Whatcha Say

Todd: All right. Episode #4, "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo, *laugh* no way has given me more trouble, to date, than this one. It was just horribly difficult. For one, I had all the ideas and the jokes for it, but then he refused to release a video for it for the longest time, so I was waiting and waiting. I actually got done with Episode #3 before I got...I was able to get to "Whatcha Say". And all... my three previous episodes were done on Windows Movie Maker—terrible program. Like, using real editing software is like using a fine-tipped paintbrush; Windows Movie Maker is like using a bowling pin. That's what it's like. So I got myself a new...piece of software that I tried out in demo to use it with. But it worked horribly, it was horrifically slow, it was Corel VideoStudio, and I do not recommend it. And...you gotta understand, I was using very subpar equipment—I still kinda am—but I had a much slower computer, I had a much crappier camera, and you can tell because of the glitching that was a problem throughout all the early videos and even...through a f...a great deal of my thatguywiththeglasses days. So that...also...YouTube took my video down, and I had to put it up on Dailymotion, which is were it existed for the longest time. And...it was horrifically frightening because YouTube was taking stuff down all the time, and I was worried, like, I was gonna get banned before I had the chance to even get a fanbase going. I thought I was screwed, and I was like, how can I get out of this, how can get out of Youtube. I couldn't think of a way at the time. [Long pause] Well, here we are now. Episode #4—"Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo.

(Fades out)

(Fade into Todd playing "Whatcha Say" on his piano.)

JASON DERULO - WHATCHA SAY A pop song review

Todd: All right...uh...what is this one? What am I doing this week? [Looks around] Hold on. [Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper] "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo.

Video of Jason on America's Best Dance Crew Jason Derulo: [singing]'' Jason Derulo

Todd: Who? [tosses paper into air] I don't know. I never heard of the guy, but...we'll give it a shot. We give everything a shot, right? Yeah, we're fair here. Try anything once. All right, whatcha saying, Jason Derulo?

Video for "Whatcha Say" Imogen Heap: Wh-wh-wh-wh-what did she say? Voice: J-J-J-J R Imogen Heap: Whatcha say...

Todd (VO): Oh, you got to be kidding me! Imogen Heap! Really! Really! You did it! You went and did it! Dear God in heaven! Ugh!

Todd: Okay, I know producers have started sampling every scrap of music that enters their consciousness—that's how we already got Rihanna sampling the Numa Numa Song—but for some reason, I thought that this one was off limits. Boy, I'm sure an idiot, huh?!

Video for Imogen Heap - "Hide and Seek" Imogen: Where are we?

Todd (VO): Okay, for those of you who don't know, Imogen Heap is this weird, Bjorky indie-pop singer, and her most famous song is this haunting a cappella tune called "Hide and Seek". Yeah, you may have heard being done by every college a cappella group ever.

''Video of Achordants singing "Hide and Seek" Archordants: Mmm, what you say? Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.

Todd (VO): But, uh, you probably actually heard it from that one scene in The O.C.

Clip from The O.C., with Trey about to hit Ryan with a telephone, and Marissa shoots him. Imogen: What you say?

Todd (VO): And then it got parodied on Saturday Night Live. [Clip of the SNL Digital Short, "Dear Sister", in which everyone shoots Kristen Wiig] And then that joke got beat into the ground by a billion overdone Youtube videos. [Clip from Star Wars of Darth Vader killing Obi-Wan Kenobi in slow-motion as the song play] Yeah, hilarious.

Todd: And now it's sampled in this song. And you can blame that on this guy right here.

Todd (VO): J-J-J-J.R. J.R. Rotem, Rottem, whatever. Okay, that guy is behind some of the most egregious sampling in recent memory. Look.

Clip of original from 1962... Ben E. King: Stand by me Oh, stand by me Followed by clip from Sean Kingston - "Beautiful Girls" from 2006 Sean: You'll have me suicidal, suicidal When you say it's over

Clip of original from 1983... Soft Cell: Tainted love Whoa, tainted love Followed by clip from Rihanna - S.O.S. from 2007 Rihanna: S.O.S. please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this way

Todd: Truly nothing is sacred to this guy. What disturbs me about the "Hide and Seek" sample is that it kind of fits...surprisingly well. I mean, this song is Auto-Tuned, just like every other song on the radio is Auto-Tuned. I'm...I'm not saying I like it, but...it kinda works.

Imogen: Mmm whatcha say? Mmm that you only meant well? Well of course you did Mmm whatcha say? Jason: [as Todd points along] Whatcha say? Whatcha say? Imogen: Mmm that it's all for the best? Of course it is

Todd (VO): So I guess this song is about how this guy cheated. On Imogen Heap, I guess. Why would you cheat on Imogen Heap, you jerk? Anyway, the point is that he's really, really sorry. What are you doing? Riverdancing how sorry you are?

Jason: Girl, I was caught up in her lust

Todd (VO): Her lust? Sure it wasn't your lust? Ugh, all her fault, huh? Yeah. Okay, this is starting to go downhill.

Jason: Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out I just didn't know what to do But when I become a star we'll be living so large I'll do anything for you

Todd: Whoa. Whoa-ho-ho. Back it up there, buddy. That's your apology. That's how you're gonna make it up to her. Let's break this one down for a second.

Todd (VO): "But when I become a star we'll be living so large I'll do anything for you"

Todd: Okay, 1: basically you're saying you're gonna buy her love back once you're famous. Right? Okay, so what happens if you don't become famous? Does the cheating continue? And what's the implication here? Did you cheat on her because you weren't famous? And you know what? Are you saying the cheating will stop after you're famous? You know, once you've got millions of fans and girls throwing themselves at you? Yeah, you know who's not really known for, you know, fidelity and staying in relationships? [Cover of In Touch Weekly with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie] Famous people. I mean, that's like saying, "oh, baby, I know I got a gambling problem, but things will all get better once we move to Vegas." You're an idiot.

Jason: I just gotta let you know I know what I did wasn't clever

Todd: Clever? Uh, no, cheating on someone generally isn't considered "witty"...unless you did it as a practical joke or something. Was it a practical joke? Just cause that could actually be kind of funny.

Jason: But me and you were meant to be together So let me in (Let me in) Give me another chance (Another chance) To really be your man (Oh!)

Todd (VO): Wait, who just shouted, "Oh!"? This isn't a party song, why are they shouting that? Does it mean, "Oh! My God, this is the least-convincing apology ever!"? 'Cause it is. You know what a genuinely, sincerely sorry man sounds like?

Clip from Usher - "Confessions Part II" Usher: These are my confessions Man I'm thrown and I dont know what to do I guess I gotta give part 2 of my confessions If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all Damn near cried when I got that phone call I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do

Todd: Okay, that was Usher, this is you.

Jason: But when I become a star we'll be living so large I'll do anything for you

Todd: Okay, did you hear the subtle differences? In case you missed it, part of it was you getting everything wrong and Usher getting everything right.

Usher: Damn near cried when I got that phone... Didn't know what to do... I hope you can accept the fact that I'm man enough to tell you this

Todd: [long pause] Well, mostly right. The point stands.

Todd (VO): [to tune] But when I become a star, I'll buy houses and cars While I sleep around on you Mmmm whatcha say Oh that you're a lying sack of crap 'Cause you totally are Oh whatcha say Forgot to say you wouldn't do it again You idiot

Imogen: Mmm whatcha say? Mmm that you only meant well? Well of course you did Mmm whatcha say? ("Oom whatcha say"?) Jason: Whatcha say? Whatcha say? Imogen: Wh-wh-wh-what did she say? (Apology twirl) Jason: Girl, tell me whatcha said (TAIMIWACHASAIYAAA!!) I don't want you to leave me Though you caught me cheatin'

Todd: Baby, I don't want you to leave me, although you did catch me cheating. Buh?! Wha?! What?! Is anyone involved in this song actually trying?! The chorus is stolen from another song, the vocals are Auto-Tuned, the verses sound like every other R&B song! And you know what? It's one thing if a rapper wants to steal a chorus, but you're not a rapper, you're a singer! Sing your own chorus, jerk! I'm sorry. Didn't R&B guys use to be smoother than this?

Clip of Lou Rawls singing "You'll Never Find" Lou Rawls: You'll never find...

Todd (VO): More sophisticated, more worldly, smarter, more adult? You know, instead of these mealy-voiced teenagers like this guy? Ja...

Jason: [from Dance Crew] Jason Derulo

Todd: Shut up!

Jason: I don't want you to leave me Though you caught me cheatin' Tell me, tell me whatcha said (Timmy whatcha say ah?) Timmy: [from South Park, repeats over song] Timmy! Jason: Tell me, tell me whatcha said I don't want you to leave me Though you caught me cheatin'

Todd (VO): Yeah, yeah, go ahead and repeat that line, why don't you? Wasn't bad enough the first time. I swear to God, I will beat myself unconscious if this song gets any worse.

Imogen: Mmm whatcha say? Mmm that you only meant well? Well of course you did Jason: [same time] Well of course I did

Todd: Is he singing along?!

Todd (VO): You can't sing along with her, you moron! She's being sarcastic!

Todd: Of course you meant well?! How?! How could that possibly be the case?! You cheated on her!

Imogen: Mmm that it's all for the best? Of course it is Jason: Well, of course it is

Todd (VO): How is it all for the best?! Oh! STOP SINGING OVER HER, DAMN IT!

Todd: [covering his head] AH! I HATE THIS SONG!!! I HATE THIS SONG!!!

Starts beating his head with a book and falls out of his chair unconscious

Closing tag song: Imogen Heap - "Hide and Seek"

THE END "Whatcha Say" is owned by Warner Bros. This video is owned by me