Best of TGWTG Vol. 4 - Continuation of Ep. 69

​ (an explosion is seen as ThatGuy appears in an empty white room, he gasps and looks around) Hummel Figurine: (offscreen) Welcome, AskThatGuy. Welcome. AskThatGuy: Where am i? Hummel Figurine: The eternal pain you mortals call, Hell. ( AskThatGuy looks out nearby window and sees Hell) AskThatGuy: Oh yes, they remodeled, the boulder out there looks especially nice. Hummel Figurine: (offscreen) Yeah, I think they did a good job. (AskThatGuy and the Hummel Figurine talk over each other until the Hummel intervenes.) Hummel Figurine: (offscreen) But that's beside the point! You asked to know who I, the Hummel Figurine, was all this time? AskThatGuy: (nods) Well, yes. Yes, i do. Hummel Figurine: (offscreen) Well, behold my true identity! (an explosion is seen to reveal...) AskThatGuy: (surprised) Melvin, Brother of the Joker? Melvin: Thats right, it's me, Melvin. (singing) Melvin, Melvin, brother of the Joker, Melvin, Melvin, brother of the Joker, Melvin, Melvin, brother of the Joker, (pauses, then continues singing) Melvin, Melvin. AskThatGuy: (shocked) You were the Hummel Figurine this whole time? Melvin: Well, after you killed me during the charity drive. Which, can you even say that out loud? You KILLED during the charity drive, I mean think about it, your trying to help people, and you killed me with forks! You are horri- you are horrible people! They sent me down here, and now I am Satan's second.. fourth- hand-man. So, now that I have you here and now that my secret is revealed, theres only one thing left to do. AskThatGuy, I must destroy you. (raises hands with explosions in the foreground) AskThatGuy: Does Satan know you're doing this? Melvin: Yeah yeah yeah, I talked to him, it's all good. (continues trying to "destroy him" until AskThatGuy interrupts again) ATG: I think you should ask him. Melvin: (sighs and rolls his eyes) ATG I think you should. Melvin: Look, I told you, it's cool, we have nothing to worry about here. Now please die. (does same thing again until...) ATG: Buddy, I've been down here like a million times. (Melvin looks around while still in position) Me and Satan, were like this. (crosses fingers and jabs then upward) Melvin: (frustrated) Okay! I'll go ask him! (goes to door and has trouble opening it) God dangit, hi? hello? Not making my exit very graceful. (to ATG) I'll be back! Gonna ask him. (to door, while trying to close it) Come on! Don't be a dick! (finally slams door)

ATG: Well, while were waiting on that. (is now holding pipe) Hail Satan, didn't hear you come in. (pauses) And if you're hear, you must not have been very nice. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the Glasses. (usual title card and theme music start as we start on our first question) Narrator: What am I doing here if only you were sent to Hell? ATG: That's a very good question, and it has to do with a certain we went through./ you see, a long time ago, you and I signed up for a certain experiment. You remember? You remember? Don't ya? Narrator: (disturbed) Yes, Yes Uh-huh ATG: And that experiment resulted in your mouth surgically attached to my ass. You remember that? You remember? Yes? Narrator (creeped out) Yes. Yes. Thank you. ATG: But unfortunately somebody deemed it "cruel and unusual", so we had to get removed./ But, because of that, my narrator feels the psychological need that he needs to follow me every place I go. Because he is hopelessly scarred for life. Aren't ya? Aren't ya? Aren't ya? Yes! Narrator: Yes. Yes! Oh Jesus, yes! ATG: And were never going to ask that question again, aren't we slave? Narrator: (horrifyed) N-no. ATG: No, no. (Narrator starts sobbing) Narrator: I- (clears throat) If Santa gives coal to bad kids, then what do bad kids who want coal for Christmas get? ATG: Well, its a wonderful experiment where your mouth is attached to somebody else's anus./ Now I know what you're thinking./ How can Santa do that if it's cruel and unusual punishment? Well, Santa works outside the law./ I mean, think about it, he breaks into people's houses, stealing their food./ And yet he still doesn't get arrested, that fat bastard has everybody paid off./ And one day, the entire world will know the name of the Claus./ (raises fist in the air) Hail Santa! Narrator: Should i fart in a jar and mail it to you? ATG: (stares at camera, looks left and right) I think somebody got out of their cage. Narrator: If "Making it Rain" refers to throwing bills, and "Making it Hail" refers to throwing coins, then how would someone "Make it Snow"? ATG: (chuckles) Why that's incredibly easy./ You just take a typical video gamer and/or con-goer,/ Preferibally one that hasn't gotten a haircut in a long time, so 90% of them,/ turn them upside-down, start shaking them,/ and the snow will fall like flakes./ Many of those man-children forget about dandruff buildup,/ but it isn't just for boys./ Adult women-childs are perfectly capable of this too,/ (whispers) especially the ones with the facial hair,/ and I know you can't just put an s at the end of the word child and expect it to be plural,/ but I'm ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, bitch. And my penis says hello. (unzips pants and shoots his robotic penis) Narrator: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ATG: The Pineapple People./ They kicked this annoying sponge out of his home,/ tied him up, sodomized him,/ and then asked who his best freind was, he said a starfish named Patrick, and they went to his house, tied him up and sodomized him,/ and then they asked Patrick who his best freind was, and he said a squirrel named Sally. Well, I can tell you they had great ideas for Sally. (laughs maniacally)/ Flowers. They gave her lots of flowers./ and the heads of the sponge and the starfish./ But she did like that so they tied her up and sodomized her./ Enjoy your nightmare fuel tonight, guys!/ (whispers) Enjoy. Narrator: Why are you a part of Channel Awesome if you don't review anything?