Garbage Pail Kids

(The Nostalgia Critic holds his face in his hands, too speechless to give his normal introduction)

NC: [removing his hands] I got nothing. I have absolutely nothing. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to say? Garbage Pail Kids! Does the title even sound like it's gonna attempt to be a good movie?

(NC pauses for several seconds, turning his head away from the camera in disbelief)

NC: [facing the audience] I feel raped! I feel honest to god raped by this movie. It is that bad! There is     no talent, no effort, nothing salvageable! Nothing salvageable about this movie at all. [another pause] Show the credits, let's get started!

(The opening title sequence of the film is shown, followed by miscellaneous footage of various scenes)

NC: [voice-over] It's ... uh ... it's ... uh ... it's ... [non-voice-over] ... it's gonna hurt. I'm not gonna lie. It is really going to hurt. So, why waste any more time just talking about it? Oh, I can think of a few reasons. But, let's take a gander anyway. Be very afraid.

(Cut to stills of Garbage Pail Kids Trading Cards)

NC: [voice-over] First, a little history. The Garbage Pail Kids was actually a deck of trading cards that people would pass around. It was obviously satirizing the Cabbage Patch Kids, but these were quite different. They were gross, violent, and totally disgusting. So, as you can imagine, they were a huge hit. And kids all around the country were passing them around and trading them.

(Cut to footage of the standard MGM title card)

NC: [voice-over] Then some numb-nuts at MGM thought to themselves...

(Cut back to the stills of the trading cards)

NC: [voice-over] ...hey, we can profit from this too! There's some great potential for a really good, gripping story here. [non-voice-over] I don't know what he was smoking either, but let's just hope he got brain damage from it!

(Cut to random film clips of The Garbage Pail Kids Movie)

NC: [voice-over] And so Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie was created. In the loosest form of the word created. How can they make a film based off a trading card that has absolutely no character or story development at all?

(to be continued)