Justice League: Doom

'''Fanfiction. Reimu Series. Blah blah blah. Not finished yet either. Have no plans to. I actually hate this movie.'''

Reimu: Hello, I'm Reimu Hakurei, a miko who remembers it, because you don't. We're at the end of DC Month and I've decided to send it off by reviewing a more recent piece of DC Media. You know their animated movies, right? We've got...

Footage of...

Reimu (voiceover): Justice League Adventures: Trapped in Time, Justice League: War, Justice League: Gods and Monsters, so many Justice League DTVs.

Justice League: Doom footage

Reimu (voiceover): But today we're gonna look at Justice League: Doom. This movie was released in 2012 and was an adaptation of the Justice League of America storyline "Tower of Babel," released in 2000. That arc was probably one of Vandal Savage's most defining appearances, so let's see how it's portrayed on screen. Grab your popcorn and Superman shirts, everybody, because this is Justice League: Doom.

The movie starts

Reimu (voiceover): I really like Vandal Savage's voice here. This is close to the voice I imagined him with as a kid when I read the comics.

Reimu: Cyborg...

Reimu does the boner finger, back to movie

Wonder Woman approaches a roadside at night; suddenly, the police comes

Reimu (voiceover): Meanwhile, Wonder Woman is asked by the police if she knows anything about Cyborg, who's unknowingly causing destruction during a fight against Cheetah.

Multiple Cheetahs

Reimu (voiceover): Both Cheetahs. What? There's three of them now? If that one's Barbara Minerva and that one's Priscilla Rich, who's the other one? And why do they all look alike?

Reimu is bewildered at the increasing amount of Cheetah clones there are

Reimu (voiceover): What is this, Cheetahwomen?

Action 52 footage is shown at "Cheetahwomen," then back to movie

Wonder Woman: I am helping.

Reimu (voiceover): So Wonder Woman explains why this Cheetahpocalypse is happening.

''Wonder Woman uses her X-ray vision to display a highly unnerving infrared image of a skinless Cyborg, whose brain is visible and his left eyeball connected to it. We see the inner workings of his metallic part as well. Special focus is given to a nanomachine in his brainstem. Reimu is so horrified by this picture, she takes a moment of silence to soak it all in with her jaw dropped open... and after an inhale, lets out a loud, ear-piercing scream which can only rival Nostalgia Critic's upon seeing the Balloon Head Baby in Son of the Mask.''

Reimu: (Pause) YING-YANG!

The Burger King appears with a heavenly chorus, granting Reimu relief.

Reimu: Thank you so much.

Back to movie

Reimu (voiceover): Anyway, the reason Cyborg's been fighting so many Cheetahs is because he's got nanomachines placed in his brainstem by Vandal Savage that altered his audio and visual perceptions to make him think he's fighting an assortment of supervillains. According to Wonder Woman, he's gonna keep fighting until he dies of a stroke, an aneurysm...

Wonder Woman: ...Or until the cops shoot you.

Reimu (voiceover): Cyborg's armor is infallible. There's no way the cops would be able to kill him. And don't you think that line sounds a little racist?

Reimu: Black lives matter, ya know?

Cyborg punches one of the Cheetahs in the arm

Cheetah: You're gonna need lots of medical therapy for that!

Reimu (voiceover): And Wonder Woman doesn't even help Cyborg... I don't know... GET THE NANOMACHINES OUT OF HIS BRAINSTEM?

''Cyborg hits the device controlling the nanomachines, breaking it; thus deactivating the nanomachines. Cheetah and Wonder Woman have switched places.''

Cyborg: Wonder Woman?

Wonder Woman: That's me, all right.

Cyborg: Y'wanna tell me what the hell's goin' on here?

Reimu (voiceover): ...She already did. Shouldn't you be more like, "Y'wanna help me get the nanomachines outta my brainstem?" My Byakuren! I thought the Justice Leaguers helped each other out! This Wonder Woman is being a jerkass through and through! She should've helped Cyborg as soon as she found out what was going on!

Reimu: You know what? I hate Wonder Woman now! Suck it, Wonder Woman! I used to like you, but now you're being a douchebag to your teammates!

Martian Manhunter is being rained on

Reimu (voiceover): After that, we see that Martian Manhunter has to go around with a raincloud pouring all over him. How nice.

Cyborg becomes a Justice Leaguer

Reimu (voiceover): Wait, what? He wasn't a Justice League member for most of the duration of this movie? So does this mean he was a Titan?

The movie ends

Reimu: And that was Justice League: Doom. It was OK, but I think the original "Tower of Babel" storyline was better. The only lesson I've learned from this that wasn't in the original is that Wonder Woman is a huge freaking jerk. I'm Reimu Hakurei, a miko who remembers it, because you don't.

End credits, with the song "Tuxedo Connection" by Hitomi Tohyama

Channel Awesome Tagline--

Cyborg: "Y'wanna tell me what the hell's goin' on here?"