Les Misérables: The Musical

NCh: Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick, and I've been doing this for a while. We did a lot of movies, nostalgic TV shows, games, what-have-you, but you know what we're gonna do today?! The stage musical!! Man, young Lindsay had a phase....

(flashback to 1998 and a young Lindsay eating peanut butter out of the jar while listening to Phantom of the Opera)

Young Lindsay: You understand my pain, Phantom....

(back to present)

NCh: But today we're gonna talk about one of the biggest, most well-known, most epic of stage musicals: Les Miserables.

(Susan Boyle's audition on Britain's Got Talent)

NCh (VO): Remember that song Susan Boyle sang? That was from Les Mis!

(clip of Dawson's Creek)

NCh (VO): Joey's song that popped up in Dawson's Creek in the late 90s? Also Les Mis! Even if poor Katie Holmes couldn't sing the song.

Katie Holmes: (kind of yelling it) The world is full of happiness that I have never known!

NCh: (mimicking) I have never known!

(photos of Cats and Phantom of the Opera, and footage of Les Miserables

NCh (VO): So on Broadway and in London, the 80s saw the emergence of the mega-musical, which started this trend of really huge sets and gimmicks and the shows ran for a really long time and they made a lot of money. And most of them are courtesy of Lord Andrew Lloyd Frog and Cameron Macintosh. But Les Miserables rose above to be the longest-running musical ever until it closed. The musical is based on the book, which is one of the longest novels ever written. Not even a little bit of an exaggeration there, it clocks in at over 500,000 words and devours roughly 20 trees per copy. And they had to cram all of that; the thousands of characters, the set changes, decades passing, characters ageing into a three hour musical on a stage that is literally a giant turntable.

NCh: And since it's a French national treasure, there are roughly 12 or so adaptations per year. Sometimes the French do it, sometimes Hollywood does it, but during my musical phase, I saw a bunch of 'em.

(footage of one such adaptation and the musical)

NCh (VO): But most movie adaptations either change the source material wildly or they cut a bunch of it out, and either way, something is always lost in the translation. It just doesn't work as well, it's not as effective. Especially this most recent version with Claire Danes and Liam Neeson.

Valjean: I took what I wanted. And then they caught me.

NCh: It's more like Les Meh. So what are the odds that it would take a goddam musical to be the one medium that came closest to getting the book across successfully?

NCh (VO): There's epic love stories, tales of revenge, obsession, greed, redemption; there's so much in this book.

NCh: Though there's something about the medium of the musical that succeeds where other mediums might not. It actually manages to get the....maybe not the majority, but a plurality of these really dense subtexts, histories and emotions, it just makes you wanna....you know.... ''Do you hear the people sing? Singing the-''

(enter JewWario)

NCh: JewWario, what are you doing here?

JW: This is my house. (beat) I live here.

NCh: (beat) I'm reviewing Les Mis!

JW: I know. You've been singing it.....all week.....

(flashback, to the tune of Lovely Ladies)

NCh: Nothing changes....

JW: ''(rocking back and forth hysterically) Nothing ever changes, not even this song. I really think this musical's been going on too long!''

(back to the present)

JW: I appreciate that you...like the musical, and that you like to sing.... But it has to stop.

NCh: No, I'm doing a review!

JW: ...Why am I letting you stay at my house again?

NCh: Nella kicked me out for some reason.

Nella: (also rocking back and forth) Nothing ever changes, not even this song!

JW: Stop singing Les Mis! It needs to stop!

NCh: No! You don't understand. There is none but me who can review this thing! In mercy's name, 15 minutes is all I need!

(To the tune of Confrontation)

NCh: ''Then I'll shut up, I pledge my word. I'll stop singing-''

JW: ''You must think me mad! I've hunted you across these rooms. Fans like you just can't shut up! A fan such as you!''

(both singing over each other)

NCh: ''You love Les Mis, I bet you do, there is a review I have sworn to do. You know nothing of musicals, all I do was sing this song. You know nothing of this song. You will never shut me up, not before I finish singing this song! I am warning you J-Dub, I will finish this review, if I have to kill you here, well, I probably won't go that far.''

JW: ''Fans like you just can't shut up! Fans like you just can't shut up! No, no, Nostalgia Chick! I just can't take this song! It goes on far too long! 2 and 2 is 4 somehow! Nostalgia Chick is nothing now! You know nothing of J-Dub! I was raised inside this hub! I workon this website too-''

(NCh knocks JW out with an N64)

NCh: Now what? (runs off)