The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2019

Introduction
Todd plays Khalid - "Talk"undefined on piano

THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2019

A year-end review

Todd: Aw, man. Remember the 2010s?"Montage clips of events from 2010s"Todd (VO): What an absolutely insane decade. And many bad things happened in it. But...uh, this decade is also not off to a great start. I kinda miss the 2010s already.

Todd: But honestly, 2019 didn't feel like the end of the decade; it felt like the beginning of something else."Montage clips of Lizzo - 'Truth Hurts'undefined; Billie Eilish - 'Bury a Friend'undefined; Lil Nas X - 'Panini'undefined"Todd (VO): It might be because the big names of the year were all new artists, but it was one of the freshest and most exciting years I can remember in pop music. It-it felt like one of...pop music's big inflection points, like 1992 or 1977 where everything changes.

Todd: And not only was this one of the most exciting years I've covered in music, it was also one of the best!"Montage clips of Taylor Swift - 'You Need to Calm Down'undefined; Ariana Grande - '7 Rings'undefined; Lil Nas X ft. Billy Cyrus - 'Old Town Road'undefined; Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello - 'Señorita'undefined; Jonas Brothers - 'Sucker'undefined; Post Malone - 'Circles'undefined"Todd (VO): Like, I've had years where the pop charts just do not interest me at all. Some years it's hard to fill out the best list. This year it was hard to make cuts. I really love this list, and it was all really tight. #8 could have been #2; any of them would have placed pretty high in weaker years.

Todd: And the year isn't really over until I release this list, right? So let's put a button on it. We're counting down..."Clip from DylanGLC's 'Happy', which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown"

Todd (VO): The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2019!

#10
Todd (VO): #10."Clip of Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie - 'ME!'undefined""Taylor Swift: Me-e-e""Brendon Urie: Hey kids!""Taylor: Spelling is fun!"Todd: Huh. Okay. So, um...

Todd (VO): ...around the time this fucking thing broke, I predicted that Brendon Urie would become the new [image of...] Adam Levine.

Todd: I've had time to swish that thought around in my brain, and, uh...I've come up with a better comparison."Video for Panic! at the Disco - 'High Hopes'undefined"Todd (VO): Panic! at the Disco is the new [image of Rivers Cuomo] Weezer, [clip of live performance of Weezer - "Africa"] in that their stuff clearly became a lot sillier at some point, and we idiot music nerds are doomed to have endless debates about whether they're still good or not.

Todd: As with Weezer, I adopted [arrow pointed at Todd with text: "Centrist Scum"] obnoxious middle ground.

Todd (VO): "High Hopes", I still think that song's terrible. Lyrics are boring, and the sound never really comes together. [clip of...wait for it...] But, uh... I liked that other single.

Todd: [shrugs] I guess I was ready for the sequel.

'#10. Panic! at the Disco - "Hey Look Ma, I Made It"undefined"Brendon: Hey look ma, I made it""Hey look ma, I made it"Todd: 'Unlike "High Hopes", I liked this one right away.

Todd (VO): But, it was listening to the whole album that brought me around on Panic! at the Disco as they entered their new...

Todd: ...complete and total selling-out phase of their careers."Clip of live performance of 'Hey Look Ma, I Made It'"Todd (VO): Much like Weezer, Urie threw himself into it like, "You know what, fuck it. If this is what we're gonna do, let's go whole hog.""Brendon: Then they celebrate my medals""Or they wanna take my trophies"What the fuck is this?!

Todd: Like, imagine explaining [image of two...] to any eye-linered Hot Topic kid in 2006...

Todd (VO): ...that their favorite emo band would end up a cheesy lounge act.

Todd: But Panic! was always kinda self..."Video for Panic! at the Disco - 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies'"Todd (VO): ...consciously artificial, so it's not as weird a transition as you might think."Clip of 'Hey Look Ma, I Made It'""Brendon: Are you ready for the sequel?"There's a lot of Cobra Starship energy to new Panic! All the glittery glitz and glamour, but at a weird angle. Like, it knows how silly this all is, and it leans into it.

Todd: And "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" is the most explicit song on the album because it's literally about selling out."Brendon: 'Cause I'm a hooker sellin' songs""And my pimp's a record label"Todd (VO): As proud as he is of his success, he also sounds ambivalent that he made it in such a worthless bullshit arena as popular music.

Todd: And as someone who's making it in an even [shot of YouTube logo] more bullshit arena, I'm all into it.

Todd (VO): And it's that kind of energy and honesty that makes me feel like no matter how far Panic! at the Disco gets from its roots and how pop it goes, maybe Urie will retain enough self-awareness and personality to...

Todd: ...not be Adam Levine. We can only hope."Brendon: ...look ma, I made it"Interlude

#9
Todd (VO): #9.

Todd: Back at the start of this decade, I was still working part-time as [image of...] a substitute teacher...I guess you can call in the inner city."Video for Coolio ft. LV - 'Gangsta's Paradise'"Todd (VO): I was like Michelle Pfeiffer molding vulnerable, innocent...

Todd: Yeah, no. I handed out worksheets and I tried not to look [image of sleeping teacher] too hung over. But I had one very distinct musical memory from this time. These... [image of...] these three little 4th-grade girls singing a song. This one particular song."Clip from Hannah Montana: The Movie""Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus): If you guys don't mind...I'm gonna add a little hip-hop to this hoedown.""Pop it, lock it, polka-dot it""Countrify then hip-hop it"Yup. Hannah Montana's "Hoedown Throwdown".

Todd: My point is, the Cyruses have been seeding the ground for this moment for a long time.

#9. Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Old Town Road""Lil Nas X: I got the horses in the back""Horse tack is attached"Todd (VO): Okay, maybe it's a stretch to credit Miley Cyrus for "Old Town Road", but...

Todd: ...look at it."Clip of 'Hoedown Throwdown'"Todd (VO): Hannah Montana is out there teaching a whole generation of kids to mix rap and country. [clip of "Old Town Road"] Nine years later, the now grown kid behind the biggest country rap song of all time, [image of Billy Ray Cyrus on the set of Hannah Montana with Miley] handpicks Hannah Montana's father to put it over the top. [clip of SNL performance of "Sucker" by...] Combine that with the Jonas Brothers comeback...

Todd: ...the shock waves from 2000s Disney are gonna keep reverberating. Who knows what the effects are gonna be."Clip of 'Old Town Road'""Lil Nas X: I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road"Todd (VO): So, what do we do now? Now that "Old Town Road" is officially the [shot of article: "Old Town Road Breaks Record For Most Weeks At #1"] biggest song in pop history?

Todd: Where do we go from here?"Video for..."Todd (VO): Will it turn out to be like Cee-Lo's "Fuck You", a novelty song we all thought was gonna be more important than it was, and later we'll all be like...

Todd: ..."Wait. [side-by-side images of Cardi B and Solange Knowles...] Why are we all wearing chaps in 2019"? Or is this in fact the game-changer everyone thinks it is?"Video for 'Old Town Road'"Todd (VO): Maybe it is the next "Royals" or "Despacito". I don't know.

Todd: This is relatively low on the list because it took me a long time to get on the horse-drawn bandwagon.

Todd (VO): I'm still a little suspicious of it, and kind of sympathetic to anyone who never took to it, like...

Todd: ...what an obnoxious year this must've been for them.

Todd (VO): And the "Old Town Road" outrage and discourse was just...miserable to be involved with.

Todd: For what it's worth, the whole idea that there was gonna be some kind of racist backlash against it...I think it was really overstated.

Todd (VO): I-I'm sure there's at least a little, but in my experience, white people like it when black people like the things they like. And the country fandom, old, young, whatever, they seem to be pretty okay with it. It's just a hard song for anyone to not enjoy.

Todd: And yeah, there's a part of me that still doesn't quite believe the hype, but...

Todd (VO): ...fuck it. I just decided to let the masses sweep me away on this one. I love that pop music is just this amazingly insane and unpredictable...

Todd: ...where a silly song like this can be imbued with so much importance.

Todd (VO): Plus it has one of the most killer choruses ever written. And when that beat drops for Billy Ray's verse, and then it comes back in..."Billy Ray Cyrus: ...Maserati sports car""Got no stress..."FUCK YEAH!

Todd: Greatest two seconds of the year."Billy Ray: I'm like a Marlboro Man so I kick on back"Todd (VO): There's just something magical about this whole phenomenon. Some accidental genius we'll never see again.

Todd: Nashville is now trying to reverse-engineer Lil Nas X's success."Clip of Blanco Brown - 'The Git Up'""Blanco Brown: Do the two-step, then cowboy boogie""Grab your sweetheart and spin out with 'em"Todd: [shaking his head] Mmm, no. It's not the same thing."Video for 'Old Town Road'"Todd (VO): Will we see Lil Nas X in 2020?

Todd: We'll see. But 2019 will always be his before it's anyone else's."Video ends"Interlude

#8
Todd (VO): #8."Clip of Saweetie - 'My Type'""Saweetie: Bust down wrist, not a bust down bitch"Todd (VO): One of the big stories of music 2019 was [screenshot of Revolt article: "2019 was a Golden Year for Women in Rap"] the explosion of female rappers. [clips of Nicki Minaj - "Anaconda",...] For years, the only woman in the game was Nicki, and [...and Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - "Fancy"] for a brief period, Iggy, which I think we all regret.

Todd: Other than that, it was a total sausage-fest."Video for Cardi B - 'Bodak Yellow'"Todd (VO): Once Cardi arrived it was, you know, thank God, a challenger for the title. But unfortunately, [clip of Migos, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B - "MotorSport"] Nicki fell right out of everyone's good graces so that one had a clear winner.

Todd: But, all of a sudden, it seemed like we realised we don't have to have just [editor's note: don't know this one] one woman. Hip-hop isn't [image of...] The Smurfs. [collage of various female rappers] So it's nice that the race to be queen of hip-hop stayed competitive.

Todd: Not that it's actually a competition. But you know, if it was..."Video for Cardi B - 'Money'"Todd (VO): ...then it quickly became clear that the main event would be Cardi vs. [clip of "Good As Hell" by...] Lizzo. And it was gonna be hard to pick the winner. I have thoughts about who I'd pick, but...

Todd: ...as part of the fairness doctrine, I am required to ask: have you considered voting third party?

#8. Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla Sign - "Hot Girl Summer"undefined"JT: Real ass bitch""Ty Dolla Sign: Know she got it lit""Hot Girl Summer so you know she got it lit"Todd (VO): "Old Town Road" will always have the weirdest path to success that year, but the story of Megan Thee Stallion's biggest hit, "Hot Girl Summer", was...

Todd: ...also kind of odd, starting out as a meme long before it was a single. And I acknowledge that it is hard to turn a catchphrase into a song."Clip from The Simpsons""Bart Simpson: [to 'U Can't Touch This' instrumental] I didn't do it!"

Interlude

#7
Todd (VO): #7.

#7. 21 Savage ft. J. Cole - "A Lot"undefined

Interlude

#6
Todd (VO): #6.

#6. Post Malone - "Circles"

Interlude

#5
Todd (VO): #5.

#5. BTS ft. Halsey - "Boy with Luv"undefined

Interlude

#4
Todd (VO): #4.

#4. Sam Smith ft. Normani - "Dancing with a Stranger"undefined

Interlude

#3
Todd (VO): #3.

#3. Katy Perry - "Never Really Over"undefined

Interlude

#2
Todd (VO): #2.

#2. DaBaby - "Intro"undefined

Honorable Mentions
Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid - "Eastside"undefined

Post Malone & Swae Lee - "Sunflower"undefined

Cardi B - "Money"undefined

Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper - "Shallow"undefined

Carly Rae Jepsen - "Too Much"

Taylor Swift - "The Archer"undefined

Machine Gun Kelly, YungBlud & Travis Barker - "I Think I'm Okay"

Lizzo - "Juice"undefined

Interlude

#1
Todd (VO): [ominously] #1.

#1. Billie Eilish - "Bad Guy"undefined

Closing Tag Song: Blueface - "Thotiana"undefined

THE END

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