The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2015

Introduction
Todd plays OMI - "Cheerleader" on the piano.

'TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2015 A year-end review'

Todd: Let's! Get! This! Over with!


 * [Clip of New China's near year countdown party]

Todd (VO): Oh it'll be great to get this burden off my shoulders. You've all started 2016 already, I'm still stuck in the previous year! These Top Tens are the bane of my existence! But I do it. I do it...

Todd: ...for you. And for the record, I think this list is much better than last year's. Like, I put...


 * Clip of Pharrell Williams...

Todd (VO): ..."Happy" on last year's list. You know that's, that's a fine enough song, but...if I never heard it again, I wouldn't exactly cry either. But this list...

Todd: ...this year, these are all songs I have fully adopted as a piece of my soul. These are songs I want to last and be remembered. [Beat] Yeah, 2015 was a good year. And here's why. We're counting down...


 * Clip from DJ Drybones's "Top Pop Songs Of 2015 Mashup (All About It), which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown.
 * Taylor Swift: So it's gonna be forever
 * Ed Sheeran: Take me into your loving arms

Todd(VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2015!


 * Taylor: You can tell when it's over
 * We come back every time

#10
Todd (VO): #10.

Todd: You know, I used to be ashamed of some of my picks for the Best list. I like to think I've moved past that, but I am still a little embarrassed by this one 'cause, I'll be honest, I'm worried this might end the poor guy's career.

#10. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Grandmaster Caz - "Downtown"
 * Artists: I'm headed downtown!
 * Cruisin' through the alley

Todd (VO): I like Macklemore. He gets way, way too much shit. I hear all the time about how [clip of...] "Thrift Shop" is preachy and condescending and even racist.

Todd: It's a joke song about wearing...

Todd (VO): ...piss-smelling used clothes! I mean, God forbid hip-hop get the tiniest amount of criticisms for its most tedious, overused cliches.

Todd: Anyway, I wanted to get that defense out there 'cause...yeah, I worry that I might not get the chance again 'cause he might not be back.


 * Macklemore: I went to the moped store, said "fuck it."
 * Salesman's like "What up, what's your budget?"

Todd (VO): Yet his response to all the criticism seems to have been to make the silliest, weirdest, most intentionally lame song in history.


 * Macklemore: You don't need an Uber, you don't need a cab
 * Fuck a bus pass, you got a moped, man

Todd (VO): See, used clothes, you could make a case for that being cool, but riding a moped?


 * Artists: Downtown

Todd (VO): It's like Macklemore saying, "you think I'm corny? Screw you, you haven't seen anything yet!" It cannot be long before Macklemore writes a song about the glory of [pics of...] the mullet, or how badass it is to play D&D, and cook calorie-conscious meals for the family...

Todd: ...and have a YouTube show where you review pop songs.


 * Artists: Cut the bullshit
 * Get off my mullet

Todd (VO): Yeah, the first response I and many had was that Macklemore was just trying for a mashup of "Thrift Shop" with "Uptown Funk." But I don't think that really indicates how strange this song is. It's a weird mix of early '80s rap, '60s pop, and a falsetto metal singer that that I was fairly certain was a female.


 * Eric Nally: Downtown
 * Downtown

Todd (VO): Oh, God, his knees. Can't watch this video.

Todd: I'm partly of the mind that...

Todd (VO): ...this song is a complete disaster. Goddamn, does the Mack get corny at points.


 * Macklemore: There's layers to this shit player, Tiramisu, Tiramisu

Todd (VO): But goddammit, this song makes me smile whenever I hear it. It's an act of guts and anti-posturing that you just don't see from people.

Todd: If Beck released this song in the '90s, you'd all go crazy for that. This song is glorious.


 * Artists: Downtown

Interlude

#9
Todd (VO): #9.


 * Clip of Taylor Swift - "Love Story"
 * Taylor: We were both young when I first saw you
 * I close my eyes

Todd: Yeah, Taylor Swift was gonna make both lists this year.

Todd (VO): And I wanna point out here that, for all my criticisms of Taylor Swift, I always thought she was quite talented. She was able to speak to teenage girls like few artists ever have. But I'm not a teenage girl, I'm a grown-ass man...more or less.

Todd: I was never gonna be interested in how her high school romance is just like Romeo and Juliet, OMG.


 * Clip of "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

Todd (VO): Besides, if she tried romanticizing her relationships nowadays, no one would buy it. She goes on too many dates, and she can't make any of them stay.

Todd: At least that's what people say. Everyone knows she goes through relationships like toothpicks. You can't romanticize that. [Thinks about it] Or can you?

#9. Taylor Swift - "Wildest Dreams"
 * Taylor: Say you'll remember me
 * Standing in a nice dress
 * Staring at the sunset, babe

Todd (VO): There is much bad about the new Taylor Swift, but one thing I like is how she's moved on from blaming everything on her exes, and instead owning the fact that she's a serial dater who blows through guys, and she's found a way to make that attractive instead.


 * Taylor: Someday when you leave me

I bet these memories

Todd: I mean, I guess she could try...you know...not driving guys away.

Todd (VO): Trying to make something last. But for right now, she's just decided to accept it.


 * Taylor: Nothing lasts forever
 * But this is getting good now

Todd (VO): And she'd given up pretty quickly. You know what they say, "don't cry 'cause it's over, smile because it happened."

Todd: But you're supposed to apply that at the end of something, not before it's over.


 * Taylor: Say you'll see me again
 * Even if it's just in your
 * Wildest dreams

Todd (VO): It's a very fatalistic song where Taylor takes comfort in the fact that she'll be able to leave a guy with some fun memories. And you know, there is something to that, you know?


 * Taylor: See me in hindsight
 * Tangled up with you all night

Todd (VO): Look, I have a soft spot for songs about settling for imperfection. This is "Blank Space" played seriously instead of as a joke; and for that reason, it doesn't wear out nearly as quick. Most jokes are only funny once; "Wildest Dreams" sticks with you.

Todd: It follows you around


 * Taylor: ...wildest dreams, ah-ha

Interlude

#8
Todd (VO): #8.

#8. Elle King - "Ex's and Oh's"
 * Elle: Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me
 * Like ghosts they want me

Todd: This is a fine song. I like it.


 * Elle: ...let go
 * Ex's and oh's

Todd (VO): Okay, so first of all, you heard that this is the daughter of Rob Schneider, right? [Picture of Elle and Rob] Yeah, Elle King? Rob Schneider's daughter? Guess I should...make some kind of Rob Schneider reference here.

Todd: [Clears throat] ''[as the Richmeister] Elle-arino, Elle-arama, Elle King, "Ex's and Oh's" on the pop charts, making copies. [beat]'' Ask your parents, kids.


 * Elle: 1, 2, 3
 * They gonna run back to me

Todd (VO): This was the big sleeper hit of 2015. I actually heard it the year before on an alternative station, like more than a year ago. I was like, "oh, that's interesting," and I forgot about it completely. And then, it just kinda kept getting bigger and bigger. And it was one of those songs that was okay the first time I heard it, but great by the hundredth.

Todd: Yeah, I can't deny that part of what I like about the song is just the novelty.

Todd (VO): Like, in a world of trap beats, it's nice to hear a good fuzz guitar solo pop up. I mean, it's certainly not the most original sound, it basically sounds like Amy Winehouse fronting the Black Keys, but that's plenty for me. And besides the retro blues rock 'n roll, there's also one other thing I like about it.

Todd: Apparently, Rob Schneider's daughter is a total player.


 * Elle: They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

Todd (VO): See, here's the thing. I totally buy it. I totally believe she has a bunch of dudes following her around.

Todd: And you don't know how nice that is to say.

Todd (VO): Because day in, day out, my work seems to revolve around pop princesses clumsily, awkwardly trying to pretend that they know what sex is. [Brief clip of "Lips Are Moving" by...] I mean, Meghan Trainor, Selena Gomez, Jessie J.

Todd: Little girls, all of them.

Todd (VO): Elle King actually knows what she's talking about. I don't know if she's just gonna end up another fluke indie hit, but I hope not.

Todd: Stick around, Elle King. [as Rob Schneider in several movies] You can do it! References.


 * Video ends

Interlude

#7
Todd (VO): #7.

[Clip of Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - "Dance (A$$)"]"Sean: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass...""(Whoa, whoa, oh my god)"Todd: [Nervously laughs] I like Big Sean probably more than I should.

Todd (VO): He's just so goddamn ridiculous. Actually that's not true, half the time I think [Clip of Big Sean ft. Chris Brown - "My Last] he's actually very boring. But...he's still one of the few rappers left who can actually be funny on purpose. And if you watched my worst list, I kinda used...

Todd: ...one of his raps as my between-song segue, and...while I was doing that list I realized I kinda love it...

#7. Big Sean ft. E-40 - "I Don't Fuck With You" "Sean: I don't fuck with you""You little stupid ass bitch I ain't fucking with..."Todd: You!"Sean: I got a million-trillion things I'd rather fucking do"Todd (VO): [Stifling laughter] I can't help it! It's just so stupid! I have to like it! It reminds me most of [Clip of "Rollout (My Business)" by...] Lucacris, who I miss very badly. Yeah, where's he been? Who're we gonna get when we need to tell people to [Clip of...] get back, [...and...] move, bitch, [...then back to...] get out my biz-nass!

Todd: I mean, Big Sean's no Ludacris, but he'll do in a pinch."Sean: I heard you got a new man I see you taking the pic""Then you post it up, thinking that it's making me sick"Todd (VO): But this is a song about gold diggers and ex's trying to make you jealous. I ain't got none of those. But it's fun to sing no matter who you got riding you.

Interlude

#6
Todd (VO): #6.

#6. The Weeknd - "Can't Feel My Face"

Interlude

#5
Todd (VO): #5.

#5. Rihanna, Kanye West & Paul McCartney - "FourFiveSeconds"

Interlude

#4
Todd (VO): #4.

#4. Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft. MØ - "Lean On"

Interlude

#3
Todd (VO): #3.

#3. Walk the Moon - "Shut Up and Dance"

Interlude

#2
Todd (VO): #2.

#2. Demi Lovato - "Cool for the Summer"

Honorable mentions
Justin Bieber - "What Do You Mean?"

Adele - "Hello"

Carly Rae Jepsen - "Run Away with Me"

Drake - "Back to Back"

Pitbull & Ne-Yo - "Time of Our Lives"

Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars - "Uptown Funk"

Interlude

#1
Todd (VO): #1.

#1. Taylor Swift - "Style"

Closing tag song: Skrillex & Diplo ft. Justin Bieber - "Where Are Ü Now"

'''THE END This video is owned by me Year-end mashup by DJ Drybones'''

THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!