nelly the elephant's trunk)

Charlie: I wish Nelly was invisible!

Nelly: (giggles) It tickles!

(Nelly disappears magically in front of Charlie and the circus performers)

Nelly (vo): Whoa, where did I go?

MarzGurl: Pardon my nitpicking, but a wish and a miracle aren't exactly the same thing.

MarzGurl (vo): Every so often, there will be a musical number, and yeah, it's about as bad as you might expect.

Lance: (singing) When you go back to Heaven, if you fall in with military pride / A sporting dog might bet, you make them all forget / How utterly bad you were before you died

MarzGurl (vo): Aside from the poor Saturday morning cartoon animation, everything about this series completely downplays the serious impact of the first movie. There's puns, bad jokes, and uncomfortable 1990's pop culture references.

Charlie: Whoa! I've died and gone to Michael Jackson's house!

MarzGurl (vo): There's lots of cartoon sound effects, and even that trumpeting sound of wah-wah-wahhhhh all over the place!

(A clip plays of Itchy reacting to something with cartoony sound effects)

MarzGurl (vo): Most of the characters featured in the intro don't even show up in the show on a regular basis. Isn't there anything the show can get right?

MarzGurl: Frankly, the series isn't worth it. But then again, if it wasn't worth it, would it really have three seasons that are easily available for free online? (pauses) Don't answer that question.

(The credits are shown as the All Dogs Go to Heaven theme song plays)