Pixels

(We start off today's episode of the Nostalgia Critic with a music video.)

Adam Sandler

"The Adam Sandler Song

Dying Slowly Records

Dir: Christopher Columbus

(NC is dressed like Adam Sandler and playing an acoustic guitar)

You used to love me when I did SNL (Poster for Saturday Night Live: The Best of Adam Sandler)

Now you want me to suck cocks in Hell

There was a time I made hit after hit (Posters of The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy and 50 First Dates)

But now my career is slipping into shit (Poster for Jack and Jill)

What the Hell happened to me?

I used to be the clown prince of comedy

I used to say "they're all gonna laugh at you!" (Picture of "They're All Gonna Laugh At You!")

And now I'm just praying that you'll laugh at me (Poster of The Cobbler)

You kids don't understand why your parents liked this

But back then my films...eh...were still kinda hit and miss

Happy made you happy but The Waterboy sucked (Posters of Happy Gilmore and The Waterboy)

Zohan was a go man, but then Little Nicky sucked (Posters for You Don't Mess With The Zohan and Little Nicky)

Grown Ups made you throw up while Click mostly made you sick (Posters of Grown Ups and Click, as well as people throwing up)

And Jack and Jill's a cinematic dicing of your dick

I did a few serious films (Posters of Punch-Drunk Love, Spanglish and Funny People)

You didn't get them but you thought I was okay

But I rather stick to crappy plots

That were popular in '98

Sandler: Tell me if you recognize any of these.

Quirky underdog meets a hot attractive babe

But some unfunny bullies try to stop my goofy ways

My quirky sidekick and/or grandma help me on my path

While using an annoying voice and jokes about my ass

Sandler: Come on guys, you liked it the first 18 times. Surely you'll like it 56 more.

What the Hell happened to me?

I made you laugh while you were high in 1990

Now you treat me like a jerk

and I only make movies to get Rob Schneider work

Rob Schneider: Hey thanks buddy, but you forgot to put me in Pixels.

Sandler: Well that's because you wouldn't do blackface for me.

Schneider: Seriously, Sandler, even I have limits.

Sandler: No you don't.

Schneider: Yeah you're right. (And he gets kicked off stage)

What the Hell happened to me?

Please tell me I'm not this generation's Pauly (Shore)

My movies have become a chore

And even (Drew) Barrymore cannot save me anymore (Poster of Blended)

(Inane gibberish)

I don't know why I've angered all of you

Oh please god save me Hotel Transylvania 2 (Poster of Hotel Transylvania 2)

I do the same thing that I've been doing for years

So what has changed now to get me all these tears?

(He begins crying until someone in the audience (Doug) calls out)

Man: No, Adam! Don't you see? Even your idiot characters from the past have figured it out. Your audience itself has grown up but you yourself have not grown up.

Sandler: What are you talking about? I got a lot older.

Man: No, Adam! Your audience has discovered new things, so you must discover new things! Evolve your craft! Try something different! Use your movies as something more than just an excuse to go on vacation! I mean look at your latest publicity photo! (Picture of Adam Sandler looking upset) Even you're sick of you! Try again, Adam Sandler! Try!

Sandler: I see what you're saying. I should be even more predictable.

Man: Oh, uh, no.

Sandler: More unfunny!

Man: I definitely didn't say that.

Sandler: And even more racially insensitive!

Man: Oh Christ, I'm just gonna sit down.

Sandler: (walking off) Hey Schneider, can you do redface?

Schneider: Can I?

(And we finally come to the opening of the Nostalgia Critic!)