16



Ask That Guy: Episode 16

That Guy, holding a pipe in his mouth with one hand and using the other to read a large book with a red cover, looks up suddenly and snaps the book shut.

That Guy: Oh Sallam! didn’t hear you come in. Welcome to Ask That Guy With The Glasses.

Title card comes up to the music of Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig Von Beethoven.

Narrator: Why is it that after multiple loads of laundry, you realize your missing some socks, and are unable to find them anywhere in the house? What happens to them?

That Guy: That’s a very good question. The answer, in all honesty, is your couch eats them-because he is in cahoots with the laundry machine. You see, the laundry machine HATES to do dirty socks(rolls eyes upward)They’ve been on your feet, for crying out loud! And so, the couch keeps socks in between it’s cushions, and in return, the laundry machine hides the remote! ‘Cause the couch HATES to have the remote lost down the cracks of the cushions. It’s like getting a popcorn kernel out of your teeth. It’s just so annoying! This is why couches and laundry machines are never seen together-so that no one will have suspicion. Think about it...have YOU ever seen the laundry machine and the couch together?(Smiles and nods at the camera)I think not! Unless they’re lovers. In which case they can’t stay away from each other. Because love between the laundry machine and the couch is simply unbreakable. I know a laundry machine and a couch that live just a few blocks down the road. They’ve been married for 30 years, and have given birth to 5 wonderful flannel shirts.(licks the mouthpiece of the pipe while smiling).

Narrator: We all know how really bad records make really good frisbees, but would a circular saw do the same job?

That Guy: Yes, but only once.(grins)

Narrator: Why do they call it a drive through if you have to stop?

That Guy: Because you couldn’t very well call it stop throughs(smiles, then frowns, thinking)actually you could. My GOD, what a brilliant idea!(mimes reading a store front with his hand gesturing at it)Stop Through restaurants! Stop! before you GO!(Grins wider) I’ll be RICH! The only problem is YOU gave me the idea(gestures with the pipe)and therefore you will have to DIE!(grinning). Please e-mail me your address so that I may come over and kill you properly. I expect your response very soon(gesticulating with the pipe to emphasize each word). And IF for some reason you do not give me your address...(leans closer to the screen, face growing very serious) I will find you!

Narrator: You never seem to hear your viewers come in. Have you seen a doctor lately? Perhaps you are in need of a hearing aid.

That Guy: WHAT?(grinning)

Narrator: A trekkie dressed as a Klingon and a Star Wars fan dressed as a Stormtrooper meet by chance in an alley. Naturally, a duel to the death is the only possible result. Who wins?

That Guy: I highly doubt anyone wins in that situation. I would dare say everybody loses: Loses some dignity...loses some brain cells...loses whatever’s left of their masculinity-Just all around LOSES.(holds pipe in mouth and swings it up and down repeatedly like a teeter totter and waggles eyebrows.

That Guy: This is That Guy With The Glasses saying there’s no such thing as a stupid question, until YOU ask it (winks and returns to reading his book).

End titles come up with the comment “Ask your stupid questions today.”