Children of the Corn

(The 2015 Nostalgia-Ween opening plays, before showing NC in his room, wearing the Nostalgia-Ween jacket)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. It's Halloween! Time to look at another memorable movie and go, "Ooh! That didn't age well." It's Stephen King Time!

(Stephen King is shown bobbing his head near the background of a children's castle as children cheer and the logo "Stephen King Time!" is shown. Images of Stephen King are shown as NC speaks)

NC (vo): As usual, I have to start out praising this guy before I piss on this guy, because the dude does have mad talent and has written a lot of awesome stories. (Footage from It, The Langoliers, The Tommyknockers, The Shining (Mini-Series version), and Maximum Overdrive are shown) But either they don't translate well into film, or they just pick the worst ones to adapt, his movies and miniseries rarely show the strength of his abilities, often resulting in hilarious results.

Craig Toomey (from The Langoliers): Scaring the little GIRL?!

Pennywise (from It): Wa-ha! Wa-ha! Wa-ha!

NC: And to start off this review, how about a dramatic reenactment of how King chooses what to write about next? (Grabs a couple of darts and looks at a dart board, which is called "The What to Make Scary Next Board", and the dart board is filled with notes saying various words. NC throws two darts at two notes, which say "Children" and "Corn") Children of the Corn!

(The logo and footage from Children of the Corn is shown as NC brings out his opening thought)

NC (vo): Based on King's short story, Children of the Corn looks at an already popular scary subject, creepy kids, and for some reason combines them with a yellow vegetable that's about as scary as...well, balloons. Does it pay off? Well, if you like to get paid in maize. It dawned tons of sequels, a cult status, and, of course, hundreds of people around the world saying, "I think there's better King movies that could be made than this."

NC: Let's see if King can turn shock horror into shuck horror. This is Children of the Corn!

(The movie begins)