Step By Step Goes To Disney World


 * The whole transcript that comes before this scene has not been transcribed yet. Feel free to do so.

Jerk (vo): Then he's about to see the Indiana Jones Stunt Show, but it gets unexpectedly delayed.

Man: Next show will begin at 2:00.

Father: (To his son) Sorry, son. We'll be on our way to the airport by then.

Boy: But I saved Indy to be my very last, and I'm never gonna see him.

(Jerk is at the front entrance of the Indiana Jones Stunt Show)

Jerk: And at that exact moment, young Shia LaBeouf swore he'd get revenge.

Jerk (vo): So in order to help save the future, Flash risks sacrificing his chance of the record by agreeing to... (Flash is shown participating in the stunt show) No. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no! No! NO! NO, NO, NO! NO! NO!

(We then get a minute-long montage of all sorts of people shouting "No!", including clips from various movies, TV shows and other Internet shows. Those include (not all): the Indiana Jones movies, Star Wars: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Revenge of the Sith, the Nostalgia Critic's review of Drop Dead Fred, The Lion King, Tangled, A Bug's Life, Monsters, Inc., Toy Story, Toy Story 2, The Incredibles, The Avengers, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man's Chest, Futurama, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Back to the Future, Django Unchained, Tombstone, Star Trek: First Contact, Scrubs, Cop Out, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Happening, The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, The Office, and The Simpsons, with a clip from Treehouse of Horror VI)

Chief Wiggum: Yes. Um, I mean, no. No.

Jerk: First of all, they would not cancel Indy just because the guy playing Indy couldn't make it. That's what understudies are for.

Jerk (vo): If you thought it would ruin the Disney magic to reveal that Indy's just an actor, guess what? (Cut to a curtain call of the stunt show) DISNEY ALREADY REVEALS THAT!

Host: Ladies and gentlemen, Harrison Ford's stunt double, Kevin Morgan!

Jerk: Second of all, they would not just let anyone do this!

Jerk (vo): These are professional stuntmen! Even if you've got the physical prowess for it, and even if you could somehow circumvent the Union Laws, these are delicate routines that require a shitload of rehearsal and are not to be taken lightly!

(Cut to a news report showing the death of a stunt performer)

New reporter: Last night, stuntman ??? ??? was killed in a rehearsal for the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular.

Jerk (vo): This is a dangerous job! Injuries are inevitable and the performers need to be qualified. I dare say it's a testament to Disney's safety concerns that the show ran 20 years before its first and only fatal accident. But you wouldn't know it from this show!

(The scene of Flash convincing the man to be in the show is shown again as Jerk mimics Flash)

Jerk (vo; as Flash): Hey, can I be Indy?

Man: Sure, why not?

Jerk: I'm sorry, but I just can't pretend these inaccuracies don't bug me anymore. Disney World is a real place! I'm standing in it! And you can't just make stuff up about a real product! Where do you draw the line between suspension of disbelief and false advertising?

(A Disney World ad is shown with an added caption)

Announcer: Disney World, where your kids perform death-defying stunts in front of thousands of witnesses, and the restraints on thrill rides are optional, because Mickey Mouse ice cream bars give you the power to fly, and if you buy two of every plush toy, your mom and dad will get back together and Grandma will finally wake up!

(Cut back to Step By Step)

Jerk (vo): And as if all that wasn't enough, what a shocker... (Cut to a clip from the Full House Disney World episode) FULL HOUSE DID THIS FIRST!! But when they did it, DJ was hallucinating her boyfriend is Indy!

(Cut to a clip from UHF)

Man: George! (George wakes up) Are you daydreaming again?

(Cut back to Step By Step)

Jerk (vo): SO EVEN FULL HOUSE IS MORE LEGITIMATE THAN STEP BY FUCKING STEP! Christ, even the subplots I LIKED turned into irresponsible ripoffs! How do you think a real stepbrother would react to this shit?