Lost in Space

(NC's chair appears without him in it, the camera moves around the house as if looking for him. It goes into the bathroom and finds NC in the shower fully clothed, hiding, he spots the camera)

NC: (picking up shampoo bottle) Here it is... heh, found it. Shampoo, I... imagined it... being in the shower... That's... that's um... OK, I really don't wanna do this... I mean, this movie's bad, REALLY bad; it's based off a SHIT TV show and you'd think it can't get much lower than that. But it does... it gets lower- lo-lo-lo-lo-lower! (beat) LOOK AT THE TRAILER! The trailer looks great!

(trailer is shown)

NC: (voiceover) You got explosions, monsters, robots, some cool special effects, this was a cool looking movie...

(cut back to shower)

NC: Little did we realize the black hole of ASSness that awaited us all. (exhale) Well, guess there's no way I'm avoiding it... Let's look over the very appropriately titled... Lost in Space.

(Clips of the movie are shown)

NC: (voiceover) Just thinking about this movie makes me cringe, everything about it is horrible; the story's horrible, the writing's horrible, the acting's horrible, I'd rather have a nose job by Edward Scissorhands than watch this pathetic pile of plasmic puss!

(cut to NC's room with NC in chair, as usual)

NC: But why bitch about it when I can properly torture you by showing it? This... is Lost in Space.

(movie starts)

NC: (voiceover) So it takes place in the futuristic world of 2058.

Narrator: Finally, the warring nations of Earth had forgotten their differences and banded together to save our planet...

NC: Wow, you mean in just 48 years, world peace is gonna break out? I guess all the terrorists of the world went, "We're done! We had a good run everybody! (scoffs) I'm sorry if you took us so seriously but we got a dark sense of humor...

Narrator: But as we prepared to launch ourselves into the black of space terrorist forces, calling themselves "the global sedition" were preparing to strike.

NC: (voiceover) Well, WAIT A MINUTE! (cut to room) What was up with that 'world peace' bullshit? You said we set aside our differences right before a terrorist attack? (cut to movie) I guess there's no better way to show there's no war than... starting off with a war...

Matt LeBlanc: Sedition raiders...

Raider: This cold boy just got hot!

NC: (voice over) So we see one of our heroes, played by Matt LeBlanc. As we see the future of space travel has been reduced down to hamster wheels.

Computer: Target locked...

Matt LeBlanc: Showtime...

NC: EAT PEACE!!!

(ship is blown up)

NC (voiceover) So we cut to the town of... future generic city as we see the mother of the Robinson family talk to her son's teacher... but her son is quite the rapscallian... as he can manage to hack into any computer.

Teacher: We didn't even have lights (appears with a Rambo body) this is no laughing matter... Will is... is... (model body) terribly gifted.

Will: The changing shape of education...

Teacher: (gorilla body) The products of a truly brilliant mind...

(UNFINISHED)